HNT - My Pussy part II

Sometimes Time is What You Need

So I did my taxes. I did some things to try to get myself out of debt. I prepared for the consequences. I held on to a significant amount preparing for penalties. What I was not prepared for, was the absolute loan sharkesque way in which the Eye Are Ess will fuck you over. First, there's the whole changing tax bracket thing. Which, if you hit a certain number, removes eligibility for many credits like, child credit, or the ability to write off student loan interest and on and on. It's ridiculous this year because the number is bullshit. A one time thing. But it is what it is. THEN, if you underpaid your taxes by X amount, you get zapped with ANOTHER Y amount. I was NOT prepared for all of that. You could buy a car with what I owe this year. So after everything I did to try to get out of debt, here I am going right back in JUST to cover what our goverment takes from you.

Seeing that number was the most helpless feeling. I haven't felt like this since the day things went bad with the Company From Hell. Ever since I get remarried, it seems like every decision I make is the wrong one. Rental property? Went to shit (LONG before the crash). Buying a new house.... market crash (fortunately I'm able to make the payments). Jump on a new job... turns to shit (fortunately my old job was still waiting). Refi.. escrow gets fucked up REPEATEDLY.. (just got hit with that right before the tax thing)... try to get out of debt and PLAN for the consequences.. STILL get fucked.

Now that I've had some time to regroup, it's not so bad. I DID keep the penalties in preparation and that covers 1/2 the tax bill. Push comes to shove I can sell the bike and cover the rest and then some.

I just hit a moment where I felt like I was overwhelmed with one after another thing. And I was grapsing for some kind of validation. I desparately wanted Sandy, or BK so throw themselves at me so I would feel like I have some worth in the world. Of course they didn't so I sunk even deeper. Things hit a critical mass.

Over the weekend I went to a major redneck event down in Florida. I actually thought BK was going to go. Up until the day I left she said she was interested.. even went out of her way to make the point. In hindsight, it was a good thing she didn't. The hotel was packed with participants, many of whom I know.

It was good for me to get away from it all and relax and do what I do. Slowly clarity returned. I'm still in a fragile state. But things don't seem so hopeless now as they did last week.

Thank you so much for the emails and encouragement. Hugs too. I luvs the hugs... ;)

The Fight

Still kicking, clawing, biting.. well... maybe it's more like a clench.

Thanks for the emails! Ya know who ya are.

Abyss

You fight and fight. Kick. Knee. Elbow. Bite. Claw. Sometimes it's not enough. You fall back and fall back. Fight some more. Until your heels hang over the edge of the precipice. Part of you screams to fight on. Another thinks "just one little step and it's blissfully over"

Anyone... Anyone...?

Anyone wanna go to florida this weekend?? Does this sound desperate??

Hate

I've started this post at least 3 times. There is so much and yet so little to say. To me it's all becoming redundant. I think I need to attempt to purge negativity creeping into my soul. You might wish to turn away...

I hate game playing. Why the hell does everything have to be manipulation? Why can't it just be "Hey.. I want XX" and that's where you go with that. Why the fuck to people have to fuck with your head?

I hate negativity. I'm sure I'm just as guilty. But why the hell do you feel the need to call me just to tell me something bad about someone or a situation that has NOTHING to do with you?

I hate passive aggressive posting. (snark.. I DO realize the irony of this statement in this post). It annoys the shit out of me when someone posts a cryptic yet obviously meaningful post/status somewhere public like say... Facebook or Twitter.. I.e., in a meme... #5 (this is an example BTW not a real one) "XXX doesn't like... when people only come to a party for 10 minutes then leave when the host spent a lot of money and effort to throw the party"... C'mon.. That's targeting someone. Say it to them.. or don't. But if you choose not to directly confront, then quit snipping.

I hate it when people are downers (snark.. I DO realize the irony of THIS statement too). Them: How are you doing? Me: I'm pretty good. How's it going with you? Them: UGH! Tired... I have to get 20 pages of billables out, stop by the pharmacy, pick up the dog blah blah blah.. My favorite part is when they add "fun fun fun".

I hate not knowing.

I hate being.. the grownup.. the Dad.. the confessor.. the shoulder to cry on.. THE GOOD FRIEND...

I hate being a sucker.

I hate mean people.

I hate feeling like I'm always coming up just THIIIIIS much short.

I hate the feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I hate feeling insignificant to people.

I hate waiting.

I hate the person I am right now.

Edit --- clarification on the last

I hate that the person who cares the most about me isn't the one I want to

Oh Yeah.. I Almost Forgot!!

I was so distracted by my inability to work on blogrolling I almost forgot. My first time appearing in a HNT Compilation! W00T!! Thank you so much!

It's BID-NESS... It's BID-NESS TAIYAIM!!

No introductions... No small talk... No seduction... At this very moment, we were past it all. Clothing melted from our bodies like our inhibitions. Tumbling on the bed our mouths met. My cock throbbed against the heat of her sex grinding against me. I rose on my arms as she arched her back. The tip of my cock found her pussy and slid slowly inside. Quickly any semblance of control was lost. Her legs wrapped around my waist urging me to thrust faster and deeper. Her body tensed as an orgasm washed over her. I buried myself in her pussy to feel it pulse with each wave. She continued to shake when I pulled out. Before she could mutter her disapproval I wrapped my lips around her clit. She thrashed against my mouth; torn between her craving for more and the intensity so close after an orgasm.

And then I woke up.... damnit..


--------------------------------------------------------

Pool night the other night SERIOULSY sucked. I am so over it all and I'm torn as to what to do about it. I HATE being captain of my team. I have one new member who doesn't realize we play every fucking week. He has missed the last two. Finally he showed up and wanted to play immediately (nevermind we already had our matches going). When I told him he'd have to wait until the next match he said "I have a really important meeting in the morning so if I can't play right now, I have to go". Shit he asked to join our team. I didn't hunt him down (though I am grateful).

Then the other two new people a) ran out on their tab and b) stuck ME for the league fees. They are a young couple. He's in the army. She's some kind of nurse. I get the sense she is the baddest of bad girls. I expect her to get knocked up, rope him into marrying her, and one day, after being on base for 15 hours, he walks in to her banging his best friend. But maybe I'm a cynic.

To top it off, we lost HUGE. 5-0. I've pretty much decided I'm laying off for the summer and maybe for good. My dilema is, I love the social aspect (well.. until recently). But I hate the shit that goes along with playing. Sandy has been busting my balls that since I play pool I'm not hanging out with her. But she'd probably stand me up anyway. I guess what I really need to do is find some place I can hangout. I love having my night out and away from home.

---------------------------------------------------

Lastly, a little bid-ness. I have added a new blogroll section on the sidebar. Blogrolling got hacked before the holidays and, well, just isn't what it used to be. A).. fuckin hackers!! B) I haven't been able to add some sexy people who have been stopping by.

If I were really productive I'd sit down and move/clean all my links over to the blogger blogroll at once. But as I'm a lazy shit that aint happenin. Most likely I'll do it a little at a time. Since you can't edit the blogrolling blogroll, there will be redundant links for a while. Can't help it.

I hope everyone has a smashing Valentine's day

HNT - Happy Valentines

What Time Is IT?!

A local DJ has been playing this song every day when he starts his shift. Now I have the damned thing stuck in my head.

TAAAAaaaaaag!!

I'm it!! I was tagged by the lovely Just Me over at Nothing... And Everything to do 25 Random Facts About Me. I just did this one on facebook soooo... I'm cheating. A couple have been changed to reflect the freedom of anonymity. But they are about 90% the same.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. My Daughter is the light of my life.
2. I never in my life thought I would be a Dad and love it.
3. I love teaching myself things. I.e. I taught myself to sail and competed for several years
4. I think talk is cheap. Do, or do not.
5. I love messing with people. I once stuck one random screw, bolt, washer, nut a day under someone with OCD's chair at work... mwuaahahahaaaa!!
6. Speaking of OCD, I am obsessively punctual.
7. I hate it when I can't do something. I attack it until I can. Right now pullups (exercise not the diaper/underwear things) are my enemy. And I will conquer.
8. I am a conservative.. not a republican... there's a difference.
9. Then tendons in my right forefinger and thumb are connected. I can't bend my thumb without bending my finger.
10. I love solitude.
11. I totally deserve to win the lottery.. if only I played
12. My inner comedian has a running dialog non-stop 24/7. Often, the inner becomes the outer
13. I have watched far too many movies.
14. I often remember a scene from a movie during real life situations. I.e. one time while trying to chase a live bat from my house, I flashed to Chris Farley and David Spade trying to catch one with two brooms and a blanket from Black Sheep. I then ruled out that option.
15. I can't help the scowl. It's the face I was born with.
16. I sing in the car. I can sing. I even sang in several bands. But I'm horribly self conscious about it.
17. I can play several instruments.
18. I sometimes think I would've had a better career in the military.
19. I was working on my 2nd Black Belt until I broke my elbow. I still can't straighten it.
20. I think pantsing is the most awesomest prank. I imagine my wife does not.
21. One day I'm going to grow up.. and I still don't know what I want to be when I do.
22. I think clothing is highly overrated. I'm sure my neighbors disagree.
23. I believe in God... I don't believe in the arrogance of man to preach His will or word, or to pass judgement on others.
24. I think my random facts will outnumber the people who actually read this.
25. I wish I could give Mrs the undying love she deserves.

I suck at tagging people so if you like, consider yourself tagged.