Friday, September 28, 2007

Roller

COASTA!!!

say WHAT!!!

of lUUUuuuvvvv!!!

Damn I'm in an awesome mood today!! First, C scored her first goal in soccer. And it wasn't one of those 6 year old ball bouncing off of her feet in the melee of kids right in front of the goal. She took the ball at about midfield then dribbled it with a defender on her ass down the field and took the shot on goal. Secondly, it appeared after the pow-wow with management that Chester did in fact come to his senses (at least on outward appearance) and reacted in a manner such that he kept his job. I was extremely dissapointed because yet again, management appears not to have the balls to pull the trigger. Having said that, I know I work for a government agency and getting rid of someone almost requires and act of congress. BUT.. this morning... being the snoop that I am (I'm SO going to hell for this one).. I was "looking in his cubicle for install media I need". This was before anyone else got in. I saw a letter of resignation on his desk.

So I say...

ROLLER COASTA!!!!

[der der da da da deeeerrrrr]

SAY WHAT!!!

of luuuUUUUUUuuuvvvv!!!

Oooh ah OOOOH OOOOH OOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Haha! [pointing finger]

God I'm going to hell. Or my karma is going to reach up and take a chunk out of my ass. I've bemoaned Chester and his effect on me repeatedly over the course of this blog. I'm am under the impression it all ends today. According to my boss, the straw broke, the bridge collapsed and burned, and any other cliche for it's over. And I have to say, I'm giddy about it. Unless yet again, they are full of shit. His statement to me was to the effect of "Something bad is going to happen. His reaction will determine exactly how bad it is. Past experience indicates it's going to be real bad".

I'm trying not to gloat because a) it hasn't happened b) karma is a bitch and c) I try to be the better man. But considering everything, I just want to run up to Taylor screaming "TOLD YA SO!! TOLD YA SO!!!" while thumbing my nose and sticking out my tongue at Chester.

The downside to it all is, my weekend is completely fucked as a result. I was supposed to shoot the pool tournament for which the team from last session qualified. However, the boss is backing out because of "the bad thing". I don't think our handicaps will work if he does, oh and yeah, it will be pretty fucking awkward if "bad thing" does happen. There is a gun match in Alabama I really need to go shoot. But everything is so last minute, and I'm going to have to pick up Chester's slack at work, I just can't quite get away. Then I found out today there is a slight chance I misinterpreted the boss' motives and meaning (his subtle hints) so I may have to show up to the tournament just to protect the boss... I.e. if I back out unprovoked then Chester will know I know if you follow me. So it's all messed up.

My brain hurts thinking about it.

Last night (pool night) was pretty non-eventful. I played... I won.. my winning streak continues. The new team is pretty boring all things considered. No one to talk shit with. Not too much drama.

The only thing remotely interesting was, after it was all over, I sat at the bar drinking a beer. Sarah came waltzing over and plopped down in a chair across the bar with a guy... not the boyfriend. I thought to myself "This is interesting". They got closer and closer and before long were making out. I couldn't stop myself from chuckling. A) becuase the shithead boyfriend WASN'T the guy kissing here and B) I could see yet another body in the wake of destruction of hurricane Sarah. I really REALLY wanted to ask her what was going on. But I think she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm just so curious as to what is happening. Is new guy another dude she's fooling around with behind BF's back? Did she and BF break up? I find it all highly amusing.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

TOO... MUCH... INFO

TIME!! Damn I almost forgot. Yes it's that crazy TMI Tuesday time:

1. Who did you think you would marry in elementary school?

Marry... as in girls?!? EEEEEWWWWWW!!!

2. Which muppet is your favorite? Why?

Animal... duh!!

3. Which politician would you most like to screw? [For pleasure or revenge]

Nancy Pelosi just to stuff something in her mouth. I think Condi could be a freak too... so I'd probably do her.

4. How did you first find the g-spot?

Hell I'm not sure I've ever found it! I do remember the first time I discovered I could make the ex-Mrs do really funny things by running my finger to the topish area of her slit... though not so much the g-spot. I also remember being surprised at the location of said magical button.

5. What is the best costume you've ever worn?

Best costume... oh my.. that's a long list. Last year I was Mrs Pac-Man complete with sound effects. The year before I was a smashing fat bastard. One year I was Jan Brady. Another I was little Bo-Peep (my roomate at the time was my sheep.. very hot btw). Are we detecting a pattern here? Somehow I have begun a trend with crossdressing at the halloween party we go to every year. I'm stumped this year though.. ideas?

Bonus (as in optional):Does pornography liberate or deteriorate society?

Porn? What is that?!? People watch other people... gasp... having sex?!?! Not being able to admit in polite company porn even exists... THAT'S the problem with society.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of "how did you first find" as it relates to a sexual preference. I discovered over the weekend, during a couple of particularly marathon like sex sessions with Mrs, that if I grab her ass cheeks while she's riding my cock and squeeze them hard in a sort of kneading/spreading manner, she cums with complete loss of control... repeatedly.... almost every time I squeeze.... gushing even. Not sure how long this little trick will continue to work. But it's damn fun for now.


TMI Tuesday

Monday, September 24, 2007

Phfunk!

I am in such a funk of... normalcy. Blech! It's boring the hell out of me. I spent the weekend doing "family" stuff. C's birthday party was Saturday. My Mom came to visit. Good times were had by all. I should feel really warm and fuzzy about it all. But I'm not. In my head I see myself pacing back and forth bored to tears... desparately needing something interesting to happen.

Sunday afternoon we went to a house warming party. Sandy was there too. Her boyfriend from State far away from here decided at the last minute to come visit. Mrs and C went to the party too. I spent the day very subdued. About 1/2 way through the party, it kinda hit me how much I'm a part of Sandy's game play with her bf. She has this whole... desparate to be desireable thing going. To the point where she will tell her BF about all of the guys hitting on her. I'm pretty sure she thinks this will somehow make him think he had better pony up a ring or else she is going to play the field with one of her other suitors.

I am absolutely not ok with this. I have told her repeatedly she needs to cut the shit out. He's going to get pissed and dump her ass. Or worse, become a self-fulfilling deal. I.e. he'll decide to play some games of his own. At which point she will dump him. I'm all about having some fun.. but not to the point of being used for some perverted mind-fuck. Now, if this is their "game"... like HF with her husband... then ok. I could get something. They get to play their game. Everybody has fun. But I can't imagine this is anything remotely fun.

Anyway, back to the party. A few weeks ago, we were shooting a match. I hadn't seen Sandy in person in quite a while. She has lost a good amount of weight and.. well... she's looking pretty hot. Her usual cohorts weren't there yet. So she asked me to walk her through the stages and explain how she should shoot them. It was just the two of us. While we were walking, she was putting on her gear. We wear pretty specialized gear for our competitions. She was struggling with the belt loops and her belt. I asked "Do you need some help?" She turned her back towards me so I could help thread the belt through the loop. The shorts she had on were from her "fat" phase. So when I tried to push the belt through the loop, her shorts sort of... pulled out a bit so that I could see right down inside them. I got a pretty good shot of her ass and the white thong she was wearing. I think I said something like "By the way... I didn't look down your shorts. I especially didn't get a look at your white thong. And I REALLY didn't see your really nice ass". We laughed about it. I think I said something about it being a law of nature with guys. If you can see it, we HAVE to look. So we were all standing around the kitchen at the party and what does Sandy do? She started going on about me looking down her shorts and how I said I would've rather seen the pink thong instead of the white. Words SHE said much later, not me. All of this went down while Mrs was in the room. Fortunately for me, she was playing with C and didn't hear any of it. But Sandy's BF did. For a split second, I got kind of embarassed.

So this week I think I'm going to avoid talking to Sandy. This little game can go nowhere good. IF it doesn't get me divorced, there is the distinct possibility of it getting me into a fight. Maybe not so much with the current BF because he doesn't really seem to care. But it could with future BFs without a sense of humor. Somewhere in the middle is the BF deciding he's had enough of her BS and dumping her. I don't really want to be a part of any of it.

So let's check the mischief scoreboard over the last 4 months or so. Taylor.. RRRRR (buzzer sound)... nutcase.... Sarah... RRRRRR bigger nutcase.... Sandy... RRRRR shit talking nutcase.

So yet again, here I sit with no prospects, feeling like I narrowly (or maybe not so narrow) avoided potential catastrophy by shear dumb luck. And I hate every second of it.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Road Rage

I had one of those shake your head and laugh moments yesterday.

Sure I shout at cars surrounding me. I'll occasionally flip someone off. I've been known to give a quick tap of the horn if someone isn't paying attention. I'll even lay on the horn when someone eases into an intersection during gridlock and blocks my side of the intersection. Usually I try to be the better driver, not one of those "I'll shout at you for something stupid but it's ok for me to do it" types. And when I do screw up and someone gives me the finger or blows the horn because I did a bonehead move, I hold my hand up apologetically and sheepishly.

So I was leaving my parking garage the other day. There is a ton of construction going on making us take different routes once we leave the garage each and every day. Yesterday, we were directed a block or two out of the way to a 3-way redlight. I pulled up to the intersection in the right hand turn lane with a mini-van in front of me. The mini-van was stopped on a green right arrow turn signal. I carefully looked left, then right. No traffic blocking the mini-van. No pedestrians in the way. No reason for the mini-van to be sitting at a green arrow. So I honked the horn. The lady driving whipped her head around revealing the cell phone on which she was chatting away, then eased out into the road. Of course, as she was easing into the road, the arrow went yellow, then out. Damnit. About 2 seconds later, our light went green (not just the turn arrow). So I pulled out onto the road where I immediately stopped behind the same mini-van sitting in the road at another green light not 20 yards away. Again.. she was sitting for no good reason. My windows were up. I raised my hands up and mouthed (to my windshield since my windows were UP) "GOOOOOOOO!" I didn't flip her off, blow the horn, or do anything other than raise my hands... oh yeah and mouth "GOOO!". The lady spun herself around (cell phone still held to her ear), and pointed her finger at me. She was silhouetted by the sun streaming through her windshield. But I could still see the quick side to side and up and down motions of her yelling back at me. The finger point turned into the bird. At this point I was laughing because she was clearly a clueless idiot. I casually lowered the fingers on one of my raised hands into a bird of my own (remmeber, she is sitting at a green light during this). She spun back around and, realizing she was at a green light, eased forward.

Now you would think it would dawn on her what a complete idiot she was being upon seeing the green light. But oh nooo... she wasn't finished with me. I could see the jerky body movements, frantic switching of the phone from one ear to the other, the firm stabbing at the door, followed by her arm extending out of her window.. again with the bird.

I'm only going to take so much abuse before I put an end to things. I rolled my window down, extended my hand, and gave her the universal signal for "talk is cheap", which would be the "come hither and do something" wave. One of these days some 350lb linebacker is going to get out and crush me because I do this all the time... indiscriminately. In this particular case, I really, REALLY wanted to point out she had not one but TWO greenlights... and I'M the asshole?

She quickly rolled up her window.

As luck would have it, we were heading the same direction. I was headed to C's school to pick her up. This particular day, I chose an obscure, and not completely obvious route to get there to avoid traffic. Evidently, she had the same thought. We turned right.. then left... right again.. over a bridge... off an exit... the whole time with me a respectful distance, but matching move for move. It was certainly not my intention to scare the bejesus out of her thinking I'm some kind of deranged stalker... but the thought made a nice bonus for me.

Finally my route took me one way and hers another.

Eh... people crack me up sometimes.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

It's that time... that crazy TMI time (insert jingle here)

TMI Tuesday again:

1. What is one thing a your significant other could do to you to rock your world?

Bring a friend... female of course..

2. Which super power (ability to turn invisible, ability to read people's thoughts, or invulnerability) would you take and why?

Hmmm... let's see... invulnerability would be good just because my mouth writes a lot of checks. I think reading other people's thoughts would kinda suck. I imagine hearing "what an asshole!" enough times would ultimately be bad for my self-esteem. But I think I'd really have to go with invisibiility. You could totally pants someone and stand back while your asshole friend takes the fall. Oh yeahh... heh!

3. Would you rather be tied up or tie someone else up? Why?

I haven't tied or been tied. I'm honestly torn. I think I'd get bored being tied. So I guess I would rather tie someone else up.

4. What is your best physical and non physical asset?

My GINORMOUS cock!! Oh wait, I already gave that answer in another TMI Tuesday (and it was a stretch then... get it.. stretch.. I crack myself). Hrm.. best physical would be my eyes. Non-physical, why my rapier wit, or witty rapier. I can never remember.

5. If they were naming new Dwarves beyond the seven what would your name be and why?

I'm sure my friends would all say Cynical Dwarf.

Bonus: What's the most embarrassing thing you ever bought?

Nipple cream for nursing mothers. Not so much because of what it was, but because a friend (female) walked around the corner right about the time I picked up the box.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Since the last TMI, pluffland has been pretty boring. I did take a day trip to shoot in mid-state city with Sandy. Lot of shit talking. Nothing much else though.

TMI Tuesday

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

This crazy thing called TMI

TMI Tuesday time again:

1. Where was the first place you ever had sex?

In my girlfriends dorm room.

2. Does size matter? (open to interpretation boys and girls)

Of course... if only a little bit. And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Case in point, ask any woman if size matters.. of those who say no, ask them what if it were tiny. Guys, would you be attracted to someone weighing 400+ pounds? If you are, how 'bout "average" size? The point being everyone has a limit. Maybe the range of size is pretty large (ha!) encompassing 90% of the population... but it's there nonetheless for the remaining 10%.

3. Have you ever had sex in your office or your place of employment?


No but I'm always open for volunteers. I did make out with an ex in her office, but we never ventured beyond kissing. Though, I did have sex in someone else's place of employment... see dentist office on the sidebar.

4. Ever been skinny dipping?

Yup.


5. Top or bottom?


Top... bottom... front... back.. flipped.. spun... sideways... twisted.


Bonus: Where were you September 11, 2001? What were you doing when you first heard about the twin towers?


I was sitting at my desk reading CNN online when the banner flashed to "breaking news". I spent many hours afterwards in our breakroom watching live coverage including the 2nd plane impacting.. the towers falling... etc. It was very surreal because Mrs and I had a checkup as she was approaching her due date for C. It was the same day the Dr. put us on the "any day now" routine even though she was still 6 weeks out.


Non-TMI Tuesday stuff:

Sandy and I have had a lot of conversations recently. I still think she's a big talker... and not so much a doer. However, a few titillating snippets are:

1) "It's good to get a perspective from a friend.. guy... male.. potential lover"
2) "I'll have to wear my pink thong for you"... me: "yeah I've heard it before... I'm sure you'll wear it. I want to see it... peel it off..." her: "You will"
3) "You could ride with me to Alabama. There is a lot of miles and time between here and there"

If only she weren't so full of shit. Sigh...

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Planes, Trains, and Automobile.... Wrecks

Last night was to be my debut on a new pool team for the new session. Sarah's pool team to be exact. I wasn't entirely certain I was still "on" the team even. If you recall (ok... why would you I'll explain anyway), I shot her a text a couple of weeks ago to see if they were in the playoffs and shooting pool or not. I never got a response. I was trying not to take it as an omen. But she's one of those people who you never know if she will follow through on something. I was half expecting her to have replaced me by then.

I walked into the bar quickly spotting Sarah practicing a bit. I said "Hi". Before I started to unpack my cues, I wanted to make sure nothing had changed. I asked "Are we still cool for this session?" She nodded. I unpacked my cues and nervously stood around waiting to meet my new teamates. One guy was sitting in a chair talking with Sarah. I presumed he was on the team. He introduced himself as Zach. He played league pool a year or more ago. But I hadn't seen him around in a while. Sarah started dealing with paperwork for the team. I handed her my membership card so she could add me to the roster. She broke a rack, but then left them on the table. I asked "Is it ok if I shoot a few of these or are you playing with someone?" She said "Go ahead". So I shot a few balls. Zach stepped up and took a shot or two. So I started playing a game with him. And spanked him pretty good. I was pulling finesse shots... doing those crazy english shots where the cue curves around. And it all worked. Banks... tight cuts.. you name it. It was perfect... The next thing I know, I saw Zach and Sarah having a heated conversation. A little lightbulb went off... ooohhh... this may be a boyfriend. Note to self... no shit talking. The next thing I knew, he was storming off and she was crying. I respectfully stood aside. Then she went outside. A few of the team had straggled in at this point.

It was time to get the match started. No Sarah (captain). She came back in without Zach and started talking to the another girl on the team (a co-captain). I heard snippets of the conversation... something about him deciding not to play after all. At a break in the conversation I asked "So is that the bf?". She just nodded her head. Then she said "Sorry I haven't called you. My phone is busted". I asked how it broke. Long story short, evidently Zach got pissed and smashed it.

Ok... Zach has a temper. Meanwhile, Zach showed back up. He walked around and started shaking people's hands and saying good luck. He got to me, shook my hand, wished me luck, then said "By the way, you're the reason I'm off the team"... uhhh. what?! We were shaking hands when he said it. He started to pull away. I squeezed a little bit harder so he would come back closer and said "Excuse me?" He repeated himself. I had no idea what was going on... so I just said "Look I just want to shoot pool. But if I'm causing a problem I can shoot on another team". He just walked off. So I asked Sarah "What the hell was that?"

Then it came out... weeks ago... almost a month ago.. when I was talking shit with Sarah.. even laying it out there.. some via texts... the BF was around. Later, she told me about him and I stopped texting her with anything other than team questions. Evidently, Sarah never erased the messages from her phone. Further, she implied to me they weren't actually dating. He saw the texts.. got pissed... smashed the phone... then I came walking in happily ignorant of it all. So THAT was the problem. Boy I'm glad I wasn't blindsided or anything!

While Sarah was filling out paperwork, I had given her my membercard with my player ID number etc. so she could add me to the roster. I held my hand out and said "Listen.. this is clearly going to cause major problems... just hand me back my card and I'll find another team". She hemmed and hawed... saying it wasn't fair because I came on board before they were a couple and he decided to play blah blah. At that point, I really couldn't see a positive outcome. If I stayed on the team, he would take it out on her. EVEN if she dumped him, there would be something or someone else. I just don't need that. So she handed me my card and I walked away.

As I was heading out the door, the bar manager saw me and asked where the hell I was going. I told her the whole drama. She said "Hang on... some teams need players". And we started walking around the bar basically pimping me out. Finally, a really nice team, the team with whom we were tied for 1st all last season, had an opening. So.. in the end, I have a much nicer team.... a better team... one who consistently wins.

What have I learned from all of this you may ask? Well dear pluffsters, this is the moment where the rubber is meeting the road so to speak. I realize now, my desparation for mischief led me to that moment. While it worked out in the end... or at least presuming we are at the end... my behavior could've really gotten me in to a lot of hot water. My recent history has not been that stellar on the mischief front. First Taylor... ugh... then Celeste... double ugh.. then Taylor again.. now finally Sarah. My behavior has been pretty reckless.

So for at least the moment... I'm backing off of my pursuit of mischief. At least on Wed. nights. I won't say I'm turning a new leaf. At the moment I am seriously examing the leaf.. forest.. trees... state.. country... and continent that is that aspect of my life.

Having said that... I had even more interesting conversations with Sandy yesterday... but I'm holding off on those today.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Ah Mother Nature... That Bitch!

I spent the weekend with the fam up in the mountains at my Dad's new place. Since the last time I visited, back in June, he did a LOT more work. It's almost downright civilized up there... somewhat. The porch I helped build now has a roof. Actually, that's pretty much all of the changes. But it makes it so much more comfortable having a level spot to sit in the shade.

We got to the camp around 10pm-ish Friday night. It was the first time Mrs and C had seen the new place. It took about an hour to get things situated... turn on the power... find the keys.. find the lights... take out all the crap inside that really belongs outside, but you don't want to get stolen while you're gone... pull out C's bed... you get the idea. Once we finally got settled, I cracked open a beer and sat on the porch watching the stars. 10 minutes later Mrs finally got C to sleep. She joined me on the porch. "I thought you would already be naked... isn't that what you want? To run around naked in the country?". Really it's kind of an inside joke... or rather outside... you know what I mean. But we were in the country... I did have a beer or 2... it was relatively warm. With the gauntlet thrown, or at least that's how I saw it, I peeled off my clothes and sat back down in my chair with the boys hanging in the breeze.

Now, I've been naked in the coutry before. I was even naked in this very spot... one trip when I got there a day before my Dad. But usually it was just to step outside to use nature's facilities in the middle of the night. Not to blatantly become a nudist. It was pretty arousing. Quickly, a picture formed in my head of Mrs, equally nude, bent over the porch railing, my cock sliding home. I felt her hand rest on my thigh. I was about to suggest she peel her clothes off as well when her hand slid along my thigh to my cock. Again, before I could make a suggestion, she bent over taking my cock in her mouth. Claiming she was cold, she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the camper where we "broke in" the bed.

Saturday we spent the day doing woodsy, country, mountain things. Hiking... playing with all of my Dad's big boy toys.. read tractors and other heavy equipment. I had an "oh-shit" moment when I thought the wheel was coming off the tractor. But I was mistaken. C wanted to "real camp"... i.e. sleep in a tent instead of in the camper. So we set up the tent under some trees a few yards from the camper. I fully expected her to chicken out. Much to my surprise, when it got dark, she grabbed her little flashlight and marched to the tent.

That evening I still had visions of Mrs bending over the railing... Unfortunately, she climbed in the tent with C. The next thing I knew, sounds similar to a bear were coming from the direction of the tent (that would be Mrs snoring). I decided to go ahead and join them. Three little pluffsters all tucked in a tent.

Sunday was overcast. The skys threatened to open up off and on all day. Finally, late in the afternoon the sun popped out. We opted for activities of the more redneck variety. Namely blowing shit up with many MANY guns.

As Mrs and I are too creaky to sleep on the hard ground by choice, we chose not to sleep in the tent again even though C got a tremendous kick out of it. We did the whole campfire marshmellow roasting thing. Finally, C passed out for the night. The skies had cleared revealing a perfect starscape. Deep black sky punctuated by millions of pinpoints. Much moreso than we ever see in our town. Mrs asked me to go grab a sleeping bag so we could lay under the stars. She had printed a star chart and wanted to see what she could identify. I waltzed off into the woods to where we had set up our tent the night before. The fire had died down to just a flicker of flame not much bigger than a candle throwing dancing shadows on the scene where I left Mrs. As I approached with an armful of sleeping bag, wine, and cups, I noticed Mrs doing a funky little dance. It wasn't until I was within a few feet I realized the funky dance was Mrs peeling her pants off of each leg. I layed the sleeping bag out and quickly peeled my own clothes off. Almost as soon as I hit the ground Mrs grabbed my cock. I had every intention of laying back and spending a lot of time enjoying the night air, the freedom of being completely naked and doing "naughty" things right out in the open, essentially in the middle of a field. Mrs had other ideas. She quickly climbed on top of me and began riding my cock like she had just discovered her clit for the first time. She came quickly and loudly. I tried to roll her over to slow things down a bit, but she wouldn't have it. She continued to ride my cock as wave after wave of orgasms rolled over her. Finally, she relented. I flipped her on her back slowing the pace down to my speed. I could see her nipples standing out prominently in the moonlight, her skin covered in goose bumps as the temperature dropped and the breeze quickened. I expected to be able to slow down and make it last for quite some time. Instead, she grabbed my ass grinding my cock deep in her pussy and came again. Seeing her cum over and over hand me on the verge myself. Finally, I couldn't hold back. Mrs threw her arms around me pulling me as deep as possibly as I shot my load.

I don't know how long after we lay watching the stars. Finally, the wine bottle empty, we decided to pack it in.

I don't know if it was the wine, or if the cool air and sex masked it, but the bugs had a field day with us. The next morning Mrs and I discovered the telltale bumps... oh and the itching. Mrs had whelps all across her stomach and pubic regions. I even had a damned mosquito bite on my cock! The little bastards! Eh well.. the price you pay and all.

I have been having some very unusual conversations with Sandy all day today. She is visiting her love interest in Alabama, but yet she has been calling me... hmmm... It's a discussion for another post though.