As I have gotten older, I have realized my body can't do things like it used to. I can't run for miles and miles. I can't bend over and place my hands flat on the floor with my legs locked. And, as is relevent to this post, I can't drink like I used to.

The Halloween party came and went. The costumes were a blast. I'll try to post a picture. The only really juicy thing that happened at the party was an extremely attractive Paris Hilton in DUI pose was there. The drunker she got the more her tiny little dress slipped and slid not quite exposing herself. But all the guys were watching like it was the Superbowl or something. Part of my costume was my PSP hanging around my neck providing sound effects (as stated in last post, I was a famous arcade character). She put her arm on my shoulder and pointed at the PSP and slurred, "What's that?" I started to explain it. She was pretty much hanging on me at that point. She said "I'm hanging on you if you hadn't noticed. I hope it's ok". I took it as a statement of fact, that she was about to fall over and I was pretty much holding her up. But, deep in the recesses of my brain I heard "I'm pressing my body against you... wouldn't you like to press back?" However, I continued to show her the PSP like a geek. Evidently, Mrs noticed her hanging on me because the next thing I knew she was in front of me watching me give the demonstration. So like a good geek I pulled up the classic arcade games and flipped through a couple. Paris either got bored or detected the territory marking with Mrs and walked off. Oh well...

Then I got dddDDDRRUUUUUNK!! I didn't mean to. In fact, the costume made it pretty damned hard to drink. We only took a 12 pack with us and I'm pretty sure someone was drinking from it besides Mrs and myself. But... I did do a few shots. And that, as they say, was that. I only did 3 over the course of the night. But, I clearly can't hold my liqour anymore.

Then I did something reaaaaallly stupid and got REAAAAALLLY lucky. Yup... I got pulled over on the way home. I have no idea what the cop thought when he walked up to the car. I had my license out and was ready to hand it to him... thoughts of a night in jail were flashing through my brain. He said "I don't need that" and handed the license back to me without even looking at it. Fortunately, he asked me mostly yes or no questions. Evidently, someone was breaking into cars in the area and driving a vehicle that looked a lot like mine. He said "Have a good night" and left. Mrs said I just muttered "Uh huh" when he walked away. I asked her "He said we could go right?" incredulous that I was able to leave. I was waiting for him to come chasing after us as soon as we pulled away. But fortunately the adrenalin kicked my brain into hyperdrive as a sucking sensation from my ass where it was puckering at record pressure levels.

Predictably, I spent the rest of the evening and part of yesterday recovering. I won't go into gory details, but suffice it to say, it wasn't pretty. Though not nearly as bad as previous episodes. But unfortunately WAY more messy. And I have sworn off of alcohol for another year. We'll see how long that "takes".

It is time for our annual halloween party. This has significance for Mrs and I as it was at this party years ago that we met. Let's see... counting on fingers and toes... about 10 years ago actually. Looking back, the whole situation is kinda funny. My ex-wife had moved out literally 2 weeks before the party. One of my best friends called me up around 5pm that day to invite me to the party. It was a costume party (being halloween and all). Clearly 2 hours notice wasn't enough to put together anything, especially when, at the time, I had very little left in the house and no money to speak of. Being newly single, I had one thing and one thing only on my mind. I asked my buddy what the prospects were. He and his girlfriend (now wife) looked at each other and said, "Well, there IS one girl. She's pretty much a slut" They were talking about Mrs. Which is funny to me now because, I just can't picture her as a slut. I can't help but think her reputation was as result of a series of mishaps and misunderstandings. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she really was a slut. If I didn't think it would embarass her I'd ask about it. Anyway, if you've read this blog (and I'll refresh your memory anyway) you know that Mrs and I didn't hook up then... and went about 4 or 5 years before we ever went on a date in a romantic way (as opposed to going out drinking with a group of people).

But every year for the last 10 years I have attended this party, either single, or with a "date", or, as in the last 5 years, with Mrs. I don't know what to expect this year. In the old days the party was pretty wild. Not wild by sex blog standards. But usually a drunk fest with many people crashing all over the floor before the sun would rise the next day. Lately, it has fizzled by 1 or 2am at the latest. We'll just have to see how it goes this year.

I seem to be in a "large" costume phase. Last year I went as Fat Bastard. To say I was fucking HUGE is a monumental understatement. I had to turn sideways to get through every door in the house. I swore I would be "small" this year. But alas, my costume this year is actually bigger and bulkier. I'm going as a famous arcade character (you can probably guess what it is easily). I had to build a frame and harness to attach it to my body. We'll have to see how long it lasts at the party. But I have to say, so far, it looks AWESOME!! The best part is, I actually made an MP3 of actual gameplay. I'm going to use my PSP loop the MP3 so the costume will have sound effects. I wish I could take credit for the idea and technology. Several others have done it before and probably will after. But I have to say, at least for around here, it will be pretty damned impressive. Anyway, my evenings the last week or two have been spent contructing the costume. Hence my lake of any kind of photo for HNT today. Sorry. Perhaps next week. Though I'm not sure how well my HNT pictures are going over anyway.

Elsewhere in pluffland. My team at work was supposed to go do a "teambuilding" exercise tommorrow... paintball. We are playing the network team. Last year we annihilated them. But it looks like we are in for a TON of rain. I'm betting it will be cancelled.

The only other thing preoccuping me at the moment is the whole job situation. We have more information about what is now being called a "conversion" from our private third party company to the institution we have represented for the last 17 years. It looks like, while I'm not taking a cut in my base pay, benefits, and extraneous expenses will amount to a drastic cut in my take home. Further, there is a discrepency in accounting methods for payroll that is going to mean a lag in the first month's pay under new management. Essentially, I will only get paid 1/2 of normal pay for pretty much the whole month of January.

I'm trying to find positive things about the move, but aside from a) having a job and b) long term stability, I can't find any.

Hmph... how 'bout that. Talk about something... and you feel better.

I was still in "money saving" mode all weekend. Except I decided I was going to hunt saturday no matter what. Friday night I wandered through the house restlessly waiting for Battlestar Gallactica to come on. Mrs sat on the couch watching whatever reality show comes on on Friday nights. C was happily watching a movie in her play room. I slithered over the arm of the couch into a position between Mrs legs with my head resting on her stomach. Feeling mischevious, I slid a hand up under my chest until my fingers rested between her legs putting pressure on her pussy through her skirt and panties. After a few minutes with no reaction from her, I slid the same hand down so I could hook the hem of her skirt and ran my hand back up to the same position, but this time inside her skirt. Again, no reaction. I hooked her panties with my finger pulling them aside enough to brush my knuckles against her pussy. Still nothing. Not to be deterred, using my fingers and thumb alternately, I teased, brushed, and tickled her lips. Nothing. Giving up, I slid up and kinda pushed on her until she rolled to her side allowing me to slide in behind her in a spoon. Her head rested on my arm, my head propped slightly on the arm of the couch. Her neck was at a perfect angle. I adjusted slightly so the whiskers of my beard tickled that spot on her neck where her neck and shoulder meet. My breath added just enough to what my whiskers were doing to raise goose bumps on her arms. I could feel Mrs breath quicken. Pretending to be "miffed" by her lack of response earlier, I acted as if it were all an accident. After 10 or 15 minutes of this, she suddenly lept from the couch and disappeared.

A few minutes later she reappeared wearing her nightgown. You have to see this thing, but calling it "well worn" is kinda like calling a condemed building a "handyman special". This thing is baby blue, cotton, and has more tears in it that I have grey hairs. But a) it comes down barely enough to cover her lower parts and b) it is short enough for me to see Mrs wasn't wearing any panties. She came back to the couch and with a tremendous amount of pushing, prodding, and skooching she resumed her previous position. Again, I pretended not to notice. Being ever so subtle, she flipped her hair back and thrust her neck towards me with a loud "mmph!". So I rested my face against hers allowing my whiskers to tickle the nape of her neck. She started to writhe against me. I giggled inside because she reminded me of the scene from The Whole 10 Yards where Amanda Peet tried to "seduce" Matthew Perry in the bathroom of the hotel. Sort of.. posing in an awkward way and saying "oooh... aaaaahh" twisting unnaturally to show off her body. It was funny in the movie and equally funny to me for Mrs to essentially do the same thing.

Finally, without warning, I attacked her ear lobe with my mouth. The sudden movement cause Mrs to scream, but at the same time, her arms and legs exploded with goose bumps. I lowered my mouth to her neck raking my teeth along the skin from just under her ear down to her shoulder where I let my teeth dig in just a tiny bit. She pressed her ass against my crotch and threw her legs over mine obviously wanting me to let my hand slide to her pussy. Instead, I slid the hand that was around her neck and upper body underneath her nightgown which, by this point had ridden up under her gyrations. My fingers traced her ribs, to her breast, finally to her nipple where I pinched it lightly between my finger and thumb twisting slightly all the while biting and sucking her neck. Her body was a mass of quivering goose flesh. A cry escaped her mouth as she pressed against me tempting my free hand to slip into her folds again. I let my fingers slide down the valley formed by her hip and thigh. My finger found the soft curls of her pubic hair.

Then, from across the house, I heard "MMMOOOOOMMMIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!! THE MOOOOVIE'S OVEEEERRRRRR". Mrs jumped up to run deal with the little one. It was a few minutes after her bed time, so Mrs went ahead and took her upstairs. Just a few minutes after that I saw it was time for BSG to come on. I thought to myself, "Well... if only she hadn't played hard to get earlier" and went off to the movie room to watch it on the big screen.

After it was over, I ran around getting my hunting gear ready. Mrs was asleep on the couch. I didn't bother to wake her. My alarm was set to 4am so I could get dressed and make it all the way out to the club by 6:30. So I put myself to bed.

4am came awfully early Saturday morning. I was supposed to meet Work C at his house so we could go to the club together. I wasn't holding my breath on that though. Sure enough, I got a call about 4:30. He was "sick" and wasn't going to make it. I thought about the $530 it cost me to join this club and went by myself anyway. Long story short, I didn't see SHIT. There were gun shots all around me. I know the little bastards are out there. Just not anywhere near ME.

I got back around 12:30ish. I forgot Mrs and C were off to a birthday party. I made myself some lunch and turned on a football game. My team didn't play until late. It didn't take long at all for me to doze off. Somewhere during the afternoon I felt Mrs kiss me on my shoulder blade. I tried to pry my eyes open but couldn't have done it with a crowbar at that point.

Finally, around 4:30 I came to. C was playing in her movie room. I wandered to the couch where Mrs was... you guessed it... sleeping. I plopped down. Evidently she was only half asleep. Her eyes popped open. She looked around... then, while giving me the "come hither" finger wave waltzed from the couch to the bedroom.

Usually, when I'm groggy like that, it takes me a while to get... uh... motivated. But I figured if nothing else we'd get naked and roll around a bit. So I followed. Mrs had her clothes off in record time. Clearly she had been waiting for an opportunity for a while. I climbed in on my side of the bed. No sooner had I slid the covers over my now naked body than Mrs had resumed her spoon position pushing her ass against me, throwing her leg over mine going into the whole Amanda Peet dance de seduction again. Does anyone ever get sarcastic with themselves? I thought (sarcastically) "I wonder what she wants". So picking up where we were interupted the previous night, I sunk my teeth into the nape of her neck. Instantly her body exploded in a million tiny little bumps. I slid my hand along her hip. As I was about to follow that little valley where her thigh and hip meet like the night before, she rolled forward so that the only place for my hand to go was to her ass. Hey I CAN take a hint. I slid my hand to her cheek. My finger grazed along her ass down to her thighs. She arched her back and spread her legs slightly. My hand continued along her ass until my fingers found her pussy. She was dripping with juice. My middle finger dipped quickly inside. I pulled it out and slid it along the length of her slit to her clit. Her legs went rigid at my touch. I slowly circled her well lubricated clit all the while nibbling along her shoulders and neck. She buried her head in her pillow and froze; I presume concentrating on the sensations between her legs and on her neck. After just a few moments, she quickly flipped over to her back hooking her leg over mine thrusting her pussy towards my hand. She locked herself onto my mouth as my hand resumed it's exploration of her pussy. My finger circled her clit, then slid along her fold into her pussy and back in a rhythm. She thrust her hips forward each time I found her clit. I concentrated on it. Rubbing, stroking circling, faster and harder. She bit my lip. Her hands clenched then her fingers shot out straight as if she had been electrocuted. She almost burst into convulsions as she came. I giggled in my internal dialog as she alternately pushed me away and thrust herself against my hand.

Quickly, she rolled onto her stomach pulling me with her. I had a porn moment when, after a moment of adjusting positions etc. I watched my cock slide into her. I felt like I should have a video camera a la Fred Durst. She grabbed the headboard and threw herself onto my cock. I had another internal giggle as the old joke about rodeo sex popped into my mind. I pretty much held on for dear life as Mrs thrust ME into HER. I guess all of the internal dialog and humor slowed things down for me. Usually, when Mrs is this aggressive, I cum almost immediately. But this time I watched myself as if I were a viewer purusing a video submitted to Xtube. Almost detached from the sensations. Mrs cried out. Her voice was suddenly muffled as she buried her head into the pillow. I could feel her legs tense, then quiver. Her juices were running down to my balls. She squeezed my cock as she came arching her back up. Things were almost in slow motion at this point. I felt my cum pump out of my cock with each thrust. I realized I had grabbed her hips and drove myself deep inside. Mrs went limp.

Of course, in the life of a parent, these moments are short lived. Once the fog of sex lifted, we remembered C was in her playroom. Images of wanton destruction whizzed through my brain. Of course, it was all completely unfounded. C is a perfect child and has never had a destructive moment in her life thus far. My world resumed it's normal pace. My porn star moment had passed.

It is after midnight in pluff land. I find myself wide awake and relatively bored. Such as life goes, I am in a lull. As of late, I have felt if I didn't have anything really juicy to talk about, it isn't worth writing the boring details of my life here. I found I was thinking of this site as a "sex blog" and since I haven't had sex.. well... But then I remembered for better or worse this blog is supposed to be a live feed from my brain if you will. Often times sex is foremost on my brain. But not always. So boring or not, here is what is going on.

We are going through another contract change at work. This time we will no longer work for a third party. We will be absorbed into the institution we have represented for the last 16 years of my work. On one hand it will bring stability. On the other, while our salaries will not go down, our benefits will. Our insurance will more than double, with rumors of increases on top of that. We will also lose some fringe benefits like free parking. But at least I'm employed and will have a stable compensation with which to base decisions. Which after annual changes in benefits, fund managers, management and so on, will be a positive aspect in and of itself.

I had a humbling night at karate tonight. For whatever reason, I have bad nights every once in a while where I can't seem to make any progress with my conditioning. I gasp for breath and feel weak. Tonight was one of those nights. I still run on days I don't attend karate. I make sure to get in at least 2 workouts a week in class which puts my total workout count per week to 4. Yesterday I had an awesome run at lunch. So it was shocking to me to feel as bad as I did on my first night. Aside from my conditioning, I got a good dose of ass kicking as well. It wasn't like the night I got into the fight a couple of weeks ago. But I had other people's hands in my face more than I cared for. I made a couple of good shots here and there. And maybe I've colored my memory with my conditioning troubles, but it felt like I had someone's hand in my face (i.e. if we were full contact I would've gotten popped a lot) constantly. I even got a shot to the eye (not hard though). It's probably good to get reality checks every now and again.

I also found out, the guy I got into the fight with suffered bruised ribs. I'm not sure if it was from the kick that led to the fight or the one to end it. I feel pretty bad about it. Yeah, at that point I was putting some heat on my kicks. He HAD already tried to take my head off twice up to that point so I felt somewhat justified to fire off my kicks with some snap. But hearing that I actually hurt him makes me feel guilty about the whole thing no matter the circumstances.

Lastly, my libido seems to be on a break at the moment. HF and I e-mailed a couple of times about general stuff. At some point we were discussing our evenings. I mentioned I had a boring night, no money, nothing of interest, and no sex. I don't remember the exact exchange, but I playfully said I wasn't even turned on by myself. She responded saying I should always turn myself on... SHE does (the thought is pretty hot by the way!).

Days later I pondered the conversation. I realized, it's true. I don't even have the desire to whack off right now. We have a free weekend of HBO this weekend. I watched a whole hour of Real Sex. It was a 2 part series on the porn industry. There was a lot of sex, and not the kind where you say "Hmmm... that's unusual". It was hot. A few couples who are married and both in the industry. Their scenes fit all of my criteria for "hot". Nothing. I hit xTube for a while. Nothing. Usuaslly I would have a raging boner and would feel an urgent need to take care of business.

The other morning I did have an unsual dream of an erotic nature. It was wierd in that I was turned on by parts of it, and seriously turned off by others. In fact, part of the dream was that I couldn't get it up because I was so turned off. But I felt obligated to try. I woke with a little morning wood (I was into the turn on part when I woke up). I decided to do something about it. Mrs was in the shower. I had some time alone. I had the most unsatisfying orgasm I think I may have ever had. Usually, I feel it begin with that familiar tingle at the base of my penis and it builds until my entire body becomes focused on the intense pleasure of my cock. This time, it just... happened. I thought "Wow, that was wierd". Even the worst orgasm up to that point lingered deep in my loins for some time after. This time, it was truly like I had just relieved myself. I'm sure things will return to normal if not overdrive soon. I'm not overly concerned. Just... interested almost as an impartial observer at my swings in desire.

Anyway, it may sound as if I'm in a funk. All doom and gloom. Job sucks wahh... karate sucks wahh... sex sucks wahh... but really I'm just kinda... here. A nice middle of the road. A kind of rest until something interesting happens.

Maybe I need a good old fashioned night of debauchery. Drinking.. shit talking... a couple of hot women to tease me mercilessly...

HNT!!

Happy CBW!

My cock would like to say a few words.... ahem.










Mppphhhh mphh phhhh mmmmphphhh!!!








Thank you!!!! I'll be here all week!

It seems like lately my life has become an endless string of nights in front of the TV and weekends trying to find things to do. For some reason, the past couple of months, I have been broke as HELL. So I sit at home watching TV rather than going out to shoot pool. Or even driving the hour and a half to my hunt club because I can't afford the gas. Or buying beer to watch football. I feel like I'm stuck in a cell waiting for my poor sentence to end so I can finally DO something without dipping into the credit card or feeling guilty.

This past weekend was no exception. Friday night, C stayed with the Mrs-in-law. Mrs and I stayed home. She fell asleep on the couch watching Project Runway. I retreated to the movie room to watch... I'm embarassed to admit it... I'M A GEEK OK!! I went to watch Battlestar Gallactica. By the time it was over Mrs was snoozing soundly.

Did yardwork Saturday. Watched TV all night Sat night. Same routine. Mrs on the couch. Me in the movie room.

Sunday Mrs woke up feeling frisky. I figured, and I swear this is the conversation that went through my head, "Eh... it's 10 minutes I don't have to think of something to do". We had the same old... rub here, pet there, kiss nipple, mount, climax recipe for sex as always. Did more yardwork. Flipped channels until I was about to scream, then finally decided to watch a movie. Stared at my selection for 30 minutes before finally picking something and only half watched it.

Anyway, I wish I had something more intersting to write about. I feel neglectful not saying anything at all. But there really isn't much to say at the moment. I chat with HF on a regular basis via e-mail. She still hasn't taken advantage of the on-call booty call yet. But a fellow can dream right?

Anyway, I did spend a few minutes contorting myself for the web cam to get a few pics. I don't want to build it up to be anything special at all. But they will come this week.

What I want to know though, for people who take really awesome pictures of themselves for their sites, how in the hell do you do it?!?! I guess I should actually outlay some cash for a real camera. Geez I'm such an ignorant geek!!

This week has been a crazy one. Mrs had all of the girls over to our house last night for a girls only party. Which meant if I haven't been working this week, I've been cleaning.

The party was interesting. C and I went out to dinner until it was her bed time. Then we came home. Around 10:30 or so Mrs pops her head in to tell me everyone was leaving. So I walked out and chatted with a few of them a bit. A couple of them ended up hanging out with us until well after mid-night. I just realized as I'm typing this, I have had carnal knowledge with 2 of them and tried really damned hard with the third. Anyway, they got really drunk. One of them started talking smack (as in 'I could kick your ass'). The next thing I knew she was pushing on me and trying to do that squeeze your leg thing. So it was on. We wrestled briefly. Then she left. Afterwards I was thinking, WTF was that?!? I mean, Mrs was sitting RIGHT THERE!! The only time I have ever had anyone of the opposite sex pull that kind of shit, I ended up fucking them (this was the one I haven't had sex with).

We are going to go to a halloween party at her house in a couple of weeks. It should be interesting to see what happens.

My First Cock Blogging Wednesday.

My Cock... a photo essay Part 1

As mentioned ad nauseum, my cock is a veritable chameleon of state and size. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day it is an ever changing animal. Will I wake up to the anaconda today? Or the shy little turtle?

Editorial note: this is part 1 because I have discovered it is most difficult to run up to the computer and snap a picture.. picture it... me running maniacally up the stairs, all the way to the end of the hall where the computer is, standing on tip toes while shifting the crappy little webcam to get the best angle... all naked. Needless to say, thus far the process has taken the wind out of the sails so to speak. And I apologize for the quality. I have to make due with what equipment I have (uh... the camera too)

In my best Jaque Cousteau voice (ahem):



'Ere we have zee inchworm. Ee makes ees 'ome amongst the tangled underbrush. Ee is exposed for all to see on zee barren waste land where ees 'ome has been layed to waste by zee slash and burn policies of zee pluffland government (I'm talking about the trimmer here people).








Zee ring necked pluff warbler dangles languorously in ees natuwal hobitat. Zee warbler can be seen woaming fweely about zee plains of pluffland. Though, ee shies away fwom the smaller of the homo sapien species and weel camoflauge eemself een zer presence.








Finally, wee ahve zee relative to zee ring necked pluff warbler, zee ridged back cave slider. Ee spends ees life roaming pluffland in constant search for new food sources. Ees favorite 'unting grounds are dark caves. Once ees prey is located, zis creature displays one of zee more curious behaviors in nature. EEs body stiffens, zee veins standing out prominently. Ee thrusts eemself deep wizin zee cave attacking ees prey wis zee hees blunt, 'elmet like head.

Friday blah blah blah...

Nothing really good going on. I got into a fight at karate last night. Long story short, there's a kid in there who is pretty new. We sparred. I got a couple of shots in that he took personally. When I say shots I mean, he was open, I hit him. Not hard... at all. But I made contact. All to the body. He hit back hard. Then the hits got harder and harder until I nailed him pretty good. Then he came over the top with an overhand right to my head. Then I went after him and tried to break a few ribs. It was a crazy escalation until we were going full contact. The sensei jumped in and we exchanged a few words. All in all it worked out in the end.

Meanwhile back in the bat cave...

Back in June I wrote this post. It is a mostly whimsical observation about my penis. Specifically, the various states in which I find it. I kinda toyed with the idea of pictures. Some kind of photo essay about various states. Anyway, the other day, while home... bored... taking pictures for HNT... I thought.. Hmmm... now's as good a time as any. So I snapped a couple of shots in a couple of different states (is this a true indication of how bored I was or what?!? That I would take the time to drop trou and snap pictures... which, if you've ever tried to get a picture of your crotch with a webcam you will know is an entertaining experience in and of itself). I'm completely amused and bewildered by the various states within an hour.

Anyway, the question I have is, and I'm actually looking for input believe it or not... a) Oooohhh go ahead and post them!! b) eh go ahead c) whatever d) not really interested e) are you out of your damned mind?!? I guess there is always f) rolling on the floor laughing.

My first HNT.

I swiped a webcam from work. So enjoy the fruits of my tinkering!

Pluffs Day Off

As I said yesterday, I took the day off. I slept in. E-mailed a bit with HF. Surfed a little porn. Then... I decided to play with my web cam. Yes pluffies and pluffsters... I "borrowed" a web cam from work. Presumably to help a relative with a college project. But as yet, they have not asked me to actually use the camera. So I sat today looking at various fellow bloggers with pictures on their sites lamenting my lack therein and DING.. it hit me "Hey! I have a camera now!!" So... be forwarned, there will be a few pictures on the way.

Afterwards, I decided to take a run. My neighborhood is on the very edge of civilization (for now). There is nothing between my neighborhood and the next town about 15 miles away. Our roads wind through the carefully cultivated wilderness and are complete with amenities comiserate with all such "planned" neighborhoods. Namely sidewalks. Along the way, I spotted a section where the trees made sort of a tunnel leading off into the woods. Between blinking the spots before my eyes and gasps for air, I realized, it wasn't a natural occurance. There was in fact a trail leading off into the woods. I continued my run pondering where that pathway could possibly lead. On the way back, curiousity got the better of me. Once on the trail, I realized it was very well defined. I don't know what made the path. But it has stayed remarkably clear. Enough to fit a small 4x4. About 30 yards along the trail I spotted evidence of other explorers. My mind wandered back to my teenage years and the mischief my first girlfriend and I set off to find in a nearby national forest.. that is until it found us in the form of a rattle snake. On the trail, right smack in the middle, was a little pile of tissue. Kleenex. I thought of the awkward fumblings of teenagers sneaking off to "walk" together after dark during summer nights. I passed the little pile of spent lust enviously. While I did my best to get as far as I could with my girlfriend, I never was able to get far enough to require "cleanup". When I think back to those days I realized, she really got the better end of the deal. Yeah sure she did the obligatory "We can't... no stop" all the while soaking my hand with her juices, her pelvis grinding against me betraying her words. But because she was a "good girl", she never reciprocated. It was my job to push her as far as I could, and hers was to torture me endlessly by denying any kind of release. It wasn't until my sophmore year in college I was finally able to "go all the way". It was with my high school girlfriend. Once she gave in, she pretty much threw herself into being "sexually active". Unfortunately, by the time we finally had sex, she had put on a tremendous amount of weight. I was a year older and had already been at college. Once we finally had sex, there was nowhere really for us to go. We broke up just a few months after our first time.

When I think back about that time of my life, I could really kick myself. I wasted some of the best years of my sexual development waiting for my girlfriend with naive devotion. Not that I would've listened if my older self had walked up and kick my younger self right in the nuts to try to convince me to move on. But some times I wished I had just let my penis lead and gotten laid as much as humanly possible. I mean, college was the best time of my life and to a small degree, I feel like I missed out on a significant part of personal growth.

Maybe this explains a lot about me now? Couch psychologists?

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Stuck at work on a Sunday morning! Blech!

I'm going to rant a bit. I don't really believe most of what's about to come out of my mouth (or fingers as the case may be). But it's better to shout it here than to say it out loud and not mean it. Sometimes I think Mrs is an idiot. There... I said it. Yesterday Mrs decided we were all going to go on a family outing. She wanted us all to go to a local historical site. She promised C we would take her bike and we could ride the trails and look at the museum they have there as well as visit the little mini zoo on the grounds. Usually I hate these kind of outings. But I haven't done a lot with C lately so I thought this would be as good a time as any. The plan, was to go to the park, check out the museum for 20 or 30 minutes (it's small), ride the bike for an hour... pet the animals for another 20 or 30 minutes.. by then C would be bored and tired so we would go home.

We got to the park and hit the first snag... No bikes allowed... strike one. She sweet talked C and we avoided any problems. I have to admit, the museum was really well done. Evidently, a local politician has managed to sneak massive funding for this particular site through the state's budget and it shows. They also had this really cool interactive thing the kids could play on. It used holographs and motion sensing screens. It was really cool (even for me). The we went to tour the grounds. Mrs told C there was a train we could ride. But once we got to the grounds we discovered the train was a glorified golf cart that simply took you to the other side of the park. And it was broken. Strike two.

So we set off on foot. The day was beautiful. The weather was perfect. Sunshine. Cool. No bugs. C had a good time walking along the trails. We got all the way across the park when we realized a tactical error... C said "I'm thirsty". We didn't bring any water. Mrs said "I'll get you some when we get back to the other side". C repeated "I'm thirsty". This is a pet peeve of mine. I know she's only 5. But it annoys the hell out of me when a kid just repeats themselves over and over as if constant repitition will fix whatever the problem may be like a encantation. A goblet of gold overflowing with water to quench any thirst will suddenly appear in a flash of smoke. POOF!!!! Anyway, I will say C is a good kid. I asked her what Mommy just said... she said "We'll get water back at the visitor center" and that was all we heard. So no more encantation.

We took the long walk back to the center. By now, we had been there for well over two hours. C was getting tired. I was tired and hungry. My plans for the day once we got back were getting shorter and shorter. Mrs said "Why don't you and C start towards the petting zoo, I'll run get the water." So C and I started down the path to the zoo. You have to see the layout of this place, but there is a bridge where all paths come together. There was a nice bench in some shade right at all intersections. C and I sat down waiting for Mrs to return with the water.

We sat... and sat... and waited... and waited... You could see the parking lot from the bench. I looked and could not see Mrs anywhere. After 20 minutes of waiting, I asked C what she wanted to do. She said she was ready to go home. I was starting to fume at this point. Strike 3. So C and I walked back to the entrance. We paused for about 5 minutes thinking maybe Mrs had gone to the bathroom. I tried to call Mrs cell phone. She didn't answer. I pictured her purse with her cell phone sitting in an empty car (right where it would do no good of course). Strike 4. Finally, C and I started walking to the car. I had no idea what the hell I was going to do. This place has close to a thousand acres with several miles of trail. C was really thirsty at this point. We got to the car and, of course, no water. I decidided I would give her another 10 minutes, and if she didn't show up, I would go to a store close by and get C some water, then come back for Mrs. Just as I was about to get in the car to leave, Mrs came walking OUT OF THE FUCKING WOODS!!! Immediately we started yelling at each other. Where the hell were you?!! I looked all over the place!! Obviously not, we SAT at the only damned crossroads in the whole place for twenty FUCKING MINUTES!!! on and on.

Finally, I pieced together the events... and along with the 5 or 6 strikes we're up to, came to my stated conclusion. Mrs decided, rather than take the paths laid out by the park planners... Mrs would take a shortcut THROUGH THE FUCKING WOODS completely bypassing the one place C and I sat... oh yeah, and did I mention our bench was in view of the parking lot and our car? Ok... she skipped ahead of us. When she didn't find us, did she walk back to where she last saw us... the visitor center... along the path leading to the crossroads where C and I sat? Noo.... she ran through all of the exhibits in the petting zoo... TWICE. When she gave up and decided to go back to the car... did she go out the exit like everyone else? NOOOO... she cut through the damned woods AGAIN bypassing the nice centrally located spot C and I had picked out as well as the one common area to ALL law abiding citizens visiting the park that day.

To top it off, and this is another pet peeve of mine, she left her damned cell phone in the car!! This is a source of angst between us. You see, I pay for Mrs cell phone (as well as all other bills). And Mrs never has it with her. The whole reason I got her the cell phone in the first place was a) for emergencies and b) so C's school can get in touch with her. I would say, about 75% of the times I call her she has left it at home or in her car. Which completely negates the purpose of her having it in the first place. I have threatened and threatened to turn it off because it's just a waste of money. But of course I can't do that. Since work started paying for my internet, I didn't have a use for a home phone so I canceled it. So I can't very well cancel her phone. I need to put it in her name.

Anyway, once we got home and all parties had time to cool off, apologies were said etc. etc. I went about my errands. Mrs took C to a birthday party.

Ranr off..... I feel a little better.

C was going to spend the night with the Mrs-in-law. Mrs dropped her off after the birthday party. She got home around 7:30. She didn't even say hi. When she left, she was as chipper as she could be. We all apologized and everything was fine. So I wasn't really sure what was going on. Maybe she was still pissed... maybe something else happened. I tiptoed around her for a while. Finally, I asked. She said C fell asleep on the way to the birthday party, then when she woke her up, she was a bear. She wouldn't play or do anything other than cling to Mrs.

So that was our night last night. I left Mrs to sulk. I went off to do my thing. I ended up staying up 'til 2:30 doing a combination of things... watching TV... discovering the joys of xtube... masturbating...

Which brings me to today. My pager started going off around 4am. I have a sick system. It's doing that whole... run fine for 20 or 30 minutes then freezing thing. Which could be any of a thousand things. CPU... Memory... Backplane... OS patches. So I'm stuck here at work. Maybe my afternoon will get better.