And Now We Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming.. Oh Yea.. and Worlds Collide

Sorry no HNT. I really need to get back into those. I always feel so self-conscious though.

I had kind of a classic, old school Pluff's a dirty slut boy night last night. Nothing happened. But I had a lot of fun. Last night I was determined to have "the conversation" with BK one way or another. I shot Sandy an e-mail intending to see if she wanted to grab a drink somewhere before I went to the pool hall. I didn't want to spend the entire night at the bar with my thumb up my ass. My e-mail simply said "Working late?". I got "yes" as a response. Alrighty then. I went to the pool hall. About 30 minutes after I got there my phone rang. Sandy. As soon as I answered she started it about needing to find sky miles for a plane ticket to some match that is an exclusive invite only deal she suddenly got a slot for. She was stressing. Then she asked where I was. I told her I was at the pool hall. Awkward silence. I guess she wanted an invite. I bit. I said "Well come on let me buy you a drink and you can figure out this whole plane thing". To my surprise, she said ok.

20-30 minutes later she showed up. We sat at the bar for a while just chit chatting. Finally around 7ish BK walked in. For a second I was miffed because she walked RIGHT by me without batting an eye. Then, I saw her head pop back (there is a little hall you go through to get to the tables). She came over and gave me a hug then went to her team to play her match.

Every 30 minutes or so, BK would come over and sit down next to me. Each time I had Sandy on 1 side and BK on the other. It was an interesting position to say the least. I could just feel the "play nice but really she's a bitch" vibes from both sides. I loved it. Each time BK would leave, I'd buy a beer for her and run it over to her table. I went to the bathroom at some point and came back to see BK and Sandy talking. Heh.

Around 10ish Sandy left.

Every 30 minutes though, BK would come over, sit down, chit chat. Most of the time she was venting about the way their match was going. Her team was tied for 1st place with my old team and another. There is 1 more week in the session before playoffs. 1st place gets a bye and goes straight to the tournament. In the past, 2nd, 3rd, and sometimes 4th also got bye's depending on the number of teams in the division. Her team was losing.

Finally her match was over. She came and sat down next to me and vented about getting their ass kicked for a bit. Worse, the first place team won 5-0 on the night sealing their position in 1st. After a good 10 minutes of ranting she finally calmed down (well... not really pissed but you know). I said "You started a conversation last week.. Do you remember it?" She said "Maybe... I don't remember much after was sat down at the bar.. but I remember before". I went on "Well, you told me how the night of the almost kiss you wanted more but you would've felt horrible. I think the best summary word would be 'conflicted' (she laughed). Then you asked if I wanted more too. I tip-toed around the answer because I didn't want to have the conversation over and over because we were drunk, and I wanted you to know it was ME talking and not alcohol". She said "I totally respect that". I forged ahead "Of course I want more" I think my actual words were "DUUUUuuUUUHH!!" She laughed a LOT at that. I finished by saying "Look. I like having fun. I have really liked getting to know you. If you were to say 'come on let's get out of here' I wouldn't hesitate. And I hope you know I'm going talk shit and try to get you to say that as best I can... But I know MY situation, and I know how that affects other people. So I'm not going to be pissed if this is as far as this goes". She nodded and said "Thanks". Then, me being me, I asked "Sooo.. wanna get out of here and get nekkid?" Can you believe a) she said no and b) didn't think I was serious?!?! Hmmph!!

After "the talk". We did our usual shit talking. Then she said "Dude.. your girl SO wants you". "Pshh whatever." She said "I can totally tell by her body language. That and the daggers she was sending to me. We were talking while you were gone and she started in about her pink this or that or whatever. She was totally trying to blow me off". I laughed at the pink part because she DOES have a ton of pink. Just found that very interesting.

Things got even more interesting. I honestly can't remember if I talked about this girl or not, but I'll pretend I haven't. She was on Sarah's team (Sarah the nutcase from a while back). This is the team I WAS going to join until all that drama went down with Sarah and the BF. They kicked Sarah off the team last session. Anyway, her name is Lisa. She is SUPER hot. She reminds me of a cross of Heather Graham and Julian Moore (and yes I'm thinking Boogie Nights). She invited me to join her team. THEN she told me her husband is gone for work and will be gone for several months. THEN she started chatting with BK. They hit it off. The three of us sat around BS'ing until the bartender kicked us out.

Actually, BK and Lisa talked... and talked... and talked... I couldn't get a word in (which was just fine by me). I looked over to the bar and saw this REALLY cute blond standing there with a friend. I leaned back a little to get a better look. She leaned out and looked back. God I'm such a pig. Two girls on either side, and I'm giving the look to another AFTER I had been sitting with Sandy. I don't know anything about her. I saw her once before. I'll have to keep an eye out.

Anyway the bartender kicked us out. We stood around BK's car and talked some more. Lisa told me she wanted to hear from me about next session. And maybe I was hearing things, maybe something in her voice... I dunno. She said "We are going to have a LOT of fun... Probably too much fun and I'm going get into... never mind I won't go there" and she left leaving just me and BK.

We stood there for a moment. She had this smile on her face. I had asked her for a time for a massage before, but we never agreed on one. I asked again. There was definite... tension. And of course I didn't take advantage of that.. nnnoOOOOO not me. We agreed on a time (I'm getting a massage tomorrow then taking her shooting). She still had that smile. We stood for a moment. Then I leaned in, and kissed... her on the cheek. Said "I'll see you Friday". She said something else.. I don't remember exactly what. Something flirtatious. I shot back "Unless you have a better idea.. now". She quickly said "No." then added "See how easily I said that".. I shot back "See how easily I ignore it". I walked off to my truck. She watched until I got in.

And that was that. We're cool. Who knows where it will go. I know. She knows. It's all good.

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Oh yeah! BIG shout out to my girl Amorous Rocker over at Not Your Average Chick for giving me a Bloggie. *blushing taking a bow*. Thanks Baby!!

Whacky... no.. Wheaazy... no WEIRD Wed. That's it!

Nothing really juicy going on. Here is this weeks Wednesday Weirdness. Stop by and play too if you like.

1. Would you rather be 3 inches taller, or 3 inches shorter than you already are?

3 inches longer? Not an option?! Then I guess taller.


2. What are 3 words that could never be used to describe you?

Ha! TALL.. see previous. LOL! No really.. These are really words I
would never use. I have no idea how others fee about it. 1. Liar 2. Vague 3. Unforgettable.

3. Have you ever eaten something at the grocery store while you were shopping, prior to buying it? Did you pay for it when you got to the check out line?

Nope.

4. If you could have any 3 materialistic things in this world without paying a single cent for any of them, what would they be and why?

HUGE boat. I had fantasies of sailing a sailboat around the world. I even bought a small small boat to start learning. But money got in the way.

Plane. Just cause the boat CAN be slow. Sometimes you just have to get there.

Ranch. I wanna be able to jog completely nude if I want.

5. Have you ever fallen asleep or nodded off during sex before?

Not during. Immediately after.. while still on top yeah. But never during.

6. What are 3 jobs you’d leave your current job for? If you don't have a current job, just list 3 jobs you would like to have.

I think I did this and it was a horrible experience. I got nuthin.

7. Do you or have you ever answered the phone during sex?

Yup. There was a period of time in college where it seemed like every time my Dad called I was having sex. Finally I answered the phone a couple of times. Then there are the phone calls that start off innocently and my gf/wife would come over and start sucking my cock etc. I usually just roll with it. But it has been my experience women... not so much.

*sob*... I Just Wanna SA-LEEEEP!!

I've been working at my place of employment for 17 years (I don't count my 3 week hiatus). When I first started, my area of responsibility was very problematic. There were periods of time where I wouldn't sleep for 2 days in a row. The record was 3 (weird things happen at 3 days with no sleep). For whatever reason, the on-call Gods have thought it particularly funny to nail me with almost every conceivable problem EVERY FLIPPING NIGHT of my on-call for the last week. All between midnight at 6am. Noooo... nothing can go wrong during the day when I'm FUCKING AWAKE!!! I haven't had this much trouble during an on-call period in probably 10 years. And they've all been completely unrelated problems. 1am server X crashes. 3am server Y runs out of disk space. 4:30am the fucking internet goes away. ARRRGH!! Yeah I've had times where something has gone horrible wrong and it takes 2-3 days to get it squared away. But it's ONE problem and it's usually only for a couple of days.

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I've been thinking some more about the whole BK thing. I guess in reality, our conversation Wed night caught me off guard. She has always been pretty clear that I'm married and therefore taboo. When I started talking to her I took the attitude that we were just going to have some fun. Friends. Talk smack. Drink. In a weird reversal, I felt she was safe because I really never thought she was interested in anything else. And she is somewhat standoffish. Just her personality. The night we did the whole almost kiss thing really shocked me. It was hot/sexy all of that. But I honestly thought she was fucking with me because in spite of my best efforts, we never kissed. I was ok with that because it was hot and fun. So the conversation really shocked me Wed night. I have decided I'm not going to act any different around her. If I get a chance to talk to her when we're not drunk. Then we'll see.

Holy F@#$ing S@#$ Part II - Continued

Ok... I'm going to pick up the story at the point where the post was lost. Some of this will be redundant, but more detailed.

After Sandy left, I walked back over to BK's table with the intention of ordering her another shot. When I got there though, her team was leaving. They were done for the night. I told her I was going to buy her another shot and could get the waitress there or we could go to the bar. We hung out for a few minutes so I ordered it via the waitress. However, before the drinks could show up, she grabbed her stuff and we started towards the front.

She started talking about Sandy. She said "She's cute. She has man legs though" (in Sandy's defense, she changed into shooting clothes at the range and still wore cleats). She made some other comment implying the two of us might be doing something. I said "Nah, she had her chance". By this point in the conversation, we were close to the bar. We ran into the waitress with our shots on the way back to where we were. I said "PERFECT timing!!" She put the shots down on the closest bar table.

We did the shots. Because we were at a random table, we were away from everybody else. She said "Ok... so the other week we kind of did the whole kiss thing... " I interrupted and said "Do you remember WHAT we did?". She said "No". I filled her in saying "We did this whole not touching thing where we almost kissed but didn't quite. And then I left. So we didn't 'technically' do anything". She said "The thing is, ever since I started to get to know you, I wanted something more. But if something had happened that night I would've felt horrible and really kicked myself over it later. Did you want something more to? I feel like you do".

At this point in the conversation, I was mulling what to say next. In my mind I was thinking, a) she is telling me she wants something b) she would feel really bad if something DID happen c) it's her birthday celebration and about her and NOT me and her d) we're both drunk and this is a conversation better suited for a more sober time. So I told her the story about my impression of her when we first met. How my overly sensitive boss took something she said (when he was still playing) wrong and he was pissed. Then Taylor, who obviously had a whole alpha-female-territory marking thing going on. So my perspective was from them and obviously off the mark because of THEIR phobias and insecurities and had nothing to do with the reality of who she really is. I went on to say, the night I got to know her, I realized how off-base they were and I really wanted to get to know her better and have truly enjoyed hanging out and getting crazy. But it is clear to me she has scruples and I AM in fact married, so I understand how it would make her feel and I respect that. Then I said, "But really, tonight is about your birthday, so let's go to the bar and I'll buy you another shot and get you shitfaced".

I ordered more shots. Somewhere while waiting for the shots, her team captain came over and said "OK, let's just have your keys now so we can get you shitfaced and we'll get you home!" He was serious and joking at the same time. The idea being, just go ahead and hand them over because you won't be needing them or capable of needing them after we're done with you. Which is what I THOUGHT and he thought she wanted. She protested. He grabbed her cue case (where her keys were) and walked over to me. He couldn't find them. They were clipped right on the handle in front of his face. My involvement in the whole thing was to say "Dude, they're RIGHT in front of you!". He laughed and took them off and handed her the case back. She just stood there. We were kind of laughing, then I realized she was upset. so I went over and said "Sweetie, I didn't take them, but come on, have another shot, we'll take care of you. It's YOUR birthday. Relax and leave the party to us."

This is where the tears started. She wasn't really making any sense to me. Obviously the shots did their work FAST. I talked to her. Her captain talked to her. Eventually he got her to sit down. She looked at me like she was miserable. I asked "What do you want? Do you want to go home? Do you want to get out of here and talk? Do you want another shot? Tell me what will make you happy and it's yours." She just sat there.

So I started telling her the story about how we were in the mountains and I rode this ride so scary the woman next to me couldn't scream. Once it stopped she finally eeked out a pitiful little "Aiii". She laughed. Then she got quiet. She looked over at me and said "No one ever hits on me anymore... with a tear". I said "What the hell do you think *I* do?! *much sarcasm* Oh caLEAAAARLY I don't count!!!" She kinda smiled.

She said "Please give me my keys". I wish I had them, not to give them to her, but to show her and to try to talk her into a ride home. But I really didn't know where they went. I told her "I REALLY wish I had them, but I don't. If you want to go, I'll be glad to give you a ride and I promise I'll be on my best behavior and make sure you just get home". She didn't say anything. I walked over to her captain and said "Look, she is really upset. Let me have her keys and I'll see if I can't appease her somewhat. He said "Do YOU think she can handle that?" I responded, "Dude, I don't know, but I know she's really upset." In the meantime, she walked away. While I was discussing with him, she came up and hugged me and said "I'm leaving I'll see you later". I asked "Do you have a ride?" She said "No". I said "Hang on".

I called the bartender over and got my tab. While I was paying, she disappeared. I walked outside to see where she went. Nothing. I went back in. She was sitting with some other guys I knew would take care of her. I debated and debated what to do next. I went back over to her teammate and asked "Does she have a ride?" She said "I don't know". I told her "Well.. I don't know what to do. I want to make sure she gets home. I thought she was leaving but now she's over there. I guess I'm going to go on home".

Then I went out to my truck. I sat there for a few minutes debating what else to do. I thought, she clearly wasn't being rational, *I* may be part of the problem. I can't read her mind. So I'm just going to go. Then I got home and blogged the last post DA-RUNK! And that's the whole story.

In hindsight, was she giving me the slow pitch? Was I supposed to run with that? Was that why she was really upset? If I've learned anything, serious conversations like that shouldn't happen drunk. Did she take that as a complete shoot down?

Holy F#@^ing S@#$ Part II - What the Hell am I Doing?

A, it's 1:30am and I'm drunk... B, WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED... again...

Ok.. BK's Birthday is this week. Every week for the last.. month or more, she made sure I knew to be out tonight becuase it was her birthday. I marked it on my calender. Prepared myself. Planned to, at all costs, hang out and get her shit faced.

SOoo.. what actually happened. I went to shoot. Sandy kind of invited herself along. But beyond any personal crap I want her to shoot... so I was ok with that and I didn't say no.. I'm doing a lot of work to get my elbow ready for "real" competition and I had a whole exercise/shoot program prepared for after work. I figured, I'll go and if Sandy shows up ok.. but I'm going to hang with BK after and Sandy will just have to deal.

I went. Sandy showed. I shot, good workout. Sandy shot. Not sure where she was going with her practice but we "practiced" together. I pretty much was finished when she showed up so I just let her do her thing and kind of joined in even though I already went through my routine.

After, we stood around and chit chatted... I was anxious to leave to go to the pool hall but didn't want to blow Sandy off. She asked "So you hanging with pool and BK tonight?" I said, "Yeah, BK (used her real name instead of nick name) has a B-day this week and I promised I'd go by"... then after a pause I said "you're welcome to come and hang if you want..." She said "Nah I have to do laundry so I'm gonna pass".

We cleared up the shooting stuff and got ready to leave. On the way out, my phone rang. Sandy. She was asking me BS stuff having to do with nothing. My truck acted funny for a second so I stopped and checked it out. A few minutes more down the road, she called again. She said "Where exactly is this bar?". I told her. To my surprise, she said she'd have a drink with me.

Soooo.. we went to the bar. It was about 8:30-9pm by the time we got there. We sat at the bar and ordered a few drinks. I told her I'd walk her around and introduce her to people... say high to some others... Before we left I asked the bartender to send BK a shot of Jaeger and wish her a Happy Birthday. Then we walked around.. saw Chester... he was full of shit... I walked over to BK said "Hi". Sandy hung back and chatted with Chester.

A few minutes later she came over and said hi to BK. I told BK "We're gonna eat our food and then I'm gonna hang out with you and get you daRUNK!!"

Sandy and I went back, ate our food. She left about 30 minutes later.

OK. I don't know what the fuck happened... I had this whole post written then the internet GODS pissed it away... I'll come back tomorrow and rewrite... anyway.. things went wrong... BK talked to me about the whole kiss/not kiss night and how she wanted more but knew that she would feel horrible.. I said "I understand".. then I told her how I wanted it too.. but I respect her scruples etc. etc.. Somehow the night turned to her crying.. then she wanted to go home but someone else had her keys... then she just walked away.. and I didn't know what to do.. she went to hang with other people even though she couldn't get home.. I thought maybe *I* was the problem.. maybe she expected me to make a move and I said "I understand"... maybe some other part of our conversation got misconstrued... I dunno.. I pretty much left because I didn't know what else to do. Anyway.. I'll expound tomorrow... Anyway... I'm kinda a) shellshocked that she felt the way she did... she basically confessed she has wanted something more since the first night we talked... and b) confused as shit at how the night turned out...

Woot... it's Wednesday... WOOT WOOT

Meh I got nothin... Tonight is BK's birthday. She has been after me to be SURE to come out and hang with her. It's funny, now that I am laying off of Sandy, she's being much more proactive with me. I.e., I was debating what to do this afternoon. I'm probably going to go hang out with BK. But that will be later. I decided to give shooting a try and see if I can handle it with my arm.

Last night, Sandy called. I just chit chatted with her. Nothing serious. She was asking "What else is going on?" a lot. I refrained from my usual shit talk. No innuendos. No lines about coming over.. Nothing about seeing her naked... None of the usual at all. Then she asked "Well are we a cute boy today?" I said "Dunno... don't really check myself". She said "Well *I* haven't seen you". I replied "Well you know how to remedy that." then I changed the subject. Finally she asked me what I was doing this afternoon. I said "I dunno.. I'm probably going to go shoot a few rounds". She replied "I'll probably throw my rifle in the car". I know she is going to a match with the BF this weekend. He doesn't shoot the same stuff we do. But Sandy has been taking it up. I didn't really offer for her to go to the range with me. I asked "Where are you going to shoot?" I was kind of curious as to whether she expected an invite or not. She said "Well I guess my brother's if you don't go". I just said "Ah" and let it drop.

I guess I will probably go to the range. Most likely, I'll shoot Sandy an e-mail later and let her know I'm going. After that, I'll probably head to pool and try my best to get BK shitfaced ;) If Sandy DOES come shoot, I think I'll either a) just say "bye" and head to the pool hall or b) tell her it's BK's b-day, invite her, and go with or without her.

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As it IS Wednesday... and I AM weird, it's time for that caaAARAAAAAZY Wednesday Weirdness

1.) What material is your favorite for bed sheets?


I am SO lame... anything clean. I suppose if ever I were spoiled with silk or super-high thread count I might be a sheet snob... but as it stands.. just give me clean.

2.) How often do you masturbate?


Hardly ever anymore. I bore myself... heh!

3.) What takes you the longest to do while showering? (IE shaving, washing hair, etc)

Masturbate... wait.. see previous. I guess shaving. I take fast showers. I learned long ago to shave in the shower to save steps (read bleeding).

4.) What do you think is the right amount of foreplay? Do you spend enough time readying your partner for sex?


Usually it's pantsing Mrs. Hell we have a kid, foreplay is pretty much locking the door (we learned that lesson).

5.) Who tends to initiate sex more when you are in a relationship?


Hmmm.. this one depends. I guess it's 50/50 right now. In the past, it was probably more me.

6.) What birth control do you use?


Kids? No seriously... Mrs is on the pill.

7.) What is one thing your partner could do in bed that would instantly turn you off?

Talk? No seriously (I'm saying that a lot...) Recently, the biggest turnoff has been when it's obvious sex is about anything BUT sex. I.e. Celeste. It was angry sex. She had to prove something. It was annoying and very much a turn off. Her desperation really came through. Just not sexy at all.

TMI Tuesday #144 - Return of the Jed Eye?

It's been a while since I played. Boy did I pick a good one to pick back up ;/

Anyway, here we go... TMI TUESDAY!!! WWOOOOOOO (confetti and stuff)!!

1. Are your farts;
a. Silent but deadly
b. All sound, no fury
c. Loud and stinky

Yup. In no particular order. At any given time.

2. Have you ever farted in front of a lover? Who was the 1st one to do it? How did they or you handle it.

Yup. Oh hell... I can't remember back that far. But you know you're good and married when you reach the pull my finger/turtle/answer questions with a fart/ninja stage.

<span style="font-weight:bold;">3. Have you ever farted and tried to blame someone else? Who and did you get away with it?

What do you think kids and dogs are for? Duh!

4. What food triggers you?

All food. Seriously I dunno. I haven't really paid attention other than the obvious, mexican.

5. Varts (Vaginal Farts) Scary, or an indication of a good time being had by all?


I've always heard of these as "Queefs", but varts works. I used to think they were funny and would sneak up to an ex and blow until I found out they could cause aneurysms and death. Not so funny after that. When they happen naturally, they kind of crack me up. A, they usually happen when we've had REALLY good sex so I'm proud, B, Mrs looks hilarious when it happens. Kind of a wide eyed cringe followed by the fastest run to the bathroom I've ever seen. She is easily embarrassed. C, farts are just always funny, but this is the only one you can GIVE to someone else (as part of sex... safely).

Bonus (as in optional): When you do fart with someone in your bed, do you cover their head with the sheet and hold them under?

Not always. You can't be so predictable. Keep them guessing. Ninja is really funny... when they're sitting there minding their own business and it hits them... or when you rip one then have to "get out of bed for something". Throw the covers back and fan it. Or you cuddle with them and hold them tight so they can't run for cover. You gotta mix it up to keep them on their toes.



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The family went to the mountains for the weekend. But first my Dad came into town. He kinda pissed me off and, at least for me, I sort of let him know. My sister and BIL moved again (military). They bought a repo in their new town and asked my Dad to help them do some work. My BIL is pretty ADD and my Dad has NO patience for it so it only lasted about 2 weeks if that. He called to say he was going to stop by on the way back to his state. Now, my Dad is pretty ADD himself. Tying him down to a schedule is almost impossible. So I didn't really say anything to C. I wanted to wait until I knew he was coming. Wed night he was still coming. I felt pretty confident he was coming to visit. So we told C. I also had an appointment with Bad Kitty for a massage. We were going to head to the mountains Thurs night. We rearranged everything for his visit. Thurs morning I got a call, the job he was rushing back to his State for fell through and he was going to change plans and head to the camp instead of coming to our city. It really pissed me off. He rarely comes to visit us. C loves him to death. I'm thinking "You can make a little fucking effort". I told him "You know, C was really looking forward to your visit. I don't like waiting until the last minute to tell her, THEN have to disappoint her by telling her you backed out". He hemmed and hawed, then said he would come by on his way out of town in a week or two. Whatever.

I called Mrs and told her he wasn't coming. Called BK to see if she could still see me. I should've known. Around Noon, he called to say he missed his turn and was heading our way anyway. Thanks a lot. So I canceled with BK again. He showed up around 2. It was a nice little visit. He got to see C for just a bit.

Friday we all caravaned towards the mountains. We hit mid-state city and my Dad went one way and us another. One of Mrs best friends invited us to spend the weekend with them at their family mountain retreat. C and their little girl have become best friends too. Those two get insanely giggly when they are together. They brought a Wii along. I have never played one before. What a hoot. After the girls went to bed the adults sat around turning the Wii into a drinking game. We stayed up pretty late. Finally we all crashed.

Mrs climbed into bed. Since my elbow injury, I can only sleep in a couple of positions. On my back with my arm propped on a pillow, or on my left side with the pillow in front of me, arm on it. I was on my back when Mrs crawled into bed. Her hand immediately went to my cock. She played with it for just a bit. It didn't take long before it was rock hard. She climbed on top. This is when I noticed how creaky this bed was. I could hear the friends walking around in the kitchen not 5 ft. from our door. The floors creaked and I could hear them loud and clear. I know they could hear the bed creak.

I still have a little bit of a hard time supporting my body with my bad arm. Mrs climbed on top sliding onto my cock. Creak. She shuddered and immediately began to ride my cock. Creak.. creak... CREAKCREAKCREAK. I tried to hold her hips and keep her quiet but she didn't care. Our bed CREAKCREAKED... the floor outside the door CKREAKCREAKED...

Finally, I rolled her over. I can't press myself up like normal, but I can sort of prop myself up. It was actually kind of hot because A, I could stop the squeaking and B, it was sa-low.. a nice change of pace from fucking... much more intimate. It focused us on the pleasure and the "naughtiness" of not getting caught or overheard. Mrs buried her head in my neck muffling a cry as she came. It was so sexy, I came hard with her.

Nothing much else juicy. We went to a theme park nearby. It kinda sucked because there are only a couple of "adult" rides (rollercoasters) and they were closed. We got free tickets to come back in the fall so that kind of made up for it. The girls rode this thing that spun them around with their backs against a wall over and over. The little adrenaline junkies.

We played adult Wii later, but we were so tired from the day we all passed out pretty quickly. Then we came home. All in all a nice weekend. Now, if I could just talk Mrs into going with a couple that swings... ;)

You Can Call Me Brett

Playin that crazy Wednesday Weirdness all those crazy kids are talkin about:

If you could enter the witness protection program, but only you, no contact with family or friends, would you? Why or why not?

Only if it were worth doing. If we're talking Manuel Noriega types, then yes. But some local thugs. I'll take my chances. I've seen the "fed" types shoot, I stand a better chance on my own.


Assuming you had to go:

Where would you move to?

Where are you? ;)

What would you choose for your new name?

Brett Remington.

How would you reinvent yourself?

Porn star of course!! Actually it probably wouldn't take much. I'm kind of a quiet shy sort of guy. No really... I am... stop laughing you're hurting my feelings!





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I didn't really have much to talk about, then WHAM... fun stuff.

Sandy called. As soon as I answered the phone she said "You must be REALLY pissed at me". Heh. I said "Why would you say that?" She replied "You haven't called. You usually text me over the weekend". I just said "Yeah you know.. stuff". We chatted for a bit. And that was that. I'm not going to ignore her. I do like that she shoots. It's good for the sport. But the days of me being up her ass are SO over. So I'm cordial.

I was sitting here at my desk working on my Wed. Weirdness when a chat box popped up. It was the guy who roped me into the company from hell. We started chit chatting about karate and my bum elbow. I have been playing coy with those people when I see them because I knew we had interviewed another of the co-founders back in April. We made him an offer, he accepted. It was just a matter of him jumping through the bureaucratic BS before he started. I got an e-mail earlier in the week about a project I am going to work on with him. I guess he started. So when the chat box popped up I was waiting for it. Sure 'nuff, I got, "btw you know John went to work for you guys". Deep breath.. savor... pace yourself... "yup I have a project with him"... pause... then he said "a company with a similar product to ours just sold for $125M".... I just gave him a ":)" in return. I love desperation.

I am SO gonna burn...

Well.. for yet another reason.

Just found out that Chester got fired from his new job... heh.. I feel so wrong for taking pleasure in knowing this... kinda.

Blech I'm Done...

or am I?

I had an MRI late yesterday afternoon. I certainly hope they got what they needed because, lemme tell ya, that was NO fun. The tech had me contorted in this bizarre position my arm just doesn't want to do, on my stomach for 30 minutes. Oh and BTW, DON'T MOVE! I was ok for the first 5 minutes. Then at 10 my arm started to ache a little bit. Around 20 it hurt a lot. I was surprised when the table started moving for me to get out because I was focusing on not moving (by visualizing some of my fav HNT's thank you ladies!). I won't get "results" or a "reading" until either later today or tomorrow.

After the MRI I was supposed to meet Sandy. She wanted help with the career site where I work (she's looking for a job). I called her around 5ish to see what the plan was. She didn't pick up. No biggie. I know she has a conference call on Wed afternoons. I left her a message suggesting we meet me at a pizza place nearby. I drove to a sporting goods store and wandered around planning purchases for when I hit the lottery. Mrs and C have been pestering me for a puppy after the fish died (we already have a new fish... another story.. very sweet one too). I left the sporting goods store to peek at puppies at a pet store (they didn't have any). I wandered around looking at other stuff for a while though. Then I decided if I didn't hear from her in 15 minutes I would just go to the pool hall and hang out. BK is out of town so I couldn't get into too much.
Around 6:30 I handn't heard anything. So I went on. I sat at the bar and ordered a beer. As soon as the bottle touched my lips my phone rang. Sandy. I answered. She said "I'm leaving in 15 minutes". Okaaay. I finished drinking my beer. Played some games on my crackberry. I was hanging out at a bar on the other side of town from where she works and where we were to meet. I figured if I waited 15 minutes, then left, even with her messing about, she should still beat me there or be pretty close.

I got to the pizza place, no Sandy. No biggie, I know her. She was probably talking to someone. I ordered myself a beer and a drink for her. Then I picked up the crackberry and started playing a few games while waiting. 10 minutes... 15 minutes... 20 minutes. The ice in her drink was melting away. I started getting perturbed. 25 minutes... I decided if it hit 30 minutes I was out of there. 30 minutes came. I called. No answer. I closed out my tab and left. This was around 7:30.. maybe a bit later. So from first call at 5, we're talking 2.5 hours later.

I pulled out onto the main road and went about 75 yards when I saw her car turning in. Now this is where I turned into an asshole. I kept going. About 30 seconds later my phone rang. I ignored it. I started thinking "Maybe I'm just being an ass... let me listen to the message". While listening to the message it rang again. Her first message was basically "Hey... thought I saw you leaving.. call me". The 2nd was "I guess that was you and now you're not answering your phone.. I'm heading to the house". While I was juggling the phone to deal with the messages (I was wearing my sling so I was driving and dealing with the phone with 1 hand), it rang a 3rd time. I missed it. No message.

I drove for another 5 minutes thinking about it. Maybe I was being an asshole. I called her back. When she answered I just said "Hey, I thought maybe you got caught up in something at work. I'm on my way home now". She said "well you weren't answering". I replied "Well, it's hard to deal with driving, answering the phone, CHECKING MESSAGES, with 1 hand". She laughed. I said "A'ight. I'm gonna grab a fast bite. I'll talk to you later" and we hung up.

About 10 minutes later, the battery in my phone was close to dying. I tried to turn off my bluetooth headset. This was pretty awkward because I wear it in my right ear (same side as the bum arm). I was driving and trying to hold down the button for it to "turn off". It wasn't working. I kept hitting the button. Holding it. Hitting it. I got kinda pissed off, took it off my ear and started hitting the button repeatedly. I looked down at the phone to figure out what the hell was holding it open, there was an open connection with Sandy. Hmmm.. I hung up the phone. It rang immediately. I put the bluetooth back in my ear and answered. She said "You called me?". Damnit. I must've somehow made it redial (I couldn't do that on purpose if I tried). I said "Sorry, I was trying to turn off my bluetooth and doing it while driving with the wrong hand must've somehow made it redial." She asked "Where did you decide to have dinner?". I said "I dunno. I just pulled over to figure out the damned phone thing before I wrecked." I was in a Bojangle's parking lot. I added "Well, I'm in a Bojangle's parking lot, so Bojangle's it is". She said "I'm sorry about earlier. I got my ass handed to me at work". I quickly said "No worries. I figured something came up. Lemme run in and grab a bite". And we hung up again.

I didn't really want to go back to the pool hall at that point. So I just went into the Bojangle's, had a dinner, then went home. No peep from Sandy today and I didn't call her this morning as usual.

So I guess this is probably for the best. Maybe I WAS being an asshole. But I'm coming to the realization (yeah I'm slow) this just can't go anywhere. I don't want to run her out of our sport. But I just think this can't go anywhere positive. Was she trying to read me by asking me about where I was eating? Or was she clueless? Did she feel like she jerked me around? Or like I was a dick for leaving? WAS I a dick for leaving? I dunno. Not sure what to think or do. But, having said all of this, her BF is supposed to come into town tomorrow. The whole thing will probably get lost in the flurry of weekend stuff anyway.

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Ok I have to tell this story because it's so sweet. As I mentioned earlier in the week, there was big trauma in Pluffland when the fish died. This was C's first pet and real brush with death. This all happened Sunday when we returned from our trip. But she was distraught and wouldn't bury it Sunday. Monday I was prepared to bury the fish even if she wasn't. I got home before Mrs and C. I kind of prepared for the deed. Around 6ish I heard the door open. C came running in "Daddy! Daddy! We got a NEW fish!!" Hmmm... not sure I think it's a good idea to reinforce the idea that if something dies we just get a new one. I mean, I was ready to get another after an appropriate grieving period. 24 hrs not being appropriate. But Mrs got her a new fish. I said "Ok, but we still have to bury Fish #1 (calling him by his name, not #1)" She said Ok and teared up a little.

I went to the garage and got a shovel. C solemnly carried the little box, now decorated with a heart, the fish's initial, and a little kitty sticker. Mrs and I dug a little hole by the oak tree in back. Mrs did most of the digging because I can't really hold the shovel. C placed the little box in the hole with a quivering lower lip. She ran inside and got a shell she painted at some camp last year. Once the hole was covered she placed the shell as the marker. She cried a little more and we went back inside.

After dinner we set up the tank for the new fish and fed it. Watched him swim around a little. C took her bath, read her story and went to bed. I was pretty sure she put Fish #1 behind her.

The next day, I got home from work. Did a few things in the yard (as much as I could with 1 hand). Mrs and C got home. I was helping Mrs put up some groceries when we heard the back door slam. C just doesn't go outside without telling us and we usually have to make her go. Mrs looked just as confused as I did. I went to the window to see what she was doing. She ran over to the little grave and was pacing back and forth with her little hands in "prayer" talking. Mrs said "Last night she said she was going to say a little prayer for Fish #1 everyday". I could see C's little lip quivering while she was talking. Then she ran back inside and went to play in her room.

Maybe I'm weird, but isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard of?

This One Time in New Orleans

AKA - Another Brick (or perhaps the first) in Pluffs Wall "we don't need no..." eh you'll see. The story has come up enough it needs telling.

When I was 21ish my Mom had remarried and moved 1/2 around the globe (literally). My Dad has always lived around 12 hours away leaving my Grandparents as my closest relatives. At the time I was still in college and they became my "official" home address until I graduated.

My Grandparents loved to travel. They owned an RV and would take trips all over the country on any whim. This particular year, for Thanksgiving, they decided to take a road trip to New Orleans. They invited me and my Aunt and Uncle along for the trip.

My Aunt and Uncle, at that time, were in their mid-30's. And yes these are the long lost relatives so this story should set the context for this past holiday weekend. For most of their lives, they lived a very bohemian lifestyle. They were hippies at one point. Record store owners, twice. Active in community theater and lived the lifestyle of beatnik actor types. However, in the last couple of years before the trip, they had settled into post-hippie corporate stereotypes. My Uncle worked for a very large technical company. He rose through the ranks of tech-support phone guy to Vice President. I couldn't say where he was in his career for this trip. Somewhere in the middle I suppose. Manager, Director, or something like that.

We arrived in New Orleans late Wed. afternoon. We got up early Thursday morning and started our trek to the French Quarter. First, my Grandparents were good Southern Genteel folk. My Grandfather's family founded our hometown. My Grandmother a socialite Daughter of the American Revolution. She was a tiny (about 4'10, 85 lbs) woman and very much into the finer things in life. That day she chose to wear her 3 ct diamond earings to make the 3-5 ct family engagement ring handed down from my great-great-someone er another. She completed the outfit with a mink coat. I tell you all of this because our mode of transportation to the French Quarter was.. the bus. Public (or pooblic as Ron White says) transportation. I knew for sure we were going to get mugged.

We went straight to Brennan's for Thanksgiving Brunch. It was about 10ish in the morning by the time we arrived. Thanksgiving at Brennan's is a fabulous deal. I couldn't tell you what we had. But it involved massive amounts of incredibly rich food. Oh yeah.. and alcohol. My Grandparents were firmly entrenched in the cocktail culture. You know, bloody mary's for breakfast, martini's for lunch, bourbon for dinner, brandy for nightcaps all interspersed with beer for "refreshments". I believe we were on bloody mary's at this point.

After we left Brennan's, we did the tourist thing. Up and down the french quarter. We made all of the obligatory stops. Of course we hit every beer vendor along the way. Somewhere around 2ish we were in the revolving bar atop whatever hotel that is down by the waterfront (for the life of me I can't remember which one and I'm too lazy to google it). We were on martini's at this point. Do ya see where this is going?

More walking, drinking beer, sight seeing. Somewhere around 8ish we wandered into a seafood place. At this point I was fairly hammered. I was about to turn 22. I had plenty of college drinking experience under my belt. I could hang with the best of them in college. IN COLLEGE. Let me tell you. College has NOTHING on the cocktail era. These people could fucking DA-RINK! My little 85 lb Grandmother was putting it to me in the alcohol department.

After dinner, we waddled out and found ourselves on Bourbon Street. I remember standing around and listening vaguely as the "adults" discussed what to do. Then, I heard my Aunt say, "Hey, let's go to the strip joints". The first brick to my wall was in my hand. To my horror, my Grandmother said "That sounds like a FABULOUS idea". Haha! Good one. You got me good Grandma.

We started walking down Bourbon Street. The first place we came to was on the corner somewhere. The doors were wide open and you could pretty much see a lot from the street. I was thinking "Yeah right, they're going to go in". And damned if they didn't.

Now, I had been to strip clubs before. It wasn't that big of a deal.... typically. But how in the hell do you act with your Grandparents sitting there. I'm sure they were aware I was no longer innocent. Hell, I brought a few girl friends home with me. I fucked the hell out of one when they went out of town while we "visited". Even got a blow job in my Grandmother's car. But was I supposed to "act" like this was shocking to me? Anyway, by strip club standards, the place was ok. Nothing spectacular. The girls were mostly attractive. Not obviously plastic and painted like you find in the really high end places. More of a garden variety college girl making a buck kinda place. And unfortunately, the best one we would go to that night.

Each of these places, instead of a cover, had a 2 drink minimum. Coupla shitty beers later and we moved on. To the one with the legs swinging from the store front (if you've been to Bourbon St. you know the one). Again, nothing spectacular. Ok girls. But the horror of the evening took it's first bad turn. One particularly forward girl climbed up on one of the tiny little tables in front of me and said "Do you want to feed my pussy?" I was on the Grandparent's dime and didn't have any cash to feed it with. That and again, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER SITTING 2 FT AWAY?!?! I was pretty sure I was stammering. She said "You a fag or something?" Then she turned to my Grandfather. "You want to feed my pussy". My brain went "AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAIAIAHAIAHAAA!!!!!!!"

2 drinks later and we left. I'm a little fuzzy on the number of places we actually went. I just remember I was blocking out more and more while my brain shut down. That is until the last place. I think the last time I was in N.O., it was a mud wrestling deal. But at that time, it had to be the narrowest club ever. The whole club couldn't have been more than 15 ft. wide. The "seats" were all along one wall. They were basically bleachers with this little metal tray running the length of each row for your drinks. The "maitre d'" showed us to our seats. The waitress brought us our two beers. On the stage was, without a doubt, the oldest stripper I have ever seen in my life. It was a black woman who had to have been every bit of 50-60 if she was a day. She kind of staggered around the tiny little dance floor topless wearing the biggest damned platform shoes I have ever seen. She looked like someone darted her and dragged her ass from ethiopia. This woman was in dire need of a sandwich. Then, the final straw, the tiny little light in my minds eye went out. For whatever reason, and I want to kick the SHIT out of whoever told her this was sexy, she sort of crab walked her way to the wall, threw up legs up, and lay on her back causing her already floppy tits to... blech... wrinkle... shudder... WRINKLE!! *after all these years I'm still throwing up a little in my mouth at the memory* My Uncle said "THAT'S IT!! WE'VE HIT BOTTOM!!! TIME TO GO!!" Thankfully, we decided NOT to tempt fate with a 1am bus ride back to the RV. We got a cab.

My Grandparent's RV had a bedroom in the back obviously for them. Everyone was in the communal area on whatever foldout "thing" there was. I was in the middle on the let down settee. My Aunt and Uncle a few more feet forward on a fold out couch. I lay down in my bed still shuddering from the wrinkled tits. My Aunt and Uncle stayed up for a bit longer. To my surprise (I don't know why, I guess I was just naive), I saw my Aunt pull out a pipe from her purse, pack it, and fire it up. Then they looked at me and said "Wanna hit?" I think this is when my motto, mantra, battle cry was born. Who was a I to argue? I don't remember much after that... at least of that night.

I DO however remember the HORRIBLE hangover I had the next morning. I spent a good hour puking in that tiny little bathroom of the RV. My Grandparents, Aunt, and Uncle all were drinking bloody mary's starting the day ALL over again.

There is actually more to the story. We went out again the next night. And to end the trip, my Aunt and Uncle took me to a Stone's concert. But it all pales in comparison.

"The Best Fish Ever"

We lost the fish... C had a Beta for close to a year. The last month or so he hasn't been looking too good. We conferred with "fish experts" from the local store. Googled his symptoms. Treated his water with a couple of different medications. Sadly, he didn't make it. He currently is resting on a little bed of cotton batting in a little coffin made from a jewelry box. C wouldn't let us bury him last night, which was perfectly ok by me because it was pouring outside. There was a lot of crying from both Mrs and C. All night in fact. However, today we have to do the deed. We will start our little pet cemetery in the back yard.

Moving on. The weekend as a pleasant one. Relatives were visited. Stories formed and told. We spent the day of the 4th on the lake. By nighttime, we were all exhausted. The kids were happy to just watch a movie and none of the adults felt particularly energetic enough to go watch the fireworks.

The whole family ventured up to another relative's house for dinner Saturday night. The whole evening had the makings of a royal cluster-fuck. My step-Father made plans for the kids to visit a local attraction. Somewhere during the day he wanted to build something or other. When you add up the hours of the day, subtract the hours of delay and procrastination as well as the understated time estimates of each "thing" it was obvious to most of us we were, at best, accomplishing one of the 10 tasks my stepFather had planned. While the kids were off doing their thing, the rest of the adults sat around and drank. Heavily. By the time we all set off for the dinner, most were pretty well hammered. I offered to drive since I switched to water around noon while the rest continued on their binge. My Grandfather and step-Grandmother rode with me. The long lost relatives suddenly climbed in their own car at the last second in a clear ploy to drive themselves. They were following me. I drove pretty conservatively. These relatives are known for their delusions of NASCAR grandeur. Though, for whatever reason they fell farther and farther behind. I was going well below the posted speed limit and yet they appeared smaller and smaller in my rear view. Finally I pulled over to let them catch up. I saw their car coming around a turn. I pulled out ahead of them and resumed the train to the dinner. Not 10 seconds after I pulled out, they were almost out of view in my rear view again. Very bizarre. Later, I had an "Aha" moment when I heard one of them tell my sister "We are SO... STONED!!" AAAHHhhhh that explained it.

We spent the weekend at the camp. There were many guests at my Grandfather's house. It was WAY more convenient to stay up there rather than sleep on the floor. That and I couldn't picture sleeping on an air mattress with my arm. We did not get to enjoy any mountain sex though. That bitch Flo was in the way. I did, however, get a couple of unexpected blow jobs.

I am now 2 handed typing. Thought my arm isn't any better. I can hold my hands in "type" position though. My arm still has limited mobility and ZERO strength in some positions. In fact, even though I'm 2 handed typing, my right hand feels like it is somewhat asleep. Not so much the tingling as that "heavy" feeling you get as your arm is waking up after being asleep. I have another appointment with the ortho tomorrow. I hope we get by the whole "wait and see" thing. I am starting to think he didn't actually shoot anything into my elbow to numb it. It really didn't feel any different. I wonder if he was giving me a placebo (or nothing at all) to see if I acted any different. I can tell you it hurts like hell in the mornings and that has never changed. Hopefully tomorrow we can get on with whatever we need to do to fix it. I'm tired of feeling helpless.

STEEEERRRrrrrr... IKE!

Sandy invited me to a little dinner party at a friends house last night. On the way to the party and one the way home from the party we talked a lot about her BF and where they were going.. or not as the case may be. Our "relationship" came up a lot. Usually in a joking manner. But occasionally it was serious. The phrase "when I sleep with you" came out of her mouth a couple of times. Dinner was nice. Everyone got a kick out of me chasing shrimp across my plate with the fork (left handed)... or juggling my plate while putting food on it (it was buffet style). Good times.

We got back to her house. Played with her cat a bit. Then she said "I am SO ready for bed". I moved close, put my arms around her and said "Well let's go". It seemed like the moment where we would kiss if ever there were one. She just laughed and pushed me away to the door. And that was that.

I know I'm hard headed. I know I shouldn't be messing with her. I know she's just playing with me. I've read all the comments. I agree with all the comments. But I just can't help myself. I try to keep it "just friends". But she makes comments that I can't resist. I even know if there were no restrictions, if I were single and she were single and we were free and clear to do whatever and we did, it would end horribly. And yet... sigh...

I'm off to my hometown to visit with family and long lost relatives (long story). I really don't want to go. We were pressured into going because of the reappearance of the long lost relatives. One of those "well we only get to see them once in a while so you'd better come now" deals. I don't really think THEY want to have a big get together, but THEY feel pressured too.

There is a match this weekend as well. I'm sick about missing it for a variety of reasons. I knew we weren't going to be around because of the holiday anyway, but now that I'm wounded I'm double upset about it. I'll probably go out to the next match and help officiate or something. But I know it's gonna kill me knowing I could be kicking ass... sigh...

I have been trying to use my hand to type. It's very weak and does goofy stuff. Sometimes it feels like when your arm just wakes up after falling asleep. REALLY heavy. I'm afraid of it atrophying in the sling if I don't use it.

Anyhoo.. everybody out in pluffland have a fantastic holiday.

Guage

My Dr called and said "Can you make an appointment at XX in 20 minutes?" Coincidentally XX just happens to be about 100 ft from the back door of my office. No problem. They took more X-rays. Then he took a BIG FUCKING NEEDLE and drained a few syringes of blood from it. After I came-to they shot it with some stuff to numb it.

Looks like a chipped bone and probably a torn tendon. I'm supposed to go back next week to see if it's better after it is drained. Maybe an MRI then.

In the meantime, I'm a whole lot slower typing now. It took me all morning typing yesterday's post with 1 hand. So I'm falling down with the commenting. But I am checking in.