What tha hell...

I got nuthin. My sister called him this morning at my urging to at
least keep him... Informed and not stranded and clueless. She packed
the kids up, went and got him, and they all drove home.

JAY-ZUS!!

--
Sent from my mobile device

Cooler heads

No more drama. Got in bed around 1:30. Waiting for the next step. I
can handle sober ppl.

Memories... YAY!!

Christmas was great in pluffistan. Everybody got what they wanted.

The day after, my little angel got on stage and danced her little
heart out in the Moscow Ballet's Nutcracker. At the end, during the
bows, the Prima Ballerina walked back and held hands with C and took
a bow with her. My Mom went apeshit. She was jumping up and down and
squealing.

Then my sister and her whole family came to visit. Yesterday was
cool. The youngest was sick and fussy. But all in all it was an ok
day.

Today we just hung out. My Mom gave my sis and I $100 to go out to a
nice dinner. We picked a VERY nice place. Things started off great.
About 2/3 the way through dinner my BIL got quiet. Then it was
obvious he was DRUNK. Which was cool.. He was quiet about it so at
least he was handling. We paid our bill and left. On the way home he
was pretty funny.

Then it got ugly. They decided to leave their girls here, but take the
boy (18 mos) back to the hotel. The went out to the car to put him in
and leave. I noticed after a few minutes they hadn't left. I was
cutting up in the kitchen with everyone else, still noticing they
hadn't left, when my sis came running in crying calling for me. I went
running to the door following her. My BIL was walking down the
sidewalk with the baby away from the house. My sister made a beeline
at him screaming "HE HIT ME TWICE!!"

FUG... It was a mess. She was screaming he hit her he said she clocked
him for no reason. He was holding the boy. I just got between them and
tried to get them to shut up and step away from each other.

Finally I got my sister to go in the house so I could talk to the BIL.
He's in the highly aggressive branch of the military known for their
toughness. He also lifts weights and is massive. Think "swede" from
Heartbreak Ridge with Clint Eastwood.

He wouldn't give up the boy. He started with "she'll take him and I'll
never see him again". At this point I just wanted her inside and him
back at the hotel. After a while he finally handed me the boy and I
took him inside to my sister.

She... Well she was in a state. She's ranting and raving about killing
him and divorce and this and that. I just told her to stay inside and
leave it to me.

Meanwhile, the BIL was trying to get in his truck to drive.
Fortunately, the keys were in the house. I convinced him to get in my
truck and let me take him to the hotel.

Back at the hotel, I walked him to his room to be sure he didn't get
sidetracked. And we talked. He started telling me how she "kicked" him
in the head. First, he was handing her the baby. 2nd, I'm rusty, but
I was at least taking karate up until june and I don't think I could
kick him in the head without a lot of stretching much less her who is
shorter and never taken martial arts in her life. Then he went on
and on about how he hates her and she'll be gone in the morning with
his kids and on and on. I promised him over and over it wasn't
happening and left him in the room.

Of course no sooner had I walked in the door than he started calling
my stepfather. He demanded to talk to my sister or he was coming over.

I think my stepfather talked him out of it. But, here I am
nonetheless sitting in the living room in the dark watching, and for
the first time ever, packing for real.

Memories... YAY!!!

There's other stuff unrelated to the incident. But it'll wait.

FUG!!

Have a Very Merry Christmas!

And Happy Holidays!

Yesterday was a little gloom and doom. But if you've read any of the
archives, you'll know this is nothing new. C is my life and I made my
choices. Mrs has always deserved more from me. It is surprising to me
how acute the feeling is now that I actually talked to Sandy. Almost
an ache. I've fooled around before and had some fun. But until now, it
has never been more than that. And I'm a little taken back. But you
play adult games... You sometimes have adult consequences.

At this very moment, I'm thinking about Christmas and my Daughter and
how much I WISH I could give Mrs what she deserves. We're going to
have a Merry Christmas if it kills me.

So that's it for now. Nothing happening. Out of sight out of mind and all...

From the bottom of my heart.. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and
Happy Holidays!

The Mountains

I had to make a trip to the luv shak over the weekend. Long story but
there were some gifts I needed to get. I invited Sandy like I always
do. I didn't expect her to go. To my surprise she said yes. I figured
she'd back out. Make some excuse. Other plans etc. Sat rolled around.
I got up early to pick her up. My phone rang as I drove to her house.
I thought "here we go". But I was wrong. She was calling to tell me
she was running a few minutes late.

We made a pit stop at a shop she frequents in a town kinda on the way.
Finally, we got to the luv shak. It was pouring.

After turning on everything needing turning on. We cracked open some
wine and sat on the porch. We talked about a lot of nothing. Finally
it started getting dark and cold. I started the fire to grill dinner.

It was nice. Steaks. Taters. Candlelight. We got a little hammered.
The talk turned to friends and relationships. Eventually we decided to
turn in.

There are two places to sleep now. In the camper. Or in a newly built
bedroom in the "barn". The bedroom has a real bath. But its in the
barn. The camper has "camper" amenities. Portalet (attached to sewer
but a portalet nonetheless), little tiny shower. Sandy opted for the
barn.

We moved our stuff in that direction. I ended up making about 20 trips
back to the camper for stuff. Finally, she showered, I showered. We
decided to listen to a book on CD. I popped the CD in and we climbed
into bed. We listened for a bit, then I heard snoring. I turned off
the book and climbed back in bed.

It was a long night. I couldn't sleep. Sandy did. Occasionally I'd
roll over and put my arm around her. She'd sigh in her sleep.

Finally morning came. I rolled over and put my arms around her. The I
finally mustered the balls. I asked her why she came. We talked. She
eas interestwd and curious. But practical. I'm married.. She doesn't
want a fling. She wants a family. She kept her back to me. She asked
me why I asked her there. I told her I was seriously attracted. We
talked some more. Her bacl still to me. Finally I said "come here".
She said " I am here". I said "no.. Lookat me". She did. I wrapped her
up. Then I tilted her face and kissed her. It was obvious that was
all that was going to happen.. And I was ok with that. I just wanted
to do it just once (kiss you pervs). The I showered and she showered
and we left.

We talked a lot more on the way home but it was more repetition.

So there you have it. I made a move. Failed. Story of my life. But at
least I made a move.

The problem now, is I can't bring myself to be with Mrs. I've fooled
around before and it was just fun. This time, I can't let it go. I
can't kiss mrs. I damned sure can't have sex. I bristle at every
minute I'm here and not with Sandy. Jayzuz I'm fucked.

The thing is, I don't think we'd work. I think we'd kill each other.
But I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants.

[end]

--
Sent from my mobile device

HNT - My Pecker

Well... only in an obscure kinda way...

Pictures of my Pussy

Per request... ;)

Breathin...

I'm still here... as I mentioned before I'm in a weird blog place.  I feel as if I've been saying the same thing over and over for the last 2 years...  As I've been doing this "blog thing" since about 2004ish I've hit a point where I'm sort of out of ideas.. or maybe talked out..

 

But I promise I'm going to shake some things up a bit soon. 

 

In the meantime... the state of Pluffistan... Nuthin... I mentioned going to a match out of town and sharing a room with Sandy.  I did.  We did (share a room that is).  We even ended up in bed together but nothing happened... at all... not even a kiss...

 

BK.. well... at least for the near future she's gone.  Out of the picture.  I may or may not have mentioned the reason,  but she spends an inordinate amount of time working for her Mom several states away.  If I believe what she tells me,  her Mom pretty much uses and abuses her for upto 2 months at a time.  She is gone to far away state as we speak.  But more importantly,  she says she now has a boyfriend.  Now I'm totally ok with fucking up my life.  But hers is kinda fucked up as it is.  The guy shoots pool on Wed nights so theres a good chance I'll see him and,  when she's back,  her around together.  It's all she needs is for some old married guy to be the fly in her happy ointment.  So as long as they're together,  I will keep a respectful distance and sincerely wish her happiness.

 

Pool sucks rhino ass right now.  We've been short handed all session.  But the last few weeks key players have had their handicap go up.  It's kinda convoluted,  but there is a cap on the total handicap you can play on any given night.  This is to keep you from loading up your team with the top players and blowing everyone out.  We have been right on the bleeding edge all session.  With 2 players going up in handicap,  it is almost impossible not to exceed the cap.  Wed night 2 players didn't show up.  I knew about one,  the other never bothered to call.  I tried calling him a couple of times and finally got in touch with him after I had already started the first match (actually had already finished).  It royally fucked up my strategy for the night.  Another player sprung on me he wasn't playing next session.  Which is fine.  But a couple of weeks ago the league asked for a committment from the teams.  I asked him then.  I was ok with him saying no.  But he said yes.  THEN he sprung it after I've already committed.  I hate people sometimes.  Anyway,  we're done for the next 3 weeks. 

 

Things are ok with work.  There was big talk of layoffs.  Even the President sent out an e-mail and used the word "pain" or "painful" as it related to upcoming decisions.  Can never be a good thing.  As of now,  the layoffs have happened that will impact me.  There are more to come but in another division.  For now.  Having said that,  I know one of the guys on the security team was keeping stats on DNS lookups.  Firefox on linux was causing an unusual amount of DNS traffic for each lookup.  To the point where my maching topped the list.  So imagine the "oh shit" moment when I see my fav blogs at the top of hte list associated with MY IP... Yet another reason for laying low. 

 

So there you have it...

 

Now,  for the near future.  I'm toying with the idea of maybe doing some vid posts and pic posts.  Just to shake things up a bit.  Inspiration and such.

Tha Tha Tha BIRD BIRD BIRD...

Happy Thanksgiving!

My Pussy

My Pussy is small
My Pussy has short hair
My Pussy likes to rub against me
My Pussy likes it when I play with it
My Pussy is very soft
My Pussy likes to be rubbed in just the right spot
My Pussy likes to play with feet
My Pussy chases balls
My Pussy chases strings
My Pussy gets in the trash
My Pussy claws the furniture
My Pussy jumps at your face when you least expect it
My Pussy chews on shoes
My Pussy climbs curtains
My Pussy sometimes DRIVES ME FUCKING INSANE!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm in a weird blog place right now. I don't really feel compelled to write like I once did. There isn't really anything interesting or new going on right now. For the moment, the work crisis has blown over. BK went out of town and who knows when she'll be back... Sandy.. well she's Sandy. The election is over (THANK GOD!!) and I want to personally thank Bush for FUCKING US OVER!! I'm going out of town to a match in 2 weeks. I will be traveling with Sandy. There is a good chance we'll even share a room. I am quite certain nothing will come of it.

Oh!! It is the anniversary of my employment with the Company From Hell... my brief employment. I have heard through the grapevine some things that were said about me by my supposed "friend". They encouraged the notion that I quit because I couldn't work for a woman. I am in fact a pig. And, as I've stated here before, I pretty much look at every woman with my "would I or wouldn't I scale" and she was no different... and decidedly fell into the "would" category... for that matter she still is. She was hot. I'd do her if for no other reason than to make her scream my name... But I digress... The reason I couldn't work for her was because she FLAT OUT LIED TO ME. That she defined herself as a strong "WOMAN" in business was solely her own issue. My first boss was a woman (and YES to her to). I worked for her for 5 years and had tremendous respect for her.

I say all of this because it puts me in a dilemma. I am on the verge of going back to karate. I feel huge right now even though I haven't gained any weight. I am 1/2 considering getting out of martial arts altogether as to not risk injury again, but fuck it you can't be scared all the time. The Dojo has a 2 year agreement as part of belonging to a "Black Belt Club" (brilliant marketing scheme btw and not worth it). I was at 1 yr when I broke my elbow and feel somewhat compelled to finish it before moving on. But there's the thought of going to class with those assholes. By now, she should have a high enough rank to be able to free spar. I REALLY hate the thought of fighting her if for no other reason than I do not want to invite any legal action. Then there's Ted (my buddy). That he flat out stabbed me in the back by spreading those rumors really pisses me off. I honestly don't want to have anything to do with him. Going to the class would mean I'm around him.

Karate is all about me and not them. So do I really care? I'm not their to make friends. I'm there to kick ass and get in shape. So fuck em? I dunno.

Looky there... I start writing and it turns out I DO have stuff to say after all... Hmmmm.. very interesting.

One Step Forward.. Two Steps Back

We kissed... BK that is... it was goooood... And now she's leaving for a month... FUCK!! Which is probably the only reason we did. Eh well.. Did I say it was GOOOOOD?

Breathing

Got the scoop. Some of our upper management were in the meeting my buddy attended. The layoffs have already occurred and did not touch our department... yet. Future layoffs, and there will be, are coming from a division I am not a part of. So it looks like, for now, I'm ok.

Breathing a little easier. Thanks for the well wishing! You guys are the best.

Rumors

Management released a statement last week about the financial status of our Institution. They used words like "pain" and "difficult decisions". I heard from a friend in upper management for another department they got hit with cuts of over $1M. Our number is only a little bit less than $1M. I.. AM.. FA-REAKED!!

Not sure this is HNT

Not even sure this rates the "H" in HNT. Especially considering it was Sandy's BF who took this... I mean... you have to admit it's a little weird. BUT (heh... he said BUT)... I'm lazy and it seems to fit.

It's Not Supposed to Be This Hard

And I'm not talking about my cock you pervs... THAT IS (supposed to be hard)... and sadly isn't.

Last week was a wild rollercoaster in pluffland. More like a plane wreck I have, so far, walked away from. I'll start with the worst and work my way to the ok.

First, sadly, Mittens the Kitten died. I can't remember the name, but she had some kind of disease. She died while getting her little operation. According to the vet, she would've only lived a month or 2 at most anyway. Mrs was a wreck. C probably handled it better than Mrs. She was obviously upset. So my little trooper put on her brave face and went back down to the shelter and picked out another kitten POST surgery with a clean bill of health. So now we have Gilbert, an orange tabby kind of kitten. I met him after I got home last night and he is most loving and playful.

Second, my absence. I apologize for that. I had a complete paranoia "Oh Shit!" moment. I talk about my redneck sport enough here. I got message out of the blue from Sandy's boyfriend on one of the forums I go to. The way he phrased it hit me a little.. funny. To boot, I saw a couple of hits on my stats from where he lives. So I thought.. "Ok... is it possible he somehow inadvertently got a hit on my site via google or something?" His message was simple enough "What are U doing?" That he spelled all the words but one, and capitalized the one... kinda threw me. He and I have chatted online exactly 1 time and it pertained to some stuff I bought from him. I responded with "Uhhh.. huh?" To which he said "Exactly!" and did a couple of "party" emoticons. There was a long discussion on the redneck forums about a bar and it ending up in Ms. Kitty's room which got some asshat involved with "You guys aren't really drinking on the range are you?" which got some "Lighten up Francis" comments.. anyway.. As this was all going on when the coversation was taking place with the bf AND the party emoticons I said "I take it you're already working on the bar..." Then nothing... silence.. not a peep. Not too much later I was talking to Sandy and I mentioned him being in rare form. She said "Funny.. I haven't seen or heard ANYTHING from him". Then as we were talking.. "Oh.. here's a message now.. 'Looks like I'm going to have to come protect you from the boozers and OTHER stuff'" The emphasis on the "other" is mine. I happened to be checking my stats from Pluffland and saw the hits from his area... What did he mean by "other" stuff? Alarms started going off in my head. My first reaction was to go private and see what happened. Nothing happened. It's all good.

THEN there was the match. As I mentioned in the last post if you could stand the whining and made it all the way through. I was horrible. For me at least. I'll clarify. The match itself was outstanding. Great people. Great set up. Challenging (and hence the horrible on my part). The only beef I had with the match itself was one asshat FNG running one of the stages throwing his weight around and generally making that stage a miserable experience for everyone. OTHER than that it was a great match. However, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. This game really fucks with your head. RIGHT off the bat, I had a horrible first stage. It wasn't my fault. The gun fucked up royally. BUT... it got in my head. It was such a simple little stage. I just wanted a nice and easy start. And it didn't happen. SOo... my head was wrong the rest of the day. Add to that the PDA's from Sandy and the BF and my mood was at best.. dark. The final straw for me, was we were walking back to the truck after it was all over. Sandy and the BF were in front of me. Arms around each other like we used to do in HS. Whatever... they only see each other at best once a month. But then he took his hand and shoved it right down the back of her pants. I was like "HEELLOOOOOO!!" They just chuckled.

I am still steadfastly avoiding all conversations implying anything with sex as it pertains to Sandy. I was good all weekend. Well I let one or two slip but they were obvious jokes.

So that was all the bad. Here's the ok. BK is back in town. She has a new phone. And she has been texting me non-stop. We partied pretty hard Wed night. We did the whole almost kiss lips brushing game. I'm sure that's as far as it will ever go. But for now, it's fun. I'm sure I'll get annoyed and impatient at which point I hope someone smacks me on the forehead and reminds me of THIS post and the whole "it's just fun" comment.

Anyhoo... there it is... Sorry I disappeared... Glad to be back!

Mittens

the kitten.. heh.. kinda rhymes when you say it like that.

We went by the shelter Fri. afternoon to acquire a kitty for C. Yes I know... real men and rednecks have dawgs... but she's my little girl and I am SO wrapped around her little finger. We narrowed it down to 2 and had some time to play with them and decide. One of them, I'm sure, would eventually get on my last nerve. Skittish as hell and TOTALLY insanely rambunctious. The other, not quite so much. Playful. But very loving. She came up to you wanting to be petted constantly. And she was quick to jump on the other. She just didn't look like a deranged black and white dustball with teeth and claws like the other. So, and much to my surprise, C chose the slightly calmer of the two. She has two white paws hence the name "Mittens". Unfortunately, the shelter has very strict rules about shots, spay/neutering etc. We were not allowed to bring her home until after she has them all. She's scheduled for this Fri. So.. C has to wait. Mrs and C went to visit Sat morning and took this picture:






Aight... so I've said it before. It never seems to take. But here goes again. I'm SO over Sandy. I know I know... probably not really but I am really trying hard this time not to play her game. Conversations over the last couple of weeks have turned... kinda serious. Mostly... to me... I.e. "Just so you know.. I'm allergic to latex. Sheepskin.. I'm just sayin". Now, if it were anyone other than Sandy, and correct me if I'm wrong, I'd be thinking this was a sign.. a pretty blatant one at that. Mon of last week we made a fast trip to the range to do some testing on her equipment (for shooting you pervs!). Then Tues, she called me and said "Please tell me you're coming to have a drink with me". Hadn't planned on it. But ok. So I made an excuse and met her out. We had drinks.. dinner. As we were leaving she said "Do you like my perfume?" and lifted her neck. Who am I to argue? I leaned down and breathed letting my whiskers tickle the nape of her neck. She screeched "EEp" and jumped followed by "That tickles!". Now at this point, I would think that would be it. But she lifted her chin again. I did leave though. Later in the week, we were eating lunch. That night came up and she said "I just wanted to get laid". Now, I know she says shit like this when were in public where I can't really do anything about it. I know she does it to push my buttons... Consider them pushed. So Thurs night I had a meeting. Sandy had previously offered us a cat carrier she had she no longer uses. As we thought we were picking up the cat on Fri, I called to see if the offer was still good. She said "Sure. Come on over and get it". So I drove to her house. She met me at the door wearing tight little jeans. We had a long hug. We lingered just for a sec. I could smell the alcohol on her breath. She had been out to dinner with a "friend" (not sure on the status.. I know what SHE said but I'm learning how full of shit she is).

We have a big match coming up this weekend and had a smaller one this past weekend. Long story short, she is having to completely redo her setup for making ammo. We had already been to the range once to check things out. I left her some of my gear so she could go on her own. She hasn't. As soon as we finished hugging she said "I'm having trouble again". It hit me just a little bit wrong. She's had my stuff so she could get ready for many days. She waits until I'm there to "have trouble". I'm thinking "You mean do it for you". We go to the garage. I can't make her machine screw up. In the meantime, she dumped an entire load of parts all over me and the floor (the alcohol at play here). She gets down on her hands and knees where, I can see a FABULOUS whale tail peeking from her jeans. I bend down to help her.

Month ago when we decided to do this match, she called me and said "You're going to be pissed. The bf is coming". Like I care. They're together. We arent'. Whatev. Since then, she changed her tune. Making it out like she doesn't fit in his life and he can't take the time to come over for that match. So I start busting her balls about it. "You are so full of shit. You KNOW he's showing up. I don't know why you have to BS me" and on and on. She swears he isn't coming. So I throw out a bet. When he shows up, she has to let me dye her pubic hairs pink. We're on all fours picking up the stuff she just dropped every where. She looks at me and says "Go ahead and buy the pink dye". It completely hit me wrong. The ratcheting up of the shit talk. The BSing me about the BF. We all know how much I can't STAND lying. Tell me he's coming. Tell me you're madly in love. Whatever. Just don't BS me. It was the same with Taylor. So I shut up. I did what I could to make sure her machine was working. Watched her run it a few times. Corrected what I saw as the potential problem in her technique. I didn't hardly say 2 words outside of the business at hand.

DURING which... she said several times "I'm just afraid I'm going to screw this up"... or "So and so told me THIS was the way to do this". I have tried and tried to get her to take ownership of her stuff. YOU are doing this. Not me. Not so and so. Do it however YOU think you should. But if you say "I'm afraid" one more time I'm not going to help you. So she said it a lot. And argued with me about the way I was doing something. I finally said "Ok" and stepped away without finishing my statement. She said "I'm just saying what so and so" I cut her off and said "I got it." and stayed away. Once she was satisfied she could finish on her own I left.

We did ride together up to the match. She made several comments about being naked or having sex with me. I didn't say anything. Finally she asked "Are you mad at me?" "No"... "Did I get you in trouble?"... "No"... "Sure?"... "Believe me... no".. Off and on she kept after me and each time I just changed the subject. And that was the way it went. Until we got back to her place. She begged me to have a drink with her. I did. Nothing happened. She tried to start the shit talk. I changed the subject. Finally I left.

I SO want to tell her "Listen. Here's the deal. When we joke about stuff... maybe it's not such a joke to me". But nothing good can come of it. So I am still carefully trying to avoid "the game" as it were with her.

THEN... Chester started IMing me. He told me he wanted me to sponsor him to join our gun club. I have serious reservations because most of the people who know me strongly dislike him. To the point where I think they might vote him out. I don't want my reputation to be tarnished by him. But... it's a fine line with him. I was planning to go to the meeting anyway. So I told him "The next meeting is tomorrow night at XX location". He asked "What time?". I couldn't remember. So I said "I dunno. Look it up on-line. I'm going to have to myself". He said "Well let me know what time". Chester annoys me a lot because, when it comes to stuff like this, if you don't hold his hand and walk him into the meeting, he won't do it. I have ZERO patience for that kind of crap. In my head I'm thinking "If you want to be a member so bad, take some fucking initiative and BE a fucking member." I left it at, I'll be there. See you there or not. Went to the meeting. He was a no show.

So between him and Sandy I was pretty fed up with needy type people on Fri. and thus my pissy post.

Onto the really good part of the weekend though... I shot.. I conquered... I won for the first time ever. OVERALL and not just my division. That means combined with all other types of guns including the super high tech ones. I did it with my "pussy" gun. But I'll take it as there were others who could've stepped up. One guy should've beaten me but his gun royally fucked up and it gave me the opening to win. I can't brag too much because the 2nd place shooter a) is a friend of mine and b) took 2nd with a "mans" gun. With my "mans" gun (you could shoot 2), I sucked horribly. I.e. I should've actually won by a greater margin with the pussy gun if I were any kind of real shooter. BUT... I'm taking the win and enjoying it.

This coming weekend we all travel to Atlanta for a big match. As I already said, Sandy is meeting the BF. So.. that's that. BK is back in town today. She texted me and said "I miss you and I'm looking forward to hanging with you on Wed". I'm reading it as "I'm really looking forward to free drinks".. but I'm pretty cynical at this point based on other experiences.

Pussy - Feline that is...

I'm in a pissy mood today. I've said it all ad-nauseum here before. People piss me off. I'm suddenly the "adult" in my little circle of friends. Sandy.. Chester.. Even other people. From people wanting me to hold their fucking hands for THEM to do stuff.. to lying.. to playing me. I've been used and burned before (hence the "said it all ad-nauseum" remark). Nothing ever changes. But it puts me in a very pissy mood.

Elsewhere, we're going to get a cat. We've killed off all the aquatic animals. So now we're onto a cat. I've been resisiting for so long because C is tough enough. I just don't have to energy to put into another being in my house. But I think really, I don't want the responsibility. I think of all the horrible things that can go wrong. It getting loose and eaten by the gator taking up residence in our pond. A fucking HAWK swooping down and snatching it (happened to a friend). Getting destroyed by a pack of strays. The stray cats who have used my backyard as a feline Ultimate Fighting ring getting hold of it. I know deep down I'll get really attached and I fear how I will feel if any of these possible and maybe even probably things come to pass. I also really fear seeing C so upset.

But it's time to man up. So we're going to pick one out after work.

You asked fer it - HNT

A certain west coast cali kinda girl threw down the gauntlet... so here it is:

Falalalalalaaaaa MEEE MEEMEMEMEMEEEEEEE

Average Chick tagged me with this meme... so here goes:







Seven random weird facts about me... heh aren't they all...

1. When I was a little kid my Grandparents used to make "Grasshoppers" for me. Creme de Menthe and Creme de Cacao (alcoholic). Later they used to make "martinis" for me with olive juice and water (non-alcoholic this time) and to this day I love dirty martinis as result.

2. I used to do a ton of theater up until I went to college (my Mom was big into it and dragged me and my sister in as well).

3. I hate the way my eyelids make me "squinty". But I will never "fix" them.

4. I own more guns than pairs of shoes (I know shocker).

5. Commando.

6. My child makes me cry sometimes (in a good way).

7. I am obsessive when it comes to knowing facts about things. I don't like to give an opinion about something until I have researched the subject. I cannot stand "urban myths" or heresay. For example, one of my co-workers used to spout forth what is "legal" and not when it came to my State's firearms laws. I read and re-read every single law until I could quote section, sub-section, paragraph, and line as to why he was full of shit. I actually read the entire report from the Commission on the Intelligence Capabilities of the United States Regarding Weapons of Mass Destruction back in 2005 because I was so sick of sound bites and spin from both parties on the subject.

(8) or Bonus - I often times have too much idle time... i.e. my answer to number 7.

There ya go. I guess we could go into a number 9 here.. but as an e-mail administrator and fighter of spam, I am phobic about forwarding things. I enjoy them so feel free to tag away. I just shy away from tagging people myself. But.. if you enjoy this little meme... consider yourself tagged. Please link back because the voyeur in me just LOVES to know these little tidbits! :)

Where oh where

did the day go?!

I was tagged with a Meme... I PROMISE I'm going to get to it! I have other stuff too... nothing too exciting.. but I've been swamped today. Bad bad... smack me!

My ballon has bursted.. A rant in g-minor

Be forewarned... a rant follows... It's been building. I started writing the post and realized there were so many topics I've been bottling up they are all kinda spewing out at once... Thus ends the disclaimer.. continue at your own peril ;)

Ya know.. it's easy to lay out a line of BS for someone in my position. Paint a picture of gloom and dispair. A wholly unsatisfied married guy just needing comfort... a shoulder to lean on... a boobie to grope.. oh and if you feel sorry enough for me sex would be nice too.

But I've said it before, for the most part, I am happy in my situation. My shit talking and seemingly desparate search for the "strange" is in no way caused by my relationship with Mrs. My inner pig is mine alone. I reaffirm my situation because lately it seems like I have bitched about Mrs a fair amount. It happens. Not everything can be rosie. But the fact remains, I do love my wife.

Having said that... Mrs went out for a girls night. I was on-line chatting with a certain lovely.. The conversation, as they always seem to do, turned to sex (oink). Before long we were engaging in a little on-line foreplay.. followed by a little cyber oral.. etc. etc. I was getting to a good point.. er.. uh.. physically myself when I heard the front door close. Damn the timing Mrs was home. Eh no biggie... sucks but it happens. Flashing back to earlier in the week when she pretty much molested me after a drunken night with the girls.. I thought well I guess I can finish this for real. I walked out of the office to see her coming up the stairs. I playfully tore into her for drinking the last beer before leaving (it WAS a football night too). Before I can finish my beer rant I hear "Bbwaaaaaaaaa" crying, not laughing... BAWLING even... I'm talking the kind you get when you're a kid and you can't talk because of the throat spasms kind of bawling. Being the concerned husband I ask "What's wrong? What happened?" 5 more minutes of crying before she can get it out. She asks "Do you *sob sob* ev... *bwaaaaaaaaah*... do you *sob sob*..." this goes on for another 5 minutes.. FINALLY... "do you *sob* (oh it was still happening.. just with fewer frequency) ever wish I had a NORMAL name *bwaaaaaaaaaahhhhh*"

Stunned silence on my part... WTF?! Mrs does have a very unusual name. Her family is from the mediterranean region. Well.. 1/2 anyway. The other is good ol' fashioned american hillbilly. But HER name.. came from the foreign side. Evidently, the girls started screwing with each other. Making fun of one girl's backwoods hick accent... Another's choice in loser men. It eventually came around to Mrs. It was equal opportunity all around... but on the back end.. *I* get sobbing. You would think at her age she would blow off anyone making fun of her name... Hell mine rhymes with something a boat does right before it sinks... Hell my Grandfather NAMED a boat after me. It wasn't until I was in college that it hit me... I just always thought he was proud. No wonder C is so damned sensitive. She get's it honest!

Next topic... during the last election, I stated a lot of opinions. It's no secret I'm a conservative... and when I say conservative, I don't mean republican. Look up the definition... I mean CONSERVATIVE. There is a difference. Somewhere in the last 50 years or so the definition has been bastardized. I voted against Kerry the last time (not for Bush) and Bush promptly alienated me further. This time, if the democrats hadn't shifted SO far left I would probably vote democrat. As it is, it wouldn't take too much to sway me... promise me in writing you'll stay away from my one hot button... This time I think they are all full of shit and have spent millions and millions of dollars spewing carefully crafted CRAP saying nothing of substance at all. I say all of this to say the following is NOT a partisan commentary. I think both sides are too chickenshit said to say it. Or blind to realize it.

The current crisis is the result of greed ACROSS the board. Government... corporations.. AND main street. And yes I'm pointing the finger right back at US.. the average Joe. Not some CEO.. or Congress.. There are a lot of evil money grubbing fuckers who should be dealt with and are part of a higher conspiracy than ourselves... Defense contractors for example. But I'm talking specifically about our current financial crisis. It's OUR fault just as much as anyone else's. But Americans are so "what's in it for me" any candidate who says so is fucked come election day. Yes it sucks people are losing their homes... yes it sucks the market has plunged to a 5-10 year low. The whole system could collapse and maybe it should. But listen carefully to the great Pluffiwan Kenobi... CREDIT.. is the root of it all. I know it's kind of a "duh" comment. I mean they've been going on and on about how the banks have halted lending which has stalled the economy blah blah blah. But think carefully about the scope of MY statement. Americans have known at some subconscious level, credit is bad. And we are a credit addicted society. Credit cards. Equity lines. Car loans. Home loans. We are in debt the second we leave the nest (student loans). We are as guilty of greed at our level as CEO's are at theirs. You DON'T have to buy the $75 pair of jeans. Even if you use the card that gets you 10% off of every purchase in this store. Greed. Pure and simple. The aquisition of THINGS is just as bad as the aquisition of mass amounts of money. It starts with the pair of jeans... and seeps it's way to larger and larger things until you have a Hummer you can't afford to gas up and a house you should've never bought. I know... I did it. My old house was perfectly ok. I looked at the artificially inflated equity and said "You know... if I move here.. I could get TWICE the house AND equity". I was lucky I did not jump on the interest only and subprime bandwagon. I know I bitched and moaned about money. I was in the same boat 6 months ago. I did buy too much house. I did have too many credit cards, car loans, equity lines, you name it. I made some hard decisions and opted to get out of debt at the expense of some other things... possibly even my future. But I can now rebuild the way it should be.. debt free. Or at least as much as can be expected. House payment.. PERIOD. And if I could.. say inherit a few hundred thou... I'd pay it off too.

The government's current answer is to prop up the lending market?! Free up credit for people to snap up again?! When the banks really own everything.. what the hell do you think will happen when they fail?! Buy out people's bad debt... that they should've have been in in the first place?! It's all bogus money.. it's not real.. But if you say so, you piss off the voting masses.

Having said that, I will say it is ridiculous that someone like myself.. who makes above the american average annual salary (barely), cannot afford to buy a less than average home right now. I look at houses for 1/2 the square footage going for just a few thousand less than mine? How in the hell are average people supposed to get into their first home? But why are the prices there in the first place?... oh yeah... greed... credit... gluttony. For years analysts have warned the bubble had to burst. But people were blinded by "what's in it for me". I say until we get it through our thick skulls we can not spend our entire lives paying for money we spent that we never had in the first place, we should suffer. How many depression era grandparents do you know with mortgages out their eyeballs? They learned. So the economy... it's OUR punishment. Everyone's. CEO's.. politicians.. US.

Unfortunately, our society is so instantly gratified we're going to be happy beating up the Lehman Bros. CEO and burrying our head in the sand waiting for the government to make it better.

Meh.. I had more but that got enough of it out of my system...

My inner pig feels a need to stroll about... so uh.. any lovelies out there?... How YOU doin?... ;)

It was a Dark and Stormy Night

er uh... ok not stormy. There I was minding my own business. Reading a magazine. I heard the front door open and close. Mrs was home from her girls night. When I heard the car pull up, I debated for a second whether or not to turn off the light and roll over. But I opted to keep reading. The article was just too interesting.

Mrs stalked into the room. At first I thought she might've been pissed. I did a fast inventory of facebook, blogger, phone conversations.. couldn't think of any reason for her to be pissed. Then I recognized the smoldering look.... Lust... or at least her version of it. She pounced on me crushing my magazine (damnit!). I could smell the alcohol long before she landed. Almmost immediately she began dry humping my leg.

As you all know, or not, my inner-comedian keeps a constant dialog running in my head. A sort of reverse firewall, a filter if you will, keeps most of it bottled up inside for my own amusement. At this particular moment, all I could hear from the little bastard (inner comedian that is) was "BWAAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAABWAAHAHAHAAAAAA *gaaaaasssssp*..... BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Call me crazy... but I had a sense she may want sex... just maybe.

She flung the covers off of me and assaulted my cock. She went through her repetoire of tricks at a record pace... loudly I might add. There was a lot of MMmmm.. mmmph.. mmm.. MMMMMMM... I was doing all I could to muffle that little fucker now laying on the floor kicking and screaming in my brain (the inner comedian that is). About the time I finally put him aside and my cock reached an appropriate level of.. upright. She jumped up, staggered, and said "Wait a minute... gonna change". And she was gone.

In my head I heard "Mmmphhh MPPPHHHH"... oh yeah... I took my hand off the little fucker's mouth (inner comedian that is).... "BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!".... fucker.

Mrs weaved from the bathroom wearing negligee. Perhaps it was my "signal" that she wanted some... Maybe she forgot the cocksucking and the mphh mphhing from just a few seconds before. She pounced again. Again she went through her repetoire.. Stroke a few times.. check... tease the balls... check... couple of kisses on the belly... check.. tip in the mouth... check... suck and stroke... check... NOW she can climb on.

I'm not even sure I was necessary for this experience. She bounced away screaming and moaning. Usually I never worry about the amount of noise because once C is asleep, she's dead to the world. But I have to say I was actually a little bit concerned the sheer volume could wake her up from across the house. Mrs bounced and bounced... moaned and screamed... came once... twice.. I know this because again she was moaning and screaming even louder... At this point I could hear that little fucker (inner comedian that is) eating popcorn and watching the show in fascination.

After a while I thought to myself "Ok.. let's just finish this". I flipped her over and began to fuck her hard. Louder moaning and screaming.. It was getting pretty distracting I might add. I decided to flip her over... a sure fire way for me to finish. She scooted to all fours. I slid in from behind. And DAMNED if she didn't start trying to fuck me. But in her drunken state, she just couldn't get the groove going. I was really starting to get frustrated. I tried holding her down so she had to let ME lead. Not having it. Picture Elaine (from Seinfeld) spazzing out the Elaine dance, except on all fours fucking instead of dancing. Finally I got a good enough grip and held her still so we could actually get a rhythm going. And at long last I came. Good Lord that was almost like work.

The pulling a total guy move, I heard "SSssnnnnxxxxxxx". heh.

Quiet

Sorry it's been quiet 'round here. Nothing much going on. I've had a sick kid for a few days and am trying to get some stuff ready for my redneck games. Interesting conversations with Sandy but as usual.. just talk. Oh... and I ended up becoming the captain of my pool team. But BK's been out of town for many weeks and she shot me an e-mail a few days ago saying it's going to be a few more. So I got nuthin at the moment.

I'm around though... Now if any young lovely would like to help me with something juicy to write about... ;)

Wood Eye Wednesday... aka Wednesday Weirdness

I'm reminded of a tasteless joke.. punchline goes something like "Wood eye?!?! HAIR LIP!!" I apologize for that thar..

Anyhoo onto Wednesday Weirdness!!

1. Would you rather join the Ghostbusters to hunt ghosts or join the Sesame Street bunch? Why?

Ghostbusters duh.. a) you get to carry a proton pack b) you get to ride in a converted ambulance c) Sigourney Weaver.. nuff said


2. What is the most you are willing to do to get out of a police officer giving you a ticket?

As I have never EVER been able to get out of a ticket... NUTHIN!! You get "Yes sir" or "No sir" when appropriate. Other than that.. ZIP!

3. What popular movies do you find to be overrated?

the list is SO long... Gladiator... The Da Vinci Code... The Aviator... I could go on..

4. What is in (and/or on) your bedside table?

Hmm.. this could take a while. My beside table is a mini-chest of drawers. It also serves as my hold all. Important mail. Change jar. Wallet, keys etc. Mag-light. Gun. Magazines. Holster. (at the moment x2 because one was in my bag from travelling so I grabbed another out of the closet). Socks, underwear, 10 year old condoms, T-shirts. Pocket and boot knives.


5. Have you ever had or fantasized about having sex with a boss before? Have you ever acted on that fantasy?

Yes. And no. Only because my fantasy involves the company from hell so the term "grudge fuck" comes to mind.

6. If you had a personal assistant, what would you have them do?

Is this a trick question?!... Assist of course!! =D

7. Have you ever faked static, loss of cell phone reception or anything else on the telephone line to get out of a conversation?

Heh... yup...

Linky TMI Tuesday

As I have taken boring... here's some juicy little information for ya... It's time for TMI Tuesday

1. What is the strangest thing you have ever inserted or seen inserted (in a sexual manner) in person?

Nothing inserted in me. And I have never seen anything strange up close and personal. However, I did watch a vid of a girl fucking a gear shift. Still attached to the car of course.

2. Have you ever had sex anyone whose name started with a J?

Uhh.. kind of a random letter. Why not W? Or Q? Lemme think... not entirely... that is to say I fooled around with a Julia once. Had I not been too chicked to buy a box of condoms we would've had sex.. my first attempt to eat pussy... But not intercourse in the technical sense.

Now I'm kinda curious.. let's see.. Dx2, Kx2, Sx2, M, Cx2, W, E, F, Ax2... eh I could go on.. Actual sex that is... no J.

3. Have you ever been outside completely naked?

Uh yeah..... want proof? Perhaps more? Even more?

4. Do you prefer music, tv, or other noise in the background when you have sex?

The only sound I actually hear is the porn music in my head... make noise.. play noise... whatever!!

5. Have you ever used ice for sexual purposes?

I've never used it on someone. I've had it used on me.


Bonus: Have you ever been propositioned for group sex?

Depends on what you mean by propositioned... There was the whole Dentist Office episode. Not sure if that qualifies.

Wow am I all... linky today!

I give up...

I spent the weekend at a match. I have to say... it was one weird time.

First, and to just get it out of the way, I shot HORRIBLY. I'm not going to get into how we score, but there was around 1000 points on the line. Right off the bat, I almost took a 0. In fact, I only got 18 out of a possible 125 (in this case). I know where I stand and I wouldn't expect to get the full 125. 80-90 would've been nice. 50 would suck but it'd keep me in the hunt. But 18?! I spent the rest of the day trying to get over that. There were moments of brilliance where I was in the top 15 out of about 50ish. But I had a couple of other WTF moments. None as bad as the first. But I was all over the place consistency wise.

Next, and I talked about this a couple of days ago in this post, Sandy and I ACTUALLY stayed over Saturday night and we ACTUALLY shared a room. I was pretty floored she wanted to. I expected an excuse blah blah blah. And I would've been cool with that. But
no we did in fact stay and stay together. I wish I had something more juicy to report. Perhaps that is my fault. Maybe this was a baby step opening I should've taken advantage of. I dunno. We even ended up in bed together a couple of times but nothing came of it. It's hard to explain, but every time I thought there was an opportunity, it felt very one sided. You know, you're with someone for the first time. You're alone. You're close. You lean in, SHE leans in, it happens. In every instance, we were close, I lean... nothing. Either she was making me go 100% OR I would've been down. Considering circumstances, I chose to let it drop. We are friends. We shoot together a lot. If things got weird because I made a move and she decided to cut things, would she still shoot? It sounds so corny, but I'd hate to ruin it. So while maybe I should've taken the leap and gone for it. Without a sign from her, I didn't.

For example, Sunday morning, we were lounging around in our respective beds. She said "Get my laptop and lets look at the scores". I was sleeping in my fav shorts and that was it. She was in her PJs. I grabbed the laptop and plopped down on her bed. So she was there in her PJs, I was next to her in my shorts. We checked the scores etc. etc. After a few minutes she rubbed her hips and said "My hips feel bruised from wearing the gun all day". Then she kinda pulled down her pants a little so I could see. I said "Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?" She replied "Not yet, I haven't brushed my teeth". Now, should I have moved and kissed her hip? She still had the laptop in her lap. It wasn't like we were just lying there and one thing could've led to another. I thought maybe she would go brush her teeth and that might be a sign... but she just typed away on her laptop. Anyway, I dunno. I'm starting to think I'm just losing my touch (as if I ever hand any).

We did have some fun though. Hung out with some nutcases Saturday night. Sunday we went back by the range and watched some people shoot (it took 3 days for everyone to shoot). Then we drove home.

Getting Dressed HNT

It's been a while... so here's a Twofer...

Own it Baby!! Wed Weirdness too

Oh yeah!! I'm a pig!! I'm proud! I will in fact sit in between to women, married to neither, look over one's shoulder and give a "How YOU doin?" look to a third. I do, in fact, undress in my mind pretty much every woman I see. Secretly, I wish every party would end in an orgy. Yes I WOULD take you to bed.. but I'd prefer your hot friend... EVEN BETTER both of you!! Bonus if she's your sister!

I AM PIG! HEAR ME OINK!! heh Maybe I'm seeing a new incarnation of pluffland... perhaps bacon dot blogspot dot com... swine dot blogspot.. hmmm have to think more about it.

Onto Wednesday Weirdness!!

1.) If you caught your partner viewing porn online and masturbating, how would you react?

Take over?

2.) If you caught your partner participating in a sex chat room online, how would you react?

Bust out the webcam? Actually I'd probably feel a little better and more able to express some of my interests. She's so... plain it'd be a relief.

3.) Did your parents know when you became sexually active? How did they find out?

Nope. I think my Mom may not have really understood until C came along. Then again she has been notorious for putting things like "Tit Tacs" (little boobie shaped tic tacs) and leapord fur covered handcuffs in my stocking at Christmas for years... Then there was the time my Dad called me at college while I was getting a blow job... About 5 minutes into the coversation he asked "Are you getting a BLOW JOB?!!" I replied "YUP". He said "Bastard" and hungup.

4.) How open were/are your parents about sex?

Oh it's a one way street. My Mom loves doing the stuff like sticking little things in my stocking and making little quips about how she found them. I go to my happy place.

5.) When was the last time you had a splinter? What part of your body was it stuck in?

Aside from the little blond splinter being a pain in my ASS!! Uh.. honestly I don't remember. I get them all the time. Probably while I was doing yardwork last weekend.

6.) If you could only bring back ONE extinct animal, what would it be and why?

The Dodo bird just so I could finally relate to something.

It's one of those damned days... oh and TMI

My day has started out not so great... Traffic was horrible. I was starving when I got to work so I thought I'd hit the coffee cart out front of our building. No cart. THEN I realized I forgot my ID (entry is electronic here). Arrggg... So here's some TMI Tuesday to cheer me, and hopefully anyone else experiencing a rough day, up.

1. Ever been stalked an ex? Stalked an ex? Or stalked 'a you'd like to be'?

Stalking is such a harsh word. There was a period of time when the ex-Mrs and I split up when I checked on her. I'll admit. We were debating whether to work it out or not. The whole reason we split was because I found a note she wrote to someone about sex they had. I wanted to know if they were still hooking up or not. They were. End of story. Other than that.. no.

2. How often do you reach orgasm during sex? Has then historically been true?

As often as you want! Most times once. I can go more.. but it takes patience.. and a sandwich (heh.. you have to watch Rescue Me). Give me a little pharmaceutical assistance and over and over and over.

3. Teeth when used during oral stimulation, good or bad?

If we're talking MY cock.. then bad.. bad... BAD.. ya hear me?! BAD!! What're you thinking?! Teeth are ok as long as you're not leaving marks. Now.. I will nibble lightly on the neck.. ear. The key word being "lightly". Sometimes I'll bite with my lips covering my teeth.

4. How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period? How many different sexual partners have you had in a 24 hour period?

I dunno 4 or 5. In a 24 hour period I'd say 3. And we're talking pushing the very edge of 24 hours. I.e. I went over to hang out with a girl. The only time I've ever played D&D (hanging head). Who knew you could get laid from D&D. Anyway, around 3am the hosts went to bed and we went at it on the living room floor. This was during summer school in college one year. My GF came over around noon after her class for my usual wake up. Then the ex-Mrs surprised me with a visit. Or rather, she told me she was going to be in town. I didn't think much of it. We weren't dating or anything. She showed up around 11ish.. Talked.. drank. Next thing I know were naked having sex. Turns out she was a virgin until that point... so she claimed.. there was contradictory stories she told a friend of mine later.. anyhoo.. 3.

5) Would you rather run naked through a crowded place or have someone email your deepest secret too all your friends?

Run naked. But then again it's not much of a stretch for me.

Bonus: Have you ever kissed your partner on the lips after oral sex without brushing teeth, nor washing/gargling/rinsing out mouth? Turn on or off?

Uh yeah... I'm married... we're lazy... plus at this point we've pretty much been around each other for the grossest of moments so no biggie.

There... I DO feel a little bit better!

Busy busy busy.. busty?

Heh.. busty was a typo but ya know how I roll...

I have a big match coming up this weekend. My focus is 100% on the match. It is probably my last chance to place before the end of the year. I'm going to another big match, but I expect it to be way more competitive than the one coming up. Anyway I had a nice relaxing week planned to prepare. But we shot a small match over the weekend. Sandy had major problems with her gun. Long story short, she's using a borrowed gun and I'm making ammo for her. We went to the range yesterday afternoon to test out a few things before I started the real work. While we were talking, I mentioned something about her not being a member of my club. She belongs to a club literally 1/2 way across the state. I said "Ya know... next time I ought to make you do this shit up there since you won't join MY club". She said "Uh.. no!" I said "Well what makes you think I'm going to keep bringing you out here?" She responded "Because next time I may have to give you a blow job"... rrrRRRR?!

So we're heading to a coastal city in NC for the match this weekend. We're meeting another guy from our state. He's staying Fri. night, but then heading home. I want to stay Fri. and Sat. I've been kinda teasing Sandy about staying Sat night and we'll just share a room. Now, considering our history, I know this will never happen. But then she makes those little BJ comments and she stops me dead in my tracks. I have to say I have a teeny tiny little bit of hope we will actually stay over Sat... but I know probably not.

Anyhoo... Going to be too busy to for anything really juicy this week. C's birthday is later in the week. We're doing a little family thing at our house. Her big party will be in a few weeks. Between match preps, packing, cleaning for family to visit I'm going to be swamped.

Peeple are Stoopid

* Rant ON *

Aight people... can we PA-LEASE quit acting like sheep?! This happens around every election and catastrophe. People "in the know" out there blindly forward ridiculous nonsense in e-mails as if they and only they have the inside scoop and MUST do their duty to inform.

So far as it pertains to elections, I have received crap from my friends saying a)Barack Obama is, in fact, a radical muslim at heart and refuses to say the pledge of allegiance b) Sarah Palin is a book banner blah blah blah.. Now I'm all for my side winning the election... It is well established here which side is "my" side. But come on people, can ya do a little google search before forwarding this kind of crap on?! I'd prefer to make my decisions based on fact and some e-mail isn't it. I have actually found myself in the position of defending the people I am going to vote against. I'd love it if some of the rumors are true. But come on.. fact checking is so easy anymore.

The worst came yesterday and had nothing to do with politics. I'm not even certain if it was a regional thing, or nationwide. "You'd better go fill up now because gas will be $5 at 5pm tonight (this was yesterday so tonight=last night) because of hurricane Ike". The rumor spread quickly thus causing massive lines and fights at gas stations around my area. I hit the web sites for a couple of TV stations in this area and they all said "THIS IS A RUMOR!!" And yet, there was a line out the parking lot and down the road to get in the Costco. I actually needed gas yesterday. I ended up saying "screw it" and drove on fumes this morning.

So, when you get an email proclaiming the youngest of Sarah Palin's brood is in fact the love child of Barack Obama and her religious ferver is really a cover for her pagan sex cult, you're an idiot if you forward it on. Yes YOU... e-mail clicker... I'm talking to YOU... YOU'RE an idiot mkay!

k... *rant OFF*

The older I get... the weirder I get

And here's proof... Time for "Wednesday Weirdness!

1. Are you happy with how much you weigh? Why or Why not?

I'd be happy if I lost about 10 lbs. According to charts, I should weight 40 lbs less. But honestly, the last time I weighed that I was in High School and looked like a toothpick. So I'd take 10 lbs.

2. Have you ever been at a weight you are happy with?

Yeah. I few years ago I hit the low 180's. Felt good. Looked good.

3. Are you currently on a diet now? If yes, describe.

Pshh... That requires way too much self-denial. I get denied by plenty of others!

4. What is the craziest thing you have ever done to lose weight?

The ex-Mrs went on a "soup" diet back in the 90's. I gave it a shot for giggles.

5. What is your favorite thing about your body?

My GINORMOUS cock!! HAHA! I kid. I wish. Really, I'd say legs.

6. What is your least favorite thing about your body

Everything north of the legs? I dunno... honestly I don't give it much thought.

Oh No... and TMI

Thankfully, the "Free Credit Report.com" song is gone. Purged from my brain at long last. Unfortunately, it has been replaced. All Plufflings in Pluffland can be found dancing around the TV in Elainesque convulsions every time this commercial comes on. So allow me to spread the joy... Oh No You Did-ant!!






And while we're on to addictive little brain games... it's time for TMI Tuesday!!

1. Describe the perfect date for YOURSELF... what you would enjoy most.

I think one where you meet me naked at the door!! Honestly it's been so long since I've been on a "date" I'm not sure what would be perfect.

2. Do you lean more toward being submissive or dominant?

Dominant... Unless you want something else... heh


3. What do you usually wear to bed?

Absolutely nothing.

4. Have you ever seen a counselor?

Yup. Mrs and I went to marriage counseling for a while. It wasn't that our marriage was in imminent danger, just that I saw us going down a bad path, one the ex-Mrs and I went down and I wanted to stop it before we were beyond the point of no return... when you've said one too many hurtful things.. or when you realize the thought of the end of the marriage is blissful.

5. Lights on or off?

Off... or on... Maybe off then on... then off.. then on... DISCO baby!! Seriously, I like both at different times. Sometimes off is sexy in that "late night lazy sex before bed" kind of way. Then again I like seeing expressions and reactions.


Bonus (as in optional): Bonus: Have you or a partner ever faked an orgasm?

Duh... I'm old enough and been with enough people that I feel certain it has happened. And I will admit there have been times where I just flat out got tired of fucking and couldn't go on anymore. BTW, it's harder to do if you're a guy... evidence and all...

And thus ends another spectacular edition of TMI Tuesday!!

OH NO YOU DI-ANT!!

Stupid

Hanna... 'nuff said!

For the children

I have never really pandered to all the Plufflings out in pluffland. I write what I write and if someone finds it interesting, sweet, if not, meh. Having said that, dear Plufflings, I fear I am letting you down. I have absolutely nothing good to write about. Sure I could go into the mundane details of life in Pluffland... C in trouble her first week of school... the loss of yet ANOTHER damned aquatic pet and the trauma that goes with it... a visit from my Mom and Stepfather reaffirming my belief that love sometimes is best when it's long distance. But it's all blah blah blah really. Where's the juicy stuff you might ask? The salacious little tidbits that make up the inner-pig that is the Pluffster? I got nuthin. And I place the blame squarely on my friends! Have they provided any juicy little morsels for consumption at the Chateaux Du Pluff? Little erotic snippets to tickle your inner most pleasure bone? Hell no! My best efforts, and I do apply myself to the task, have all been wasted like premature spooge in the shorts of an overexcited pubescent getting his first feel of tit.

So please forgive my lack of inspiration over the last few weeks. I tire of the game of cat and mouse... mostly cat, I seem to play with the wimens in my life. I am especially tired of writing about it. "Me: talk smack.. lay it on.. alcohol.. Her: ooh baby talk smack.. smack talk back... NO" Though I suppose my continual crash and burns are probably entertaining to some.

Anyhoo... back to regularly scheduled programming. Pool night last night. I joined a new team. I was worried about playing because I hadn't really picked up a cue since I quit my last team. I picked it up a few weeks ago and gave it a shot. I totally forgot about my elbow. There was a fair amount of pain. Since then, I suffered through it and shot anyway. Last week was my first week officially back on a team. Who did we play? The team I just quit. Everything was cool at first, then I remembered why I quit. They are ASSHOLES! No fun to be around. I was playing one of the twins (particularly annoying). He was on his way to beating me. I just couldn't get my head in the game. I felt my elbow with every shot. I was pulling just a teenee bit to the left or right trying to compensate I guess. My team was short handed with only 4 players. At one point, 3 of the 4 players were in games. I started to call a timeout for help. One of my old teamates said "You can't do that. All of your players are playing and you can't ask them for help". Which is bullshit. There is no rule saying you can't use someone to coach who is playing another game. Not to mention, Wed nights are fun. It's not the playoffs or a tournament. Shit happens.. teams help each other out. There are a lot of rules that get bent when a team is short. It's supposed to be about fun. Which my old team was not. His comment really pissed me off. I said "Oh.. it's going to be like that". Then I came back to kick the shit out of the guy. I had one of those "pissed off in the zone" moments and played AWESOME. After, I couldn't help it. I had to run my mouth. "This is EXACTLY why I quit that fucking team in the first place. They turned into a bunch of wannabees with attitude and sucked the fun right out of the damned game!" Then "you know.. he would've beaten me if they handn't pissed me off. I remember when I was on that team and we were short handed asking people to work with us and they did. Next time don't ask any favors". Overall we ended up kicking the SHIT out of them. Serves them right.

This week not so much. I lost every game I played. The captain of my team, I called her Lisa before, but I think Heather is a better monicker for her, is SO hot. She reminds me of a cross between Heather Graham and Juilianne Moore from Boogie Nights. And she has an AWESOME pair of tits! She was pretty tight with Sarah (the nutcase). I hung out with Sarah and her a while back. She is married. Her husband is in the military. I got the impression there was something going on with the two of them... she kinda hinted at some infidelity... maybe I picked up on a "well if he's going to then I am" kinda vibe from her. Anyway, the reason they had an opening on her team is because he has been shipped across country. She is probably going to move out there with him, but not for 6-9 months. So me being me... I bought her a lot of drinks and shots last night. But she left early.

BK came around after her team finished up. She left to go work for her Mom for a few weeks. We talked smack.. I bought a few drinks. But she was supposed to leave at 6am this morning so she called it an early night.

And that is that. So Dear Pluffsters... I am in dire need of something juicy to write about. What I really need... is a playmate. Someone who yearns to entertain everyone in Pluffland as much as I do. Someone willing to take one for all the Plufflings and take one from the Pluffster. Someone with pornomaniacal tendencies and a strong back. Anyone? Anyone? Don't let the children of Pluffikstan go hungry. Call now..

I am one weird dude!!

It's Wednesday... It's Weird... You got your Weird in my Wednesday. No YOU got your Wednesday in my weird! It's that time...

Wednesday Weirdness #18


1. How often do you talk to your siblings?

It depends. Most of the time it's once every week or two. But when something is going on it can be daily.


2. How well do you deal when given an ultimatum?

Fight. Never flight. Never surrender.


3. Have you ever dated someone or had a lover who had an emotional or mental disorder?

Don't they all? None that were ever "diagnosed". I mean, there was the nutcase artist. The OCD religious zealot. The compulsive liar.

4. How do you feel about crossdressing?

To each his/her own. Actually I tend to challenge gender roles at Halloween. Mostly as a joke.

5. Have you ever lied about the number of sexual partners you have had to someone? Why?

Yup... DUH to have partners + 1!!


6. Does your significant other have the same political and religious views that you do? How often do you discuss politics and religion with them?

No but she's coming around. We're a Carville/Matalin couple... didn't they just divorce? Am I making that up? Hmm.. In a roundabout kind of way... daily. Usually me poking fun at something.


7. What sport, if any, do you find to be most boring?

Golf... followed by curling... no wait... golf.


8. Have you ever honestly peed in the pool?

Honestly as in did I own up to it? No... have I ever... perhaps... when I was kid.. before I saw the "Welcome to our ool" signs...

And there it is... my sordid Weird Wednesday confessions for this week!

TMI and REALLY TMI

TMI Tuesday wasn't updated yet, but as I missed it last week.. I'll play belatedly.

1. Are you truly politically correct? Be honest.

*snark*.. Have ya read this blog?

2. Will you ever streak in public during rush hour?

With proper motivation. Give me a car full of naked women ready to service me...

3. Would you ever do something sexual in public (more than 20 people around)?

Again.. proper motivation is pretty damned liberating!

4. Do you ever not have good table manners?

Every night. Actually my daughter is doing a good job of keeping me in check. Making me say "Excuse me" if I belch etc.

5. Do you ever fantasize about a public sexual act? Describe.
Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever gone through a true sexual fantasy? Describe.

Not public per se. As in the public setting is the turn on. More so opportunities. Hiking a national forest and coming across twins who have been on the trail and are horny (of course I skip the weeks without bathing part.. it's MY fantasy). Taking a lovely for a ride on my motorcycle.. Stopping at an off-the-beaten-path place... It's not so much that we're in public, as the means to the fantasy in the first place.

Have I ever gone through a true sexual fantasy? Kinda... I'll say fantasy in general because I never ever pictured the specific details... see The Dentist Office Part I and Part II




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I didn't expect much. she wanted to watch "American Gangster". Not exactly a sexy movie. I settled into the couch with my beer. Cued the movie while she ran around getting her own drink etc. She dimmed the lights as she walked in. I had my arm propped on the back of the couch. She settled against me in the crook of my arm. Her hand immediately rested on my cock.

The first few minutes were kind of disturbing. If you haven't seen the movie, the first 30 seconds or so establish how ruthless Denzel Washington's character is. Not something that inspires sex.. or at least not to me. After the initial shock, the next few scenes are benign.. relatively. Mrs fingers started tracing the outline of my cock scraping lightly through the fabric. I could feel the pressure immediately. I wore my favorite shorts. Her nails traced the tip of my cock sliding from underneath until the tip was just peeking from the leg of the shorts.

She shifted position; her head now on my chest. My hand slid from the back of the couch to her back... drifting along her hip.. around her back towards her ass.. gasp.. shock.. she was wearing a thong!... A THONG!! A THONG?! She NEVER wears a thong. Oh how I had to play with it.

Her fingers swirled around the tip of my cock. Occasionally, her hand slid along the shaft into my shorts. My fingers traced the string on her waist.. along her ass... between her cheeks. She squirmed pressing her ass into my hand. I could feel the heat through the fabric when my fingertips slid to her mound. Her head slid lower on my chest. I used my fingernails to lightly trace her pussy through the fabric. She shivered as I drifted over her clit. The fabric became damp.

Her head slid lower until it rested in my lap. Her tongue replaced her fingertip on the head of my cock. She pushed the leg of my shorts as far as it would go taking as much of my cock as she could in her mouth. She rose on all fours lifting her ass for me to play with. I used my fingernail to scratch lightly over her clit. Her panties were soaked.

She slid off of the couch grasping my shorts pulling them down. She slid her body along mine letting my cock touch her all over. She kissed my chest while grasping my shaft. I could feel her press the tip against her nipple. She used my cock to swirl around her aureole, shivering as she did so. After a few seconds, she slid her thong off of her body.

Moving onto the couch she slid her pussy along my cock, her knees straddling my lap. She slid herself back and forth along the shaft making it slick with her juices. Finally, pressing her body tightly against mine, she slipped the tip inside her pussy. Slowly, she sat back letting it press deeper and deeper. Her hand went to her clit and she began to rock. I could feel her juices flow as she came almost immediately. Her body shook as the wave passed over. I grabbed her hips forcing her down on my cock. Her arms went to my shoulders grinding herself against me.

After the first wave passed, she threw her body onto my cock again and again. My hands went to her nipples pinching and twisting lightly. She froze as another wave washed over her. After a few seconds, she moved her feet so that she was squatting over my lap, my cock still deep in her pussy. She began to bounce her body. It was the most unusual sensation. The only contact was her pussy sliding up and down my cock and her hands bracing herself on my shoulder.

She crashed her knees against me letting her full weight press my cock deep inside as yet another orgasm crashed into her. At this point, I was almost mesmerized. It was like I was watching my own personal porn. Disconnected as if a voyeur peeking over my own shoulder watching Mrs put on a show of orgasm after orgasm. In my head I did a little high five with myself.

She spun herself around so that she was facing away from me and lowered her pussy onto my cock again. I have to say, this was a little scary. She was so into the sex she rocked herself back bending my cock. As erotic as this was, I really didn't want to have to make a trip to the emergency room with a broken cock. After just a few seconds of this, I pushed her forward to the floor.

As I slid behind her, she wasted no time reaching back and grasping my cock pulling me to her pussy. Again, the disconnected voyueristic feeling came over me as I watched her fuck ME on all fours. I grabbed her hips to slow her down. I wanted to take my time and make her squirm before she came again. Nothing doing. She grunted and slammed herself against me. Finally I gave in grabbing her hips and fucking her hard. Her upper body collapsed against the floor. I could feel her juices running down my balls and thighs. Our bodies slapped together. The tightness in my balls turn to tingling at the base of my cock. I could feel it building. The electric pulse ran along my cock shooting my load. She grasped the back of my thighs pulling me further into her.

We had to start the movie over.

Sorry

no HNT. I was going to do something with.. perhaps.. a pole vault... heh.

Sadly the friend died. I spent some time with Sandy last night and just really didn't think I could take any pervy pics. Perhaps a belated photo soon..

Wed... woohoo

It's a weird day today (the "woohoo" was sarcastic). Fay is throwing tons of rain this way. It is very weird. It goes from bleak and pouring to sunny.. then back to bleak and pouring.

An acquaintance I know through my sport of the redder variety is dying. Literally... as we speak. I have only known him for a couple of years. He has been sick since the day I met him and was for several years before. I only saw him a few times here and there because his illness prevented him from getting out much. His wife is a key figure in the sport. She likes to do administration and has become somewhat of an icon for "if you want it done right..." I have spent a lot more time with her just because she is so involved and he hasn't been able to participate. She sent out an e-mail last night asking people to respect their last few hours and days together (in other words leave them alone).

It's weird being on the edge of this circle of grief. I never really developed much more of a "Hey! How are you doing?" relationship with him. But so many people I know had a much deeper friendship and are obviously very saddened by his sudden turn. I feel almost like my role is being supportive of them while they grieve. Sandy went to visit last night (before the e-mail went out). She asked me if I wanted to go with her. This was one of those really awkward moments. I didn't know him that well so I don't want to intrude. But in being supportive of his wife and my friends who were much closer, maybe I should've gone and waited in the car. I dunno. Like I said... weird day.

WAKE THE F@#$ UP!!!

Sorry... things are SO quiet lately I just had to get that out there. I'm in a sudden void of nothing and it is unnerving me. Relatively laid back weekend. I did shoot a match in mid-state city. I won. But I don't feel good about it because there was a snafu that I think cost the 2nd place guy. I could be wrong and everything is legit, but I don't like knowing it could be a false win. Other than that, it was domestic bliss (sarcasm) all weekend. C had her best little friend over for a last hurrah sleepover before school starts. C has just started the sleepover phase. She really hasn't been old enough or mature enough until recently. All of the sudden, she has had 3 in the last week. 2 away and the one Sat at our home. The girls were giggly, insane, crying, running around... the usual stuff you would expect of a couple of manic 6 yr olds. I had a momentary "Oh shit!" moment when they both snuck into our room to wake us up the next morning. It's one thing for C to sneak into our room, it's another for another kid to be with her as I DO sleep in the nude. But I was appropriately covered. I really expected to hear them trashing the play room, not sneaking into ours.

Absolutely NOTHING going on on the mischief front. BK is gone for a week or two. Sandy went somewhere REALLY far away with her BF. But I'm sticking by my steadfast purely platonic relationship with her. Though, I have talked just a little smack because I just can't help it. But it has been purely talk and ZERO interest beyond. That and she has really been dropping the W bomb lately. Every time we are somewhere together, a match, at a friend's house, at the range practicing, she makes a point of bringing up my wife and child to whoever is standing around. I don't know why, because it's not like anything is going on.. AT ALL. And in a lot of cases I'm not even talking shit, but it really bugs the hell out of me. I think maybe it's the way she always says it. As if she's making a point that we're just friends BECAUSE I have a wife and child. Maybe she feels some kind of guilt for some feelings she is trying to hide. Maybe she is afraid of what people think. But honestly, it really makes me want to do stuff and even help her with things less and less. Maybe I just need to have it out with her. Find out what the hell her deal is with me? I try to stay away, but then she starts calling me. I counted one day and SHE called me about 6 times. So clearly she wants to be around me. But when she keeps dropping the W bomb it just makes me want to pull even farther away. I dunno.

Things on FB went just as quiet as they were before the virtual HS reunion. I was thinking about the whole situation (since things were so boring otherwise). When I think back over the post-HS years, every time I have thought about re-unions or even catching up with old friends, only 1 person really has ever come to mind. There was a girl who used to sit behind me in homeroom my senior year. Her name was/is Kelly. She was pretty hot back then. One of those kids too cool for any click. Not popular. Not into sports or any of the other clicks. She did like to party. I don't honestly even know if she ever dated. We used to get into a lot of trouble. I think it was mostly me because I was pretty much a dork and knew it. We talked a lot out of boredom which was what usually got us into trouble. The most vivid memory I have of her is her telling me one day about a fight she got into with her Dad. She said "Don't be such a twat!" which really pissed him off. She had no idea what it meant, just that it seemed like an appropriate word to use in the situation. I had no idea what it meant either. She said he had to explain it to her, then of course, she got why he was so pissed. To this day, every time I hear "twat" I think about her. Over the years I have wondered what she is like now. One of my friend requests was from her. Much to my surprise, she actually sent me a message too. We chatted for a little bit. I saw her photos on her profile and I have to say, while the rest of us look just like we did back then only wider and greyer, she looks AMAZING. Time has been REALLY good to her.

We chatted just for a bit, then we said all there really was to say. The usual, "I remember when you did" or "Do you remember YY?" It's a shame she lives so far away. I don't think she would ever go to a reunion. She was too cool for it back then and I imagine she is too cool now. I don't think I would go. Honestly, there are probably only 2 maybe 3 people I would have an interest is ever seeing. Most of the people from my HS were very "clicky" and I was never in one nor do I desire to be now. But in true Pluff form a fantasy has formed about Kelly. I think if she went, I'd have to go just in the outside, remote, stars aligning perfectly chance the fantasy could come true. Heh.. still a dork after all these years.

Sometimes you just can't run far enough

In my last post, I wrote about the virtual High School reunion happening on Facebook. I hate to admit it, I'm a closet searcher. I have never gone so far as to actually contact anyone, but I have googled here or there for old HS friends and ex's over the years. I have always felt a certain amount of self-loathing about it because I just don't picture myself as "that guy" who suddenly wants to look up old flames and chit chat (translation - attempt a hook up for "old times sake"). But curiosity and boredom sometimes gets the better of me and I can't help myself. So there is one dirty little secret out in the open.

The sudden influx of friend requests really got my curiosity going. Facebook has the nifty little "classmate" search. You can change the year so different classes will pop up. My HS girlfriend was a year behind me so of course I changed the year to -1. For giggles I went to -2 and so on. Which is when I had a bit of an "oh shit" moment. In the -2 part, I saw the profile for LP. I have to admit there is a little bit of panic and conflicted emotions. I wrote about LP in this post a couple of years ago. I will admit I did a google back then. But here she is. In the flesh (virtually at least). What do I do? I could a) ignore her b) shoot her a message "uhh remember me?" c) send her a blind friend request without any explanation and see what happens. So far I am sticking with a. I'm somewhat conflicted for purely selfish reasons. On one hand I'm a little embarrassed about the way I handled the situation and would be perfectly happy to keep my head buried in the sand. On the other, here is a real chance and catalyst (virtual reunion) to actually say my sorry and whether she accepts it or not, be happy that I made my peace.

Realistically I think nothing good can come from it.