Merry Christmas!

First and foremost, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!

I will be gone until after the New Year. The family will be venturing our way across the big open skies to California to visit my sister and her brood. I'm going to admit to something here. I have managed to find a reason not to fly since 9/11. It's not that I'm afraid of hijackers taking over the plane. It's the thought of 2 fucking hours just to get through all of the bullshit security checks. I say bullshit because really... if someone really wants to hijack a plane, they'll find a way. I dread the thought of standing in line possibly having to open my personal things for someone to rummage their grubby hands through. Taking off my fucking shoes. I suppose the TSA has to at least go through the motions. I wonder if anyone will notice I'm planning to take a book on Practical Shooting? Will that earn me a strip search?

For some reason this Holiday Season has seemed so... surreal. I feel like I'm sitting in a Christmas version of "The Carousel of Progress" at Disney World. Some animatronic Mrs talking to a herky jerky C about Santa Clause while I sit on the couch smoking a fake pipe. The lights dim, you hear the grinding of gears while the theater rotates to another "scene". Except that I'm really sitting in the theater by myself watching my own life on stage. I laugh while the animatronic Mr delivers a classic vaudvillian line to a robotic family. I look around to see who else is laughing and remember it's just me.

Damn that sounded WAY too depressing. Sometimes I find way too much interest in the imagery going on in my head.

One of Mrs friends gave her 2 tickets to see a live performance one of C's favorite movies (speaking of Disney). I had Friday night to myself. I met Sarah for drinks at a local bar. Let me back up. Things have taken an interesting turn with Sarah since my little "Ralph the Wild Hare" post. Her team did in fact make the playoffs. I ended up texting her later Wed afternoon. There's not really much to say. I hung out at the bar with some of my teammates and got hammered. I had a moment of satisfaction upon learning my old team (Chester's team) made the playoffs.. but failed to show. Somehow I'm still the spokesperson for their team. People came up to me asking where they were. How the fuck would I know? So I texted Chester. Evidently, no one "told him" they made it to the playoffs. Of course, since his exit here, and subsequent separation from his wife... NONE of his contact info is accurate. Of course I knew MY team got a bye by... wait for it... CHECKING THE FUCKING WEB SITE!! It has schedules and standings and everything INCLUDING THE FUCKING PLAYOFF SCHEDULE!! The thing that kills me was that a) he is a geek and of all people should be checking the damned web page b) he blamed it on the league operators.. did HE make a call? No. He sat on his lazy, sorry, fat ass and expected someone to hold his hand and walk him to their tables. I love it.

Anyway, my team had great fun fucking with Chester. All night they were texting him telling him we were stealing X or Y from his team because they were so pissed. No one else from his team showed either. But it was fun fucking with him anyway.

So back to Sarah. The playoffs CAN take way less time than a regular night because a) you're only playing 1 format. Either 8 or 9 ball. Even though you play both during the session, really it's like you have two teams. b) It's sudden death. Normally you play all of the matches because you total the points through the end of the season. But playoffs are tournament style. So if it's the best 3 out of 5 for example, once you hit 3 it's pointless to continue. Sarah's team won pretty quickly.

We sat around drinking for a bit. Then we left. I had half a mind to get a room. But I'm not sure how she would take that card right now. We ended up driving to a park, sitting on a REALLY fucking cold bench and making out for a bit. It got really late and we clearly weren't going any further so we just called it a night.

Back to Friday night. I told Sarah I would have the evening free if she wanted to do something. She really wanted to go to a local amusement park. I got off work around 3ish. She was supposed to be off around 4. The weather was REALLY nasty. I tried calling her. But she wouldn't answer her phone. Ok... I figured she was full of shit. I went to a bar and grabbed a beer. I thought if she called me back, we'd do something. If not, I'd drink some beer, eat some bar food and call it a night. Finally, around 6:30 she called. I told her where I was. I asked if she wanted me to pick her up to go to the park. She told me she needed to change and she'd call me right back with a decision. So I sat and sat. I finally decided I'd just have dinner and leave when I got a text "I'll be at the bar in 2". The next thing I knew, I felt arms around my neck and a sloppy wet kiss on my cheek.

Nothing really juicy happened. We decided to go to a movie. Right as we were about to walk in, my phone rang. It was Mrs. Paranoia took over. I debated how long it would take in the movie and how long Mrs would be wondering where the hell I was. Ultimately, I decided it was best if I went home. But we did make out a bit first. Of course, I got home and no one was there. I probably could've gone ahead with the movie.

I'm planning a trip to the mountains shortly after getting back from Cali. I mentioned it to Sarah. She wants to go. I'm debating what to do. I don't know if she really would have the maturity to leave things at just having fun. She seems cool with things right now. But then again we haven't actually done anything. I think it'd be a wild ride if I did take her. We'll have to see.

Ralph the Wild Hare

Ralph was a rabbit. Long ago my little brother was terrified of anything four legged. Dogs, cats, and yes even rabbits. He was something like 2 at the time. Ralph was the first of 12 steps to "cure" him of this problem. My Dad reasoned he would overcome this fear one step at a time starting with a rabbit and eventually ending with an actual dog.

For the most part Ralph was pretty boring. He just sat around looking non-plussed in whatever space he occupied, his cage, the floor, the kitchen. We would soon learn Ralph was patiently waiting for true love.

We had birthday party for my Dad. There were only a few guests. The kids (me, my Sister, and little Brother), one or two close friends of the family, maybe the neighbors, oh and Ralph. That was pretty much it. My Dad must've been hitting the big 0 birthday (4-0 that is) because I remember all of the decorations were appropriately morbid. A tombstone cake. Black streamers. Black balloons.

The party was a blast. All revelers had a great time. The adults were all acting "funny" (read drunk). The kids were pretty much destroying the decorations for one reason or another. Streamers and balloons were falling to the floor. In my mind's eye I'm seeing the party as a scene from something like American Pie. Revelers of all ages caught up in the melee of a good time. Suddenly, all sound is replaced by Marvin Gay singing "Let's Get it On". Ralph is hopping across the room having spotted the love of his life from afar. "I've been reaally tryyiiin BAAAAbeh" hop hop "Tryin to hold back this ffeeeeEELINg for SOOO looong" hop hop. "And if YOU feeeeel.... LIIIKE I fEEEEEL baby" hop hop... the two lovers meet. Ralph's paws pull her close. Passion overcomes decorum as a furious exchange of fur and rabbit bits ensues. Suddenly, just as true love is about to reach it's climax... POP!!! She's gone in a flash. A moment of confusion. WTF?!?

The soundtrack starts again. "Bwah bwah bwah bwaaaaaaaaaahhh I've been REAALLY tryyiyyyiiiiing baaaaabeh" there she is... across the room... having mysteriously jumped in a split second from those short little arms of Ralph to a quieter corner of the room. Hop hop "trying to hold back this feeeeeEEEElin for SOOOO loooong" hop hop. Ralph resumes his embrace... those tiny little arms pulling her closer to ecstasy. Again... passion overcomes decorum... more furious love making and again... POP!!!!!! Poor little Ralph is getting distraught. Is he too much for the poor little lass? Is it possible to actually fuck a rabbit into explosion? Wait a minute... there... across the room in another corner... "Bwah bwah bwah bwaaaaaaaaaahhh I've been REAALLY tryyiyyyiiiiing baaaaabeh" hop hop. Less foreplay... straight to full on rabbit humping... POP!!!! Now we're onto frantic searching. Ralph's little rabbit blue balls are screaming for release. Fuck the music... THERE SHE ISS!!! hop hop hop... hump hump POP!!!!! FUUUCCKK!!!!!!

Poor Ralph. He had true love within his grasp.. or clench as the case may be. Yet over and over it disappeared into the ether leaving Ralph empty and unfulfilled.

If you haven't figured it out yet. Evidently, black "death" balloons at a 40th birthday party either really resemble a female rabbit... or the rabbit equivalent of one of these. Poor Ralph molested balloon after balloon. Each one popping before he could finish. I can't imagine what was going through his little rabbit brain. "AAaaaawww baby. That's it... take it... you know you like it fast like this..." POW!!! "WHAT THE HEEELLL!!!?!?!? I KILLLED HER!!!! DAMN MY NON-OPPOSING THUMBS AND STUMPY LITTLE ARMS!!! IF ONLY I COULD JUST JERK OFF!!!!"

So my pool team (which I haven't really talked about much) placed high enough overall to be able to skip the playoffs and go straight to a tournament. Tonight is the first night of playoffs. Whatever will I do with myself? Since we get a bye, I have absolutely no where I have to be... and a free night out. My prospects aren't all that good for mischief though. Sandy is really annoying me this week. The whole "let's do so and so" then standing me up is getting really fucking old. I texted Sarah last week during pool and never got a response. So either a) she didn't see it b) she saw it and is no longer interested or c) there is some kind of trouble afoot (which is entirely possible). I'm kinda starting to relate to Ralph a little bit "Bwah bwah bwah bwaaaaaaaaaahhh I've been REAALLY tryyiyyyiiiiing baaaaabeh" hop hop...

Any bloggettes in the south east looking for some fun tonight? No?... POP!!!!

The Tuesday of Information Too Much

My title is either medieval speak... or Yoda speak... my brain can't pick which. Hmph.

Anyway, it's time to play that game on the 2nd day of the 51st week of the two thousand and seventh day of our Lord otherwise known as TMI Tuesday

1. Are you done with your shopping yet?

Uh... HELL no!! I ended up with a surprisingly small list this year.. but I haven't done it yet.

2. What is your favorite sexual position?

Hmmm... there are so many and it changes so frequently. At the moment, I'd have to say any position where I'm behind. Lately, it makes me feel quite like a porn star. Her bent over the couch... on all fours on the floor... leaning against the wall of the shower.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how open are you to trying new sexual things?

I would say 9.8

4. What present are you hoping to get this year?

Sigh... only ones I would never get sadly. The list is as thus:

a) Sandy... for just one night
b) An upgraded toy to use in my favorite sport (not very PC I'm afraid and VERY expensive.. at least $2k)
c) I would say a new truck... but I actually got that.. well kinda... not quite new but close. So I'll modify and say a new truck WITHOUT PAYMENTS!

5. With your current partner (or your last partner) how often was the sex better than just good?

Meh... I'd say 50/50.


Bonus (as in optional):Can a relationship that you are part of survive on sex alone? Could it survive a prolonged period of abstinence?

If it were really, REALLY hot sex? Maybe. I think my ego would get in the way ultimately though. Part b? Absolutely not. Quit putting out, and I will absolutely go somewhere else. Though, my Dad and step-Mom's relationship has survived for 23 years with abstinance. He goes elsewhere. She seems to accept it somewhat. So what do I know.

The Record Skips... Skips... Skips... Skips...

Why in the hell do I do the same shit over and over?! I manage to infatuate myself with people who will never ever return the sentiment. And it's not so much I want to fall madly in love with someone. I just want to have a little spice... mischief.. hell ANYTHING in my life.

Sandy and I have continued our little dance. Mostly it's her saying outrageous shit that I know is completely false. But she says it in such a way that, for a brief moment, I believe her. Case in point, there is an event coming up around the first weekend or so in February. It is far FAR away. Out of the blue, Sandy says "Let's go to XXX event!" I respond, "I'm not going to any damned event all the way over in YYY (state)". She presses on. So I start thinking about it. It would be fun. There's nothing going on that time of year. Why not? So I tease her a little bit "Why the hell would I want to go and be a third wheel?" She replied "BF isn't going? He won't go to that part of the country because his ex-wife lives there and they run in the same circles". Ok... this just got interesting. So I said "Ok... you convinced me".

Weeks go by and I've heard absolutely no follow-through on her part. So I ask "You know.. the deadline is coming up for early registration..." Then I start getting the excuses. "But it's going to cost $XX and I'm poor.. blah blah" I said "This was YOUR idea!!" And so it goes. Finally, I know she has no intention of going to this whatsoever.

Cut to this past week. She wanted to go for drinks Fri. after work. We even talked about it right around lunch time. Then she started "Well.. I have this party to go to tonight. I can meet you for a couple of drinks then I have to go". I got off work, headed in the general direction of where we would meet. I called her. No answer. I left a voice mail. She never called me back. Finally, I said fuck it and started driving home. At this point though, I told Mrs I was going to happy hour. I couldn't very well show up home without smelling a little bit of alcohol. So I stopped by the pool hall. Wouldn't you know it. My phone rings. Sure enough.. it's Sandy. Oh and conveniently late enough so that she couldn't both get drinks and go to her party. She said "You could come by my house and have a drink or two while I get ready?" I should've said ok just to fuck with her. But she clearly made the offer knowing damned good and well I wasn't driving all the way the hell over to her place (she lives on the extreme opposite end of our county) just for a drink or two.

I ended up having a couple of beers, just enough to prove I was out, then headed home. The rest of the night I stalked around the house thinking about how stupid I am for letting her lead me on like that. So what do I do? I called her Saturday to tell her I was going to practice a little bit Sunday and she was welcome to join me (she needs it WAY more than I do). She said "That sounds great!! I'll call you before so we can meet"

Did I hear from her? Oh no!! But because I just can't up and walk out of the house, I had to make plans anyway. I finally called her. Where was she? Shopping.

Why the hell do I bother?

TMI Tuesday TIME!!!

Yes it's that time of the week where we bare our souls... lay ourselves before the blogging alter of truth... eh I'm running out of steam. TMI Time:

1. Are you and early shopper or a late shopper?

Shopping... I wouldn't so much call it shopping as more combative standing in line. Does it count if you "shop" on-line? It depends on the year and money. This year I will probably be a late shopper because of financial issues.

2. What is your favorite cartoon (current or passed)?


Oh jeeez... I used to love GI Joe. Then they stupid program directors swapped it for He-Man (blech). But I think I'd have to say the Animaniacs... a close second is Duck Tales.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how competent are you on home repair projects?

6ish. I can do most things. I have even repaired the washer and dryer myself a couple of times. I re-popcorned a ceiling (never again). But a pro-probably could do better on some things.

4. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

(Edit-- damn I forgot this one the first go-round). Driving around looking at lights.

5. Describe your favorite kiss? Do you give it or receive it?

Hershey's Dark Chocolate. Receiving duh! Wait.. is this not the right context? Oh ok. There was a girl I worked with YEARS ago... back when I had my "college" job. The big boss has a severe crush on her. You had to know that boss, but it wasn't one of those creepy boss crushes. He was genuinely a nice guy. At least 30 years her senior. The poor guy was seriously conflicted. I don't even remember her name now. I'll call her Becky. Anyway, we had a christmas party. My girlfriend had to work. She didn't want to go with the boss. So we went together. We always debated whether or not she was straight. She had a tiny bit of butch about her. But she wore it in such a sexy way no one cared. Anyway, the party was cool. Afterwards, I drove her back to her car. When we got there, she said "I always kiss my dates good night". I leaned over. She have me, without a doubt, the hottest kiss I have ever had. Extremely soft.. I was actually caught off guard how soft. Made me want to melt.

Then she left.

Bonus (as in optional):What is the best holiday gift you have ever gotten? Best you've given?

A go-cart when I was a kid. I knew I was getting it (I found it covered up in my grandparents garage). It almost killed me waiting for it (I was at that age when christmas couldn't possibly come any slower). I rode that thing every day for a couple of years. I only stopped riding it when I warped the main sprocket and couldn't find a replacement the right size.

The Holiday

I got home from the match around 7:30/8ish Saturday night. The ride from mid-state city takes about an hour and a half. Somewhere around the 1/2 way mark it hit me, we had been on our feet all day. Literally, we never sat down once we got there... from about 9:30am to about 6pm. There aren't any chairs or benches. We even ate lunch on the way from one place to the next.

It has been unusually warm here for the last couple of days. Almost late spring temperatures. While I did dress appropriately, I wore the grime of the activities. I hobbled my way to the shower. It was my intention to have a beer or glass of wine, then crash after my shower.

I was so tired and I figured I wouldn't be up for long, so I went straight from the shower to the kitchen no bothering to put anything on. Mrs had a glass of wine waiting for me. I was about to sit down when she said "Don't we have several movies from Netflix we haven't watched? Haven't we had them for a few weeks?"... sigh... I said "Ok.. just pick whatever you want. I'll meet you in the movie room".

Still naked except for a glass of wine, I hobbled my way to the movie room. Mrs picked "The Holiday". I thought "Oh great!! She'll fall asleep and I'll be stuck watching the damned chick flick". I braced myself for the inevitable conclusion to the night.

The movie was mildly humorous. To my surprise Mrs stayed conscious. Somewhere about the time the girls were exploring each others houses, Mrs leaned against me. Her hand rested squarely on my cock. For the next 10 minutes or so of the movie she simply let her hand rest.

About the time Cameron Diaz met the brother, the hand started to wander. Little circles under my balls... stroking the length of my cock with her index finger. In spite of my exhaustion, the boy slowly came to life. The wandering soon turned to a firm grasp and squeeze. Her hand slid the length of my cock ever so slowly with deliberate pressure.

Somewhere about the time Kate Winslet met the old man next door (a little disturbing timing wise...) Mrs casually lowered her head to my cock. She started slowly. Casually running her mouth the length of my cock as she did with her hand.

I had no clue what was happening in the movie at this point. For all I know aliens invaded and gang banged both women. In Pluffland however, Mrs quickly peeled her PJs from her body. Facing me, she lowered herself onto my cock. I grabbed her ass hard (seems to be the new thing to make her cum almost instantly). She actually raised her knees so that she ground herself as far as possible on my cock.

She leaned back sliding her finger to her clit (another new trick of hers) and started cumming instantly. I pretty much sat back and enjoyed the ride. She threw herself against my body letting the waves pass.

I kinda pushed her a little bit so that she got the idea to turn around. She leaned back against my body lowered herself onto my cock again. We rocked together with subtle motions. Not so much fucking. More of a continual slide. Again, her hand snaked to her clit. Again she lifted her knees taking as much of me as she could. I grabbed her hips and moved her back and forth across my lap. She cried out and came again.

As soon as her 2nd orgasm passed, she hopped off my lap, grabbed my hand and pulled me to the floor. She threw her legs over my shoulders as my cock pushed into her pussy again. This time, there was no subtle motion. No slow melt of bodies. No luxuriating in slow pleasure. We fucked. Her hands went to my ass urging me deeper, faster, harder. Her nails sunk into my thighs as she started to cum again. I felt my own orgasm building. She wrapped her legs around my waist pulling me deep inside as I exploded.

I honestly don't remember much else about the movie. I think the girls found love or some shit like that. Somehow it seemed irrelevant.

Blechhh....

Saturday 4 of us piled into a car and traveled to mid-state city to participate in my redneck sport. The event was for charity. All in all about 100 people showed up to participate. My division had 20. The day was really, REALLY long. I did well taking 2nd in my division. It was my best finish ever.

Unfortunately the day was bittersweet for me. One of the main attractions to the event is a massive prize table from various sponsors. Usually, at these things, the prize table is reserved for the top X finishers. You have to finish well to make it to the prize table. This particular event, because it was for charity, the prize table was based on random drawings. And they had a massive amount of prizes. You basically have a 50/50 chance. Of course I didn't win anything. After the drawings, they gave out awards (a certificate) for the top finishers. In a bizarre twist of circumstances, even though I finished 2nd, I didn't even get a certificate. They only recognized 1st place for each division. They would recognize 1st through X place for each handicap within the division depending on the number of people with that handicap. I was the highest handicap in my division and the ONLY person with my handicap. There were a TON of people the next handicap down from mine. So I was the 1st of 1 for my handicap. 2nd in my division. But because I was the only 1, they gave 1st through 3rd place for people who finished BELOW me, but within their handicap. The REAL pisser was, I just got bumped up in handicap last week.

I left feeling a little bit depressed. Considering recent events with my job etc. it just seems like my bad "luck" continues to pound me. I finally have a great finish, and not only do I not get any recognition, I don't even win a 50/50 raffle. It's like no matter how hard I try, or how good I do something, I'm invisible.

Well... now wasn't that a depressing little tirade. I actually was going to write about a particularly erotic time Mrs and I had after the match. But now I'm all depressed. I'll come back to it later.

Oh yeah... and I bought a truck.

HNT... Sort of

I was re-reading the last couple months of posts. Things have been so hectic I wasn't sure what I had and hadn't posted. Couple that with my short-lived, recent ability to take pictures and I stumbled across my halloween pics. Here is my costume from this year:

Dear Pluff

Why oh why do the women in my life see me as some sort of confidant, confessor, fucking advice column?

Let me back up. I started my new/old job back last Monday. I took Thanksgiving on the "other" company. Unfortunately, I was set to work a major sport of the redneck variety Wed - Sun of this past week. My boss was kind enough to let me go ahead and work it.

I rode with Sandy to the event. It is in another state about 5 hours away. As you well know, I am totally smitten with Sandy. It seemed like our relationship had maybe taken a little tiny baby step towards another level. You see, she was having computer problems. I went over to her house a couple of times to try to get her going. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it. But I kinda felt a little something... a sort of... tension while I was there.

Anyway, I knew her BF was going to be at the match. She would most likely be shacking up with him. The entire way there, (the trip ended up taking almost 7 hours... long story_) all she would talk about was the BF and what I thought about things he said. Sandy is at a point in her life where her biological clock is jumping up and down on her head. She wants to be married and have babies NOW. So I listened while she told me about how he introduced her to his mother on the 2nd "date". How he pushed and pushed for her to move to his state (with several other states in between here and there). But he hasn't popped the question and he shuts down when she tries to talk to him about it. I actually witnessed it myself. He said to one of the competitors after someone make a risque remark "Hey!, That's my future wife you're talking about!" She's telling him they either need to move ahead or call it off. Ugh... I was pretty ready to be out of the car when we got there.

The rest of the weekend was pretty fun. A bust on the salacious front. Though a bunch of guys including the guy I roomed with went to a strip club right across from the hotel. I just couldn't see dropping a few hundred dollars for that now. I really wanted to go though. Ah well...

I'm BAAAAaaackkk... and with TMI Tuesday at that!

Oi what a crazy couple of weeks. Long story short, I'm back at the old job as if I never left. Benefits, parking, my PTO is still as it was. Except I lost my cube. No more windows for me.

Anyway, had a lot of fun doing redneck stuff most of last week. I'll come back to that. But in the meantime, It's:

TEEEEE --- EEEMMMM --- IIIII ----TaaaaAOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHSSS day time!!!!

1. If your partner buys you a sexy little "something" is it a present for you or for your partner?

Oh them of course. But does it really matter? I mean, we all get something in the end.. huh huh... "in the end" huh huh!!

2. What are 3 characteristics of "your type"?

They are all kind of the same. But for me, attitude, personality, and someone with gorgeous eyes. I've met some smoking hot women with horrible attitudes and personality and it was a major turnoff. But give me someone feisty with a really sexy charm about them, and I will go for them over "smoking hot" every time.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good a cook are you?

I say 5. Mrs says 8.

4. Tattoos: Love them or hate them. On you? On a partner?

Love them. I was going to get one (my first) commensurate with the new job. A kind of symbol representing both the new company AND the attitude the company name represents... but... well... that clearly didn't go so well.

5. Stubble: Good or bad? How often do you shave?

On girls? BAAAD! I shave every day. I trim a couple of times a week.



Bonus (as in optional):What are a few of your favorite things (both sexual non-sexual)?

Eating pussy. The nape of the neck. Moans and or screams. First kiss.

Non-sexual, my daughter. Riding my motorcycle. A beautiful day.