Where oh where has my Twiddly Bits gone?

I'm back to dieting again. After our vacation many of my pants wouldn't button. These were the same pants I was worried about being too big not more than 2 months ago. I seriously hate dieting but I can't stand the way I look. I feel old when I weigh this much. I'm only about 8 pounds over my "comfort zone". That's probably 8 pounds over what I see as my ideal. So 15 pounds is my goal.

Work C has started taking karate again. I have to admit, I'm actually a tiny bit jealous. When I was young I took Tae Kwon Do for about 8 years. From the time I was 10 until I went off to college. Off and on. Mostly on. My Grandmother was the driving force for that. She would pull me out if my grades fell off. Which happened a few times. But mostly I worked out 4 days a week. I earned my black belt when I was 14. This was the only class offered for 20 or 30 miles. My home town is VERY small. I think the population is still around 6,000. I've thought about starting back. My body took a good beating back then and I have many joint problems now. That and I don't feel like doing the whole "white belt, blue belt" blah blah blah. My school was a small one and not acredited by any sanctioning body. My certificate was a photocopy of one with my name and instructor's signature. It doesn't matter to me. I can still throw a good roundhouse to your head. But most schools are in it for the $$ though and without the "official" cert they want you to go through the belts and most importantly PAY them. I guess if I wanted to I could start over and just beat up the white belts until they decided to advance me.

The thing is, TKD was great. I was in the best shape of my life back then. But I feel like it's worthless as an actual self defense. Sure at a distance of about 5 feet I'm going to rip you up. But once you get inside my leg's reach it's truly hand to hand and it's just not something TKD emphasized. My Dad took Gracie style Jiu Jitsu. Now THAT is some bad shit. He was taking from one of the Gracie nephews down in Florida. Every move ended with "and then you break the (insert appendage here)". Most brawls end up with someone on the ground. It's why the Jiu Jitsu guys dominated the Ultimate Fighting circuits. They'd take a shot or 2 just so they could get in close and grapple with their opponent. Once they had them it was over. Then they changed the rules so they could only grapple for something like 15 seconds. It wouldn't matter to me. If I took Jiu Jitsu, in a street fight you'd have to get past my legs, then go right into a grapple. I think I'd be tough to beat. There's no 15 second rule in a bar. You'd just have to watch out for the buddies with the pool cues.

My only problem with this is, I haven't found a good Jiu Jitsu class around here. They don't seem to exist. I probably couldn't afford it anyway. Since we moved into the new house I have been TIGHT for money. I was doing Ok until Mrs' car died and we bought her a new one. Her car payment is killing me. That and C's school. It's not the most expensive around here. But DAMN it's up there. Getting rid of both of those payments would net me $1000/month to use for whatever I wanted. Sigh... my little girl is worth it.

So what to do. I'll have to ponder this for a while. I don't really want to take TKD because I've been there already. I'd get in shape. But I'd pay for it with my bad hips, knees etc. I'd love to take JJ but I haven't found a class and money's a problem. Hmmm.....

I am SO climbing the walls.

Mrs and I went out for drinks with friends Saturday night. We were originally going to go to this very sheik rooftop bar overlooking the city. Unfortunately, this little tropical storm called Gaston was throwing massive amounts of rain our way. We ended up going to a restaurant with a bar instead.

It was an upscale place. No Jeans. No sandals. Shirts with collars. Around here, this is upscale. We found our friends and stood around uncomfortably for a while. There was a patio outside that was deserted due to the weather. We spotted a dry table and mosied out. I was sitting there with Mrs laughing at some comment our friends made about their kids when I noticed the floor length windows on either side of our table looking into the bar. Or rather, I noticed the 4 or 5 stunning women standing there. I couldn't help myself. I had to look. I spent half the evening craning my neck to look at the addictive display of female sexuality.

Eventually a table cleared inside. We went in and continued inside. I hadn't noticed when we were inside earlier, but the place seemed packed with beautiful women. I was astounded at the number of women who were there either together or by themselves. In fact, I'd say there were definitely more women than men. Most of them were beautiful. I don't remember much of the conversation we had of the rest of the night. I'm sure it revolved around our kids. It was about the kids when I stopped paying attention. It's all our friends seem to talk about. We've forgotten what it was like to be just people. Not parents. But people.

Eventually we noticed the time and thought about the baby sitter. It was midnight. Wooo... do we know how to party the night away or what!!

Ever since, I can't get my mind off of the women in that damned bar. What the hell is wrong with me? I have a beautiful wife. I have a beautiful daughter. I have a house I never dreamed of owning myself. It's not enough.

Let's fantasize for a minute. Let's say I go back to this bar one evening. Maybe skip pool night and go there instead. What the hell would that get me? These women were most likely 10 years younger than me. What could I possibly hope to accomplish? Would I be the "older guy drinking sadly at the bar"? Let suppose someone overlooked my expanding waist, the grey creeping into my hair, my incessant talk about my child (the only topic I seem to be able to discuss), and actually wanted to "pick me up" or the other way around. I'm still married. Where could I possibly go from there? I would then be the oldest cliche in the book.

Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I'm fighting getting old. I want that spice to reaffirm myself as a virile desirable man. Perhaps this is the root of it all really.

Ugh... I feel so much like a pop psychologist now.

At any rate. Call me a bastard. Call me a loser. Call me a son of a bitch. I can't stop thinking about the women in that bar. No matter what the reason and the why's and the shoulds or should nots. I'm climbing the walls.

Sex with Mrs has increased in frequency and decreased in excitement. Just once I'd love for her to do SOMETHING different. Last night we "made love". It was the same old, tiny bit of foreplay, then pull me on top. I guess I shouldn't complain too much. There are tons of guys who'd love to get that much on a regular basis. It's just SOO boring. I guess I should talk to her about it. I'm just worried she'll take it as "being a bad wife". We've had discussions about other things. Things where I was trying to be constructive and she would start crying because she was a "failure as a mother" or whatever we were discussing. It's easier just to suffer through the boredom rather than kick off a crying episode. And I'm not mean about it either. I don't say things like "You suck in bed" or.. "you're an awful mother because of blah blah". I ALWAYS try to say things like "You do a great job with YYY. I'd like to suggest you do ZZZ because". Maybe I come across mean. But I really don't think I do. I always try to be sensitive to her sensitive nature. It rarely works.

Back to the subject. What I wouldn't give for a good old fashioned blow job. I go down on her all the time. When she lets me that is. There are so many times where I try and she'll pull my head up and "make love". I really enjoy making her cum... many times. I know I don't put forth my best effort though. It's hard to be "into it" when you're bored to tears.

Enough bitching.

It looks like it's going to rain all weekend. I had hoped to go fishing. Oh well. Maybe I'll get a lot done around the house. It's been a wreck since we got back from vacation.

Have a good weekend all!!

Farewell Pussy Ranch.

What ever will I read now?

Mrs had another girls night out last night. I was in a seriously funky mood by the time she got home. Not because she went out. I'm glad she's getting out of the house and doing things. I was just in a mood. I was sitting there playing the special features on the Lost in Translation DVD. She came in, stood in front of me and started kissing me. I didn't say anything but it REALLY pissed me off. I don't know why. I know I was in a mood. I try my best not to take them out on her. I know when I'm in them. I've tried various medications. I HATE taking pills. When I recognize I'm in a mood I do my best to keep quiet and not let my inner turmoil out. I don't know how successful I was. From MY perspective I didn't snap at her or say anything rude. I didn't do anything she would construe as mean. Eventually she sat down and watched some of the features with me.

Around 10:00 Nip/Tuck came on. At one point she watched it with the fascination of a train wreck. She hated it but couldn't take her eyes off. Now she can't stand it and goes to the bedroom to watch something else. I sat in the living room watching the show. After it finished I was wired and wide awake. I couldn't really think of anything to do so I went to bed anyway. Mrs was already asleep. I probably layed there for a good hour or so before I fell asleep.

This morning I felt an arm wind around my back to my cock. I rolled over on my back, my head still under a pillow (I bury my head in pillows while Mrs showers in the morning). She pulled back the covers and took me in her mouth. After a few minutes she threw the pillow off of my head and pulled me on top of her. I guess she was extremely horny. She started cumming almost as soon as I pushed inside her.

Afterwards I staggered the entire way to the shower having yet to peel my eyes open.

Tonight is normally pool night. We're on a break right now in between sessions. I can't decide whether to go out anyway or not. I'm feeling mischievous. But I don't really want to call around to see if anyone else is interested. Hmmm...

Mrs had her girls night out last night. Before she left she leaned over and said "Be sure to stay up".

I started watching 'Lost in Translation' after she left. I haven't decided what I think about it yet. The imagery of Japan was great. It took a rreeeEEEALLLYY long time to develop.

Anyway, Mrs came home in the middle of the movie. I finished watching it and went to bed. She was watching the Howard Stern show. I picked up my book and started to read. I didn't make it past the first sentence when she turned the TV off. She said "I head a strange story tonight about (insert non-descript female name here)'s daughter." While she was saying this I put my book down and scooted down under the covers. She stopped talking. I said "Go on". She said "No. It will ruin the mood". I was feeling mischievous so I said "No, you started the story, you have to finish it." She replied "NO, it will ruin the mood. Pull my panties down". Again I said "NO, finish the story." She got frustrated and said "I'd better feel fabric sliding over my butt!" I grabbed the comforter and moved it back and forth on her butt. She was not amused. She whined "PUUULL THEM DOOWWWNN!!!!" I said "FINISH... THE... STORY!!!" "FINE!! I'LL JUST GO TO SLEEP!!" she pouted. She rolled over. I suspect she thought I'd lean over and start messing with her. I picked up my book and finished it.

Back from vacation! Whew!!

The trip was awesome! C had a ball. We waited and waited on Saturday until a) the hurricane passed us by and b) we could get through to the hotel to verify they could take us. It was very iffy as to whether we would even go or not. A lot of things could have gone one way or another and derailed the whole trip. But things worked out. The hurricane passed by us without any problems. We finally got through to the hotel around noon Saturday and they were business as usual. So we piled the car and away we went.

Saturday night was the worst part of the whole trip. A lot of people were displaced from the Airport being closed. The restaruants were packed. The Burger King drive through had a line out their parking lot and down the road. It took several hours to get checked in and fed.

It was great from then on out. C had a ball at Disney. She really enjoyed seeing characters from her videos. The "real" Belle, Cinderella, Snow White. Not the "pretend" ones from the videos. Watching her in the Mickey Philharmagic (the 3d Show) was a riot. Everytime something would jump out on the screen she would gasp, jump back in her seat, then giggle all the while trying to touch the things.

We left Disney Wed. and went to see my Dad for a few days in south Floriday. C had a blast there. He has a pool in his backyard. She thought that was the coolest thing. We spent most of the rest of our vacation in the pool.

Sigh... now it's back to work.

Fucking Hurricane!!!

We are supposed to leave for Disney World on our family vacation tommorrow morning. Looks like Charley is directly in our path. Damn it!

My hope is that it will hook eastward, cross Fla quickly and spin off into the atlantic. I fear it will make landfall in Tampa and make a direct hit on Disney. Even if it doesn't cause any harm (Ha!) the path will take it right up I95 and towards ME. I don't fear the hurricane. I've survived worse. It's the thought of having to drive through it's remnants with all of the evacuees heading home to see if their house survived. Here I am hoping for some fun and recreation. Here they are hoping to still have their life intact.

PMM hit a milestone. This post is the 200th!! Woohoo and stuff.

Cat Nastey left an interesting comment about the dream I had about Mrs. She suggested that perhaps deep down I believe Mrs would be into exploring a more open lifestyle. Maybe deep down she does. And maybe she even has played with it in the past. Since she and I have been together she has made it abundantly clear that she has NO interest in any kind of relationship other than the plain vanilla Rockwellian (I made that word up!) marriage. I've tried to open up lines of communication with her and suggest I'd be cool with it and she told me point blank "I'd kill you". If she ever has played, she has put that aside and won't now.

But I want to be clear what type of play I'm thinking of. I'm not into and BDSM etc. Well... maybe a little. But I couldn't bear the thought of inflicting pain on anyone. I would be too worried that I would do it all wrong and even if they were into it I'd probably ruin it for them by constantly asking "Are you ok? Was that too hard?". Nor do I really have any desire to receive. But I am open to an open relationship. Not necessarily swinging. I really have no desire to have another man involved directly with any sexual activity I'm participating in. I.e. I could never do DP. I don't know if I could watch someone else with Mrs. I'd be willing to try it once. But I'm open to being around it. I wouldn't freak out if we went to a party like the one in my dream. I think it'd be very erotic. Just being in the presence of it.

I think I manifested my desires or concerns with that type of kink specifically because it is so not Mrs. It represented the opposite of her "norm" and made it all the more shocking to me. I can also say that in the past I joked around with Mrs and I spanked her. I popped her hard enough to leave a handprint. It was much harder than I intended. I thought she was going to kill me. That's the fastest I've ever run from anyone of the opposite sex in my life. Poor C was playing in the other room when here comes Daddy hauling ass in wild eyed terror and Mrs right behind me frothing at the mouth. So I'm sure that as far as that particular lifestyle, she isn't into it.

On a different topic. I had a great conversation with A last night. It looks like we're not necessarily done. More on a hiatus. Which is cool with me. She needs to work through the stuff with her husband and not complicate it. But she definitely wants to play again if opportunity and circumstances were to allow. Sweet!!

I SO busted Mrs last night!! I decided to go fishing after work. The weather is perfect. There is a couple of tropical depressions/storms screwing up the weather for the next few days. But it was perfect last night. I went home early, grabbed the boat, my gear, a cigar and headed out.

Fishing was awesome. Catching sucked. I had a lot of action but nothing I could actually hook up with. I think I was using the wrong type of hook. I switched to a different type as the sun went down. It was to be the last action I had for the rest of the night. I decided to pack it in around 10:00pm. By the time I rode back to the landing, loaded the boat, drove all the way back it was around 11:30.

I opened the garage and started doing the usual stuff. Empty the cooler, put up my fishing gear, and so on. The boat was taking much longer than I expected to drain. I don't like putting it in the garage if it's going to make a big puddle. I went inside to put up my jacket and a few other things. As I walked into the bedroom, Mrs shot up in bed and said excitedly "I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING!!". What?!? She had this really flustered look on her face. So I walked over to her side of the bed and opened the top drawer to her night stand. She was screaming and hiding her face and laughing all at the same time. The vibe was gone. I couldn't help but chuckle. I said "Well I have to go put the boat up. Enjoy." and left.

I just wish she wasn't so shy and freaked about it. I had kinda hoped we would play together with it. But when she opened it she was VERY clear this was not to be something WE would play with together.

I finished putting the boat up and went inside. I walked in the bedroom and Mrs was lying there, covers pulled up to her chin, her head to one side, mouth open, snoring her ass off. I guess she got hers.

I started to list all of all my ex partners. I seemed a trend on a few blogs I read. But then I thought better of it. Maybe some other time. This post started off brief enough, but it ended up REALLY long. Be forewarned.

I had a crazy dream last night. One which will, for a brief minute, make me think about how many blogs I read a day. I'm clearly too into blogging.

Mrs and I stirred as if it were the first thing in the morning. We were home, though in hindsight I didn't recognize the room. I just took it for granted. Mrs lay in bed naked on her stomach (Even more crazy. She NEVER sleeps naked). I lay there looking at her back, the covers seductively draped across the small of her back showing just a hint of her ass. She stirred and the covers slipped a little more revealing more of her ass. I almost jumped out of bed (in the dream). She had a brand on the left side of her ass, more on the hip than the cheek. It was fully healed, but clearly not there the day before. I looked more closely and there was another, this one on the left cheek. I looked to the right cheek and sure enough, another brand. A final brand was on her right hip.

I said "What the hell?"
To which she replied, and this is the really crazy part, "I went to Cat Nastey's last night. She had an awesome party".

Let's throw some perspective here. I've never chatted, e-mailed, commented, or anything with Cat Nastey. I've gathered from reading her posts she lives WAY North and I live WAY South. In the dream I know these facts, but didn't seem concerned that my wife suddenly acquired the ability to travel at super sonic speeds to distant lands. Nor did it seem unusual she knew of her in the first place.

I don't remember why I didn't go myself. I went through a range of emotions. Jealousy, anger, arousal. She got in the shower. I started going through her things trying to find any more detail. Any hint of what happened. She got out of the shower.

I asked, "So what happened aside from the obvious".
She replied "Nothing. I met some great people. Got branded. Had some wine".

I couldn't believe Mrs just went to a party, got branded and that was it. The bizarre thing was that I was more incredulous that she went to this kind of party without me and possibly lived the lifestyle that I wanted to try. I have no desire to brand or have anyone I know branded. To each his own. It was the notion that Mrs would step so outside of her normal, prim and proper, reserved, shy self to experience these things, and to do so without me that had me dumbfounded.

She went on to say she saw a lot of things. I think she described some of the kink, I'm a little fuzzy. At this point I had a raging boner. She reached down and took me in her mouth. Things get a little fuzzy from here as well. My memory gets a little lost. The next thing I can remember of the dream is her getting dressed. I was still dumbfounded and said "You know I don't mind you having some fun. As long as we're together in the end". She just looked at me with a small smile. Which drove me nuts. It was a smile that, to me said, "Oh I already have".

I'm not sure what happened after that. I distinctly remember feeling like a slack jawed yokel when she gave me that smile.

So what the hell was this dream about? I think underneath it all, I was empathizing with Mrs state of mind if I ever told her about my recent adventures. But that can't be right. Mrs would never be cool with even knowing I loved her and she was my wife. I think she'd freak and serve me with papers faster than I could say adultery. Maybe it was me acknowledging that I'd be ok with her playing as long as she was true to me. Perhaps I was trying to open myself to the possibility that Mrs isn't as innocent as I'd believe.

She and I have never really discussed her past. I first met her at a Halloween Party. My ex had just moved out 2 weeks before. My really good friend and his fiance called to invite me to this party. Me, being who I am, asked if there was anyone who would be there with potential (Meaning to fuck). They both said "Well, there's this one girl who you could probably hook up with. But you really don't want anything beyond that". Meaning the future Mrs. and clearly implying she was a bit of a slut. This was the first time I had ever met any of the group of people who would become my core group of friends. Mrs was there. She had been dating a guy who was also at the party. He had moved on to someone else. But she wasn't there. At one point during the night a rumor circulated that Mrs and he had fucked in one of the bedrooms.

A few months later at a Christmas party, I ran into her again. She got pretty drunk. She came up to me (I had only met her briefly), put her arms around me, gazed into my eyes and asked "Do you think I'm pretty?" We had what some could call a conversation. She was out on her feet. An hour later or so I wandered by a bathroom to see her best friend holding her head while she puked in the toilet. I asked if there was anything I could do. To which the friend yelled "Get the fuck out of here you ass!!!" Oddly enough, she and Mrs are still best friends, she comes over and has the best time playing with C. C will actually dance in place when she sees her because she's so excited. I just remembered her yelling at me. I'll have to mention it the next time I see her. Anyway, while at the party, I was invited to go to what was becoming an annual trek to Mardi Gras.

A few months later, 20 of us piled into a rented van and drove all 15 hours to New Orleans. While there I ended up hooking up with someone else in our group. That's a whole other story. It involved a bet (with the girl) and massive amounts of alcohol. I ended up passing out around 9:30pm. Evidently, while we were passed out, Mrs and her ex snuck back to the room. We had 2 joining rooms. We were passed out in one, they apparently went in another. One of the other people in our group came back, saw us passed out of the floor, and opened the door between the rooms. I DO remember waking up hearing some screaming, someone yelling "GET OUT!!", a door slamming, then hysterical laughing. It seems the guy opened the door as the "mount" position was assumed. Mrs said "Oh God" and he shouted "GET OUT!!". This was a joke for a long time. People would shout "Oh God" at random.

As we were leaving to go home, Mrs ended up sitting in the back of the rental van with me. Her ex had to go to some conference or training or something and flew out of New Orleans. As we were pulling away, she burst into tears. Eventually she layed her head in my lap and fell asleep for several hours of the trip home.

After Mardi Gras, I learned the ex boyfriend was engaged to a good friend of another person in our group. That he was cheating on her with his ex caused a lot of turmoil with everyone. It seems Mrs decided to dump him. Then thought better of it. It was too late at that point. He had already moved on. I heard a few other stories. It seemed she had a way of hooking up with someone else's boyfriend. I don't know how much of it was ever true. I've never pressed it. I didn't hear the stories until much later though.

Eventually I ended up going out with the girl I hooked up with in New Orleans. She was a really sweet girl, but she didn't do it for me physically. I told her several times I had just split up with my ex and I didn't want anything serious. I wanted to be able to date other people so on and so on. She was cool with it.

One night we all went to see Jimmy Buffet at the local coliseum. A lot of the Mardi Gras crowd went. After the concert, we went to a local sports bar. They had a dance floor. At one point the DJ started playing beach music. Mrs asked me to shag (the dance you do to beach music you pervs!!). I can't and don't generally dance. But I gave it a shot. I was a miserable failure. But Mrs and I hit it off. We had a good time. Eventually she asked me out. It was somewhat common knowledge I had some sort of relationship with the girl I was seeing. When asked, I always said "We're just friends". But I believe the girls all conspired to make sure she and I were exclusive. Mrs asked me about her while we were dancing and I gave her the same answer. "We're just friends. I'm not 'dating' anyone. I just want to have a good time right now". Then she asked me out.

I got a call from her a few days later at work CUSSING me out. The bad thing was, my Boss had just walked into my office and offered me a promotion. So I had the phone in my hand having just been called an asshole, and my boss standing there offering me a promotion. Talk about extremes. It seems the girls all got together and decided Mrs was out of the group and they ganged up on her. I had never heard all of the stories about her reputation until this point. It was the last I heard from her for some time.

That whole episode pissed me off. I don't like being "herded" into something. If I'm not 100% into a relationship, then there's no amount of scheming and conniving you can do to make me 100%. I told them all to piss off.

I kept hanging out with the group though. I ended up going through a long relationship with someone else. Eventually it ended. After a couple of years Mrs started getting more and more invites to events with the group. The whole thing settled down. I was bored sitting at my house one day. I hadn't had a date in months. I thought, you know, I wonder if Mrs would like to go out now that things are different. I called her. She turned me down (in hindsight it was understandable). Then a week or two later she called me and asked me out to lunch. We went to lunch. Then a HORRIBLE first date (a whole other story). Things went from there and now we're married.

I never did ask about her reputation or past partners. I don't really care. You can't change the past and she certainly doesn't act like she's some raging man stealing slut (I've experienced a variety of them). She has always been the loving person I married. In fact, I have to wonder if her reputation is strictly based on rumor and no substance.

So back to the dream. Perhaps it was me acknowledging the possibility she isn't all she seems. Not that I have any reason to believe otherwise. I've always known when someone has "cheated" on me. I knew every time the ex did it. I knew all but one time when others did it. The one time I didn't know, I found out I was actually the other guy. I have no doubt in my mind Mrs is faithful to me. Maybe I want us to explore a bit. I know she'd never in a million years do it. But maybe this dream represents my desires anyway. It was bizarre nonetheless.

What a "family oriented weekend"!

Friday night Mrs and I decided to try out this restaurant I heard about. It was a Chinese Buffet. I really wanted to go to a good Japanese steak house, but Mrs, C and I are leaving for Disney World next week and I'm saving money. The restaurant was bizarre. You walked in, seated yourself, helped yourself to food. Along the way a bill showed up at the table. You paid. Then left. It was very... free style. I wondered if a lot of people tried to walk out without paying. It seems like this system would beg for it. Keep moving around so they couldn't keep track of you, then walk out. The food was ok. I guess you get what you pay for.

The rest of the weekend we spent potty training C. What a pain in the ass! She's so cute though. Running around wearing big girl panties. So happy to be a "big girl". We spent probably 10 hours total on the potty though. The poor thing has the concept intellectually. She KNOWS what she's supposed to do. She does it when all circumstances come together. I.e. she has to go AND is already sitting on the potty. She can tell you when she already did it (after the fact). It's the whole hold it 'til you GET to the potty thing we're having a hard time with. I think we went through every pair of underwear she has. Thank God I just bought a carpet cleaner.

Sunday we went to a local water park. C was a real pain in the ass. We got there and waded into one of the pools. C started pitching a fit. We walked to another pool, one with tons of slides and things to play on. She half way seemed interested, then pitched a fit. I was already in a pissy mood. I've been really thinking about things "post A" and it's got me in a little bit of a funk. Finally C started in with "I want Mommy I want Mommy". It hit me wrong. I just walked away. Put myself in "time-out".

Mrs and C came walking over. Mrs decided to try to give C a little snack to get her blood sugar back up. C came over and said "I wanna lay down." I asked her if she wanted to lay on Daddy. "Yes" she said in the sweetest voice. I picked her up and lay her on my chest, her head on my shoulder. We lay like that for 10 minutes or so. Then she lifted her head, looked me in the eye and giggled the evilest little laugh while sticking her fingers in my ears. How can one stay in a funk after that?

We played a little bit more. C was in a better mood. We're having a "cool" spell right now. Typically it's 100+ this time of year. Yesterday is was in the low 80's. The pool was actually a little bit cold. After a few minutes, C wasn't just shivering, she was shaking violently. So we scooped her up and called it a day. $15 for < 1hr in the park. I can't WAIT to spend $100+ a day at Disney!!

After the water park I decided to take the motorcycle and go for a ride. The weather is so nice right now. It's perfect for riding. While on the road I thought more about A. It's neither here nor there now, but I'm confused by the mixed signals. At pool she leans over and strokes my dick through my shorts, tells me we need to get together soon. Acts like she's interested in getting together when I offer an opportunity. Then out of the blue we're done. I just hope I didn't do something that turned her off.

I'm still debating whether or not I would do it again. I'm sure I could. I didn't really go into great detail, but when E and I chatted last week I did the usual, push the envelope thing with her. She seemed.... receptive. But she's no 10. She's not even a 7. I'm sure 10 years ago she was. She's older than me by at least 6 years. I guess I'm getting at an age where MY age isn't going to do it for me, much less someone older than me. On top of that, I don't know if should could leave the baggage out. She knows my deal. Or at least as much as I've let her know. She knows I'm married. I love my wife. Could she leave it at that? Could anyone?

More thought required.

It looks like A and I are done. Damnit!! It was a blast while it lasted.

I am home.. cough... cough sick today. I called A yesterday to tell her I would be here... all alone... sick... if she could get away from work for a bit. She said she thought she might could work it out. Then later in the day I got a message she couldn't do it. I sent her an e-mail saying I was bummed, but I could probably get away anytime her schedule allowed. She responded saying she and her husband are having major problems and didn't know if/when we could play again. I sent her a reply and said I'd help her out in any way I can and if she needed someone to talk to I'm here. This morning I got a reply that essentially said she needed to deal with her situation and she had a great time playing. She went on to say maybe we could play again later if things change.

First, let me say I really hope things work out for her. She and her husband seemed pretty happy before they got married. They both played "the game" and they both seemed to be really happy with the arrangement and each other. I don't know if maybe he expected it to end when they tied the knot and got really pissed that it didn't. I don't know if it's something completely different. I don't pry. I'm here for her to talk if she wants. But only if she wants. I really do hope she will be happy no matter what the outcome.

From a purely selfish point of view, I'm not sure where to go from here. I really enjoyed playing with her. I don't think I'll likely find another situation like that. A critical mass of circumstances if you will. Someone beautiful, who is in an open relationship, with no strings. I read about it all the time. But this is the first time in my life I've actually experienced it. Maybe I just don't know how or what to look for. What signs. I would be very open to playing again in the future if she really meant what she said. But I'm not going to hold my breath. Who knows, maybe I'll be surprised.

In the meantime, I've realized a few things about myself. I'm addicted to the mischief. I think if everything were completely open in my marriage, if Mrs said "As long as you and I will be together forever, fuck whoever you want" I think I would get bored quickly. It's the excitement of a) having sex b) doing it covertly and c) doing it with someone beautiful. I love sex. I love sex with different people. That has always been my kick. Figuring out what makes someone tick. I haven't fooled around in my marriage until now. I've come close in my previous marriage. But I couldn't do it. But the thought of it was so alluring. And now that I have, I can say it hasn't changed. Then of course there's the ego trip of being with someone so beautiful. Mrs is beautiful. Being with someone even more so... you have to admit it boosts one's ego. That I'm attractive enough for her to want to be with me. So overall, it's the whole package that really does it.

I'm not really sure where to go from here. I never really actively hunted for a playmate. I toyed with AFF briefly. But to me, it seemed more... dishonest to actively search someone out. I signed up for the free level of access, put out a profile, had a response, then freaked out and closed the account. A and I sort of stumbled across each other. I've never really searched mostly because I fear baggage. I will be straight up with people. I'm only in it for fun. I'm not leaving my wife. I'm satisfying a craving... that's it. I fear a lot of people couldn't leave it at that. Maybe I give myself too much credit.

This will require some more thought...

Pool night last night. Boring... zzzzzzzz There were only 4 of us in attendance. J, W, B, and Me. I had a good night on the table for a change. You need 5 people to shoot a match. But rules allow for 1 person to shoot twice as long as you can stay under your handicap limit. I shot twice. I spanked the guy in my first match 3 to 1. We played the handicap numbers game right and ended up with some serious mismatches by the end of the night. Well... they SHOULD'VE been mismatches. It seems the later it gets the worse I shoot. Apparently the same holds true of W. I shot last against a 2. As a 4 I have to win 4 games to her 2. I couldn't shoot a ball if my life depended on it. She was pretty good and defensing me and leaving me shit shots. But there were plenty I should've been able to make. I beat her 4 to 0. But it was the longest 4 of my life. Finally, about 1/2 way through the 3rd I starting getting game back. The 4th was a slam dunk. I was worried for a while though.

W had the same problem. He lost his first game. He was in a 5 to 2 race. Once you lose your first game, the pressure is all on you not to fuck up when you shoot against a low handicap. He struggled, but pulled it out.

All in all we took 4. Too little, too late. We shoot our last match of this session next week. we have to take all 5 and have some luck with the other teams to make it to the play offs. I don't see it happening.

J and I headed back to our home bar afterwards. It was closed so we went to another bar to meet E and B. B was gone by the time I got there. E was shooting pool in the back. J and I hung out a bit. E came over to where we were. She said something cryptic like "I thought you were done with Work C. I heard 'he had your back'". Then she walked over to the juke box. WTF? So I went over and asked her what the hell she was talking about. Someone heard me tell him I had his back last week when we thought the fight was going down. They told her it had to do with him covering for me while I fooled around or something. Which couldn't be further from the truth. Work C will NEVER know anything about me ever again because of his mouth. In the middle of this conversation I looked over to see J walking out. He didn't say 'Bye or anything.

E and I sat around and talked a while longer. It's really bugging me that people are saying shit about me. Which in and of itself doesn't bother me. I don't really care. It bugs me that they get it wrong. I REALLY want to know who it is. I'm debating whether or not to play next session. This is yet another factor.

Damn! I actually start getting some hits thanks to a few new linkers (all on the sidebar) and my life goes boring as hell. Nothing good at all. Zip. Nada.

Do you ever have one of those moments that seem hillarious at the time? You think, "Damn I should write this shit down it's so funny. I could be funnier than those damn 'You might be a redneck' jokes". But then when you go to write it down you can't even manage a chuckle?

I climbed in bed last night and picked up my book. Mrs was already in bed watching the Howard Sten show. After a few minutes she turned off the TV and leaned over to me. I gave her a little kiss thinking she was going to go to sleep. She put her head down on my shoulder and ran her hand down to my dick.

It was about this time I realized she was wearing pants and a shirt. Not sweats or PJs or anything you would normally associate with bed time attire. These were those calf length capri's (I think that's what she called them). Her shirt was more fitted than a T-shirt. It looked to me like something you could dress up with a skirt (Not that I'm any fashion expert. Hell it could've been PJs for all I know). So I said "Are you still wearing your clothes?". I've noticed lately Mrs has been falling asleep in whatever she was wearing. I.e. not changing to PJs. She sheepishly replied "No. These are what I put on after C's bath". I said "But not PJs. Have you been sleeping in your clothes?". To me this is the ultimate in lazy. Throw your clothes on the floor. Leave them there for a month. But sleeping in your clothes is just plain lazy. She had buried her head between my shoulder and the pillow during this conversation. I clearly was hitting close to home. She said "I'll change" and got up. After rummaging through drawers for a minute she said "I don't have anything sexy. I'll have to wear these." She held up her "comfortable" PJs. These are this old pair of shorts and top that have holes in them. She asked "Would you rather I always wear something sexy?" I replied "Yeah baby, you look so HOT in that little lace teddy lying on the couch with your mouth open, drool coming out of the side of your mouth, snoring like a chainsaw!!" Mrs started rolling on the floor laughing. I continued "I'll walk over and in my sexiest voice say 'Baby, let's go to bed'. Then you'll POP your eyes open, stare blankly around the room, wipe the drool off your mouth, mumble something, then stagger to the bedroom while bouncing off a wall or two, climb into bed pulling the covers up to your chin, and resume the mouth open, drooling, snore! THAT... IS... SO... HAWT!!" She was in tears from laughing at this point. Then she shouted, "Damnit I have to pee now!!"

Are we sexy or what?!

Needless to say. NOTHING stirred during this conversation. She came back to bed, said "Fine!!" and rolled over.

Boring. Such is my life right now. Last night and most of Sunday I spent wrestling the Gods of electrons and all gremlins who associated themselves with the plight of all things electrical. While Mrs and I were taking the boat out Sat night, I had a few electrical problems with the boat. All minor... seemingly.

We left the ramp around twilight. As we were pulling out I flipped the switch for navigation lights and got... NONE. Or rather only the stern/anchor light. The red/green bow light was a no go. We were only going about 1/4 mile from the landing so I decided to take our chances. I got out the spotlight and lit up the way with 1M+ candlepower (BTW, if you think the moon was bright. Try sneeking up on a loved one say... just getting out of the shower and lighting them up with a 1 or 2 million candlepower spotlight. Funny... as... hell!!). That went ok. We made it to and from our anchorage without any problems. Back at the ramp I noticed a tail light out on the trailer.

Sunday I made a run to the local boat store to buy new bulbs for the bow light and for the trailer. The trailer uses a "sealed" lamp. Which means the whole bulb assembly is encased in a plastic bubble. You can't just buy the bulb. You have to buy the whole assembly. It just snaps into place on the lens housing and you wire it to the trailer wire harness. Simple enough. Red wire to green (or yellow depending on left or right), brown wire to brown. My trailer even had plenty of slack wire so I could snip and strip the ends of the harness and have fresh wire to splice into. I plugged the trailer plug into the truck and.....

EVERYTHING WAS FUCKED UP!!! Turn on the left signal and the right flasher flashed. Turn on the right and the right flashed. Hit the brakes and nothing. Turn on the lights and the tail lights come on, the side lights worked fine. Hit the left turn signal and the left flashed. Hit the right signal and the right flashed. So far so good. Hit the brakes and they all go out. WTF?!?!

So I assumed I had to have a short somewhere. I was worried it was somewhere in my truck. I had another set of lights on a bar for a small sailboat. I plugged those in and they worked perfectly. Tail lights, turn signals, brakes. I got "smart" and busted out the volt meter. Turn signals read voltage and pulsed as they should. Brake lights same deal. It had to be in the trailer.

I thought maybe the plug had shorted over time. I cut and spliced and put a new one on. Same deal. I gave up.

Last night I decided to attack it again. I opted to rewire the whole fucking trailer. Which isn't THAT big of a deal. There are only 4 wires to screw with. You just have to run them the length of the trailer, tucking, tieing etc. It was more time consuming to crawl under the trailer to run it that the skill etc. required. I wired everything up. Plugged the new wires into the truck. THIS time, Left turn signal worked but was dim. The right turn signal worked but was also dim. Brake lights worked fine. Turn on the tail lights and those worked. Except now the side lights were out. The turn signals worked but were barely decernable from the tail light. When you hit the brakes the whole thing went out. FUCK!!!!!!!

I dialed in and googled trailer wiring and a few other choice keywords. I almost immediately found a site mentioning the ground. If it's not ground properly you get dim lights and so on. I had played with the ground while I was going through my testing. Then I read an article suggesting the trailer will ground through the ball hitch on the truck. During my testing I never actually hooked the trailer up. I just plugged it in. What the hell, I'll give it a try. If nothing else it will rule out the ground.

I had Mrs help me back the truck up to the boat (it's close to midnight by now). I hooked the boat up to the hitch. Plugged in the wires. The bastards worked perfectly!!! I guess I need to find a stronger or cleaner point to connect the ground wire. It makes me wonder if I had hooked the boat up to the truck in the first place if my other gremlins would've gone away. If nothing else, I have brand new wiring. No nicks, chinks, shorts anywhere. Damnit!!

Frustration. Damnit!! This weekend was both interesting and frustrating at the same time.

I don't actually remember what we did Fri. night. I was going to go out for happy hour with the guys from work. Mrs and I discussed it Fri. morning. As the day wore on I became more and more exhausted from lack of sleep. Around 1:00ish Mrs. called to see if we were going to happy hour or not. One thing I can't seem to get through Mrs' head is guys are very... spur of the moment. We don't plan things. We don't have every detail worked out a week in advance. So I didn't know. I think this peaved her a bit. As we got closer to quitting time several people were MIA. Some in meetings, some had wandered to various corners of work. I was tired as shit by this point. Mrs was sounding a little miffed that I didn't have a plan. I decided to bail. Turns out the guys went out after all. I think I fell asleep on the floor at home. I don't really remember too well.

Mrs and I went on our "adventure" Saturday night. We took the boat up to a local lake. I anchored us on sand bar. The wind was out of the north, which blew right into this cove. Normally it's pretty calm. That night it was a little on the rough side. Not as rough as the night the fellows went "fishing". But it was a little bumpy. Mrs had a whole picnic planned. Wine, crackers, cheese etc. We ate as the moon came up. It was the brightest moon I have ever seen. There was an article in the paper. Some celestial event caused this. It's supposed to be a 1 in 100 year thing. I can tell you it was REALLY bright.

After we ate, Mrs decided it was time for us to swim. Without our clothes. We hopped in the water. It was nice. Mrs came over and wrapped her legs around me, smothering me with her mouth. After a few minutes she grabbed my cock and slid me inside her. I've tried sex in water before and it wasn't all that fun. No lubrication. I read a post over at RedWhore about sex in a pool and the right way to do it. Essentially you move very slowly, more of a grinding than the usual fucking. I tried to do that. Mrs wouldn't have any of it. She threw herself up and down my cock. I have to say it was an unusual feeling. The lake water was cool. Mrs was hot. The sensation of heat then cold was bizarre. Unfortunately, I started thinking about lubrication and the lake water and what it could do to her. I said "Let's get back in the boat".

So we climbed back in. Our bare asses must've looked like a beacon on the water. DAMN it was bright. We moved to the front of the boat. I have a deck up front for fishing. It's about 4 inches below the gunnels. The bow has a little 1.5' x 2' section for the bow cleat etc. that is level with the gunnels. You can lay on the deck and rest your head on the bow like a pillow. I've napped there on many occasions while fishing. Mrs took position there. We fucked like that for what seems like an hour. I brought a camping air mattress so the deck wouldn't be so hard. But we forgot about it. My knees were starting to kill me and I wasn't close to cumming at all. So I stopped for a few minutes. At least I tried to. The boat was rocking in the waves. On the bow there was a definate... motion of the ocean thing going on. I relaxed and let the motion do its thing. We were moving very subtly with the waves. Eventually Mrs started to squirm under me. I started to move a little more than what the boat allowed. That sent Mrs over the edge. I came shortly afterwards.

We packed up and headed in after that. I wonder if any of the houses around saw a blinding white light coming from a boat anchored just off shore. I'm sure our asses were radiating.

I chatted with A briefly Fri. Mrs was taking C to dinner with some friends Sun evening and I wasn't invited. A said she thought we might could do something. I never did hear back from her. This is really getting frustrating. I wonder if something has changed. Back when we first started playing she told me if I wanted to stop to tell her and not just leave her hanging. I said I expected the same from her. I wonder if she's leaving me hanging or if she really is having a hard time getting away. I'm patient. I can wait. After all, this is a once in a lifetime deal. I still want to play. I think she does too. It's just frustrating.

I left her a message one day telling her how I thought about her pussy around my cock and how much I missed it. She called me back and said "That was awesome". At pool she told me she saved that message. I called her and left a couple more for her. We chatted Wed night. She said she was dying to get together... soon. So I feel like she wants to play. We'll see.