Only part of this story is true... a significant part even. The rest... well let's just say the true parts inspired the fictional parts. This is from the Bachelor party Saturday night.

The Bachelor (S) is a coworker. He owns a bar and the party was being held at the bar. As I said, when we walked in, the guy looked at us like we stepped out of a shit storm drenched. Including the 3 of us from work, it appeared the party had all of 4 people. At first we thought maybe there wasn't a party at all and that we had walked into a normal Saturday night at S's place. His bar has about 8 pool tables on one side, a bunch of bar type video games towards the front, and a karaoke machine on the side away from the pool tables. The bar is kind of split into 2 sections. The pool area, and the rest. The pool area has it's own little bar so you don't have to push into the people hanging out at the main bar to get a drink. We found S in the very back corner playing pool. The Bachelorette was having her party on the opposite side of the bar by the karaoke machine.

We stood around for a couple of uncomfortable minutes. S pointed out a little table with food that was for the party. Having nothing better to do we dove in. Then S started introducing us to a couple of guys playing pool at another table. Evidently, these were the rest of the party.

We shot pool for a while. S flitted around the bar socializing and doing whatever a bar owner does. After another hour or so, the bride to be staggered her way towards our side with her party in tow. She had bought a bunch of things for S. He had to wear what looked like a cops badge. It had tit's molded into it. It said something to the effect of "Boob Inspector". She had a plastic ball and chain for him and this hat shaped like a beer mug. One of the guys in the party took charge and started attaching these things to S. Most of it was kind of dumb except for the hat. S is about 4'11 (no exageration). With the hat, he looked like something out of the Flinstones. The Grand Puba of Beer.

She also had a deck of cards. Each card contained a "dare" specifically for guys. The leader of the party bellowed for all the guys to gather around a table. He spread the cards out and with a note of authority he bellowed "All you fuckers GET A CARD!!!" We started grabbing them. I looked at mine and immediately started trying to come up with reasons to get the fuck out of there. Mine was to go up to a group of girls and have them make me over with all of their "girlie" stuff. Fortunately, the leader, realizing how close he was to an all out exodus, changed the rules. "Nothing STUPID!!!" My next card was much more doable. I had to go up to a hottie and in my best Austin Powers voice say "Do I make you horny?"

While we were picking the cards out of the deck, a woman from the Bachelorette party joined us. I'll call her BC. At first glance, I wasn't impressed. There was something about her that made me think she was older. I can't pinpoint what it was. Made the way she wore her hair... her clothes.. I can't really say. She started talking to me. I was kind of surprised. She started telling me things I thought were odd to tell a complete stranger. Things like, how she and her husband just moved here and how they used to go to parties that ended up as orgies etc. This got my attention.

While she was telling me about the orgies, the Bachelorette sent another member of her party over to ours to follow us around while we did our dares and take pictures. None of us were overly anxious to volunteer (again, if it doesn't involve boobs or booze...). I spotted another co-worker across the room. So I said "You just missed me do mine. But X hasn't done his yet" and pointed at him (I know, I'm an evil fucker). The leader shouted for him to come over (again, in a voice that said "DO IT NOW!!"). He walked over and whipped out his card. It said he had to go up to 3 different girls and ask each for something you would normally never ask a girl for. It gave and example of a condom. But WE had to pick what he had to ask for. Immediately I yelled "A thong!". The girl with the camera said with a mischevious look "You're so wrong!". Of course someone said "A condom" (come on get original). One of the guys yelled "A tampon!!". Evidently, the leader thought these were all satisfactory. X walked up to BC and said "Ok. I have to get a thong. Are you wearing one?". BC replied, "You have to go up to someone other than someone in the Bachelorette party". He said "Come on, look around and tell me if you think anyone else around here might be wearing a thong?" Which was true. Most of the women there were old enough to be my Mom and looked.... well worn. She said, "Ok, but I can't very well take them off here and I'm damned sure not taking them off in THAT bathroom. I'll show them to you and she can get a picture as proof". Again, this got my attention.

She tried to reach in her pants and pull the string up so he could see it. But a) her pants were really tight and b) she evidently wore them low on her hips. She started to unbuckle her belt. I don't know why, but this hit me as VERY hot. Something about watching her pull the belt aside so she could undo it hit me as pretty damned sexy. I figured she would pull her pants out with one hand and pull the strings up with the other. But no... she actually pulled her pants down so that her ass was hanging out. And to my amazement and awe, she had a perfect ass. Her thong wasn't the type that were borderline bikinis. Oh no, this was a full on string up the ass and over the hips thong. And an amazing ass for it to frame.

X bent down and camera girl snapped a picture. Then the whole entourage walked off to find another girl to harass. BC stayed behind and got her pants and belt re-situated. It was at this point that I really started to pay closer attention to BC. She really had a nice body. She wore a black camisole under her shirt. Her bra just peeked out of the top of her camisole. She had ample cleavage. Well proportioned. Obviously perky enough that she really didn't need the bra.

We continued to talk. Now that I was more appreciative, I also noticed she was really very pretty.

As she buckled her belt buckle she picked up the conversation right where we left off before the "dare". She said that since they moved to my city, her husband had lost interest in going out to bars and parties. They had come to an arrangement. She would go out and he would stay home with their 1 child... no questions asked. For some reason I found myself telling her about A. I guess this helped her to feel more comfortable continuing. She added that since the move, she hadn't done much more than hang out at this bar. Which is how she met the Bachelorette. As she told me this, she let her thigh rest against mine. I offered to buy her a drink. She accepted. We continued to talk. She let her hand fall to her lap. As we talked she slowly moved it to my thigh.

I realized at this point we had been talking for almost an hour. During that time, we had been inching closer and closer. Suddenly, I thought of my co-workers. They have no clue I ever even consider (other than usual guy talk) being with anyone other than Mrs. It dawned on me as to how the situation would appear if they came back to where we were. I sat back to put some distance between us. She said "Did I make you uncomfortable?". I said "No, I just realized what we must look like". "Oh... I didn't even realize" she replied. Then she said, "If I were to suggest that you leave. Then I leave a few minutes later... would you meet me somewhere?". My mouth had gone dry. I have never had anything like this happen before. Her boldness caught me off guard. I think I stammered something like "Sure".

I said my goodbyes using work as the excuse to leave so early and left. I waited in my car for her to do the same. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she walked out of the bar. I flashed my lights so she could tell where I was. She casually walked in my direction. I wasn't sure what we were going to do next or how. I rolled my window down. She strolled by my car and as she passed she said "Follow me".

She got in her car and pulled out of the parking lot. I followed in mine. We drove for about 5 minutes to a relatively new neighborhood. For a few minutes I thought she might be taking me back to her place. I thought of her husband and child and began to get apprehensive. I had to desire to do anything with either in the near vicinity. For some reason that thought always makes me think of American Gigalo.

To my relief she pulled into the parking lot of what looked like a communal clubhouse. The parking lot was paved, but the building still appeared to be under construction. Without a second glance, she got out of her car and walked into the building. I got out of my car and followed.

She was leaning against a saw horse. She stood up and grabbed her belt like she did at the party. She said "I saw you look at me at the party. Is this what you liked?" She slowly pulled the tag end of the belt through the buckle. I moved closer. She pulled the belt aside so the pin would pop out of the hole. I reached down and pulled the tag end from the buckle. She leaned back against the saw horse. As she did so, she grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me into a kiss.

While I enjoy kissing, most of the time it strikes me as superfluous. Something you do almost as a ritual. It rarley arouses me. But on rare ocassion, I have had the pleasure of kissing someone who made it an erotic art by itself. As she kissed me, I felt myself grow hard. She noticed and smiled in mid-kiss.

She pushed me back a few feet. She started slowly unzipping her jeans turning away from me as she did so. As she turned she looked at me so that when she finally had her back to me she was glancing over her shoulder. She slid her jeans down over her hips. I'm sure I looked like a complete idiot standing there staring with what had to be a goofy grin on my face. She hooked the strings of her thong and with a mischievious grin pulled them down. I took in the view. Her ass had the perfect curve. Not too small. Not too big. I wanted to spend hours running my hands over it feeling her cool smooth skin. She leaned forward resting one elbow on the saw horse presenting me with the perfect picture of her ass and completely shaved pussy. With her free hand, she reached between her legs and slid her finger slowly between her lips. Her finger glistened with juice. Slowly she started rubbing back and forth. Ocassionally she would let her finger tip linger on her clit. She tried to hold herself still but it was obvious she couldn't. Her hips moved slowly. She let her head drop as a moan escaped her lips. I was captivated by the sight of her finger moving, her lips swelling, her body starting to tremble.

She whispered come around front. I moved in front of the saw horse. "Take out your cock" she demanded. I unzipped my pants. My cock almost leapt free. "I want to see you stroke it". I reached down and grabbed my cock. She moaned as soon as I touched it. I slowly slid my hand around the tip. She began to breath faster. I started sliding my hand up and down the shaft. I could see her hand moving more quickly beneath her. I moved closer so that my cock was just a few inches from her face. My hand moved faster. She bit her lip, dropped her head, and began to shudder. Her body almost slumped as she came. I was so fascinated by watching her cum I had stopped altogether.

After a few seconds she said, "Come fuck me from behind. Now". I walked back to the other side of the saw horse. She was still slowly rubbing her finger back and forth on her pussy and clit. Her juice ran down her legs. I moved forward so that my cock was positioned at her pussy. She reached back and pulled me inside. The sensations were incredible. Her ass was cold from the night air. Her pussy felt almost feverish. She grunted "Fuck me hard". I pulled almost all the way out. She whimpered. I pushed myself back in roughly. She grasped the saw horse and growled "yes". I did it again. She hissed "more". Again. She started pushing back onto my cock. Each time I slid almost completely out of her and each time I slid back in harder and harder until I was slamming myself into her pussy. She moaned and said "faster". I started pumping myself in and out faster and faster. She reached back down and pressed her finger against her clit. Her knees almost buckled as the orgasm hit her. I exploded deep inside her as she muffled a scream on her arm. She seemed almost about to collapse. I grabbed her hips to support her.

After a few moments, we parted. She stood up. As she did at the party, she pulled her jeans back up and readjusted her belt. Finally, she turned, gave me another kiss to leave me speechless, and walked out to her car.

We had a pretty busy weekend. Saturday I took Mrs shooting. Being the good redneck and gun nut that I am, I have quite a few. There was a period of time not long after we moved into our new house where there were a rash of home invasions in my part of town. Since then, there are several guns in strategic locations throughout the house. Mrs has expressed interest in learing to handle them. Though she always seemed only mildly interested. Maybe it's because I have been shooting a lot over the past couple of months, but she suddenly seemed genuinely interested. So we dropped C off at her Mom's and went to the range. I took pretty much all of the handguns I have. They range in size and purpose. The smallest is a little .32 caliber pistol that I have to drop in a pocket in the summer (I have a concealed carry permit, though I rarely carry). The largest is my .45 that I use to compete with. I started her out with a large size, small caliber pistol. I figured the size would lessen the recoil, but still have the "bang" so we could deal with any flinches etc. We started with basics. General operation of safeties. How to hold them. Dry firing etc. Then I loaded 1 round. Predictably she squeezed her eyes and jerked the trigger. But she didn't do anything stupid like drop the gun. So I loaded a few more and let her bang away until she was comfortable. Then we started building on the basics. Sight picture. Stance. I taught her a few tricks to stop flinching. Then Mrs surprised me. She listened. She learned. And she started shooting damn near as good as anyone I've seen. We switched to a different pistol. It was the smallest one I have. It also is the smallest caliber. I shot it first just because I haven't pulled the trigger on it in a long time. I forgot how... hard isn't the right word... sharp that little thing kicks. I guess because of it's size every thing cycles much faster making you think it kicks really hard. Anyway, Mrs shot it and in spite of it's kick she did well. Predictably she didn't really like that one. I have to say, it's only use is to be small. I bought it because it's so damned hot here a lot of the time that IF I ever wanted to carry, I couldn't very well hide the massive .45 under a t-shirt and shorts. This one slips into a pocket. I don't ever shoot it though. I remembered why. We went on to another gun. This one shoots just a hair right and high. At this point, Mrs realized it and started making adjustments. Finally, we shot my gun (well... they are all mine, but this one is my baby). I usually shoot it exclusively. I didn't really realize how much more of a bang it has than all the rest. The first shot actually scared me because it was so much louder and kicked harder than the others. I guess normally I'm used to it because it's all I shoot. After the first shot I felt comfortable and practiced a bit. There is another competition Wed night. Speed has been killing me. I'm accurate as hell and that is what is has got me to the top 3. But I'm slow, so I decided to practice shooting fast. Then I handed it over to Mrs. I was worried because of the kick Mrs would redevelop the flinch we got rid of. She handled it perfectly, though she had trouble relaxing. All of her shots were "center mass" if not bullseyes. I was very impressed. She had shot a pistol once back in college with a girlfriend who got a job in law enforcement. This was the 2nd time ever and I had her shooting DAMN well after about 20 minutes.

Then Saturday night a bunch of guys from work went to a bachelor party for another coworker. It was probably the worst bachelor party I've ever gone to. First, when we walked in he looked at us like "what the fuck are you doing here?!?" Then, the bride had her bachelorette party there at the same time. She was on the other side of the bar. But still there. She partly organized his party too. She bought all these gag things for him like this stupid hat that was shaped like a beer mug and a plastic ball and chain. The worst thing though, was these cards. They were playing cards, each with a dare the guy had to do. She sent one of her friends with a camera to make us go around and do them and get pictures.

Girls, if you've made it this far in this post, let me make something clear to you. In general, and especially at bachelor parties, if it isn't boobs or booze, we're just not interested. I know girls make the bachelorette do all these crazy things and play these stupid games. But guys only want to get drunk and see partially or fully nude women do things our future brides would never, EVER consider. Which brings me to the lamest part of all, there were no strippers. The bachelorette had one. But not the guys. Fortunately, I actually had to do work on a system that I could only do in the middle of the night. So I had an excuse to bail.

There was however a briefly interesting moment, but I'm going to cover that in another post.

Yesterday a bunch of guys came over with various instruments and we played a little bit. I'm not the worlds greatest musician. But I've been in some bands that were passable to good. And these guys are not it. It was fun. But I got bored quickly. The tastes in music range from semi-interesting to what I would call... soft rock. Usually I would grin and bear it for the sake of playing. But I guess I've been in enough bands where I didn't play what did it for me that my patience is shot. I grinned and beared it. But I'm not sure I'm really interested in boring myself much more. That and we collectively sucked. Myself included. It's been a LONG time since I even picked up my guitar. To call me rusty is a tremendous understatement. The other guys were out of sync and had no sense of... cohesiveness. At least the drummer and I were mostly on the same page. That's about the highlight of my performance. I clicked with the drummer. Who is really good btw. Anyway, it was fun in a kind of "for old times sake" kind of way. The guys are pretty good guys and I like shooting the shit with them in between songs. I just don't see much of a future for it otherwise. Oh well.

Sometimes I think I'm orally fixated.

I had a dream the other night about a fellow blogger. I've never met her. We've never had correspondence. As far as I know we've never, and have no ocassion to ever cross paths in person either. I don't even really know what she looks like. But the girl in my dream was most decidedly her.

We met in a hotel room. The room was mostly dark. Blue light streamed in the cracks of the curtains like that reflected off of winter morning's snow. Her details are vague. If I saw her, or someone I got a fleeting glimpse of who my subconscious assigned to her in the dream I wouldn't know her. The dream didn't have that much detail. She lay on the bed near the foot. One leg dangling off of the end, the other propped up on the edge. She wore black thigh stockings. I knelt at the foot of the bed running my hand back and forth on her leg. I can almost picture the sight of her pussy. The lips swollen and expectant. I let my tongue sink into her folds. In my dream it was almost as if I were sucking the juice from a perfectly ripe peach. The softness of her lips and the wetness flowing from her covering my chin was the most erotic moment. I felt her hands clench my hair driving deeper.

The dream cuts to me positioned above her. Her legs were wrapped languidly around my waist as if she knew what was to come and relished the slow anticipation in an erotic stupor.

Unfortunately, I don't remember anything else. I woke up much later straining to remember the conclusion. The images I remember were so burned in my mind. I have to say, it was one of the most erotic dreams I've had even if I can't remember the rest. To me, the most vivid parts were the sharp images and impressions I have of getting lost in her pussy. Especially the feel of it against my face and tongue.

Oi what a weekend!!

Saturday Work C and I went to participate in the gun competition. We had made an attempt to go to one of these before. The first one was a clusterfuck. The match director showed up 2 hours AFTER the advertised start time. He was 1/2 drunk. We didn't get the first shot off until VERY late. We only got to run 2 stages. The timer broke so one of the stages wasn't really scored. We swored then that we wouldn't do it again. Then we met a bunch of great people who told us that wasn't the norm and that incident was very uncharacteristic. So we decided to give it a shot again.

What a mistake! This time, things went well initially. We started about an hour late, but it was obvious things were more organized the second we pulled up to the parking lot. The courses of fire were mostly set up. There were a lot of people around helping etc. We ran 4 of 5 stages without incident. Then, as we were moving to the last stage, the Match Director did his thing and went off the deep end. Before we started, we walked through all of the stages discussing the procedures for shooting them etc. Except the last stage. It was a "surprise" stage. We had no idea what to expect or even what procedure to follow. So we walked from the last stage we shot to the next one as we had done the previous 4 times. On the way there Work C said "Hey, I don't think we're supposed to walk over there. I think we have to wait for him to get us". One of the guys said "Hey rules are meant to be broken!" So we all meandered to the edge of the last area. He had the whole area blocked off with old election signs... you know those huge ones on the side of the road that said "XXX for Congress". You couldn't see any part of the stage from where we were standing. Work C yelled "Hey, are we supposed to wait or come on up?" The Match Director came running out screaming at all of us that we weren't supposed to be there etc. Work C said "That's why I was asking, no one told us where we were supposed to wait" and we all walked off. At this point, it started to rain. We found a nearby shelter and waited under it. After about 5 minutes, the MD came stomping over looking at each one of us until he found Work C. He said "I need to see you for a second". He and Work C went off to the side, out in the rain. I couldn't hear what was going on, but the MD was about an inch from Work C's face yelling at him. Then he threw his arm up pointing to the exit. Work C calmly put his hands up and walked to where he had put down his gear, picked it up and started walking off. I yelled "What happened?" He said "I just got kicked out for 'cheating'". We were all stunned. He was the one guy trying to get everyone to stay back and of the 12 of us in the group HE got kicked out?!?! He went on to say that the MD told him if he didn't like it he could meet him outside of the gates to "work it out otherwise"... meaning to fight. I immediately told the nearest official "If he's out, then I'm out and as far as I'm concerned I'll never set foot in another IDPA match again". I was told that a few other people walked out as well, but I didn't witness it. I was too pissed.

I have my issues with Work C. I've talked about a lot of them here. But one thing I can not say enough about him is, when it comes to gaming and sportsmanship, he is the best. When we play pool he will be the first to call a bad hit on himself even if no one saw it. He has called double taps (where your cue bumps the ball twice usually in extremely fast succession) on himself which are almost impossible to catch if you are on the other team. Most people won't do that. They figure "Hey, no one saw it and it wasn't really a bad foul anyway". But he will call himself every time. And he will yell at you if he ever catches you doing something unsportsmanlike. So for HIM to be called a cheater, it's almost like the Pope being called a satanist. It's completely the opposite of his character.

But as far as this type of competition in my area, we've tried twice, and both times had horrible experiences. I'm sure the organization is top notch elsewhere. But as long as that idiot is running it locally, I will not set foot there. He's obviously bi-polar. The scariest part of it is, as the Match Director he takes it upon himself to walk around with a loaded weapon. Everyone else is required to clear after every stage. You are only allowed a "hot" weapon when you are actually shooting a stage. Up until the command to load you are to have a "cold" weapon. The safety officer is right behind you every step of the way to be sure your weapon is safe at all other times. Considering his propensity for confrontation and the other match we attended where you could smell the alcohol on him, he's a menace.

Yesterday we decided to take C ice skating. She has never been on ice before. Hell, she's never even seen snow before. What and absolute blast that was!! Her little skates were so tiny!! The rink has these little pvc stands that you can lean on and slide around the ice sort of like a walker. Since this was her first time ever we decided to skip that. So Mrs held one hand and I held the other and we slowly skated around the rink. C's legs kept flailing about like a roach on it's back... except she was trying to stand up instead of laying on her back. I think I was crying I was laughing so hard the first lap. C was having a ball though. By the time we left she could sort of stand up without flailing about. Or at least she stood more than she flailed. I think next time she will be ready for the "walker" with one of us behind her helping her along. I'm glad we helped her around though. I think she would've gotten really upset and dejected if she kept falling on her ass.

After ice skating I stood in the bathroom (at our house) naked while changing clothes into something a little... cooler than what we wore for skating (it's damned warm here right now). Mrs walked by and squeezed my cock. Then she said "Hang on a sec" and ran to the bedroom. She came back with a tin of something. She rubbed her fingers in it and started slowly massaging the head of my cock. Every year for Christmas my Mom thinks it's hillarious to stick "naughty" things in with the normal stuff. This tin was one of them. Aside from being wonderfully slippery, it didn't really do anything. But I did get rock hard. Mrs pushed me towards the bedroom. As I got in bed, she went to the drawer where all this stuff had piled up and came out with a little bottle of something else. She rubbed a little bit of that on her hands, then she started rubbing it along the very top of my thighs, that area where my thigh meets the pubic area. Then she rubbed a bit on my balls. At first nothing happened. Then, wherever she had rubbed it got icy cold. Then she took my cock in her mouth. The sensations were bizarre. Her warm mouth on my cock and the air freezing my balls and thighs. After a while she really started working her hands and mouth on my cock. I don't know if it was the intense cold or whatever the first stuff was, but I really couldn't feel much of what she was doing. But I was extremely aroused. Finally, I pulled her on top of me. She came almost right away (I guess holding out for a week or so had her REALLY horny). Again, the sensations were bizarre. C was still roaming around the house and I was worried she would come looking for us so I rolled her on her back and fucked her for all I was worth. I came pretty quickly.

Almost as soon as I rolled off I noticed that now, EVERYTHING was getting icy... REALLY icy... like almost burning icy. I decided to get in the shower and try to wash some of it off. They shower was another interesting experience. The warm water on the now overly sensitive parts sent a whole new sensation around my nether regions. Fortunately, the shower seemed to do the trick. The effect was short lived. By the time I got out of the shower things were back to normal. Mrs walked by while I was still washing and said "Things are a bit.... tingly!" I laughed. A few minutes later she said "They are REALY tingly now!!" Tingly! What an understatement. She said it wore off pretty quick for her too. I'm not too sure we'll we playing with whatever "love" chemicals are left in the drawers though.

Last night I was bored and restless. I decided to catch up on my new favorite show (Deadwood). I've been downloading it to my PSP. I can watch it in bed like I'm reading a book. So around 9ish I took my clothes off, took the PSP, and climbed in bed. Mrs was watching TV in the living room. Not long after I went to bed, Mrs turned off the lights, walked into our bathroom, and shut the door. A few minutes later, she came out in one of her teddies. I thought to myself, hmm... I must be getting some tonight. It has been a while so I was up for it. I put down the PSP. Mrs snuggled up next to me. I ran my hand down her spine. She just layed there. I tried to roll over so she would be on her back and I could play with her nipples. She held tight and wouldn't let me move to a better position. After a few minutes, I heard a very soft snore. It was really early, like 9:30ish. I layed there for a few minutes trying to fall asleep but couldn't. I got up and went to the movie room and started surfing. Around midnight, I was still wide ass awake. The last few minutes of American Gigalo was on. Which led me to watch a little bit of porn. Eventually I masturbated. That did it. I finally fell asleep around 2ish.

This morning, I felt Mrs crawl into bed. She smelled of soap and perfume. Her body had that cool feel like she had just toweled off after a shower. I was barely awake. She ran her hand down my back to my ass lightly running her nails around my cheeks. It did nothing for me. I had absolutely no interest. In the past, I would roll over and start to play. After a few minutes things would stir. But this time, I just didn't feel the need to put forth an effort. After a minute or so, she said "Ok" and got out of bed.

Usually this type of thing would frustrate me and make me grumpy as hell. This morning I could care less. Sure I'm horny as hell. But I could take it or leave it with her. I think I'd feel different if I had an opportunity with someone else. I'd probably be frustrated if I did and couldn't do anything about it. But not with Mrs.

It seems like we always have sex on HER schedule. It's never like I come on to her and we suddenly drop everything to fuck like mad. When I come on to her, she says "I'm tired" or "I can't" or some other reason not to. No, it's only when SHE comes on to me and only when SHE is interested. And I can't seem to ever get her interested any other time. So I feel like she's pretty much holding the reigns on sex. Except I'm over it. I really could care less if we never have sex again. At least today I don't. Tommorrow may be a different story. But I can't really even work myself up to frustration. I am completely indifferent.

On a completely different subject, I am making progress towards my resolution of getting back into "fighting" shape. I haven't signed up for a karate class yet. But I have researched several and I think I've made my decision. I plan to go back to the one I liked on Mon and sign up. It should be interesting to see how much if any of my previous training comes into play. I mean, even if it was 20 years ago, my body still has the muscle memory. It tries to perform. Age has taken it's toll recently and I can't make my legs go up like they used to. But put a kid or midget in front of me and I'm still deadly.

Along those lines, I've been participating in one of my redneck passions much more frequently than I ever have. Every other Wed. one of the local gun ranges closes down the range to the public and has a combat competition. They allow you to walk out in front of the shooting booths and shoot at targets they have set up in a tactical manner. You get scored on both speed and accuracy. It turns out, I'm a natural. Aside from the disaster back in August, I haven't shot my handgun in about a year. Work C and I decided to give these things a try back in November and December. We've competed 4 times. The first time I finished 5th out of 9 (Work C was last). I don't know where I finished the next time, but my score improved 30% (again, Work C was last). The next week I finished 5th out of 19 (Work C moved to next to last... the last place guy had a malfunctioning gun and couldn't finish) and I improved another 30%. This past Wed, I finished 3rd out of 17 (Work C was an honest 15th and improved his score over 100%). My score was only .12 behind first place. Personally, I think it's damned good that in 4 weeks I've moved to the top 3 when before that, I hadn't shot in a year AND prior to that I only averaged shooting one time a year. I'm finishing ahead of people who have been shooting at these things for years.

Tommorrow we're going to another competition. This is one where you actually use props... like you have to go through doors and exit junker cars before engaging targets. I think this will be more interesting because it has a more practical spin to it. You don't just stand there and pull the trigger. You have to move and use cover etc.

Anyway, this time next year I may... just may be a bad man!! :)

My office is in the downtown part of my city. Parking here, as in most cities, is a premium. My institution has several parking lots and garages under it's "control". The best garage you can hope to get in is a function of your seniority and importance. As I am low on the totem pole, the closest I have been able to park has been about 1/2 mile from my actual office. Right before Christmas, I was offered an opportunity to move to another garage that is about 1/4 mile from my office. Obviously, I took it.

A side effect of my new arrangement is, I walk by the building where A used to work. Every day I go by there, and every day I think of the rides we took at lunch. Getting each other off in that nasty little shack by the trail in one of the parks like a couple of school kids cutting class. The first time I tasted her pussy and the first time she came. Sigh...

Friday afternoon, after the whole "poop" incident, I was called into a meeting. I haven't been able to write about it because I was so pissed and disappointed it physically pained me to think about it. A co-worker of mine made a change to a system I help support. The system had crashed a few months ago. When he made the change, an unfortunate set of events directly related to the recovery happened that caused a minor downtime to the "poop" system. Unfortunately, the downtime occured when both our CIO and President were trying to use it. The problem is a 1 in a million set of events that would never happen again. But management has completely overreacted. By Friday it snowballed into a major redesign of the system. By the time I left Friday I was so upset at how it spun completely out of control and no one seemed willing to reign it back in I just wanted to go home and drink heavily in a darkened room. Which was unfortunate, because we went to Happy Hour as a "surprise" for one of my co-worker's birthday. This is the same co-worker and spouse from this post. As I've said before, I have the feeling, if they haven't already, it wouldn't take much to get them to "experiment". I always enjoy hanging around them because there seems to be a bit of tension along those lines. Not with me. But in general. Like at any moment the catalyst could happen. Anyway, a few months ago at pool, she brought a co-worker/friend out to hang with us. She was gorgeous and VERY sexy. She wore what had to be the equivalent of Stone Mountain (in GA) on her ring finger and.. oh yeah.. a tiny little wedding band. She didn't really put out any kind of vibe indicating she was flirty or open to idle chit chat. We mostly left her alone. She was supposed to join us at the happy hour. I'm not sure how it came up, but I learned that she and her husband had a small child and that the child was a last gasp attempt to save the marriage (which is a horrible idea BTW, think of the unintended pressure on the kid). Evidently, she sleeps around a LOT. Being the pig that I am, this got my attention. Unfortunately, it got later and later and she was a no show. My mood only improved slightly. But by about 7ish I was ready to call it a night. As I was about to leave, our host's cell phone rang. It was the friend on her way to the bar. I'll admit for about 2 seconds I was really torn as to whether to hang out and see what would happen. But I was so pissy I figured whatever would happen woudn't be good so I left anyway. Besides, there will be more happy hours.... I hope.

The rest of the weekend was interesting. A buddy of mine is a musician. He played in several bands in college like I did. We have always talked about getting together to play, but the stars have been out of alignment or something and we just never have. Recently, his brother and sister-in-law moved to the area. He plays drums and has been in bands up until their move. The stars came in alignment and we got together to play a bit. I don't know if there is any future to it, but it was fun nonetheless. Oh, and the cops showed up. That's the first time that has happened since I was in High School. I can only imagine his surprise when he rang the doorbell. I'm sure he was expecting some 17 year old punk with attitude. Instead, the 30ish wife answered the door with a few 4 and 5 year olds in tow (including C).

Ok. I've just about had it with my customers! I've put several systems into production over the last year. Each and every time, the system has improved service in one way or another. Each and every time I've had round after round of complaints, insults, demands and so on. Most of them were completely unsubstantiated. A few were legitimate complaints. All legitimate problems have been very easy to deal with or fix. Every complaint was over exuberent in ferocity. I never had a "Hey, this used to do A and now it doesn't. Could you look into it?" It was always "THIS IS THE WORST ABOMINATION YOU HAVE EVER SUBJECTED US TO. YOU ARE INCOMPETANT AND I DEMAND WE RETURN TO THE OLD SYSTEM AT ONCE!!!" Every problem I corrected took less than 5 minutes to do so (there was never a single instance of a major problem. Most were simple global preference settings) and not once did a user ever say "That's better". Most of them simply said "Ok" and hung up.

Today, I got an actual call from our help desk where a user complained that when they sent out an e-mail with the word "poop" in it, the system translated it to "****". At first I thought it was a joke. Then, deep down in the recesses of my brain I remembered, in my zeal to do a thorough and complete job, I tested the "banned" word list just to make sure it worked by adding the single word "poop" to the list. It worked. I promptly forgot all about it and went on. This guy actually found this and LOGGED A FUCKING HELP DESK CALL complaining that were were "stifling academic freedom with censorship!!"

I'm too busy laughing to be pissed. Otherwise I might go postal!

Do I live an exciting life or WHAT?!?!

I spent the last two days putting up Christmas decorations and fixing my dryer. I washed every pair of kahki and work appropriate pants I had Monday night. Tues morning I threw some in the dryer and started getting my shower etc. When I went to pull out my clothes they were soaking wet AND cold. Doh!! My Boss was not sympathetic when I showed up to work in jeans.

If you've never delved into the wonderful world of do it yourself appliance repair let me say a couple of things. 1) It's really pretty easy. Go out and look for a book called "How to fix everything". It really does tell you how to fix everything from dishwashers to dryers etc. etc. It can be a little dated. But the principles are the same even if the model of appliance they refer to is 20 years old. You can usually figure out the difference between their model and yours easily enough. 2) Use on-line resources for parts diagrams for your specific appliance. Sears has a great parts section for all appliances sold through Sears. I haven't tried to look up parts diagrams for other makes or models. But the sears site is invaluable for getting part numbers etc. 3) Follow the damned directions in the book for TESTING parts!! I went out and bought a $40 part (heating element) thinking it had to be the problem. When the dryer didn't work after replacing what I thought was the defective part I cracked open my how to fix anything book, grabbed my volt meter and followed their directions for diagnosing the problem EXACTLY. Damned if I didn't find the actual problem! The replacement part was $25. So, had I followed my own advice initially I would've fixed the dryer myself for a mere $25 instead of $65 for the correct part AND the part I didn't need. Oh well, at least I have a brand new heating element. People are often intimidated with things like volt meters etc. I have only a basic idea of how to use one from 5th grade science. But the book really does cover how to use it thouroughly. I've repaired several appliances over the last 15 years or so. The book explains how to set the meter, where to hold probe A, where to hold probe B, and what the meter SHOULD say. Of course, if it isn't in the book, I'm fucked!!

Elsewhere in pluffland, I've been researching karate classes. My New Years resolution was to continue my "health" kick. I want to restore myself to some semblence of my former self. My goal is still a healthy 185 (only 10 pounds). I also want to get a little confidence back in the ass kicking department. I took Tae Kwon Do for 7 years when I was a teenager. Up until this last year I could still do kicks at the head level and felt confident in my ability to fight. In the last few months I've suddenly had trouble getting my legs up. It's hell getting old. So far every class I've looked at hasn't really been appealing. They have either been on the other end of the world from me, outrageously expensive, had crappy schedules, or were a style that just didn't really excite me. Picking a class is a lot harder than I anticipated.

Lastly, welcome linker We Talk Sex Blog. I have added their site to my blogroll.

For some reason a memory came to me the other day. I'm not sure what brought it on. There is nothing going on in my life that would spark it. But it was mildly amusing so I thought I'd recount it here.

A few years ago I was dating the married woman (MW) from this post. We worked together on a project which required frequent business trips. Usually with a large group of people. Since she was still married and we weren't supposed to do the things we were doing, it sometimes made for interesting situations.

One such trip was to a week long conference in Orlando. We went with a group of about 10. The conference was huge. Something like 5k people attending. We spent our days attending various sessions and events. We were very careful not to do too much together. The vendor hosting the conference spared no expense on us. Every night our sales rep took us to dinner at some exotic restaurant. We usually ate and drank extremely well. Every night, after we returned to our hotel, we would all go our separate ways. Our ritual was always to go to our respective rooms. She would call home and check on her child. I would catch up on e-mail etc. Then one of us would call the other. This is where the tip toeing and the sneaking around would begin. Her room was in the middle of the first floor. Her co-workers were interspersed throughout the same floor. I had the same problem on my floor. The trick, obviously, was to sneak to someone's room without anyone else seeing or hearing us. We were probably overly paranoid. But it made it all the more exciting. If I remember correctly, this was also the first time we actually had time to spend together where we weren't rushed. Up to this point, we had been sneaking off to my house at lunch or finding some spot where we could park her van. This was the first time where we would be able to actually sleep together.

She had the most amazing body. I really got to spend a lot of time exploring every inch of it with my mouth. She had the best pussy I have every played with. Let's face it, they come in all shapes, sizes, smells, and tastes. She was a natural blonde. She kept things neatly trimmed. Her mound was the perfect shape. Not too fat or thin. I spent hours licking the folds of her cunt, fucking her with my tongue, teasing her clit, making her cum over and over. I would say that week is up there as far as the best sex I've had.

The last night of the conference, the vendor threw a big bash. I never heard what the exact dollar figure was they spent on it. But it had to be well over 6 figures. They had the main ballroom of the conference center set up as a carnival complete with actual carnival games, performers, and most importantly of all, an open bar. The first part of the night we spent wandering around and playing games etc. About 1/2 way through the evening, we hear this low beat coming from the parking lot and what sounded like horns. Suddenly, the front doors to the center flew open and an actual marching band marched down the main hall and turned into the ballroom. They marched right up towards the front of the room, turned and started playing a couple of dance songs. We were all slack jawed at the whole display. Finally, the band started playing "Play that Funky Music White Boy". They hit the part that goes "They were dancing and movin, and groovin to the music, and just when, it hit me, somebody started shouting" and BOOOM Curtains opened at the front of the room to another section set up as a dance floor and a disco band joined in completely obliterating any sound coming from the marching band. The marching band marched out as the disco band finished the song. All 5000 of us rushed up to the floor and started dancing our asses off. The band was awesome. They had go-go dancers and everything. It was the most creative display I have ever seen.

The alcohol continued to flow and MW got ddDDDRRRRRRUNK! She was singing at the top of her lungs and throwing herself on me. Finally, the band played the last song. The hotel was down the road from the conference center. Far enough that we drove. There were 6 of us crammed into this car. On the way back to our hotel, MW screamed "PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY!!!" over and over.

When we got back to our hotel, several people wanted us all to go down to one of the pools and have a night cap. You had to see this place. The pool area had a "tropical" theme. The pool had an island in the middle of it with water slides etc. There were also several jacuzzis spread out in the "jungle". MW eyed one of the jacuzzis and slurred "I'm gonna go soak my feet in the (James Brown voice) HOT TUB!! STEP INTO THE HOT TUUB HAAA HAA!!" She wandered off. I hung out with the rest of the crowd. I didn't want to seem to anxious to be with her. After about a half hour, MW hadn't come back. I decided I'd better go find her. I wandered off in the direction she left. When I found her, I was completely floored. You see, the party was semi-formal. We were all wearing suits etc. The women were in cocktail dresses. MW had worn this SMOKING black little dress that barely covered her thighs. There was MW, sitting in her dress, up to her tits in the hot tub. I walked up with what I'm sure was a shocked expression on my face. She simply said "Oh.. ss'ok. sss'wash and wear!!"

I coercerd her out of the hot tub. We staggered our way back to where the rest of the group was hanging out. They were all equally astounded to see her walk up with water dripping from what I'm sure was an extremely expensive dress. I told everyone I was walking MW back to her room and was going to call it a night and we left.

When we got back to MW's room, she was in no mood to let the party end. She was very insistent that we go BACK and join everyone else. She peeled her clothes off, put on a bikini, and staggered out the door in spite of my best attempts to keep her there.

As we wandered back to the group, I tried to think of how I was going to explain the fact that we left with her in a soaking wet cocktail dress and we returned with her in a bikini. When we reached the rest of the group the best I could come up with was "Well, she just wasn't ready to end the party". I sat down with everyone. MW decided she wanted to go back to put her feet in the water. I hung out with the group for a while. They all seemed to be cool with my explanation. After a half hour or so, the group started getting worried about MW. So off I went to go find her... again.

I walked along the edge of the pool around the island. On the far side, away from our group, was MW with her feet in the water. The rest of her was sprawled on her back. Her arms were over her head as if she fell straight backwards. The pool deck was narrow at this point. Hotel guests were having to step over her to get by. At first I thought something was seriously wrong with her. I leaned down and shook her. She opened her eyes and grumbled "What?!? I was asleep". I couldn't help myself. I had to chuckle. I pointed out where she was and that people were stepping over her. She decided it was time for bed. Again, we walked back to the group. Again, I mumbled something about "making sure she got back to her room" and off we went.

I closed the door behind her expecting her to fall onto her bed. Instead, she dropped to her knees and attacked my belt. Before my pants even fell to the floor she engulfed my cock with her mouth. I was instantly hard. There was no build up. No teasing my balls. She fucked my cock with her mouth pumping her hand along the shaft. I was so caught off guards I was almost about to cum within seconds. I grabbed her head to stop her and pulled her to her feet. I shoved her to the mattress and yanked off her bikini bottoms. I was determined to bring her to the edge as quickly as she brought me. I dove into her pussy. She was soaked. I attacked her clit with my tongue alternately driving it deep inside her. My face was covered with her juice. She grabbed the covers with both hands while biting her lip. I started running my tongue roughly over her clit. When I thought she was about to cum I stopped. She grunted in frustration. I started kissing her stomach. I ran my tongue from her navel to her thighs carefully avoiding her pussy. Her breathing slowed. I moved my mouth slowly towards her pussy. She had soaked the bedspread at this point. I lightly ran my tongue along her swollen lips. My tongue traced a lazy circle around her clit for jsut a second before I let it drift deeper into her folds. I took my time. I got completely lost in her perfect pussy. I let her juices drench my face as I worked my tongue in and out.

Then I heard it... sssnnnnnnXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! Damnit if she didn't fall asleep!! Talk about blow to my ego. I was doing my best work ever!!

The lesson I learned on that night is, when they are that drunk and giving you an incredible blow job, never, EVER stop them for ANY reason!!

I'm back! How was everyone's holidays? Mine were long but most enjoyable.

Christmas was pretty cool. C got a lot of stuff. I didn't get a lot of stuff myself, but I did get a Sony PSP. I've been downloading TONS of porn trying to get it to convert to the "standard and yet proprietary" mp4 format sony insists on using. I also got the new Madden for Xbox. I'm addicted to the superstar mode.

Mrs and I threw a New Years party. We went all out. I broke out a bunch of lighting equipment I had from my band days and set them on the catwalk over our living room and turned the house into a disco. We partied until around 4amish. I didn't intend to, but I ended up completely shitfaced. Mrs was a hoot too. I watched her stagger her way across the room as she went to bed. She never gets that drunk. As usual, I payed dearly the next day.

I coerced Mrs into giving me head one day. I tried to buy a game for the PSP after Christmas. Poor Mrs had no idea what the PSP even did. So I got the console on Christmas, but NOTHING to go with it. Unfortunately, every store in my town had a run on PSP games and no-one had much of a selection. But I went ahead and bought the Nameco Museum Collection. It has about 15 of the 80's arcade classics like Pac-Man, Galaga etc. etc. Mrs wanted to play Mrs Pac-Man. So I let her. She played and played until the battery went dead (2+ hours). Then after I charged it she played and played some more. The next day she walked up to me and said "Give me the PSP!" Not "May I play Mrs. Pac-Man". Or "Are you using it?". It was "GIVE ME THE PSP!!" I said no. She demanded again "GIVE ME THE PSP!!" this time stomping her foot. She actually stomped her foot! Again, I said no and walked away. She followed me and kept harrassing me. Finally I said "Ok, but this is MY game and you've played it more than me" to which she replied "I'll give you a blow job". Who am I to turn down one of 2 or 3 times a year I get an offer for a blowjob? So I let her play Mrs Pac-Man... for hours... until she fell asleep and did NOT hold up her end of the bargain. The next morning we were going about the usual morning stuff... breakfast... coffee etc. I said "You know, you fell asleep and did not keep your end of the bargain last night" She grabbed my shoulders, spun me around, marched me to the bedroom, yanked down my PJs, shoved me on the bed, ran back into the other room to start a movie to keep C occupied, then returned to keep up her end of the deal.

Happy New Year!!

Regular blogging will return very soon (possibly tommorrow)