I'm back. What a week!

We went to visit my family at a beach house. All in all it was a good week. Nothing exciting to report. There were kids EVERYWHERE! C had a ball. The parents... well.... the parents probably need a vacation from the vacation. Sadly that's all there is to say about it. I would LOVE to say that the only non-related relative (it's a long story of step-families, daughters, cousins etc.etc.) of the female variety and I took a long walk on a dark beach and ended up throwing caution to the wind and expressing our deep dark hidden desires in a most decidedly carnal manner amongst the sand dunes... Sadly that little fantasy stays tucked in the realm of never a chance. Hell I would settle for a particularly salacious report of Mrs and I working in sex on the expansive front porch one evening after everyone went to bed while the cold sea breeze pimpled our skin. Sadly, that too stays in the deep recesses of my ever expanding list of things that could've happened.

Actually, Mrs and I did manage to have sexual relations. Once when we first got there. Tho' it was subdued for fear of anyone hearing a creak or moan. Then Mrs had her visit from Aunt Flo and that killed it for the rest of the week. She did give me a blowjob one day because I pestered her "incessantly". I realized about the time I exploded in her mouth that it has been a long.. LONG time since Mrs gave me a blowjob until I came. I silently gave thanks when we said our blessing for Thanksgiving.

Evidently while I was gone Life of a Demure College Student (see link in sidebar) added me to her list of links. Thank you thank you thank you. I have always been a huge fan of her site and eagerly look to see what tasty pictures and stories she posts every day.

Finally, it always amazes me to come across a post that sounds like it could've come from my mouth (or fingers as it were). Sadly, I missed the post I'm about to discuss as I was working my way through my 4th or 5th martini while doing my best to fuse myself to the couch at the beach. My comments are therefore kinda dated. While this blog has strayed from the sexual genre as have my own experiences, I tend to link to and read a LOT of sex blogs. Occasionally a writer will have an opinion that strays into the political realm. Most of the time I tune it out because I consider myself a conservative (not a republican). It's their blog and they are entitled to their opinion. I respect that, even if I disagree. I generally choose to move on to read another blog whenever that happens. In fact, I really can't think of many times where I've read an opinion and actually thought to myself "Wow, that's a great point of view" or "I can relate to that". However, as I caught up on my blog reading I saw this post over at Just One Bite. The post generally talks about the environment as incited by a TBS program to "raise awareness of global warming". I almost spit my coffee when I read it because there have been so many times I have argued with friends and family over something I did that wasn't "environmentally correct" such as tossing a soda can in the trash or fertilizing my yard with... God forbid FERTILIZERS!! During those conversations I have said almost word for word what Eden said. In general I've said the ONLY thing humans will fuck up on this planet is HUMANS!! True, we'll probably take out a few million species with us. But ultimately, humans will be a phase just like the dinosaurs were. They fucked up the planet when they were here by eating, shitting, farting until the environment changed to oust them. We're doing our best to fuck it up while we're here too. While I don't revel in speeding the process up. I'm not going to run off and start ramming my boat in to a shrimper because I feel he is "raping the ocean" or blow up buildings in the Rockys. Eventually the earth will rid itself of us through disease or possibly rising water levels, possibly even oxygen depletion. We might even do it ourselves by nuking Korea or something stupid like that. But ultimately, the earth will evolve and a new world order will arise. It will probably be FAR different that the world we are in now. And someday, those creatures at the top of the food chain will lament that the world of sulfuric gasses and intense radiation will be wiped out for oxygen, blue skies, water and ice from THEIR environmental transgressions. We humans are immensely arrogant to think the world will belong to us forever. I was completely shocked to read someone say the same thing. Literally. Actually, I'm torn between relief that someone else out there literally thinks the same thing (on this issue) and being a little bit creeped out how it is almost word for word what I have said before. Get out of my head Eden!! :)

Heading out to spend next week with my family. Everyone have a happy Thanksgiving.

Ok. I'm getting bored with things. I thought I'd answer one of those question things just to shake things up. Man do I live on the edge or WHAT?!?

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Preferably with a lake and in the mountains.

2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
I don't have a favorite that I own. Clothing really doesn't mean enough to me to rate my own clothes. In general though, a thong. Preferably one that peeks out of the top of a pair of REALLY lowcut jeans.

3. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Jet

4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
I'd LIKE to wake up around 10ish. But since C came along the latest I can manage is 8:30. But generally around 7am.

5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
Microwave. The toaster is a close second.

6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I can play several actually. Guitar, Bass (does that really count as two?), piano, drums, saxophone (I have performed with both Alto and Baritone saxes). I started with piano at 7. Then I added sax at 10. Guitar at 16. I've been in several bands up until C was born, mostly playing Bass.

7. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
Prefer? Sports Car.... at the moment. Though, if I had money to spend it would be on a truck... F250 Diesel.

8. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTER LIFE?
I believe that something happens after or during death. Possibly a biological response. Possibly an afterlife. I'm am but a mere human and recognize my ignorance and am open to all possibilities.

9. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Green Eggs and Ham. Wait, did I read as a child?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Right now fall. In 4 to 6 months, summer. Send me some place with little or no change to the seasons (west coast for example) then ask me.

11. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The ability to fly.

12. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
Don't have one.

13. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
I can throw balls in the air and ocassionaly the gods of gravity, coordination, and all things spherical agree to allow me to juggle for a few seconds.

14. ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM THE PAST THAT YOU WISH YOU COULD TALK TO?
My grandmother.

15. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
September 18th, 2001. Is that too specific? Well ok... pretty much any Saturday.

16. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
I have a truck with a camper shell that leaks. Nothing I want dry. Actually, nothing at all.

17. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Sushi when I can get/afford it.

18. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW WHO WILL READ THIS, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
This presumes people read this and don't say 'Groan not another stupid question list' immediately followed by a resounding 'click' of the mouse.

19. WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
I think we can safely say a few billion people.

20. WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?
Copied from a random site.

21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
An orchid. Any kind.

22. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Rocky Road

23. BUTTER, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN?
Uh... butter AND salted?

24. FAVORITE COLOR?
Red

25. FAVORITE SANDWICH?
Reuben, but heavy on the kraut and hold the dressing (I know I'm a heathen)

26. ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
I think a cruise... perhaps of the pacific rim including alaska.

28. FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING?
Brand? What is this you speak of?

30. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Football. Followed closely by mixed martial arts.

31. COKE OR PEPSI?
Coke. Diet.

32. ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT OWL?
Nightowl

33. CAT OR DOG?
Dog.

34. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME?
Uhhh.... I know them only by smell.

35. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEN'S COLOGNE?
Uhhh.... not really a connoisseur of men's cologne. I WEAR Cool Water. But only because an ex said it made her want to throw me on the ground and fuck me wherever she saw me.

36. HOW MANY CLOSE FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?
3 or 4 at most. And they are situational. I.e., if my situation were to change, I'd probably lose touch with all of them.

37. WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE, IF YOU COULD?
Let's see... where to begin. I think it'd be easier to list the things I WOULDN'T change. That would be my daughter.

38. WHAT TALENT DO YOU WISH YOU HAD?
I wish I could write well. I wish I could articulate the things in my head.

39. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GEM STONE?
Anything I don't have to buy. I often think, if these stones were so precious, why does everyone have them?

40. WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF, IF YOU COULD?
Didn't we already discuss this in 37? That wasn't good enough? Sigh... oh ok. I would say I wish I wasn't so cynical. My cynicism tends to make me a bit of an asshole. Well... more than a bit. I often meet really nice people and think, 'damn I wish I could be like that person'. I try but fail miserably.

Groaannn... I'm getting too old for kid games. Friday my whole team went and played paintball against another team from my office. The score didn't really reflect how badly we outplayed them. The final tally was something like 4-3 us. One of them shouldn't count because winning was an impossible task for both teams (we played each scenario twice switching sides). One team had to assault a castle with an actual moat guarded by the other team of equal strength. The moat forced you to assault through choke points. It wasn't really fair to the attacking team. Anyway, when we assaulted the castle, we took the other team down to 1 player. When they assaulted, we didn't lose a single person. Whenever we won, we won with 4 or 5 guys standing. When they won it came down to a 1 on 1 shootout. When we won, we won HUGE. When we lost, we barely lost. Usually we play until around 3:30. This time they called it quits around 1:30. EVERYONE from the other team quit while we were ready to continue. So while the numbers show it was a close match, everything else suggests we pounded them good.

Now I'm paying for it. For some weird reason, I didn't bruise like everyone else did. I took a couple of really hard shots on my hands and one on my forearm. I took two to the back. I even took a couple at point blank, though I was lying on my back at the time. I think the ball kinda skidded up my side. The worst thing I have is a slight, barely noticible discoloration on my forearm. It hurts to touch. But it's not all purple and yellow like everyone else's are. Either I just didn't bruise that bad, or I didn't get hit that hard. But I am sore as hell in my thighs! I expected to be sore all over. I spent one scenario low crawling as fast as I could the length of the field. I figured my arms and back would be killing me. But it's just my thighs. I think my thighs are making up for not being sore elsewhere though. I could hardly walk today.

After we finished playing PP and I met at a bar for drinks. I had high hopes for the evening. But sadly, we were both so exhausted we decided to call it a night early. She did invite me to her house to help her with a computer problem. Unfortunately, the problem was in getting a DVD to her girlfriend via the internet. Not exactly a problem that lends itself to a hookup. I will say that when I was done and about to leave, PP gave me a hug, then spun me around and started massaging my shoulders. By this time I was pushing my 'kitchen pass' and thought it was best to go. But I'm starting to detect a pattern of physical trust with PP. Hmmm....

Saturday was a parent's nightmare. THREE birthday parties for C's friends. Actually, there were four. But one conflicted with another and we had to choose our friend's child over C's classmate. Fortunately, Mrs made me go to only one of them. I had every intention of doing yardwork after she left. But I learned lesson number 3 about weed. Once you smoke a little, ALL motivation goes out the window. I ended up vegging on the couch watching my team SPANK a nationally ranked team.

Later, after an exhausted Mrs plopped on the couch for what I presumed was the end of her conscious evening. I found myself the object of a thorough molesting. As I was sore as hell from the previous day's battle and completely non-motivated (linger effects and all) I was contented to sit back and let her molest away. But noooo... she wouldn't let me sit idly by. She walked the the bedroom and made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Mostly, she demanded I run in there and fuck her silly. Which, in my physical state, wasn't going to happen as she described and I'm sure envisioned. Instead, I hobbled in a decidedly aged manner to the bedroom, struggled to lift each leg high enough to remove my socks and pants (I almost skipped the socks as it was too painful), and flopped on the bed like a freshly butchered slab of dead meat.

Mrs made an attempt to massage my back. Unfortunately, Mrs has never learned the subtle touch of massage. Her idea of massage is to dig her thumbs into the muscle as hard as humanly possible. Evidently, her thumbs share a workout plan with John Basedow. They have the be the strongest part of her body because she can manage to massage my clavicle. Not exactly sensual... or extremely sensual depending on your definition. Anyway, I felt my thighs were sore enough for the rest of my body and jumped up to spare my shoulders the same fate. I was kneeling on the bed deciding what to do to Mrs when she pretty much decided for me. She launched herself at my cock. It happens rarely enough anymore that I was not about to deny her. That and she REALLY applied herself. There was no 'I'll suck his cock to get him hard them roll over for him to fuck me' about it. She really went at it. Then... she rolled over so I could fuck her. And that was the end of that. Nothing much else to say. A few moments of REALLY enthusiastic foreplay followed by the usual. Oh well. At least I'm getting it.

Sunday disintegrated into a day of paranoia and distrust. Mrs and I had an argument that started out so simple and ended up being blow way out of proportion. Mrs is so sensitive that EVERYTHING is construed as an attack on her. Which initially it wasn't. But sometimes her sensitivity makes me want to yell. Anyway, I'll spare you the gory details. She took C to see a show. When she left she didn't even say goodbye. She NEVER leaves without a kiss even if we've had an argument. I spent the day stewing about it. When she got home, she came up to me, her head tilted to one side in a concilliatory manner. She said "Listen, I thought about it some more.. and I decided that I just would go ahead and forgive you." Which completely cracked me up. It's good to have someone who, no matter how much of an ass you can be, recognizes that sometimes you're just a dick and looks past it. Mrs is one of the few people who gets that.

I keep thinking of things to post. But then when the time comes I'm a complete blank.

Last night was kind of interesting. Well, at least for me, it was a lot interesting. Pool night. The usual stuff. The slut teacher L was there. Sadly her friends were shooting another team, so I didn't get to hang out with her any. However, she put on one hell of a show. So it didn't really matter. She wore hip hugger jeans and a belly shirt. Her jeans were so low cut I expected to see a hair or two peak out of the top of them. She would stand with her thumbs hooked in either belt loops or pockets. I'm not sure which. But the end result was her hands pulling her pants even lower. To the point where I thought her hips would actually pop out of them. When she would walk to the bar or restroom about 1/2 the time she would keep her hands hooked on her pants and walk with the biggest ass shaking swagger I've ever seen. I mean, to say she was SCREAMING fuck me is an understatement. At one point Work C shouted "Work it!!". She looked over her shoulder at him with this blatantly fake look of surprise on her face as if to say "Why, what ever are you talking about you bad man". Sadly, she left before we finished our matches so I never had a chance to talk to her.

2 other girls I've never seen before showed up and hung out with the team L's friends were playing. These were without a doubt, the hottest girls I have ever seen in that place. It would not have surprised me to see either of them in Playboy they were that hot. Immediately, L became the skank of the party. And she was NOT happy about it either. The new girls started talking to all of the guys. So L would walk over and plop down in an obvious bid to vie for the affection of the fellas. The new girls would walk to other members of the team and start to talk to them. L would follow. It was pitiful. I've never seen this level of catiness before. Or at least never witnessed it in public.

There is another girl... let's see... I'll call her RG. I have a gut feeling I'm going to get to know RG over the next few weeks. She plays for the team we beat last week. She's new to the area, but she played league pool wherever she came from. So she's got game. She's somewhat pretty. But has a body that is AMAZING. She has a serious attitude too. At first I thought she was just a bitch. But as I'm getting to know her, I'm senseing it's more of a tough girl front she puts up for the guys. We ended up talking for about 1.5 hours after everything was all said and done. I'm still not sure what to make of her. So I won't write much more about it now. But it's an interesting situation. If nothing else it'll give me new fantasies to masturbate to. I'll give more details as I have a better understanding.

Have you ever woke up with a sinking feeling a dream you had may have actually been real?

Last night was one of those crazy pool nights that earned me a new level of paranoia. The night started out normal enough. Ate a little dinner. I didn't drink because a) I'm sick of being drunk at pool night and b) I'm broke. We played the 1st place team. I thought surely we'd get our asses kicked. Much to my surprise, we were up 3-0 by the time I got up to shoot. I played one of their decent players. I had one of those nights where I didn't really shoot all that great. But I was the luckiest bastard in the whole place. He would stick me where the only hope I had of making a clean shot was a 3 rail kick. Not only would I make the kick, but out of pure dumb luck I'd leave HIM stuck with no hope of getting out. I beat him soundly. After it was all over, we beat them 4-1. Then the drinking began. Shots were bought. I was trying to abstain. But I felt guilty turning down shot after shot. So I decided I'd drink 1 beer. Which turned to 2. So on and so on.

After a while, the crowd dwindled down to PP, another co-worker TG, and myself. We decided to check out karaoke. For once, the karoake side of the bar was hopping. So I drank more. And more. And sang. And shouted. PP and I started having discussions about her girlfriend and TG and his wife. TG's wife is the one I dreamed about last week. I started asking point blank if the wife was hanging out with PP to find a little side action of the female variety. The answer was a resounding no. She told me all they did was hang out and get stoned. At which point PP asked if I wanted to head back to her place to smoke a bowl.

Hmmm... This was a first. Being invited back to PP's place... late... under the influence. Of course I said sure. So off we went. It was getting damned late at this point. We smoked a little. Drank a little. Talked in circles a lot. Finally I started having trouble holding my eyes open. I HAD to go home. Had I fallen asleep there, it would be the end of Mr.

I finally crawled into bed around 3:30ish and fell asleep immediately. Which is where the paranoia has started. You see, I dreamed a very sexual dream about PP. But I FEAR, I actually acted out parts of the dream for real with Mrs. Which is ok. UNLESS I did something stupid like say a name. I don't think I did. The whole thing is REALLY foggy. But I remember dreaming of PP lying on her stomache. I rolled along side of her and let my hand slide down her nude body to her ass. She rolled over to her stomach. My hand followed the contours of her body as she rolled and came to rest on her pussy. This image is very clear in my mind. I dreamed I played with her pussy for a little bit. Then I ran my hand up her body to her breasts. This is where it starts to get foggy. I THINK she grabbed my hand and pulled me into more of a snuggle than allowing me to continue to play.

This sequence of events repeated itself in my dream. Or at least I have the impression that it did. She would turn to one position or another. I would try to start something. Sometimes she let me play. Sometimes she stopped me.

The thing is, I know I was completely gone. Any actions I may have taken HAD to be while I was out. I know for a fact that once I'm asleep, my limbs go pretty limp and it takes an incredible action for me to really move. So did I really do any of it? I don't ever remember talking during the dream. But I do remember knowing it was PP I was playing with. So did I say anything?

One thing for certain. I'm NEVER smoking weed that damned late again unless I can crash right where I am.

I'm an evil fucker!!! I have a new co-worker. He's one of those guys who tries so hard to fit in that he actually gets on your nerves. And he has ADD. You can't carry on a conversation with him because just when you finally start to connect with him, he changes the subject. Which is all ok. He's basically a good guy. But in an attempt to fit in, he pulls a lot of pranks. Which we all do around here. But he recycles previous pranks. Which is incredibly lame. For example. Work C is incredibly anal. His cube has to be just so. He bought a ton of O'Reilley books. If you've never seen them, they are technical books. They are grouped into things like... e-mail... unix... perl etc. They are color coded by groupings. For example the unix books are a navy blue. Apache and web, green so on and so on. Work C A) has all of his books alphabetized and organized by color and B) keeps track of them like he's the Library of fucking Congress. If you borrow one. For the entire time you are using it you hear "When you bringing my book back?" or shouted over the cubes "WHO TOOK MY XXX BOOK?!?!?!". If you put it back without lining up the spines exactly, you get "Would you PLEASE try to put them back EXACTLY as you found them". After about the fifth time of hearing this I decided to fuck with him. First, before he got in (which is hardly any trouble to guess since he's never in before 10), I completely scrambled them. I had colors mixed up... out of alphabetical order... some of the spines were upside down... some were spine in. It took about a day before he looked in his cabinet for a book. I happened to be standing in his cube when he did. To say he went slack jawed is an understatement. Anyway, for as long as he bitched about those books, they were the target of many pranks on my part. To the point where, short of destroying or defacing them (they are useful after all), I've done it all.

We were all sitting around one day telling all of the shit we've pulled on Work C. Then next thing I know, Work C is shouting "Ha Ha... very funny. Can't you guys come up with something new?" Evidently, new guy pulled the rearrange the books bit. Now, I'm one for a good prank. But damn man, come up with something creative! Or at least one that makes a point. I.e. we're sick of hearing you bitch about the fucking books.

So on to me being an evil fucker. My team is doing an annual paintball outing vs. another team in the near future. Last year I was all set to go, but got sent out to a class and couldn't make it. This year I'm completely gung ho. We started talking about paintball guns and gear. The whole group decided we would go buy our own guns instead of using the crappy rentals and give ourselves a little bit of an edge. We went to a popular sports chain. As we were leaving, one after another of us tripped the anti-theft system. The cashier just waved us on through. When we got back, we discovered they had installed the antitheft tags on all the guns and failed to remove them. Theses are the old style with the magnet inside.

So I took it apart to get to the strip and snuck it in new guy's jacket. MWwwwwuuuhaaaahaaaaAHAAAAHAAA!!!! MWAAAHAAHAAAAAA!!!! The great thing about it is, IF he doesn't find it, he'll be setting off alarms at random. Some stores use the old style still. Some don't. It should drive him nuts for a while. Unless he's the anal type and will notice this little piece of something that wasn't there before. MwwwwuuuHHAAAHAAAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAAAA!!