Throwing hands up

I'm done. I've got nothing. My brain has run the gamut of pissed... resigned.. now I got nothing.

Last night was pool night. I have a match (shooting.. guns that is) this weekend. There is a match at an indoor range nearby every other Wed. I opted to go shoot it before pool and knock the rust off as I haven't shot in some time. The match really isn't much to brag about. The format is... well.. amateurish. When I first started, it was a big deal to me. But as I have shot other more organized disciplines I realize how disorganized and to a degree, unfair it really is. They ignore a lot of rules that sort of even the playing field otherwise. Anyway, I have come to see it as a great opportunity to push myself score be damned. Having said all of this, there is one shooter who shoots all disciplines. He is VERY good. It's interesting to me to see how he does in the various events he goes to. You can use him as an overall judge of the level of competition in each. I.e. he usually wins the Wed. night thing. He sometimes wins one particular discipline (that I don't shoot). He finishes in the top 3rd but has never come close to winning the discipline I do shoot. On Wed. nights I look at how I perform relative to him to see my progress. Last night I won. Took 1st overall. And beat him. Which has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the post. But I'm bragging just a little.

Yesterday I was standing in Chester's cube talking. He said he had been working on a side job all night and was really tired. I said "Tell me about it. I had a late night too". He looked at me in that "Oh really... do tell" manner. I said "Nothing happened. Not that." Maybe it was the look on my face. I dunno. But about an hour later I got a text from Taylor "Did you tell Chester about last night?" WTF! I asked her what he said. Basically he was fishing. This the same kind of shit he does all the fucking time. He doesn't realize how it affects other people when he's trying to be clever. That she asked me about it, tells me it really bugs her. She thinks I'm out saying "Oh yeah... I went out with Taylor last night... wink wink"

I got to pool after the match in a very weird frame of mind. On one hand I finally beat my mentor. But then again the match isn't exactly a good test. But straight up I beat him. But I was pissed about Chester. And I had absolutely no clue what to expect from Taylor. It seems she runs hot and cold from day to day. As for pool, I could really care less. I was completely indifferent about the whole thing.

Even though I shot, I ended up being the first person there. I ordered food... warmed up a bit. Finally Chester and Pops showed up. I tried to hang by myself and avoid him. But he kept after me about the shoot. I finally told him I won. And I told him how I really didn't care what happened in our match (pool this time... not shooting). Let me say, that sounds like I'm being an ass. But for whatever reason, if I'm relaxed and don't care about the outcome on the pool table, I shoot really... really well. Chester knows this. Somewhere in there Taylor showed up. She gave me an awkward hug. I joked with her and said "Oh... so it's like that!" She walked away and said back towards me "Yeah.. like that". Hmmm... was she joking too? It sounded like she may have meant it... hmmm.

Chester put me up first in 9 ball. I completely spanked the guy. I didn't shoot that great. But I shot well. Well enough that there was no way he would win. But he shot like complete shit. The score was so lopsided I almost skunked him (which no one has ever done on any of the teams I've played on). You have to understand how the handicaps work.. but the score gets "normalized" for handicaps. Even though the other guy made some balls... he made so few compared to me the normalized score almost zeroed for him. He made 1 ball enough to get 1 point.

After that the night went downhill. I ended up scoring another match which took forever. I looked over and Taylor was there with Chester... her hands on his thigh.. on his back... A thought started dawning on me (because I'm that fucking slow)... Maybe she's playing me. The whole competition thing.

I finally got away from scoring. At this point Taylor was scoring a different match by herself. I sat down next to her. She said "I am so fucking cold in here." I started to rub her back briskly. She said "That's just going to make me itch." Oh... ok. A few minutes later one of my teamates needed help. He called me over. I talked it over with him then sat back down. He completely fucked up what I told him to do. Taylor said "I was about to take over the time out from you". Now she pissed me off. I played on this team for 2 years before her. I've played league pool for about 5 years before that. I was a founding member of this team and have coached people thousands of times including the guy who asked for help. The other week the same guy asked Taylor for help. I've made the shot and coached the shot he needed help with hundreds of times. She set him up completely different than the way I would take it. I said "Taylor... let's discuss for a sec". She said "No" and went back to talking to the player. The guy on the other team, who has been playing since the league inception said "I'd move that ball over here to give it more angle"... which was exactly what I wanted her to do (he had ball in hand). She ignored him. Our guy took the shot... completely whiffed it... but got the leave we all wanted. She walked over and said "I'm never coaching another fucking player you assholes!" to both me and the other guy. And she meant it. So when she said that last night, it really pissed me off. I looked at her and said "You and me gonna fight soon" and kinda poked her.

Every chance she got, when the action was slow, she would walk over to Chester and it would be the same deal. Hands on his thighs... back... whatever. Then I heard Pops say "I'm glad you came over the other night. That was nice and Chester needs it". Motherfucker!! I WAS right!! AND... the next night, she hung out with me AND we fucking kissed!

The matches finally ended. I had almost a full beer. Without saying anything to anyone I walked over to the bar and sat down. I was sipping my beer watching some news show when the whole gang came walking over. Chester plopped his case down on the bar. Taylor scooted it over and sat next to me. Chester walked up next to her on the other side. She leaned her head over on his case and said "I'm sooooo tired". We all closed our tabs and left. I started heading to my truck. I noticed Taylor had parked next to Chester's truck. She called out "See you later Mr" and walked to her car.

And that... was that. I left. I was so fucking pissed on the way home. Then it all started clicking. Now I know why Chester said something to her about what I said. Now I know why it got to her. Now I get it. And fuck them all.

I haven't decided what to do about pool. I really could've cared less... and I spent the whole night annoyed, confused, then ultimately pissed. Which is just not a healthy way for me to spend my evenings. If I go back to pool, then it says I'm ok with getting jerked around by everyone. But... there is Celeste. But is it worth it. AND... what happens when Chester starts running his mouth again?

I think I'm done with it all... at least for now.

Action Baby!

Came across a few pictures of me in action at a competition. It's been a while since I posted any. Here's goes nuttin...

Ahuh - ahuh - ahuh (mock sobbing)

I give up trying to figure the whole Taylor thing out.

My little green blinking light went red late yesterday. Idle chit chat. She told me she was off work and "just need to find something to do with myself". I told her I had a suggestion. Initially it was going to be along the lines of "go fuck yourself" except I really meant it in a tongue and cheek play on words. I thought better of it and came to a sort of zen moment. If it will happen, then it will. I said "let's get baked and naked". She said "I don't have any weed and I don't know about the naked part". I just let it hang. Right before I went to karate she asked "Do you want to puff a little and get a drink?" We made plans.. sort of.. for when I got finished with my class.

She met me in the parking lot of the Dojo. When she pulled up, she was on her phone and clearly upset. She got out of her car and into mine. She said "I'm sorry.. I just had to talk to my Mom. My roomate told me she has decided when our lease is up she is moving on. Which is cool by me. But I've been thinking that may be the time for me to do something with my life. I'm thinking about going into the military". Wow! That's a pretty heavy load. While she talked about her Mom's take on it she started sniffling. She told me about her Mom's career in the military and how supportive she has been... which lead to more crying.

I took her to the yacht club I belong to. It is situated in an absolutely stunning spot overlooking our waterfront. It also, conveniently, has a bar. We grabbed drinks and headed down to the pier. We chatted, talked about her decision, laughed, basically talked about anything and everything. The bugs started getting to us so we toured the facility. Most of the YC inhabitants other than us were close to being octagenarians. We opted to go some place more... lively.

We ended up at the sister bar to the one where we shoot pool. Not many people on a Tues night. And there's electronic bowling. We drank, played a few games, drank. Finally we were at the bar. We talked about so many things. I found out she and I share almost identical political views. We reached a lull in conversation. I probably broke a thousand "rules". But I decided to up the ante. I asked "So what the hell's going on?" She looked at me only a little bit confused. "What do you mean?" I soldiered on... "Ok.. one night you're telling me you give fantastic blowjobs and that I'll probably find out... then I get 'ringworms'" She burst out laughing at that. "Then I get tons of really hot naked pictures... then we kiss... then nothing... then more pictures... I'm so confused". She laughed (thank God). I won't go blow by blow, but I essentially don't know any more now than I did before. She talked about her attraction to older (there it is again) married men... how they are somehow safe from too deep of a connection. Finally, the bar tender was giving us that "get the fuck out so I can close" look. I took her back to her car. On the way she asked "You don't by any chance have any weed?" Always prepared I said "Of course". When we got to her car, we got out of mine (long story involving broken windows.. blah blah). After a few hits we drove around a few neighborhood and carried on like stoners. Finally we got back to the parking lot. I got out. She got out. We hugged... for a while. Then she sort of pulled back. I still held her though. She looked at me and asked "Are you about to cross a line again?" I said "If you let me"... she paused for a moment.. and said "Ok". She leaned in and we kissed. For just a moment. Then she pushed me away and we left.

So today... I'm in that post kiss, my set is growing bigger day by day (ha!), kinda zen place where I really don't care what happens next. But I think we all know that moment will be short lived... and I'll bitch and moan and throw my hands up some more.

Sigh...

Blinking blinking blinking

That little green fucking blinking light taunting me with a lack of interaction.

Sigh... Friday we pretty much just hung out all day. My Mom took C and Mrs to the mall and ran around a lot. I opted to get caught up on the 2 hour finale of Lost. I never heard from Taylor. We went to this really awesome mexican restaurant. It wasn't the usual taco, burrito etc. They had really interesting food. Anyway, we all pretty much crashed as soon as we got home. I texted Taylor asking what was up. She said she was out on a boat. She implied on a boat as in someone else's and not the sailboat she and I hung out on. I sent "Really? Do tell". I got back "Haha.. just some peeps I know". I didn't want to text her the whole time so I just said "I don't want to fuck up your chi. Talk to you later".

The next day, we continued the "geek" theme and went to a fair of similar theme as graduation night (It won't be that hard to figure out.. but you'll have to google it). The day started off on the wrong foot for me. My step-father invited one of his college friends and family to join us. We were supposed to be there at 10:30. We were walking out the door at 10:30 when we got a call from the friend. They were not even to the border of my Mom's state AND they were stopped at a restaurant for breakfast. We opted to go ahead and leave. Around 1... yes ONE... we got another call, they stopped at a hotel and checked in. They were just leaving. They finally showed up at 2pm. TWO FUCKING PM!! The whole time we were waiting for them, we were kinda hanging out in one area. Fortunately, there was some stuff for C to do. When they did show up, they didn't have cash so they got in the longest ATM line in history. I was ready to fucking kill people at this point. The coup de gras however, was when the Mom sent her girl off with C and Mrs, then went off to do her own thing sticking Mrs with HER fucking kid! We were paying for C to do things (of course it all cost money). This poor kid was just standing there watching... so Mrs started paying for her to do stuff too. After just a couple of things, Mrs said "I'm not paying for another thing for this kid. WHERE THE HELL IS HER MOMMY!" So poor C and the kid were stuck trying to find free things to do. Eventually, I found the mommy and corraled her to the general vicinity of her kid. We grabbed C and went to do a ride. The poor kind was left behind because the mommy saw something glittery and went off again. But at least we had a "handoff" of the kid. I felt bad, but fuck that. MY kid is going to have fun.

While this was all going on I got a text from Taylor "You're missing a beautiful day for a ride". I responded "Yeah yeah. I'll be back tomorrow. Wanna do something?" She replied "I'm going out on the boat with friends. It will depend. Crowd rules". I sent "I can do something tomorrow or monday". I didn't get a response. Later I shot her something about C being an adrenaline junkie. I got a "Haha" back. And that was it. I sent her a couple more things. Idle chit chat and comments on my day. The same shit we have done for the past several weeks. Nothing.

I couldn't take being at my Mom's anymore. I could go on and on about the little things that drive me nuts there. I have been gone somewhere every other week for the last two months. I'm kinda sick of being gone on the weekends and doing something. Mostly though, I really wanted to do something with Taylor. I told myself all of the excuses. But now, I realized that was my primary motive.

We left around noon Sunday. It's a good 4 1/2 hours back to pluff land. Nothing. Not a text. A peep. I thought.. ok she's out having a good time. That's cool. Got home around 5pm. Nothing. All night nothing. Maybe I should've sent her a text, but I'm sick of chasing. Yesterday, nothing.

So here I am with a green blinking fucking light on my crackberry reminding me of how much nothing I've had. The thing is, it's not so much Taylor I want as it is, I now realize, someone to want me. I abhor the idea of getting old and unattractive. My insecurities are rearing their ugly heads in force. I've always said, and it has always been true, I really enjoy the thrill of sex with different people. Learning their bodies... the different way they moan. I love it. But now, there is a new element. It has gone beyond the thrill of strange and into a desparation to hold onto my youth. Think about it. I'm in karate. What is the real reason? Because I'm disgusted by my fat ass. I hate the fact that I can't do the shit I did when I was 18. I miss being the bad ass. I am chasing everything with a pussy with, at least what seems to me, to be with a sense of desparation. "Someone PLEASE find me attractive and fuck me!" Jesus I'm losing my fucking mind here!

The worst part of the whole thing, is my complete loathing for Chester. At the moment, I have it in my head that the boat was Chester's. That he finally decided to fuck her. The thought is sending me into blind rage. Initially, when Taylor first joined the team, I layed back. I didn't say 2 words. I let those two go for it. Time and time again he told me "No way... she's fucking nuts... I would never... I want YOU to so she'll let me go" on and on. So finally, I do. And then he starts telling me things like "If you DO fuck her, just say the word 'don't' to me so if I decide to, I'll know you have and leave it alone". Or "Now I'm not so sure she's nuts... I think she just wants to fuck". WTF?!?!? As soon as I show an interest, he's back in the hunt. Or at least so it appears.

Which then brings me to how fucked up I am when it comes to Chester. I see evil in everything he does. Even if he ISN'T chasing Taylor. It's that my head spins it that way for everything. What the hell is wrong with me?!? Why in the hell did I join that fucking team!?!? Why couldn't I just find another team to join? I keep putting myself in a position for Chester to poison my soul. Or is it me poisoning my own? Probably a little of both. That he has done so many things, I immediately assume he is up to his usual shit. (I found out while writing this he wasn't even in town... so I'm totally fucked up).

If you take Chester out of the mix, I could really care less. Yeah it's driving me nuts that I can't "close the deal". Yeah I feel like my age is starting to play a factor. But really, if she found someone, that's great. I'm sure I'd feel bad about it. But really, she's young and single. She should be with someone who can be something other than a good fuck. I only wish she would be up front and quit jerking me around. I told her once that I'd never lie to her. I would always tell her the truth about anything she wants to know (and possibly even not want). And it's true. I'll never feed her a line that I'm not getting any at home. I'll never tell her I'm leaving my wife. I'll never pretend my home life sucks just to bed her. I wish she would do the same. But as long as I think there's a chance, I'm going for it and I feel all of the emotions.

No matter what, this spiral (that I now recognize) has to end somehow (and no I'm not talking the 'ultimate' end.. no matter how depressed I WON'T go there). I'm getting older. I'm not the 30 year old I was 7,8,9 (somewhere in there) years ago. I have to face facts that women.. girls... the 30 and under gang see me differently no matter what's in my heart. I do the same shit I did when I was 30. I act the same way I did when I was 30. In MY head I know who I am on the inside. It's that I now see that the grey is creeping into my hair, my face has aged... I'm starting to see how other people see me. And I really, REALLY don't like it. It's not just in my head either. Taylor and I were talking on the boat when we were stoned. She said "You must see me as a complete child". I asked "Why would you say that? How do you see me?" She said, and I'm paraphrasing because my memory is admittedly colored... I see you as the older man with responsibilities I can never imagine. You have a mortgage, a child, a real job. You're such an adult compared to me. That she delineates me as an adult to her child tells me a lot of things about her. But I take away what it means to me and how she sees me.

I think that one sentence was the head of the nail.

Surprise Surprise

Nuthin... zip... nada

That's what happened. I asked Taylor if she wanted to get a bite before pool. We went to a mexican restaurant. Food, big ol' beers. At pool, nuthin. At the tournament, she was pretty handsy. Rubbing my leg. Scratching my back. This time... nuthin. After the matches were over, we went to the bar. Of course Chester showed up. Again... nothin. She didn't even prop her legs across mine like she has so many other nights. Finally I had to go. We were getting up at 5am to leave for my sisters graduation. I started to get up. She looked at me like WTF? She asked "Are you leaving?" I said "Yeah unless you have a better idea". She answered with an incredulous tone "Yeah... like wait for me". So I sat back down. She finished her drink. Then we walked out. Outside, the temperature had dropped significantly. We walked to our cars. She put up her cues. I walked over to give her a hug. She reached up, gave me a quick squeeze, then pushed away and said "I gotta get some sleep. Goodnight".

And that was it. I was so pissed off when I got home. I just don't fucking get her. And I'm sick of games.

I crashed almost immediately. I woke up around 5am (well... maybe a few minutes later with snooze). We were running around getting stuff loaded in the car when I checked my crackberry. 2 messages from Taylor around 1amish. The first said "I am such an ass. I didn't even thank you for dinner. Thank you". The 2nd "You have a picture at...." I checked the picture. It was of her in a pair of panties with her hand down inside. I honestly thought... eh... getting old.

I didn't respond. We got on the road around 6:30. I was so tired I had to pull over after an hour and a half and let Mrs drive. Around 10:00 I got a text "I had a lot of really bad dreams last night"... I thought yeah me too... of getting fucking jerked around. I thought about what to say. Finally, I decided I would just play it cool. Friends... nothing more. I replied "I'm sorry to hear. What about?". She told me. We texted off and on all day. I was very careful not to imply anything sexual. I kept it strictly platonic.

After the graduation we all went to Medieval Times. My family are SO geeks. I have to admit, once you start yelling a little bit it was kinda fun. Anyway, while there I got a message "I am so fucking bored"... yeah yeah... Then I got "I really wish I had some weed.... We need to get together soon". I would like to read "get together soon and fuck". Realistically I know she means "get together and smoke some of your weed". I said something like "sounds fun". Not a minute after I sent that, I got "The lips of my flowere are starting to show..." Then "You have a picture at..." I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I opened the picture. Actually there were three. The first was of the "lips" sticker from the tanning bed. The second was again of her pussy. Except this time instead of her fingers resting on her pussy. They were deep inside. The last picture was her standing or kneeling. Again with her fingers inside her pussy. But this one from of her full body.. or at least as much as she could get from that angle. I have to say, she has incredible tits. The first picture of them didn't do justice because they were kind of resting on her arms which made them a little funny shaped. Hanging naturally they were... really nice. Not droopy... nice. I thought about what to say. I couldn't help myself. I said "It sucks I'm stuck all the way over here with a stupid paper crown on my head". She sent back "LOL". We texted a little more. She emailed me a couple of head shots of her that were pretty tame.

I think I've accepted that shes pretty much just playing me.

Which is ok because..... There is a new girl on the team. Celeste. Taylor is 25. Celeste is closer to 40. We knew she would be coming out. None of us had ever met her. She walked into the bar and HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! This girl is fucking STACKED!!! She had on low rider jeans and the tightest shirt I have ever seen. We're well into the Ds with these things. We were playing a team predominatly of handicapped individuals. One looked at me and said "Boys... I think I'm losing my disability pay... I'm gonna stand up!"

A) She's in the middle of a divorce that will be ending soon. B) She's horny as hell. C) She's wild as hell. and D) I got a text from Chester that I'm not supposed to know this... but she really digs me.

Hrmmmmmm....

Quick Post

I'm leaving at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow to go to my baby sister's high school graduation in big city many many hours away.

Since Sunday night, nothing really interesting has happened. Taylor and I have texted off and on. Last night I went to dinner with Sandy and a guy I shoot with from another town. Mrs went along. On the way to the restaurant Taylor texted me saying she fell asleep in the tanning bed. I asked her if she put on one of those stickers that leaves a white spot. A few minutes later I got "You have a picture at....". The picture was of her stomach. She had on a pair of panties. There was a barely discernable white spot just outside of the waist band. While looking at that picture, I realized the others, ALL of them had expired on that account and were gone. I told her about it. She said "Maybe I'll have to send some more"

On the way home I got a text from Taylor. "What are you doing?". I gave her the skinny. As I have pool tonight, last night was the only chance I would get to pack. I started getting my clothes together. I got another text "Do you want to see a really naughty picture?" Oh hell yeah. I was a little more cool than that. "Of course". A few minutes later I got "You have a picture at ...". I pulled up the sight on my crackberry and... WOW... she had sent me naked pictures before. This one was awesome. It was a picture of her pussy with her finger along her slit. The previous picture was from an angle like she would see. This one was full on frontal. Wow!


Tonight will be interesting. I can't stay out late because we're leaving so early tomorrow. That and Sandy and the guy from last night will be coming out too. Hopefully, they'll call it an early night. We'll call it early. Maybe Taylor and I will be able to get away from the bar and do something else before it gets too late.

We'll see. No matter what, it may be a few days before I can give details.

Fertilizer for the balls

Wow! What a weekend. So much has happened. Ups downs... ups again. Here goes...

Friday I bailed from work early. I have been trying to get the boat ready for the summer. I'm way behind. I had just a few minor things before a shake down cruise so to speak. I was up to my armpits in bilge shit replacing a crumbling bilge hose when I got a text from Taylor "What are you doing?". I shot back a quick description of the position I was in trying to wrestle this hose loose. I asked her what she was up to. She replied "Nothing.. looking for something to do". I don't really remember what I said. At that point in the conversation, while yanking on the offending hose in the boat, the through hull fitting snapped off. I think I sent Taylor something to the effect of "Fuck... I just broke it. I'm finished now". She replied "Do you want to hang out for a bit? Hrmm.... Mrs was due home at any minute. I replied "I could do something later... like 9 or 9:30ish". She said that was cool. Then she sent "Do you still have your old weed? Would you mind sharing". Hmmm share weed with a beautiful young woman... "Why certainly" was my reply.

I thought I would be able to get away earlier, but then it didn't work out so I pretty much left at 9:30 when I said I would. I grabbed some beer. She told me she was going to the boat she hangs out on. I made my way there. I finally found the place after a couple of wrong turns.

The marina is on part of a decommissioned military base and is very... VERY secluded. We got the beer in the cooler and settled down in the cockpit. I had no clue what to expect when I got there. I have been on this particular model of boat before. It's perfect for camping... but a little on the cramped side. The cockpit has two bench seats. Each about big enough for 1 person to sit on. We both leaned back against the bulkhead on our respective seats. Our conversation ranged from the beautiful night to some of the times I sailed on a similar boat offshore. After a while she asked "You mind if I fire a bowl?". By all means. We went below. 5 or 10 minutes later we were lounging on the settees below letting things wash over us. She said "Let's go for a walk". When my head popped up from below, I noticed the temperature seemed to have dropped at least 15 degrees in the time we were below. We walked around the marina. There is a convenience store on the outer most pier for boaters to stock up on important stuff... beer.. ice. We walked around it and to the very end of the last pier. The wind was blowing pretty good out there. Taylor found one of the pilings the pier rides on with the tides and was tucked in behind it. She said "If I stand right here I can get out of the wind. I put my arms around her and tucked in with her. She remained huddled behind the pier. She said "Let's go back". We walked back to the boat discussing workouts and the importance of keeping a "tight core". Back on the boat we went back down to the cabin and opened fresh beers. We talked about swimming in the ocean. Taylor confessed she had a fear of water she perceived as infinite. I.e. that the ocean goes for thousands and thousands of miles in all directions strips away her securities. Swimming in deep water where the bottom is thousands of feet below really freaks her out. As stoners tend to do, we talked about philosophy, or rather personal philosophies. Nothing so academic as Nietzsche or Deleuze (yeah I googled). Moreso our opinions on how people should and do interact. She told me about her best friend who repeatedly came on to her ruining their friendship. I wondered if it was a anecdotal hint to me. She packed another bowl. Eventually we lay down on the settees. Again, in the cabin, the settees are 1 person sized. I tried thinking of ways for us to lay together. Perhaps this was her plan. A place where intimacy would be limited by physical constraints. I think I quit talking at some point. I am a firm believer in "it is better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt". When I get stoned I feel like a babbling idiot. On top of that, I was having this really disturbing sensation deep in my throat that felt like I had a belch stuck...

Somewhere in there, my pager went off. A fucking system had crashed. Fortunately, my crackberry has just the appropriate client to use to fix it. The downside is, it is incredibly slow. It took a good 15 minutes to do what should've taken 5.

Somewhere in there, Taylors foot ended up in my hand. I'm not sure the series of events. But I took it upon myself to rub it. Which lead to rubbing her leg. I told her to roll over on her stomach. I rubbed her back, shoulders, thighs. The whole time I was wondering, is this going somewhere? I was getting a distinctly non-sexual vibe from her. The beer, weed, conversation, it all seemed... platonic. She told me, "I was going to sleep on the boat. But I can't. I'm just not comfortable tonight". Did she mean me? She seemed to drift off to sleep. I asked "Taylor, are you awake?". She murmured "yes". I continued rubbing. A few minutes later "Are you awake?". Again a murmured "yes". I was kneeling by her settee. It was getting pretty uncomfortable. Not to mention I had an incredibly sore foot (I thought I broke it at karate... another story). I sat on the floor and leaned my head next to hers. "Taylor, you said you didn't want to sleep on the boat. I'm afraid you might fall asleep. Then I'd feel guilty for leaving you here when I know that's not what you want". We were inches from each other. She said "Is it ok if I just go home now?" I gave her a patt on her ass and said "That's perfectly ok". And we packed up and left.

On the way home I kept thinking what a fucking idiot I am. Why in the hell didn't I just get a set of balls and make a move. What's the worst that could happen? I get the "friend" speach? I beat myself up the entire way home.

The next morning I sent her a text "I really wish there was more room on that boat to lay next to you". She replied "Yeah it's pretty cramped". I had a ton of yard work to catch up on. I went outside and began edging... mowing.. blah blah.

Last session, the pool team won the playoffs. This qualified them for a tournament which, if they won, would earn them a trip to Las Vegas to compete in the Nationals. The tournament started Friday night. But they got a bye and didn't play until Saturday afternoon. I had actually planned to go watch them Friday night. But the bye nixed that. Saturday, Mrs signed up for a 5k fun run. She really wanted C and I to be there. So I had to skip watching them. I shot Taylor a "Good luck.. keep me posted" message. The fun run started at the stadium of our local semi-pro baseball team. It ended at home plate. While C and I watched the runners waiting for Mrs I started getting text messages "X just won his match. Y is up next". 30 minutes to an hour later "Y just won... J is up"... followed by "J just lost, M will be up"... I really hated sitting there missing all the action waiting for Mrs. After her run we watched a little bit of the baseball game. C was bored and restless so we left around the 3rd inning. Mrs' Aunt had a birthday party at the same time. We left the ball game to go to her birthday party. The whole time I was there I kept getting updates "J just sunk the 8 ball and the race is now even"..... "Shit... J just lost. And we're going to go sudden death with Chester against one of their lower handicaps". About 15 minutes later I got "Holy shit CHESTER JUST WON!!! WE WON $200!!! We play the next round tommorrow at 11".

We finally dragged C away from all the aunts and cake to take her home and put her to bed. I got a text from Taylor: "Winning makes me so hot. I need a hot piece of ass right now!" I shot back "I think I hear a system crashing... it make take me all night to fix ; )" She laughed.

Sunday Mrs said "Why don't you go watch the team play?" Oh.... ok! I got to the bar in the middle of their first match. Chester's Dad won. I had real mixed emotions about the whole thing. On one hand I really wanted them to do well. They are my friends after all. On the other, I hated that I wasn't on the team for this. A part of me really wanted them to lose so I could have a chance to be in the tournament. I feel really awkward. I was part of the group by association.. but it wasn't my team. I wanted to share the joy.. but I really couldn't... I stood back away from the team for a while watching intently. I didn't want to interfere with their mojo. Finally Chester's Dad (let's assign him a moniker... Pops) won his match. Taylor had been keeping score. She got up, stretched, then sidled back to where I was. "Do you mind if I smoke back here with you?" Who am I to argue? She lit up. We watched as the next matchup started. I felt an arm snake around my waist and a head lean on my shoulder. All too quickly she said "I gotta get back to the scoresheet" and she left. I hung back watching the next match. It went back and forth, finally our player (I'm choosing sides here) won. Again, Taylor got up, stretched, then walked back to me. Same deal, she lit a cigarette. Her arm went around my waist. She started back to her table, she turned to me and said "Come sit next to me"... wait for it... here it comes... Who am I to argue. I sat in a barstool kinda behind her and in between the other seat at the table. My feet were propped on the barstool so that my knees were kind of even with her chair. She turned to say something to the guys behind me and plopped her hand on my leg. While she talked to them, I felt her fingers start to slide around the top of my thigh. They danced around until they came right to the edge of my shorts... then they dipped under the hem of the leg just a little. She looked at me and said with a sheepish grin "Why... was that too high?" I think I stammered something like "It can never be too high". This went on for a while. Her stool was positioned so that my hand naturally rested on it's back. It was very convenient for me to let my fingers tickle the small of her back... or scratch... or squeeze. Whatever. We went back and forth like this for the next couple of matches. J, the boss, lost his. He was pretty devastated. In fact, I've never seen him that pissed at himself. The next player lost in what has to be the slowest match in history. Somewhere in there, Taylor turned her stool sideways and said "My feet are falling asleep. I need to prop my legs up and slung one across my lap. My hand naturally rested on her thighs. It was obvious she hadn't shaved and she was embarassed by it. Everyone noticed how red she was and we started giving her hell about shaving. Everyone was rubbing her calf or shin saying "DAMN!!" For a second, everyone turned their back laughing at that or something else. She grabbed my hand and said "It's much smoother up here" and shoved my fingers inside her shorts. I thought... ok... don't chicken out now stupid! I pushed my fingers higher and higher until I just felt the elastic of the leg of her panties. She got really red and said "Damn you went way up there!!" I said "Don't start nothing you aren't willing to finish". She blushed and said "That was kinda hot! I'm just glad I wore panties or I might've had to excuse myself!"

The match came down to sudden death again (there is a time limit). Again it was Chester against one of their lower handicaps. Chester worked him over pretty good, but then, he got down to the 8 ball. He had a tough but very makeable cut for the win. We were all cutting up a little bit and it seemed he was relaxed. He bent over to line up and one of the girls from the other team shouted "Shoot the white ball!!" Chester stood up laughing. It took him a minute to stop giggling. When he did he bent back over the table and shot. The 8 ball rolled to the pocket and bouned around the tits falling about 1/8" short of dropping. We were all stunned. The poor girl on the other team turned white. We were all joking around. But technically what she did was unsportsmanlike and could've gotten her barred from the tournament. Luckily for Chester, the cue didn't leave the other guy with much of a shot. He not only missed the next shot, but lined Chester up perfectly to sink the 8. Which he did. The team moved through to the final level... they were also $800 richer.

I decided earlier in the week I was going to take the boat out Sunday for a "shake down". I wasn't sure how the team was going to do. But my mixed emotions got the better of me. I excused myself.. congratulated them on making it to the next level, and left. I went home, got the boat ready. Originally, I just wanted to go out by myself... hopefully Taylor would go with me. The whole tournament thing screwed that up. I felt bad for leaving Mrs and C behind, so I asked them if they wanted to go. We all hopped in cars and drug the boat down to the yacht club. I cruised around and around running the engine making sure it was all tip top. I started getting texts "Pops lost his match. G is playing now"... a little while later "G won.... M won". M is the guy who played the slowest match in history. He's painful to watch because he actually lays his cue on the table and does the geometry in his head. Evidently, he was so nervous he played with some emotion and spanked the guy in record time. We continued to cruise the harbor. There was a festival of boats going on. We went by a couple of times checking out the sights from the water. I got a text "Chester drew their best player". Finally it was time to take the boat in so we could get C to bed. The whole time I was putting the boat up I got updates. I felt like a football junkie sneaking a radio into church to hear the playoffs. I got "Chester needs 3 the other guy 2"... then "It's tied".... then "The other guy needs 1 Chester still needs 2"... finally "Shit... Chester lost. Now it's sudden death with J (the boss) and their lowest handicap". A few minutes later I was putting the boat in the yard when I get "WE'RE FUCKING GOING TO VEGAS!!!!"

And my heart dropped. I can't believe deep down I was pulling against them. I have to read the archives more closely, but my old pool team made it to the last ball, of the last game, of the last match, of not 1 but 2... TWO tournaments... our guy made the 8 ball.... then the cue went cross side and scratched. The rules were different back then. You had to get through two tournaments. AND you only got money at the end. Not after each round. It seemed so unfair. I couldn't believe they were going to vegas... and I'm stuck sitting on the sidelines. What makes the matter even worse, is that that team fell completely apart. Only 4 of that team stuck around this session. The rest either quit out right, or move to other teams. At least one of those players only bothered to show up for 3 matches all season. Ah well... I called Taylor and congratulated her as cheerfully as I could.

By the time I got the boat squared away Mrs had already fed and bathed C. I went upstairs to the computer and started reading up on the other formats in the Nationals and what it would take to qualify. I.e. single, doubles.. etc. My phone rang. It was Taylor. "We're all going back to the home bar to celebrate. Come out and join us". I asked Mrs if it was ok. Reluctantly she agreed. I hopped in the truck and drove to the bar. On the way I got a call from Chester "I know you heard, but I wanted to tell you. We won. We're headed to the bar now". I told him Taylor invited me and I wanted to buy them a round. He said the bar owner was giving them and open tab but to come on and celebrate.

I pulled in the parking lot still with mixed emotions. As soon as I cleared the door I saw everyone sitting at the bar. The boss had his back to me. It was the boss who put their other player away. I didn't realize it earlier when he lost the match in the afternoon, but he hadn't won a single match the whole tournament. He was so pissed that afternoon I pretty much steered clear. I put my finger to my lips for everyone to keep quiet. I charged across the bar and grabbed him from behind in a sort of flying bear hug/tackle. He spewed his beer everywhere. I knew he was on cloud nine after losing all tournament, then getting redemption putting away their player to take everyone to vegas.

After that, I kinda stood back while the team told their tournament war stories. Taylor came over after a while and put her arm around me. Chester came up to me and said "Come here... I want to show you something". We went around to the other side of the bar. He pointed up to a HUGE trophy on the wall and said "You should've been there. After all the shit we went through... you should be part of that" I said "I made my choice. That's all you guys... I just wished I had come back last session. But it's my bed to lie in". He said "We'll get there again... and you're going when we do".

We walked back around to where everyone was. I shook hands and listened to the stories. After a while one after the other people excused themselves and went home. Finally, it was the boss, Taylor and myself. We sat clustered around. Taylor and the Boss talked a lot about the match. Taylor never got to play a single rack. The way the handicaps and matchups went, it was never the right time for her to play. The Boss said "I'm so proud you were such a good sport about not getting to shoot" She said "Who fucking cares... WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS!!"

Finally it was just the two of us. She said her good byes to the bar tenders and other non-team people and we walked out. Our cars were side by side. Hers faced one way, mine the other so that the driver doors were on the same side. She put her purse in the back seat and came over to me. We hugged. She held tight. Her head rested on my shoulder. She said "This feels really good". I replied "Yeah... it'd be nice to do this somewhere more comfortable". She giggled "Yeah.. other than that cramped ass boat!". Then she pulled away. She leaned against her car, me against mine. We were still holding hands. I don't remember what she said... or if she said anything. I finally said "Sometimes I really wish I would grow a set of balls". She said "Me too...". I said "Maybe I'll start with a tiny set" and pulled her back to me. She buried her head in the crook of my neck and chest. I said "Uh uh" and took her chin in my hand lifting her face. And I kissed her. She kissed me back. For just a moment or two. The the door opened to the bar. Quickly she broke away and said "Good night". I walked to my door which, in spite of being next to her car, seemed a mile away. I was about to open my door when she said "Here's my tiny little set" and ran over to me quickly giving me another kiss. Then we got in our cars and left.

Something better

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Is anyone surprised?

Pool night last night. There's so much to say... I guess I'll start at the beginning.

I haven't talked to Sandy since the out of town match a couple of weeks ago. I decided the best thing was for me to limit my contact with her. Nothing good could come of it. She had some things going on as well that just screamed "train wreck". Then I thought, hrmm... IF I got somewhere with Taylor, Sandy would make a great red herring so to speak. I.e. Mrs already thinks she and I are having an affair. Perhaps if I stayed in touch.. did normal stuff... Mrs would focus on her and never think about Taylor. I shot Sandy an e-mail and told her we would be playing in her neck of the woods. I offered to buy her a drink. She said "sure".

I got to the bar before anyone else. And I mean anyone else. It was me and 1 other guy in the whole place. I started chit chatting with the bartenders. It had been a while since I saw them regularly. We basically caught up. Last session, a girl I work with played on the team. She has since quit. I talked about her before here, but I don't remember her monicker so I'll give her a new one. Allison. Allison was, at least when she started pool, bi-sexual. Over the 2 or 3 years she played pool, she met another woman and they have become a couple. She is now, self proclaimed, 100% lesbian. The bartenders were saying how much they missed Allison. Me, being the pig that I am, asked "You haven't asked about any of the other women on the team. Taylor... Judy... Only Allison. What's the deal with that?" In my head, I was equating it to them having a sexual interest. Jokingly. They took it as asking about Allison's sexual orientation. They answered "No... we pretty much knew about Allision. We weren't sure about Taylor. But I saw her all over this guy monday night". Aha... that explains a hell of a lot.

Sandy showed up a few minutes later. We chit chatted and caught up on a mountain of things that happened over the last 2 weeks. Namely, Maria (roomate, basket case, one who Chester is completely infatuated with) is moving out and gave her resignation at work. She filled me in on some of the stuff in her life as well. The train wreck I saw coming was averted. We flirted. So on and so on.

After an hour or so, Taylor came walking in. Now, the last time Sandy visited with us, Taylor clearly felt threatened. She hardly said 2 words to the guys all night. I finally went up to her and said "What the hell is your deal?" which kinda shocked her into being nice again. It didn't surprise me last night when Taylor walked on by without even glancing our way. It did surprise me when, after a few minutes, she walked over and plopped down in the chair next to me. The bar made a 90 degree turn where we were sitting. I was in the crook so to speak. Sandy was on one side. Taylor the other. It made a nice little all inclusive area for conversation. The three of us chit chatted. As usual the double entendres flew. At one point someone made a comment leading me to think of something sexual.... as in they said it on purpose knowing I would take it that way. It essentially was for me to picture them naked doing something. I said "Why do you think I have these callouses on my hand" meaning I whack off to the thought. I happen to still have the remnants of a cut from beating on my gun when it froze during the match a couple of weeks ago. I held my hand up and said "SEE!!!" pointing at the cut. Sandy grabbed my hand, put her lips to my palm and gave me a kiss. Taylor then shouted "I have one of those right here!!" pointing to her boob. Of course the guys went nuts over that.

Eventually we moved on to the match. I shot first. The way the tables were layed out, the scorekeeper for 8 ball was at one table. The scorekeeper for 9 ball was almost all the way across the room. Taylor took score for 9 ball. Sandy sat over by 8. As it was me who invited her out, I hung around Sandy in between shots. There was the usual flirting... she was surprisingly handsy. Every once in a while I would walk over to Taylor to check on the score. I had to lean in to see the sheet. When I did, her arm would snake around my waist. I thought "This is interesting"...

The night continued like that. Shoot. Talk to Sandy. Every once in a while check on Taylor. Eventually, Taylor was up in a match. She won a tight race. Afterwards, she came around for victory hugs. I put my arms around her. She held me for a little bit longer than I expected.

Eventually Sandy left. I had one more match to play. I ended up beating the guy. Taylor was playing her last match at the same time. She won hers as well. We hugged... it lingered etc. Finally, the only person left playing was Chester. We all huddled around the scoresheet and cheered. Taylor ended up in front of me. I gave her shoulders a little squeeze. She put her hand in the small of her back and backed up so that her hand was against my belly. I started massaging her shoulders and neck. She ran her fingers around my belly button.

Chester lost his match. The team started packing up. I looked at Taylor and said "Didn't you say something about kick my ass?" Kind of a running joke because she's ranked higher than me. She said "Rack em". She won one and I won one. By this time the team had left. We grabbed our stuff and headed to the bar. Another round of drinks appeared. Taylor plopped her leg in my lap. I started massaging her thighs and calves. We mostly chit chatted. The bar started to empty. I was tired of drinking. We closed out and left.

Her car was parked next to mine. I walked with her. She put her cues in the back and came over to me. I put my arms out to hug her. She wrapped her arms around me and buried her head in my chest. We stood like that for a good 5 minutes or so.

At this point, I was wondering what in the hell was going on. I heard she was making out with someone monday. I presumed she had sex with him hence the complete lack of interest the next day. But here she was... cuddling with me. After a few more minutes she said "You should go home to your wife". I said "If that's what you want..." She broke away and got in her car. I got in mine and we both pulled away.

Taylor lives not too far from me. As we were going in the same direction, I ended up following her. Shortly after pulling out of the parking lot I got a text "I really want to find someplace horizontal and cuddle some more". I thought about my options... knowing what I knew... not sure how I felt about it... I decided right then that I would push it as far as cuddling... but that we would talk if it got to that point. I replied "Then lets go cuddle". She sent back "My place is a wreck and I won't let you see it like that". I shot back "ok" and let it go. I followed her for mile after mile. We turned down the main road approaching the point where our paths split. I got a text "You wanna go to Wal-mart and walk around?" At first I thought she meant the old abandoned wal-mart. I thought that would be an interesting adventure. I replied "sure". Instead, she kept driving to the new wal-mart (24 hr) a mile or so down the road. We got out of our cars and walked towards the entrance. She ran her hand through my arm.

Inside we wandered to a couple of aisles. She told me she went to the tanning bed and was pretty burnt. She said "Mostly through here" and motioned to the area just above her pussy. Then she said "Let's find and aisle and I'll show you". We wandered to the sports section. This wal-mart has cameras everywhere. From sports we mosied to the toy section. There was an aisle that, at least to us, seemed to not have a camera right on top of us. She unzipped her shorts and pulled them open almost to her pubic hair and said "See?". We continued to walk from aisle to aisle.. arm in arm. Every once in a while she would hold my hand. Finally, enough was enough. We left.

Outside, I went to give her a hug. Again, she held me tight and buried her head in my chest. We held each other for a good 10 minutes. Finally I said "Let's go back to your place. I'll give you a massage until you fall asleep. That's it. I promise". She groaned... then said "I won't let you see my place like this" I said "Leave the lights off". We went back and forth like that for a bit. Finally, it was obvious this wasn't going anywhere. She said "Go home to your marital bed... tonight. Soon... this is a work in progress" I thought to myself "Right.. till you're done with new guy" I got in my truck. She got in her car. It took me a second to get situated. Somehow my radio went haywire. I futzed with it for a second. Then I looked over. She was sitting in her car, engine running, lights out. I looked at her. She was looking at me. She shook her head and started to pull away... then she stopped and rolled down the window. I rolled mine down. She said "You're making me feel guilty". I replied "How?"... she said "The way you're looking at me". Really, I was just looking over to see why she hadn't pulled out yet. I said "Why would you feel guilty? I was just looking your way". She said "It's the way you're looking at me now". Quickly I said "I'm just gazing". She started to pull away... stopped.. .and said "Soon..." I just kept looking at her. She started again... "Really.... soon". I rolled my window up and we drove off.

I have really mixed feelings about it today. She's clearly a) a tease or b) hedging her bets. One one hand, I just want a playmate. Based on our conversations she would be perfect for that. She doesn't want a relationship. She wants to fuck... a lot. My relationship with A (who shall be henceforth known as Jordan) was such that she had a significant other. They clearly had sex. So I'm ok with the notion of another guy (as long as it's not Chester). I guess what is really bugging the shit out of me about the whole deal is, she starts telling me how bad she needs to get fucked. The she sends me stuff all weekend. We go for a ride.... she tells me we're progressing down a path. Then... nothing. She obviously got somewhere. Ok fine. I missed my moment. The opportunity passed. But then last night... it's back to the same shit.

And today? Nothing. Not a peep. I haven't sent anything to her yet because I'm still sorting it out in my head.

Two people having sex just for fun... seems like such a simple concept... sigh

I swear I'm a woman sometimes

"She likes me. She likes me not. She likes me". Blech!!

I got a text from Taylor today while I was working out. "You want to see some good pictures?". She sent me two pictures from a wedding she was in a couple of weeks ago. Wow. They were amazing. First, Taylor is my kind of girl. She has a natural beauty. She doesn't wear makeup often, and really doesn't need to. Ocassionally she will wear something that doesn't really flatter her. But most of the time, even in "college clothes", she has such a "I don't care attitude" it almost enhances her beauty. Second, she has a lot of attitude. Which I like. I can't stand the "sorority girl" types, or the Katie Couric type A types... I.e those with the public face... and the private. Taylor has such a relaxed attitude towards the world you know what you get. And I really like that.

But... with makeup on, in a strapless dress... with her hair made up... WOW!

Oh, how I want to be right

I asked "Do you want to go for a ride?". The weather had been a bit iffy. For a brief time rain came down in buckets. However, it eventually cleared. The roads dried. According to radar, the cell and only hint of rain had moved off to the south. She was still apprehensive. We met at the parking lot of a grocery store near her apartment. I asked, "Are you comfortable doing this?". Her reponse was "Let's boogie".

We headed in the opposite direction of the rain. I was surprised at how cool it was once we were up to speed. I drove along an oak lined road that leads out of town. I wasn't sure where I was heading. 20 miles later we came to a fork in the road so to speak (literally and figuratively). I asked which direction. She said she didn't care. I chose the right fork. A couple of miles later she asked "Do you know where xxxx (name of some bar) is?". I had heard of it, and I think I saw it once. I asked "Do you want to go there?". She said yes. I turned the bike around and headed in that direction.

At the bar we sat, we chatted, we watched a silent version of America's Funniest Home Video on the big screen above the bar. She laughed at the guys busting their ass and there were plenty. At some point she said "I just realized I forgot to wear panties!". The needle skipped in my head. We ordered food and watched more people falling. After a while she asked "Do you dance?". I responded apprehensively because a) I CAN dance... b) I don't dance because I feel like Elaine from Seinfeld and c) I prefer to be on the music making side. But I said "sure" anyway. She added "Do you shag?"... this would be the dance originating in my neck of the woods... not in the Austin Powers sense. I said "I can never get the counts right... but I'm always willing to try more". Then (this time in an Austin Powers voice) "Will you teach me to shag baby!" She laughed. Then to my surprise replied "I don't something else really well too". I gave her the "go ahead" look. She added "I give really good blowjobs too". I'm sure the look on my face said "Holy shit!!" She quickly said "You'll find out soon enough".

We chatted some more. It started to get dark outside. I told her we should probably be heading back. We climbed back on the bike and headed back the way we came. And HOLY SHIT did the temperature drop! It had been cold in the bar. Add the temp on the bike and I was shivering uncontrollably. I tried to hide it. But with her body pressed against mine I'm sure I failed miserably. We came to a red light. She started rubbing my back and shoulders briskly (obviously trying to warm me). I asked if she was ok. She said sure. I rubbed her legs in the same manner she was rubbing my back. There were goose bumps on her legs (she wore shorts). I drove through a few more red lights on the way to the country road taking us homeward. At each redlight she put her head on my back and wrapped her arms around me. At one point I swear she kissed me between my shoulder blades. I was frozen to the damned handlebars. I leaned my head back against hers.

Finally we hit the country road. Once amongst the trees, the temperature dropped another 5-10 degrees. I shook uncontrollably. After what seemed like hours we finally approached civalization again. I was frozen and really had to piss. Taylor continued to lay her head against my back and shoulders. As we approached the grocery parking lot she wrapped her arms around me and left them there. I pulled in next to her car. We both climbed off the bike. I was trying to control the shivers. Perhaps at this point a combination of nerves and cold... oh yeah and really REALLY having to piss. We hugged. The hug lingered for a moment. We broke apart and stood there kind of awkwardly. I really wanted to say "Let's go back to your place". But I didn't want to push her. That and I had been out for several hours... I was frozen.. I had to pee... She said "Yeah." I nodded. The we reluctantly parted. I flew home desparately wanting to piss and hit a hot shower.


An hour or so later I got a text "My thighs are really stiff". I shot back "I bet I could loosen them". Her reply was "Mindy (her vibrator) is already working on that". I said "I really would like to meet Mindy one day. I think we have a lot in common". I got back "You probably will meet her. I bet you do have a lot in common. She likes to be between my legs and give me great pleasure". I don't remember where the conversation went from there. At one point she said "Trying hard to stay awake".

I went on to do "family" stuff. I couldn't text for a good hour or so. Finally I shot out "What are you up to?" I didn't get a response. I figured she probably fell asleep.

The next day I didn't hear from her. I sent a "Good morning sunshine" sometime around the time she went to work. I got a kinda generic response. It got close to time for my lunch workout. I sent "I'm off to go get schweaty. Do you like to get schweaty?". She responded "Oh yeah baby". I said "There's something really hot about 2 breathless bodies covered in sweat". I didn't get a response back at first. I went on to do my workout. Then I got "Or it's really gross. That's how you get ringworm". What the hell? Ringworm. Ok. I thought about it for a while and sent "Ok... no hot sweaty sex". Again.. no response for a while. Then I got "a little sweaty is ok. As long as I'm not distracted by it" Playing the game we played last week I said "Ok.. so if we started off against the wall... then me on top... then you on top.. then us on all 4s.. you would be distracted by the sweat?" Her response was "depends on whether it keeps my interest". Again, what the hell? I shot back "Well I certainly hope a little interaction would be in order to keep that from happening".

I went home wondering if something changed. It felt different. Last week all she could talk about was sex and how I would fuck her. Now I get ringworm and distraction. Much later I got a text from her excitedly telling me how her summer schedule was shaking out. Essentially she's going to get paid to play on the beach for a month. I shot back a "Well lahdeefreakin dah! hahah! I want to get paid to play!! haha". She responded with "who wouldn't". I thought, maybe she took that the wrong way. So I sent "It sounds like you'll have an awesome summer". She replied "I refuse to have a bad summer". I worked on the boat for a while. Gave C her bath. Put her to bed. Around 10ish or so I sent "What're you up to?". I didn't get a response.


I didn't hear from her at all yesterday. Finally around 3ish I sent "What's happening". She said "I'm dragging ass today". I responded with "Sorry to hear. Anything I can do?". I got "You can bend me over your knee, tell me I've been a bad girl, and give me a spanking haha!" I shot back "That can be arranged. What did you do to deserve the spanking?". Her reply was "Actually, I need a good rub down. I just realized I have a gift certificate to xxxxx (local spa)". I was on the motorcycle on the way home when she sent this. It was a while later when I responded with "Ok.. when you get home, smoke a bowl, put on some music, take a bath, and if you want, give me a call and I'll come give you a massage". Her response was something about being out of weed. I told her I had some, but it was a little old. She laughed at that.

And that was that. I didn't hear from her. I really really want to think we were on the verge of something Sunday. Maybe that was my moment and I blew it by not asking her back to her place. Maybe the spanking comment was because she went out and got laid. Maybe she's on her period and is just moody (she can be really moody). Maybe semsex was right in previous comments. She's just playing me. Oh how I want her to be wrong.

Finding a playmate is just too fucking hard.

All about the muthas

Happy belated mother's day to all the mommies in pluffland.

This past weekend was the annual celebration of 2 big days. The first being Mother's day. Which is of course, special to all mommies. The 2nd was Mrs and my anniversary. We celebrated, as we have for the last couple of years, by visiting a local beach resort. Mrs boss has a condo she lets us use. It was a pretty uneventful weekend. Mrs and C left early Thursday evening. I caught up with them a couple of hours later.

We had a fair amount of sex. Nothing really spectacular. Though, there was a mirror on the dresser in the bedroom perfectly positioned at the foot of the bed. Our mirrors are far away from the bed in our own house. Not for any particular reason. They just ended up elsewhere. Anyway, we've stayed in the condo a few times and never really noticed it. Mrs knelt on the bed giving me the "come hither" motion with her finger. I climbed on the bed. Rather than "assuming the position" as per our usual sex ritual, she turned to face the mirror. I eased in behind her. At first I was scared to look. I have only ever watched myself have sex once before, and that was in a hotel with mirrors on the ceiling years ago. Mostly I saw my former wife's back. In my mind I was seeing an out of shape porn wannabe making goofy faces. It took me a few moments to actually look up and see us. It was actually kinda hot. I guess karate is starting to pay off because I have to admit, in the throes of a good fucking... I actually have some muscles starting to stand out (other than the luv muscle! ha!).


It took forever, but we finally ended up at the beach Friday afternoon. It's a long story but the resort isn't on the beach. They have a little golf cart that will shuttle you back and forth. There was mis-step, miscommunications, and mistakes delaying our departure. Once there, Mrs and C went to the waters edge to play. I noticed a couple of texts from Taylor. I told her I was mostly naked basking under a warm sun. That lead to a lot of chit chat about the outdoors in general. She told me she was going to the tanning bed. I asked her if she tanned in the nude. She responded that she only wore a thong because she thought the tan line of a thong was hot.

Far too quickly we packed up and caught the last shuttle back to the condo. While Mrs and C were in the bath getting the sand off, I got another text from Taylor. "You have a picture at (third party site)". Hmmm.. I followed the link (did I mention I got a blackberry... er... crackberry recently). There was a shot of Taylor looking down so to speak of her lower body. The view was as if I were seeing her body through her eyes. She was laying on a bed. She was naked except for a pair of panties. I honestly don't remember what my response was.

And hour or so later I started getting text after text "You have a picture at (third party site)". Evidently Taylor is friends with a couple with a sailboat. They let her go out and lay out on it whenever she wants. The series of pictures went something like... picture of boats... picture of feet propped up on side of boat... partial picture of her face and neck. Picture of her bikini top.... picture of her body (again as if it were her eyes) lying on a settee with... wait a minute!! Her hand DOWN HER BIKINI BOTTOMS!! Again, I don't remember my response. I know we chatted back and forth... but for the life of me I don't remember what about.

That is until I got the following text "You wanna see something?" I shot back "Oh absolutely". I got "You have a picture at (third party site)"... followed by another "You have a picture at (third party site)".

Let me say, it's hard to do all of this texting with the family around. I have to wait for a bathroom break.. or go outside to smoke a cigar. Run to the car to get something. Run to the store for something. As it was, her timing was impecable. We were having dinner and watching a movie. Finally, Mrs went to put C to bed and I had a moment alone. I opened the third party site and there was a picture of a magnificent pair of tits. Honestly, I was expecting another picture of her hand down her panties.. maybe a shot of her body over the shoulder in a mirror.. I was not expecting this. I clicked on the next picture. It was another view of her body from her eyes... except she was completely nude. A neatly trimmed patch of hair leading between her legs... Yet again, my memory fails me as to what I said in response.

The rest of the weekend went by as a normal family outing. Taylor and I texted off and on. She went back out to the boat and shot me a couple of pictures. Mostly they were the same as before. Her leaning against bulkhead (in bikini)... legs... feet... other boats.

Hrrmmm

It was a night of ups and downs. It all started with what is becoming a pattern of text messages from Taylor. I'm so horny. I need a man. I want some cock. Blah blah. I shot back the usual responses. Tried to get her to masturbate at work and tell me all about it. Basically instigating. I left work a smidge early as I had to run back to my house and get a couple of minor things... like my cues (I'm having a hard time adjusting to "league" mode again). On the way I was in a weird mood. I shot Hot Friend and text saying "Let's get NEKKID!!" She responded with "Well what are you waiting for? I already am". Little playful banter after that. After a few minutes I got a "Are you going to come out and play?" At first glance (and correctly so) I thought she meant come hang out with her with her pool team. I shot back "Maybe after my match". Then I thought... or did she mean play. I added "Unless you meant PLAY". Her response was "LOL! I have a playmate at the moment. One at a time". I think I said something like "Doh! I'm crushed". Her response was "Don't be. You may get your chance". Strikeout number 1.

In the meantime, Taylor was still sending me messages. At this point, she was off work and at home getting ready for the evening. I figured I'd stick with a theme and sent "Are you naked?". She simply responded with "Yes". I asked "Need any help?" Her response was "I think I can handle it" Damnit... shot down twice in the span of 15 minutes! (strikeout number 2)

Much later at the bar, Taylor showed up and was looking... pretty hot. Often times she shows up looking like a college student. Old pair of shorts. T-shirt. No makeup. Last week she plopped her leg in my lap. I ran my hand up it and... OUCH! Major stubble. It was obvious she shaved last night.

We started our match. As we are really short handed I took one scoresheet... she took another. The nature of the scorekeepers is such that we were at opposite ends of our "area" (one of the reasons I really dislike this format). The first matches were underway. I had to score without a doubt the 2 slowest players ever to step up to a pool table. About 1/2 way through I shot Hot Friend a text saying "Kill me now. We're averaging 1/4 ball per player per turn" Her response was "Eesh". The match finally ended with a loss for us.

I was up in 8 ball for the 2nd match. I drew one of the best players in the league. Conveniently, and I don't know if it's karma or history or what, but I have never lost a match to this guy. The first time I ever played him, he had a really off night and I beat him. Since then, we have played 4 or 5 matches and I always win. I don't know if he remembered that little fact or not. The match started off badly for me. He pretty much walked off and left me. I'm not sure what happened the next match, but he was off to the races again. Then he missed. I stepped up and made a couple of shots, then got lucky and left him with a tough shot. He wiffed it. I made a couple more and got lucky again. He wiffed it again. The next thing I knew, I was on the 8 ball. I knocked it down and we were suddenly even again. Or rather, the way the handicaps work, even with him actually means I was winning. I figured, he'll get pissed off... he'll step up and I'm done. Nope... I had an awesome game next and won that one. The last game he completely lost it. He had a great run going, then missed a tough but makeable shot. I got lucky and made a tough shot. Missed the next leaving him with another tough, but makeable shot. He missed it again. After that, he couldn't hit anything. I guess it got in his head. I ended up winning the next, which was all I needed.

Afterwords, I walked over to where Taylor was. You have to see how this place is layed out. There is an area with a 1/2 wall about 2 ft higher than the pool table area. Taylor was above keeping score. She was leaning on the 1/2 wall so that her shirt was kinda hanging open a little. I put my feet on the bar stools so I could stand up to her level. I leaned in to tell her that little tidbit about my opponent never beating me. She leaned in really close. I could smell the lotion she used. I whispered in her ear "He has never... ever.. beaten me". I leaned back. She said "Do that again". So I leaned back in. She whispered "Do I smell good?" I put my nose up to her neck and breathed in. I could see the goose bumps rise on her arms. I said "You smell really good. And look really hot tonight I might add". She said "Well, come around and get your victory hug". Who am I to argue? I walked around and up to where she was. She threw her arms around my neck. I don't know what possesed me. But I turned into her neck and gently bit down right where her neck meets her shoulders. She said "Ooh... Oh... my... God". I pulled away. Her face was red and she had a really big smile on her face. I asked "Was that good?" She said "I'm going to need a second" and walked back over to her chair blushing the whole way.

We went through a couple of more matches. I ended up taking score again. Taylor made her way over to sit next to me. Of course the conversation turned to sex. I swear it's her bringing it up. I don't really remember any details other than it was good fun. Then it was my turn to shoot my 2nd match. I drew a guy who was also very good. My match started off strong. I made a phenominal kick shot. It's hard to describe, but I had to kick around a ball, but I almost had to make the cue... skid.. off the rail to make it. And it worked! No one even saw it. I think it pissed the other guy off. He suddenly came alive and he ran the rest of the rack. The next game, I couldn't catch a break. And when I did, I couldn't buy a shot. I was missing easy shit.. leaving him set up perfectly. He ran out again. I looked over to where Chester and Taylor sat. There she was, hand in his lap, running the fingers of her other hand up and down his arm using her nails. His hand was high... high up her thigh. I thought "What the fuck! After all the shit talk... from both of them" I have to admit, it got under my skin. I completely got my ass kicked. Again, I got pissed about my performance. But this time, the pool gods decided to punish me for my sinful thoughts and I couldn't put a game together for anything.

Afterwards, I shot Hot Friend a text saying "Kicked ass in 8.. .got ass kicked in 9". She replied with "Boo. I lost too". I shot back "Let's console each other". My intention was to leave my bar and head over to hers to hang out per her invite. But I got back from her "Not tonight. I'm with someone". WTF?! Did I miss something? I reread the previous exchanges. Yes she asked me to come out and play. I said "maybe after my match". Her response was "cool". Ok... so my text could've had sexual overtones. But hey, it should come as no surprise I'm a shit talker. Things were going as I expected at my bar so I was simply planning a move... but in my usual suggestive language. I let it drop and shot something back about striking out all over the place tonight. (strike out number 3... technically)

Meanwhile, it was Taylor's turn to play her 2nd match (and coincedentally the last match of the night). I ended up in the only seat avaiable, next to Chester. One of the guys on the other team has this whole asian rock star thing going on. He has long hair he keeps in a pony tail. He's really tall for an asian. He often has a harem of gorgeous asian women following him around. They were absent for the first part of the evening. However, at this point in the night, they showed up. Of course Chester and I gawked. Taylor gave us an eat shit look and said "Uh.. fellows... it's all about me" I said "Of course. Baby you're the only one for me. Those other girls mean nothing"

Shortly after, and I have no idea how it came up or even what the exact phrase was, but she said something innocent that could've been interpreted to mean getting double teamed... Of course, to us the innocent interpretation went out the window. Chester started in. Taylor looked at both of us, raised an eyebrow and said "Oh yeah... I could handle it". Chester and I both started backpeddling. He said something to the effect of sorry honey I never ever want to see Mr naked. She said "Then I guess I'll just have to pick one". She waved her finger around in the air and pointed it at... oh you guessed it.. Chester (cruise missle into strike out number 4.. maybe not so much strikeout.. but FUCK!). Now this was all in good fun. But I have to admit, it was pretty annoying to have had the conversations she instigated over the last couple of days and instead of some generic "oh it's too hard to choose" blah blah... she makes a pretty pointed and overt move at Chester. Now... to Chester's credit.. or maybe I was just being that obvious before... he shouts "I think you offended my friend here!" I added "Oh yeah... now I will look at other chicks!" One of the harem is this cute little bubbly 19 year old. She held up her hands and said "Don't my nails look pretty" and walked off. I shouted "Wait! Come back. Let me see them again". She held up her hands. Chester and I looked at each other and simultaneously said "Right hand!!". She said "What?" Of course Chester couldn't just let that stew with her. He said "We were looking for the shortest nail". Again, a perplexed look on her face. Then it hit her. She shot us both the finger... and I mean bird, not the finger. Taylor watched the whole thing and had that same eat shit look on her face.

She won her match pretty handily. Afterwards she looked at me and said "Do I get my victory hug?" I'm all about teamwork. I said sure. Again I buried my head into her neck. I breathed in deeply letting my nose brush against her ear. I could feel her body tense. I gave her another gentle bite on the next. Then I walked away to the bar. I grabbed my stuff. My plan was to sit, finish the new beer that somehow found it's way to my hand. Then leave.

Instead what happened was, I felt nails on my back. Then a whispered "Is this what you want?" Mischief got the better part of me and I said "More in front... and much... much lower". Taylor plopped down next to me. A few minutes later Chester and his Dad sat down next to her. I glanced over, Taylor's leg was in Chesters lap. Though, Chester just let it sit. I didn't say a word. Just a few minutes later, they said "Well, we need to run" and they got up and left.

Taylor and I sat there for a minute in silence. Then she said "I don't know why I'm so horny all the time". I kinda looked at her. She pretty much started back in like nothing had happened. I thought Ok... I'll play along... if nothing else it beats being bored. We talked about boundaries especially with married guys. She revealed she has had affairs with married guys before and they are really attractive to her because they allow her to have her own independence. Hrmmmm... Is she leading up to telling me how bad she wants Chester? Or is she leading me somewhere. I said "I don't think my boundary is where you would think it is". I explained that I had a love/hate thing with Chester and that my boundary is and always will be with him. I.e. if someone is fucking him... then I will forever be "off the table" so to speak. She wanted more explanation. I paused... then thought, ok, let's really see where this will go. I layed out my whole relationship with A and Hot Friend. Mostly how Chester was a total cock block with A and how I was clear with her that if she had ever played with him then we'd just leave it at shit talk etc. etc. Then we discussed specifically the love/hate thing. I think he pretty much had her completely snowed as far as his work, his wife. She seemed completely shocked to hear that the Boss is compiling data to support his termination. That he was within the proverbial cunts hair of losing his job back in January and the only thing saving him with the latest drama over Grandma is the law.

She paused for a minute, put her leg in my lap and said "Enough of that. Let's talk about me". Usually I would take that statement with an internal eye-roll. But the way she said it wasn't... bratty the way I usually associate something like that.

There was a lot of conversation. I'm going to hit the highlights as it pertains to mischief. She told me.. in so many words... I could have her if I took her to dinner and got a nice hotel (that was the way she did it before... her words). While her leg was in my lap she said "Have you felt them?" Well... I guess I'd better then. I ran my hand up her calf. She grabbed it and said "Here's the smoothest part" and placed it on the inside of her thigh. I slid my hand back down to her calf and started massaging. I took her sandal off and rubbed her feet. She said "It is so.. hot.. to have my feet rubbed. Not many people want to do that. That you just... did it.. is incredible".

Nothing much else happened. Talk... massaging... finally closing time. I walked her to her car. Gave her a big hug. More teasing her neck blah blah blah. Then I left. On the way home I got a text saying "I'm climbing the walls". I replied "Hard..." followed a few seconds later with "Deep". She shot back "What's on your mind". I replied "About a thousand things.. most of them perverted. You?" Her answer was "Your mouth on my neck from behind with your hands on my thighs". I said "Say the word".

And for a brief moment... I thought I was going to get laid. Then I got "I have to think about it". There were a few more texts. Most of them were me pushing as many of her buttons as I could. At one point I asked if she would think it was hot if I had my cock in my hand at that moment. Stuff like that. Ultimately... it was the final strikeout of the night. (strikeout number 5).

Text sex

I had to work till the wee hours of the morning Monday night as part of the clusterfuck I talked about from the last post. I didn't get to work until around 11ish yesterday. I sat at my desk looking at nothing related to work (read surfing porn) when I got a text from Taylor... "All I can think about is sex". What a coincidence!

And thus began about 8 hours of back and forth. I wouldn't call it text sex per se because mostly it was just talking about how horny she was and how much she wanted to be fucked hard. It wasn't like "sliding my tongue into your slit" or anything like that. Though at one point I sent her a message saying "Basically you need a good stiff cock". She shot back "God do I ever!". I replied "What a coincidence... I happen to own such an implement". I got "LOL" back instead of an invite. But hey I gotta try. And I wouldn't be the pluffster if I didn't. Finally, around 9ish she said she was going to "get in the shower and touch myself". I shot back "imagine my tongue as your finger slides between your lips" and that was that.

Tonight will either be really interesting... or incredibly frustrating. After the conversations all day yesterday, I expect we'll continue where we left off. I hope that will lead to an invitation to put my money where my mouth is so to speak. What will most likely happen is Chester will actually show up and pull his usual shit pissing me off and reminding yet again why I quit in the first place.

Which brings me to Chester. Since last I wrote, I found out a) he hated this Grandmother and they haven't even spoken in something like 5 years b) they have no plans for a service... period. c) he is taking the maximum bereavement time given. d) he will be taking more time to "take her back home" (several states away). I'm having a hard time finding sympathy considering the list of things he has had to "deal with" over the last six years I've known him takes up volumes of paper. But it really chaffes my ass to hear he hated her in the first place and they are not even bothering to have any kind of services at all. Yet he has managed to find a way to get another three free days of vacation none of the rest of us are entitled to take. Or rather, if we took them, we would actually need them becuase none of the rest of us are heartless sociopaths and actually would be devastated by the loss of someone in our families.

Now I know Chester... and I know how he works situations to gather maximum attention. I can't wait to see how this gets spun if he shows up to pool tonight.

That offer from Hot Friend is SOOOO tempting. Now if a) If Chester could give me a perfect reason to quit... b) Taylor would want to switch teams too... and c) Taylor, Hot Friend, and I would play pool... then adjourn for hours of monkey sex!

Bustin a cap!

Back from my weekend of shooting. Nothing really juicy to report. My plan of solitude and introspect went out the window. I got a call from Sandy as she was on her way to the event that one of the guys wanted me to room with him and his son to cut costs. I said sure. It was really cool and they were awesome roomates. A downside to the whole arrangement was Sandy and her BF were in the room adjacent to ours. I spent the first night popping my eyes open at every little sound thinking I was hearing something coming from their room. I know for a fact they were in there having sex. But I was spared actually hearing anything. In my head though, I'd hear a bump and think it was the headboard etc. etc. I think I only got a couple of hours of sleep.

I shot really well for the most part. My gun completely tanked on 2 stages. To the point where I was beating it with my hand to get it to go on. I fought through it the first time and ran a clean match (no misses) until the very last stage. My gun melted down on that one too. I got it to unlock pretty quick. But I was so flustered I completely missed both shots on a target.

I left the match right after it was over pretty bummed about the way it ended. Then I thought about my best stage. I took 14 out of 44 on it. I had a very aggressive plan. One that I thought would make or break my day. I actually executed it and my time was only .5 seconds behind the guy who is the State Champ for my division. I was 1.1 seconds behind the guy who won that stage. Even the first stage the gun froze up on wasn't so bad overall. I finished that one better than I had in my head. I only really tanked 2 stages. One was my fault (I'm blotting that one out). The other my gun screwed me up. I still would've liked to have finished better, but all in all I shot pretty well.

The week is shaping up to be a real clusterfuck. Work is being a pain in the ass. I have to work late tonight. It's a long story and only causes me stress to think about so it's not worth repeating. Chester's Grandmother died yesterday. Most likely this will mean he won't be at pool... or his Dad. I think that will mean we won't have enough people to play (because it's not about his pain... it's all about ME damnit!! Joking...). Mrs and I are supposed to go out of town this weekend for our anniversary. It should be fun. But the last time we went to the same place the rental company fucked up and we had a conflict. Same thing happened the year before. We're only going back because it's free (via a connection).

Anyway... nothing much juicy at all. Hopefully something good will shake out soon.

I'm BBAAAAaaaack

Well I went ahead and joined the pool team. And I'm already remembering the reasons I quit in the first place.

Wed. night was a really interesting night... and a frustrating one. Our format is such that you play 2 matches each night. 1 8 ball match and 1 9 ball. Right off the bat the other team put up a player who has a handicap lower that his ability in 9 ball. Chester threw me up. So right away I'm playing 1st, and against a guy who would most likely pound me. Oh.. and did I mention I haven't been on a team for 2... TWO years. Much to my surprise and amazement, I actually pulled it out and beat him. I couldn't tell you how. The whole match was kind of a blur. I just remember I had to make 5 balls and he only needed 2. I got lucky twice so that he didn't have a shot and managed to knock down the 5 I needed without him making a single ball.

While waiting for my 2nd match I had a chance to shoot the shit with Taylor. I was completely bummed that she didn't remember a single bit of our conversation from the week before. Damnit! This week she seemed a lot more... reserved... cautious... it's hard to describe. Towards the latter part of the night she said "If you buy me more of these (pointing at her beer glass), I might remember more". Who am I to argue with a proposition like that.

Later Chester put me up in my 2nd match (8 ball this time). I played a guy with the same handicap. Right off the bat he almost ran the table on me. I missed an easy shot and he finished the first game off. I got lucky the 2nd game and eeked out a win off of a mistake on his part. He won the 3rd pretty handily. I was thinking it was a lost cause. I looked over and saw Taylor sitting next to Chester. He had his leg across her lap. His hand was up the back of her shirt along the small of her back almost dipping down into her shorts. She was running her hands along his legs. I thought "You motherfucker!" He keeps telling me how he's scared of her.... he won't do anything with her because she dated (slept with) one of the guys at work blah blah... but then here he is sucking up the attention and cock blocking ME! Back when she first joined the team (last session) I kinda layed back thinking he would do it. But then he kept telling me how he wasn't and how scared he was blah blah. So I figured.. ok, then I'LL talk shit. Then as soon as she shows any interest, there he is back teasing her and leading her on. It's the same shit that he used to do with A way back in the day. Eventually, I got what I wanted with her. But he made my life hell. I just wish with Taylor, he'd either fuck her, or get out of the way. As it is, he's like an emotional vampire. He has to have the attention. He knows once he fucks her, she would most likely lose interest. So he's sucking up the attention.

Anyway, I saw that, felt like I was out of my skin in pool... and I got pissed. Sometimes when I get pissed at pool... it's like the pool gods open up and allow me some super billiards thing where I suddenly am on fire. Sometimes, they taunt me with my anger and out of align chi and I couldn't buy a shot. That night, they smiled. I had to win the next 2 games to his 1 (i.e. all he had to do was win 1 and it was over). I started putting together awesome strings of balls... perfect leaves... my defense was awesome. I won the next two.... I wouldn't say handily... but I would say with authority.

Then I started celebrating... translation... drinking. I figured Taylor was a lost cause so I opted to let it all go, relax... let things flow. Ultimately we won on the night. Afterwards, we retired to the other side of the bar. It whittled down to me, Taylor, Chester, and his Dad. Taylor plopped down next to me. We were chatting when Chester and his Dad walked up. What did he do? Sat down, grabbed the back of her chair and pulled it away from me next to him, and put his hand back up under her shirt. Again... I felt my blood pressure rise as I thought "You selfish little cocksucker!" I quit even trying to talk to any of them and just drank my beer. A couple of the guys I used to play with a lot came by and we chatted. I told them I was back on the team etc. After a while, Chester said "Well, I have to go to work" (he had something to do to one of the machines here) and left. After a few moments of awkward silence, Taylor started talking. Before long, we were discussing her role as alpha female on the team. Which led to her attraction to married guys. She strongly hinted that really she needed a guy would would cross "the line". I got the impression had I pushed, she would've been totally cool with it. Ultimately, she said "I'm so horny, I just want to be fucked". Then last call came. We walked out. I couldn't decide what to do. Ultimately, I figured I'd walk away and let it stew. I imagine next week it'll be like nothing happened. All conversation lost to the alcoholic ethos. Chester cock blocking again.

While all of this was going on, I got a text from Hot Friend. Or rather, I texted her hoping I could coerce her into coming out and meeting Taylor. She shot back "Why don't you switch teams?" Hmmm.... I said "I could be coerced". I don't remember the exact sequence, it went something like "well we have an opening"... and I responded "Then we're going to need a gallon of KY, an egg beater, feather duster, something, something, something, and a case of rubber bands". Her only response was "Wow!" The next day I was horribly hung over. I completely missed a text from her asking "So are you going to join our team?" Once I finally realized she had sent me a message, I responded and kind of danced around the question.

My dilema is, I am the type of person who never backs down on his word. Once I tell you I'm going to do something, I stick to it come hell or high water. As my current team has only 5 players right now, if I switched teams I would be completely leaving them in a lurch. Not to mention pissing off a couple of people I actually like. But then again, Chester is really getting under my skin. I'm constantly reminded of his complete disregard for anything but his own gains. Sure we all have selfish needs. Some would argue that people, even when they are unselfish, are in fact being selfish to one degree or another. But I seriously wonder, does Chester ever intereact with a situation where he leaves it better than before his involvement? Sure I'm putting the full on press on Taylor. It's completely selfish. But I backed off until Chester told me he wasn't really interested. It wasn't until I pressed that he suddenly showed interest again. And what is my motivation for joining the team again? Sure I like pool. But I really like the mischief more. I was reminded of that when I was playing my second match and got pissed. I thought, is pool really worth the emotional turmoil. I beat myself up when I lose. I have a feeling of satisfaction when I win... but honestly the two cancel and I'm left feeling indifferent.

So... to consider Hot Friend's offer. What's my real motivation there? Well... pretty much to hang out with Hot Friend. The team plays all the way over in another town. I like the people well enough. I could probably be a good player for them. But in all reality, I would spend my time trying to think of ways to talk enough shit to get Hot Friend back into bed. Which has it's appeal for sure.

I think in the end, I couldn't really live with myself for breaking my word to Chester in spite of all the other bullshit. I know I would feel too guilty. I think the only way he would understand would be if Hot Friend were to throw in regular blow jobs as part of the package. How could I possibly turn that down? But in reality that ain't happening.

Elsewhere in pluff land I'm off for a weekend of shooting. This is a regional (read multi-state) championship. Only about 1/2 the regulars are going. Sandy will be there. But her BF is coming in. I'm going to go.. shoot... and leave. There will be a bunch of people going to dinner blah blah... I'm not so sure I even want to do that. I'm reaching a sort of... acceptance with Sandy. I could push.. I think it would be a disaster if I did for several reasons... emotionally I'm finally starting to let go of the infatuation. I haven't called her all week. She called me earlier this morning but it was a brief conversation. Which was fine by me. If given 1/2 a chance to talk shit I'm sure I couldn't help myself.

I feel so unprepared for the competition. One thing or another has interefered with practice time. I practiced for about 30 minutes while in the mountains with my Dad. It's far below my usual thousand or so practice rounds a week goal. That's another reason why I would really be cool with being by myself once I hit the hotel. I need some alone time to get mentally prepared as best I can.

Anyway, we'll just have to see how it goes.