Money Make the World...

ah fuck that! Make's ME pull my hair out!

I had a great post in mind about a nooner Mrs and I had recently. However, we got into a fight about money last night and I'm just not feelin it today.

I hate this time of year. Everything is due. Taxes on all of my vehicles. Homeowners association. Income taxes (fortunately we got just a little back this year). Gun club dues. Every pay check is accounted for long before I actually get it. This year though, the cherry on top, the icing on the cake (you get the idea), the nail in the coffin is more like it, is my homeowners insurance. I can't remember if I talked about it or not. But we refinanced the house. I think it was a good move. The rates dipped briefly. We got locked in about 1/2 point lower than we were (I know nothing huge but..). More importantly, we were able to roll the 2nd from the combo we did to avoid PMI when we bought the house in. It was a 10 year adjustable coming due in about 5 years. I saw the moment, took it and didn't look back.

I had been paying insurance and taxes myself in lieu of escrow. I HATE escrow. Every time I have ever had an escrow account they screw it up. Under estimate something. Overpay something. Get a refund one year and double my payments the next. I have gone back and forth. I decided to give it a go this time. Big mistake.

I started getting cancellation notices in the mail for my homeowners insurance. I called to see what was going on. I got MAJOR attitude from my local agent. Their only answer was "You need to pay". Even when I tried to tell them it's supposed to be in escrow, they said "Well then the mortgage needs to pay". I couldn't get them to find out why the mortgage wasn't billed or why the balance wasn't taken care of at closing as it should've been. When I called the mortgage company their only answer was "It's not due until October". When I said "Yeah but I have a balance now and did at closing. Why wasn't that moved under escrow?" they said "According to our records you didn't have a balance". When I went back through the paperwork, sure enough, the insurance declarations had a due date of October, and instead of showing a balance, they put some kind of text code where the $$ should've gone. When I called them back they said that was the code for monthly pay instead of annual. I went ballistic. I asked "How in the hell is the mortgage company supposed to move everything to escrow when you DON'T GIVE THEM THE DAMNED BALANCE!!!"

The rest of the details are really irrelevant. In a nutshell, I owe the insurance until October. Oh and btw, I have to pay the same amount to escrow so THEY will pay it in Oct. This is the kind of shit that makes me HATE escrow. The other option is for me to pay $1k right now and not sweat it until Oct. I owe and did owe the money no matter how you look at it. It's just was supposed to have been handled at closing and not shock me with double payments.

So I'm already stressed about that. Then last night Mrs said "We need to talk about summer care for C". I knew this was coming. I expected to get hit with another deposit and have to pay for daycare during the summer. No prob. What I wasn't expecting, was all of the programs Mrs wants C in requires payment up front. For 3 months, we're talking $3k. NOW. I told Mrs find another program. I don't have it. Period. Done. Not gonna happen. She went apeshit. "You KNEW this was coming!!" and on and on. I was so pissed off at her. Like I don't know I have to pay for daycare. But what the fuck am I supposed to do? If it ain't there, IT AIN'T THERE!

I'm already thinking about quitting pool. That will be a couple hundred a month. I'm also thinking about quitting karate too. At least until the fall. That'll be a little more. Unfortunately, it doesn't do me any good right now.

I need serious stress relief... anyone... anyone... Beuller...

Elsewhere in pluffland, Chester was actually decent at the match in NC. I thought about it and thought about it. With all the money stuff right now, I decided to drive up and back on the same day. Overall I did ok. Not spectacular. I had a few problems, mostly user error. I need to iron out some things before the next big match. But once I realized what mistake I was making, I did much better. Good enough to pull me up to top of my handicap (not that it meant anything). I'm anxious to see all of the scores posted. I'd like to see how I would've done otherwise. It will give me an idea as to what division to shoot for the rest of the summer.

Anyway, on the way back, he passed me. I gave him a call and we started talking. Mostly I went off about Sandy and how she talks me into shit, then backs out at the last minute. But I switched in mid-stream from Sandy to "people". He got it. He chimed in about how he knows people are pissed at him about that. So I told him straight up, it's not that you don't show up. It's that you promise to help, then don't. That you then run your mouth about stuff that sounds like you are blowing off the fact you stood people up is what really pisses people off. He told me "Come hell or high water I'm going to make up for that the next 3 weeks". We'll see. But at the match he didn't run his mouth any more than anyone else. I didn't hear his usual shit about how much money he's making for so little work since he left us... or "former Marine blah blah" or any of the other tired stories he tells. It was actually nice.

Heh.. Games

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I DO recycle

Sorry. No time to prepare for HNT this week. Since it wasn't an "official" HNT, I decided to recycle.

















Ladies and Gentleman, a few words from my penis:

"MMMppphhh mpph mpphhhhh mphhhhhh"

Thank yeew!




EDIT ====================================


HAHA! Again with the drunk blogging. This was a case of in my head, I heard a dialog that was supposed to make it to the post. But sometimes my fingers forget to type what is in my head. Anyway the mpph was supposed to be a few words from my penis. I somehow I skipped that part. Edit to add back.

Camping

I mentioned this in the TMI post. It's a pretty funny story, at least to me anyway. So here goes:

My Junior year of college I was dating a girl who could best be described as... a whore. No two ways around it. She was looking to fuck her way into a "lifestyle". Eventually I came to my senses and broke it off with her... after catching her a couple of times. A dude even came and knocked on her window one night wanting some... while I was there!

This all happened about 3 days before my fall break. I didn't really have any plans. A buddy of mine, Chris, suggested maybe we go camping. It sounded like a good idea. I've mentioned Chris a few times, but let's recap. Chris was born for one thing only, sex. In college, he would wake up, jerk off. Jerk off again. And again until his girlfriend would show up. Then they'd fuck and fuck (he'd miss class). She would leave and he would jerk off some more. His OTHER girlfriend would show up and THEY would fuck. You get the picture? To this day he meets a girl for lunch and they fuck in his mini-van (he's married btw).

Knowing this, it shouldn't be a surprise his girlfriend got invited on the trip. Which was no biggie for me. I was looking at it as a chance to clear my head. Those two could do their thing, I'd do mine. It would be therapeutic.

We were getting our gear together the day before we left. There was a girl in his room. I barely knew her. I'll call her Sandra because she looked just like Sandra Bernhard. She even had that little gap in her teeth. Except a) she was pushing 300lbs and b) she had a serious perm gone wrong going on. Think Rosanna Rosanadana from SNL. I just could not find this girl attractive. To my horror, Chris invited her giving me a wink. Even more horrific, she accepted. When she left I was ready to kill Chris. He thought this was all hysterical.

We all piled in Chris' girlfriend's jeep and drove 3 hours to the national forest. Chris had been to the area a couple of times before. The rest of us had never seen it. We looked at the map and saw 2 trails. One looked promising. It lead through a beautiful meadow then up a little mountain. We thought "Let's go to the top of the mountain, eat, then we'll camp on the other side". HA!

The trail to the mountain started nice and wide. Then it got steeper. And steeper. And deeper. Before long it was about 1.5 feet wide and knee deep. Oh and straight up. Sandra looked like she was about to burst a vessel. Chris' girlfriend wasn't much better. So Chris and I decided to go ahead and check it out.

Up we went. At the top huffing and puffing we saw a gorgeous view of the entire area. We could see for probably 15 miles in all directions. We dropped our packs and went back down to the girls. They were still huffing and puffing. So we grabbed their packs and went up. Back down to them and we helped them up. At this point we said "FUCK IT.. WE'RE HERE!" After all it was a beautiful spot. We later found out this was the highest spot in the entire county.

We found a little clearing on top of a drop off overlooking the entire valley and set up camp. As the sun started going down, we tried and tried to get a fire going. Most everything was damp. We eventually gave up the fire in lieu of alcoholic warmth.. oh and some weed.

We only brought 2 tents. Clearly Chris and GF were taking one and Sandra... well she was with me. Not long after dark Chris and his GF decided to go to bed (translate fuck) leaving me with Sandra. There was no way I was doing anything with her so I headed to the tent.

My tent was, at best, a toy from when I was a kid. It was one of those little boy scout pup tents. The front "door" simply tied together. What we didn't know when we chose our little spot, was the wind whipped up the drop off and right through our little camp site. All night long I could see the door kinda poofing open around the ties letting the wind whip right in. To make matters worse, I didn't have a sleeping bag. I just packed a bunch of wool army blankets. Bad move. In spite of the cold, I turned away from Sandra and did my best to keep from touching her or giving her any ideas.

Somewhere in the middle of the night I heard Chris laughing hysterically. He shouted "I swear there's some kind of rodent trying to hump my tent!!" I thought "What a goof" then, sure as shit, "whump" I could see a little silhouete of a rodent on the side of mine.

The next day we decided to move the tents to the other side of the hilltop amongst some shrubs where we were a little more protected. We spent the day getting stoned and roaming around the hilltop. We spent hours watching crows mate. It's a riot stoned. If you've never seen it, they kinda clasp, then DROP LIKE A ROCK! Which is funny as shit baked. We kept laughing about the virgin crow. Is this it? SPLAT!

Anyway, that night was pretty much a repeat of the previous night. The temperature was even lower. The shrubs barely made a dent in the wind. I thought we were going to die. When we got up the next morning, our tents were solid white from frost.

It was at that point Sandra chimed in, "My family has a cabin only about 45 minutes from here". WTF?!? Why didn't we know this before?!? So we packed our shit up and made the trek back to the car. A call to her parents and we were good to go.

At the cabin we started a real fire in the fireplace. People took turns taking showers and generally getting back to human. The booze and weed came out. We made dinner in a real kitchen.

Shortly after, Chris said "Let's play cards. STRIP poker". Sandra, a little too eagerly, said "YEAH that sounds GREAT!". I was ready to kill Chris. But I was drunk and stoned and had a chance to take my clothes off (or at least had a reason).

Things are a little blurry because I was REALLY drunk and baked by this point. I don't remember who "won". I do remember I went out somewhere in there. The girls got down to their bras. I also remember having a long debate as to why they would take off their panties first and not their bras. Don't remember the outcome of the discussion. Just that it baffled us.

Sometime I got dressed and sat on a couch in front of the fire. The cabin was layed out so that the kitchen, dining, and living area were all in one big room. There was a tiny little hall to the bedrooms that started in the middle of the kitchen. I.e. the fridge was on 1 side of the hall and counters/sink on the other. Sandra got a running start down this hall and vaulted herself across the back of the couch throwing her arms around my neck. Being stoned, I did one of those "whaaa" half hearted screams which would've been all I could've mustered even if she were a real life zombie about to chew my head off. Chris gave me this look and said in a really exaggerated way "[yawn] I think we're going to turn in [wink wink]"

There were only 2 heated rooms in the house. Chris and his GF took the upstairs room and Sandra and I were in the downstairs room. I pretty much immediately jumped under the covers and feigned sleep. She got undressed and climbed in the bed. I felt a hand rest on my chest. I panicked for a split second then... "[zzzzzz.... breath... zzzzzzz... breath]" The hand went away.

The rest of the night I spent having those really vivid dreams you sometimes get when stoned where I would "wake up" with Sandra riding me. Then I would really wake up and all would be well, except for the pounding in my chest.

The next morning, I got up before Sandra and tip toed my way upstairs. I ran into Chris who was giving me this shit eating grin. I immediately said "No way. I pretended to be asleep". He was giving me the whole "uh huh" routine when Sandra came walking up the steps. I think I said "boy I sure was tired last night". She chimed in "Yeah... I wanted to stay up and talk but you just fell right asleep". Chris kinda made this little "mmmmm" sound in his throat like someone was smothering him with a pillow. His face got really red. He turned, and walked outside. Which of course cracked ME up so I had to follow. I got outside and he was dying laughing. Of course I beat him profusely about the head and neck. Fucker.

And then we went back. Never saw Sandra again. To this day though, Chris still accuses me of fucking her.

Fuck Her

I called it. Sandy backed out. So now I'm driving by myself. Fortunately, I haven't committed one way or the other schedule wise. So I may still go up Fri night and find a hotel room somewhere. Hmmm.. all alone in a hotel room... whatever could I do... Probably the same thing I would've done even if Sandy went. Jerk off. Eh well...

I'm working on the camping story from my TMI yesterday. I'll probably post it later today.

IMT Tsueady

DAAAAAMN it's cold here!! Where the hell did spring go? Mah fingahs quit woykin!! It's that time again... TEEEE EEEEEM EEEEEYYEEE TTTOOOOOOSSSSSSDAAAAAYYY!!!!

1. Stubble... good or bad? How often do you shave?

On me? Good... means I didn't have to shave. Otherwise it all depends on where you want me to put my face now doesn't it!

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?

MAAACE!!! Just kidding. I'm thinking leg sweep followed by side mount... if I'm lucky I'll end up between their legs. Turn about is fair play ya know ;)

3. Did you ever own a fake ID?

YYYYup! It was so stupid too. You could totally see where my picture was "cut in". I got busted with it trying to get into a club. The thing that really annoyed me was a) I just wanted in with a couple of girls, I didn't really want to drink b) I could've gotten in with a stamp on my hand for "Under 21". But instead I whipped out my ID. The bouncer looked over his shoulder and this dude came out of the shadows.

4. Have you ever played a game which may require you or others to disrobe?

YYYYup! Funny story. I may have already told it. It involves a camping trip and a girl that looked just like Sandra Bernhard.. except pushing 300lbs. I'll have to see if I already told it.

5. Have you ever had sex in the snow? Rain?

NNNNNope. But I'm always willing to try. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller...


Bonus (as in optional): Tell us about your last boyfriend/girlfriend?


I've probably covered her 3 or 4 times in the archives. I'll summarize tho.. I met her through work. Her name was Ellen. When I met her she was about 8.9 months pregnant... married. A year or so later we ended up working together. Several people from work went to a conference together. We ended up out drinking on the vendors dime. A MUCH older woman hit on me for hours that night. After we got back from the conference we all went out to happy hour. Older Woman was there but couldn't stay. The next thing I knew everyone else had left and I was talking to Ellen. Then we kissed. She pretty much chased me down after that. Let's cover highlights... Sex all the time. In her mini-van in parking garages.. at my house at lunch. The Ex-Mrs (we were separated so no big deal... funny.. but no big deal) busted in on us fucking at lunch. We had this fire/ice thing going on where we would fight, then fuck. She divorced. Somewhere in there she found Jesus and we know I'm a heathen. And that was that. I finally broke it off with her.




===================================================

Oh and for those keeping track... the drought ended. I felt like William H Macy in The Cooler when he hooked up with the girl for the first time. If you haven't seen it, AWESOME movie. Mostly depressing but good ending. Oh yeah and the sex scene is hysterical.

Travelin MAAAANN... Love when I caan

Ahh... I'm off today. Home with C for spring break. It's a shame she doesn't take naps any more. I could really be up for some mischief... sigh oh well.

I talk about it a lot. I shoot. I compete. If you don't follow the blog I just dropped a shitload of money on a new gun (which rocks btw). I met Sandy via shooting. In fact, if I really think about it, Sandy is who inspired me to get close to all of the people in my crowd.

I don't want to say there is a "season" for our sport. There are events year round. The last couple of years I have chosen to view it as seasonal. Or rather, I see major competitions as having a season. For me it starts this coming weekend. The next month for me is going to be a whirlwind of shooting, prep, shooting, prep, working, shooting... you get the idea.

This year I decided I was going to devote myself to the sport. Really that means I'm going to shoot a lot more "major" matches. "Major" means some kind of championship. State championship. Regional. There are a couple of matches that are just plain fun. There is a big one up in Pennsylvania for example. From now until december I'm planning to shoot at least 1 major match a month.

The first match coming up isn't really a major match. It's a charity event hosted at a beautiful spot in the mountains. I'm looking at is as a good little warm up for the first major. For me it'll be the first of the "season". I'm looking at it as a good test of equipment and skills. A chance to fine tune things if I need to.

As I said, it's up in the mountains about 4 - 4.5 hours from where I live. It's right on the bleeding edge of being a 1 day trip. Most of the people we know and shoot with live much closer. For them it's about 1.5-2 hours. My original plan was to go up Fri. night, get a room, shoot saturday and come back.

Sandy was completely into that. So I made my arrangement with Mrs. This is her crazy time of year. She has a lot of weekend events she has to work. We made arrangements so C was covered for Fri. and Sat (spring break still). Then we found out everyone is shooting it in the afternoon and just driving up and back.

Since we found that out, or maybe it was just convenient, Sandy has started to hem and haw about getting a room. The last conversation we had she wants to just drive up, do the shoot, then drive back. Somewhere in the middle, one of the gang is having a surprise birthday party in mid-state city which is on our way back. NOW Sandy is talking about stopping in for a couple of hours. We're looking at 8-9 hours of driving. 4ish hours of shooting. And a 2 hour party somewhere in the middle.

I swear she's turning into a female Chester. All talk. So in a nutshell, and we've known this for a long long time, nothing is going to happen with Sandy this weekend. In fact, it's 50/50 still (in my head) she's actually going to go. I'm betting something is going to come up so that she won't.

What will really piss me off is, I would still go up Fri. night and find a hotel somewhere. If I tell Mrs I'm not going Friday, chances are I'll end up having to take care of C. Which will put me at driving the whole fucking thing by myself.

So I've got this weekend in the mountains... kinda. The next weekend will be a local shoot. The following weeking will be a long one in mid-state city for our state championship. Our local gang is actually building one of the stages to shoot and working it all weekend. I'm heading up there Thurs and will be in a hotel room all by my little self all weekend. Sigh... Sandy's BF isn't going to that one for once. Though I bet he'll show up anyway. Again.. opportunity but I'm betting nothing will happen.

Oh yeah.. and I'm already pissed about that one. Chester is being a serious fly in the fucking ointment. I've all but cut him out of my life. But he won't let go. He keeps creeping in. As far as shooting goes, he's been a no show for the last 9 months. He'll come out here and there. He'll go to OTHER ranges and shoot their matches. But he doesn't help or show for the local ones. So when it came time to put together a crew for the state match, he wasn't on it. And he got pissed. I'm thinking "WTF did you expect?" But he was omitted because he simply doesn't do what he says.

Last night I got an e-mail from the lady in charge of the match with work lists and squad lists. Guess who is working on our stage anyway? Fucking Chester! I already feel my stress rising just knowing he's going to be there.

Last year, he and his wife split just days before the match. It was all drama and no work from him all fucking weekend. I didn't really mention it, but when we all went to the range Sat., Chester was supposed meet us. He needs to do some prep work too. Did he show? Oh nooo... Yet another instance in a long line of no show for him. He finally called me about 4:00. Why didn't he show? Because he and his wife were fighting again. I've heard from a few people he is already planning to move out again. Are we detecting a pattern here? So now, I'm not only going to have to listen to his shit, but I BET he's going to cock block me every chance he gets.

I have such mixed emotions. Our sport really needs all the people we can get. It's constantly under fire from the ignorant left. There are no pros in the sport so we need as many volunteers as we can get. Our local match director has been doing it for 7-10 years. He's great. He knows so much about running matches that I'll never know. But he runs the risk of getting burned out. There are only about 4 of us who help him regularly. It doesn't take but 1 of us to have a conflict and he's doing a ton of work by himself. We really need the people. But you simply can not count on Chester to help. Chester promised to come out and help over and over all summer. He never showed a single time. One of the times, Mrs, C, and I were going on vacation. I told Chester "Someone really needs to go out and help because I'm not going to be there". He said "Yeah yeah, I'm going to help". No show. Turns out, one of our other crew's husband fell and broke his shoulder and she couldn't help. The MD ended up setting up an entire match by him self. I felt horrible. I should've been there. CHESTER should've fucking stuck to his word.

Ok rant off. I think I'm getting crazy because I haven't been fucking LAID in 2 weeks. I thought I was going to get some last night. Mrs plopped down on the couch and I swear within 10 seconds she was asleep. ARGGghghhh!!

Was There An Easter Scrooge?

Perhaps I could be up for the role...

The highlight of my birthday on Friday was a killer birthday wish from Renee complete with some semi-naughty pictures. Made my day!

As for my birthday wish, virtual love not withstanding, no dice. Mrs had champagne chilled. We went to an early dinner at a local hibachi place. Mrs and C made a cake in the shape of one of the targets we use in my redneck games. They sang me "Happy Birthday", had a couple of pieces of cake. Then C went off to watch a movie and Mrs.. well Mrs fell asleep. Champagne unopened even as I write this. No mouth around my cock, familiar or not.

Saturday morning Mrs dragged me to the bedroom for, I presume, my belated birthday shagging. I was in the middle of some fine work (if I do say so myself) when the door creaked open and there stood little C staring bug eyed as I had Mrs contorted into a pornesque position hammering away. We had made a pretty good mess of the bed, the most important detail was that all of the bed clothing lay on the floor at that point. No hiding. So that was that. Mrs had hers several times by that point and me... well... not so much.

Last night, I was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch doing some prep-work before making some ammo (I'll get back to that). Mrs plopped down and put her hand in my lap and gave my cock a little squeeze. We sat like that for a few minutes having a little "couple time". The details are irrelevant, but I asked Mrs about having some of the shooting gang over in a couple of weeks for some dinner. One of the gang has had us all over to his place a lot and I thought it'd be nice to return the favor. Mrs gave a big sigh as if I just asked her to sell C to morocan slave runners. I said "Ok I get it. No problem". This time of year has Mrs swamped. I hate it. She doesn't handle stress well at all. I understand it. It annoys me. I don't always hide my annoyance well. She started in. "You're acting like I did something wrong". Me: "No". Her: "I really don't appreciate it when blah blah". I'm trying to be supportive of her stress and not fight with her. I don't like it that she's too tired to clean the house and having people over is too much for her this time of year. But I understand it. I don't want to fight with her. So I said "NO". She continued. So then I started getting pissed. I'm trying not to fight and she won't let it go. So I got up and left. I went to the office and got on-line. She followed me. Crying at this point. There was no stopping it now. We went into full on fight mode. For an hour, screaming at each other. "Why can't you just be more supportive... " me: "I'm fucking TRYING to. YOU insisted on fighting. I'm TRYING to fucking let it go" on and on. Finally I yelled "IF I could go any farther away from you in this house I would. But you've got me in the 1 room where the only way out is out the fucking window and drop to the ground". She finally left.

This morning I was laying on the couch nodding off (my pager has been going off all night every night this week). Mrs came over and lay next to me like nothing happened. But I'm not feeling it. We're supposed to go over to the Mrs-in-Law's for dinner. I'm feeling so anti-family right now I'm really having a hard time mustering up a smile.

Moving on... Saturday was a really interesting day. I spent the day at the range working on setting up my ammo for the first big match of the year (I was preparing to actually run the ammo in my earlier mention). The whole gang came out. We made it a workday. Sandy bought her first ammo makin machine and needed help setting it up. After, we all worked on stuff for our big state match coming up in a few weeks.

Sandy really knows how to push my buttons. Very handsy. She grabbed my butt a couple of times. One time it wasn't cool though. I was using a chop saw. I had my hand on the wood pretty close to the blade. Right as I hit the trigger and started to make the cut she grabbed my ass. Scared the shit out of me. She felt really bad and came over to me. She put her arms around me and whispered "I am SO sorry". Then she bit me on my chest just a little. Button pushed.

After, we all went to a mexican restaurant. We were all chit chatting when I saw someone who looked really familiar go walking by. I excused myself and ran out into the lot just as she was pulling away. Sure enough.. it was Hot Friend. I called her phone. She had stopped at a light. I told her I was in the restaurant and saw her. She whipped her car around and screeched to a halt right in front of me. She jumped out, ran over and leapt into my arms squealing. I love that. We chit-chatted for just a bit then she left.

Turns out, she was sitting literally back to back with me. Her little group was sitting in the booth behind us and she was sitting with her back to mine. So much for my keen powers of observation.

That's pretty much it. Sandy and I are travelling to a match this coming weekend. I'll talk more about that tomorrow.

Oh and.. Happy effin Easter!

Simple Wish

All I want for my birthday is a mouth wrapped around my cock. A new one. Or rather one I've never had around it before. I have a few in mind. I'm not really picky though. Just a hint.

HNT

Favorite Shorts
















I had another one.. but chickened out. Surprising I know considering there are much more dangerous pictures in the archive. But something about linking back...




=======================================================

Ok pluffsters... I'm going to admit something here I have been vehemently fighting for about a year. Only a few people really know this about me. Some that do are being very understanding... others not so much and are doing their best to "out" me.

Deep Breath....

Tomorrow I turn 40 groaaaaaan....

Things Not to Do When Drunk

The more I think about my TMI post the more I thought about the person from number #5 (also with a teeny bit of prodding). I remembered the details and thought there was a funny story dying to be told.

When I was in college I worked with a guy in the computer lab, I'll call him Bobby. He was an interesting dude in that he had a lot of potential, but also a ton of "issues" holding him back. I don't know how it was that our little lab attracted the nutcases but this dude put the nut in nutcase. Quick background, when he was a kid, he had a brain tumor. Whenever they operated on it, they caused some kind of damage so that his left arm didn't work. It just sort of hung by his side. But if you didn't know any better, you didn't know he had a problem with it. This is important to at least one of the stories.

I graduated college and did a little contract work for the school. Then I got my "real" job and had to give my notice etc. We always had these little Fri. afternoon/evening maintenance times where we would try to do some of our work that required downtimes. Academic types don't usually stick around on Fridays. I planned a lot of stuff to do on my last Friday to try to do some knowledge transfer. We had 2 junior admins who relied on me pretty heavily. It was a chance for them to step up to the plate and take over. We got started around 6pm-ish or so. One of the full time engineers was there as well as 1 of the junior admins. Bobby was nowhere to be found. We didn't have cell phones or pagers so we just went ahead and got started without him. It took a couple of hours to do what we had planned. We were just finishing up when Bobby showed up ddDDDRUNK! I kinda lit into him a little bit... last chance to pick my brain... we had this scheduled and it was irresponsible... people already hated student "workers" and that sort of behavior fed into it blah blah blah... We finished what we were working on and were sitting around shooting the breeze. I was talking to the 1 responsible admin and was kind of quizzing her on some important things. I pretty much ignored Bobby because he wasn't going to remember any of it anyway. I asked her "Do you know how to do this? How 'bout that?" Bobby chimed in with "Yeah but can you eat crackers while standing on your head?!" I asked "Can YOU?" He whipped out a packet of crackers, moved a chair and flipped himself up onto his head with his feet against the wall to steady him (remember he has only 1 working arm). I don't think he really have ever tried this before because he was trying to balance just on his head while using his 1 good hand and teeth to open the packet (I don't know why he didn't do it before he stood on his head). Of course he was drunk so he kept falling and knocking stuff over. He started the whole fiasco so I wasn't going to let him off. I made him keep trying. Finally he got the packet open and stuck a cracker in his mouth. We were crying from laughing at this point, which made him laugh. He started chewing, laughing, and spitting his crackers all over the place. I was impressed.

Sometime long before that... in fact it had to be over a year before that because I was in my first apartment. By the time I left I was living in a house. Anyway, a year or so earlier my girlfriend and I were at my apartment just hanging out on a Friday night. I'm pretty sure sex was involved because I remember her having to scramble to put on some clothes when we heard a knock on the door around 12:30 in the morning. It was Bobby.. dddDDDRUNK! I wasn't sure what to do with him and he clearly wasn't in any shape to drive so I invited him in. We all sat around and chatted some... at least as much as sober people can chat with the extremely wasted. At some point I looked over and he was nodding off. I want to say MASH or, maybe it was something even more ridiculous like Green Acres or Gilligan's Island was on the TV (late night programming). We weren't really watching it. We never changed the channel after he got there. Somebody made a joke and there was the obvious laugh track going with it. Bobby's head had sagged completely to his chest and he was apparently passed out. When the laugh track started, he shot his good hand out towards the TV with his middle finger extended, then let it drop to the couch. Of course GF and I burst out laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing was. He woke up when he heard us laughing and decided it was time to go. We tried to stop him, but at this point he was pretty insistent and we really wanted to get to bed (translate have more sex). So we walked him to the door.

My apartment had a stoop (little patio with steps leading down to the sidewalk) we shared with my neighbors. There were two huge holly bushes on either side of the stoop. We closed the door behind Bobby and backed away kind of like you would if you just saw a sleeping tiger in your living room. We heard "THUMP (against the door), splat SHIT! shhh shshh shhhhh!" I opened the door and Bobby was sitting in one of the holly bushes. Evidently, when I closed the door, Bobby staggered back into the door, then kinda... heaved himself forward, forgot he was on a stoop and took a header off the top step faceplanting on the concrete. He stood up and, now dazed... well more dazed than before with only alcohol, staggered back falling into the holly bush. The GF and I helped him back into the apartment. He was bleeding profusely from his mouth. We got him into the bathroom where we found he had smashed his lip pretty good. I think he bit his tongue too. Nothing requiring a hospital visit but he definitely looked like hell. We took him back to the couch and gave him a towel so he wouldn't bleed everywhere. He promptly passed out cold. The GF and I went to bed. The next morning around 9:00 I heard from the living room "PLUUUUFFFFF!!!!!! PLUUUFFFF!!!!!!" I jumped up and ran downstairs. Bobby was in the bathroom looking at his mouth. He looked at me and, with the most bewildered look on his face shouted "DID YOU HIT ME?!?!" His day got worse. He was supposed to be at work at 8am in a town about 30 minutes away. He ran outside to leave. I didn't notice this the night before, but he had parked across 2 parking spaces. Someone had blocked him in (I'm betting my neighbor since he took up ALL the spots for them to park). He left his windows down and... you guess it... someone wiped out his car. Took his stereo. He left his wallet on the seat... gone... some shoes... his book bag (I'm sure if we looked around we would've found some of it)... pretty much cleaned him out. The GF and I just said "Sucks dude. Catch you later" and went back inside. I had enough of Bobby for 1 night/morning.

Things Not to Say When Drunk

I got a couple of questions about "calling Mrs a hooker" from yesterday's TMI. I think my exact words in the TMI were "Inadvertently calling Mrs a hooker". Yeah... not so much inadvertent. I'm pretty sure the word "prostitute" came out of my mouth.

I thought I might've blogged about it back when it happened. It took me a while but I found the entry. I'll just copy and paste the text rather than link back and make you go there. Anyway, let me preface by saying a) I was REALLY shitfaced. b) what I do remember, is the logic in my head, drunk as I may have been, seemed reasonable at the time and c) it sounded way funnier before the words made it out of my mouth than it did once they came out. Not to mention the look of utter disgust from the cute blond in the conversation.

I would never intentionally call Mrs a hooker or even remotely think of her that way. It's weird how you can almost split yourself into 2 people sometimes. There's the "present" you that is all about action and doing. This is the "you" that talks, moves, touches, whatever. Then there's the inside, after the fact, "you" that is hovering over the "present" you ready to analyze whatever the hell you just did. I just remember the words coming out of my mouth and the inside me going "WHAT?!?! Did you just say what I thought you said?!?" Then the present me said "What?!? wait.. that didn't come out right" The inside me was going "ABORT ABORT ABORT!!!!" The present me said "Uhh.. no.. I uhh.. see a prostitute.." Inside me: "SHUT... THE... FUCK... UP!!!" Mrs "No, what did you mean?" Inside me "You better back pedal for your life" Present me "I don't know.. it sounded funny in my head" Mrs... not amused... Blond... not amused.. Me... turning very red...

Anyway here's the excerpt:

Sat night we went to a Mardi Gras party. About 7 or 8 years ago, about 20 of my friends got together and road tripped to Mardi Gras. All 20 of us crammed ourselves into 2 hotel rooms. Sleeping anywhere we could find a free spot. The beds were a premium. There was a lot of shacking up on that trip just to get some sleep... when we did sleep that is. Most of us had a blast, but we realized there is no way we wanted to go back. It was great to go once. But I guess we got too old to want to stand in an inch of human sludge, elbow to elbow with a few hundred thousand total strangers, dangerously drunk, having to piss and having to pay $10 to do it, and watching complete strangers bare everything for fucking beads. It was a blast. But one I don't want to repeat. And of course we've all had kids since. So we have this party every year instead. Sat night I got drunk. I mean DrrrrRRRUNK! I met a couple of people I had never seen before. One of them was a pretty cute blonde. She struck me as a wild child. I spent a lot of time chatting with her and her boyfriend. I know I got pretty drunk because there are parts of the evening I don't remember. That NEVER happens to me. I do remember being called a sociopath. I'm sure she was joking. I took it as such. But then Mrs came over and joined the conversation. Somewhere in there I remember saying something about paying the mortgage. I don't remember what the response was, but I remember saying something about the price of a prostitute. I DO remember I was joking when I said it. I remember the conversation had gotten ridiculous and the comments were getting more and more outrageous. It was clearly a poor joke and ended the conversation. I apologized saying I was just making a crazy comment in light of the conversation and it was a poor one. I think that pretty much was the end. The problem is, I can't remember. So I'm paranoid that it wasn't. Mrs wasn't pissed off at me or anything. So I guess that was the end of it. Every time I get that wasted I resolve myself not to do it again. Come to think of it, this always happens at THIS party. One year I remember chastizing the host because her new boyfriend was a loser. At least I thought so. Turns out he's a pretty good guy. I didn't really think he was a loser so much as I always try to push somebody's button when I'm that wasted. Hence the crazy comment I made about prostitutes. Anyway, I flash back and wonder what really happened. So for a while at least, I'm swearing off alcohol. At least in mass quantities.

We were joking about paying for something. Maybe a maid service. Which led to me saying something like "Go ahead" as in YOU pay for it because I already pay EVERYTHING. Then she said something like "Well you could start doing X" which is a hot button for me because we've broken down our chores already. Then I said "Well you could start throwing some cash for the mortgage". I don't remember what she said.. but the hooker comment came out next. I think I was trying to say something like "Gee... it may have been cheaper for me if I were just going to a pro" But I think it came out more like "I pay X for the mortgage. The price of a prostitute would be..." Which made it sound like I was saying because I pay the mortgage Mrs was somehow in servitude to me. Which is NOT what I heard in my head. But at that point there was no amount of backpedaling... and I was drunk enough that the logic was gone at that point anyway so I couldn't really recall where I was going in the first place.

Too Much Information

I'm OVERLOADED WITH INFORMATION AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!! Meh... or not. TMI Tuesday time.

1. In the midst of a hangover have you ever promised to "never drink again?" How long until you broke that vow?

I'm out of fingers and toes on this one. Probably the shortest period was 12 hours or so.

2. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done while drinking (or not if it is really stupid) but thought it seemed like a good idea at the time?

The list is long on this one. Let's see... fuck Celeste is up there. I inadvertently implied Mrs was a hooker one time. In my head it didn't work that way. But as soon as I heard the words coming out of my mouth I went "that ain't good" (almost in slow motion I saw the conversation go wrong). Then she wouldn't let me drop it. I was too drunk to explain it in any way other than making it sound as if I was calling her a hooker. So I just shut up. Which pissed her off even more.

3. On a scale of 1-10, where do you rate green beer?

5. But let's put it in perspective. Bud Light - 5. Grolsch (sp?) 5. Guiness 5. To me beer's beer. I like it. But it gets the job done.

4. Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn't have (drunk or sober)?

The list is long on that one too. Let's just stick with YUH!!

5. What is the stupidest thing you have ever seen a drunk do (besides driving a car)?

Take a header off my front stoop. 2nd stupidest (happens to be the same guy) was to try to eat crackers while standing on your head... oh and you only have the use of 1 hand.


Bonus (as in optional): How do you cure your hangover(s)?

You're asking me?!? Hell I want to know this one! I have found the best cure is prevention. IF I know I'm going to hate it tomorrow, I drink a very large cup of water. Two if I can. Pop about 4 advil and hope it works.

Thank you for joining us for TMI Tuesday!! Be sure to tune in next time when our host exclaims "Hot wings and masturbation do NOT go together!!!"

Title?! What the Hell is That?

I have a lingering image, really a series of images, in my head. I pressed her against a wall, my hand pinning her arms, the other hand pulling up her skirt. Her panties are soaked. My fingers pull aside the fabric, a finger slides into her hot, silky, wetness. Her whimpers at the sudden assault satisfying her lust.

I can almost feel the exquisite pressure from our bodies connecting. My cock pulsing deep in her cunt. Nerve endings fire sending waves of sensation across our bodies. My skin is super sensitive. I can feel her nipples harden against my chest. Goose pimples cover her arms. Her head is buried in the crook of my neck. We are paused savoring the connection.

Then I see flashes of her body as if strobed by headlights streaming through cracks in the curtains. Her face frozen in a mask of lust. Her breasts, nipples standing proud covered in a sheen of sweat. A knee connected to a thigh peeking from underneath bedsheets falling from our bodies. Her calf pulling me deeper and deeper. With each flash I thrust again and again. All pretense, all perception, all thoughts of the outside world are gone left with only the urgent need for release.

Whatever our relationship was before, the structure of our bond is shattered by our consuming desire. We will never be able to see each other outside of this moment. I can never look at her face knowing, buried beneath her daily mask, is the face she wears at this moment.

Sometimes I wish I weren't so visual. I carry these images, a haunting reminder of a reality unfulfilled so achingly close to realization and yet... Fucking dreams!

Moving on...

Mrs ran around the room getting herself prepared for another marathon day in hell. It has probably been a couple of weeks since we had sex. She has been so stressed with her job and it was that time last week. I decided I was going to send her off properly. I rolled over letting the sheets fall partially from my body. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her looking my way. She was supposed to be ironing her blouse. I stretched rolling over on to my stomach. At this point the sheets were under most of me. I felt a hand grab my foot. I rolled back over to my back, completely exposed at this point. Mrs leaned in to give me a peck on the cheek. I had other plans. I grabbed her robe and threw her across me essentially sweeping her onto the bed pinning her with my body. Her robe fell open below the belt. Without giving her a chance to scramble off the bed I slid a finger into her pussy. She moaned "I can't be late to work". I held my finger deep inside and slid a thumb to her clit. She whimpered, torn between duty and sex. I quickly settled it for her by moving on top sliding my cock into her cunt. Without build up or fanfare I started giving her a good old fashioned fucking. She came almost immediately.

I'm not really a morning person when it comes to sex. Oh who am I kidding, I'm an anytime kinda guy. But mornings take a little longer for me to get going. It also takes me a really... REALLY long time before I cum. So Mrs came pretty quickly and forcefully I might add. I'm lucky I still have a nipple. Me on the other hand.. not so much. I kept going.. and going. Then I started thinking about the clock and how she was going to be late. I decided to try to speed things along. Usually, if we do it doggy style I cum pretty quickly. So I turned her around and slid my cock in. We were going at it pretty good when I started to notice things were... getting a little... rough. At this point I figured she already had hers and was pretty much amusing me. I could tell this was one of those days where I could probably fuck for hours. I thought about grabbing some lube but.. I decided against it. I made a very feeble attempt at what guys NEVER do... I faked it. Unconvincingly. Then Mrs did one of the funnies things I think I've ever seen her do. I rolled over saying
"You've got to get to work". She looked down at my cock, grabbed it, looked closely (picture her looking it in the eye) and said "Did YOU finish?" I couldn't help it. I started laughing. I think she was talking to me.. but from where I sat, she was talking to IT. I said "Baby, I was in for the long haul this morning and you just don't have the time". She laughed and said "I get home early and we'll finish this"

Ever since then, I've been walking around feeling like a 13 year old again. I had to run to Lowes to get some fertilizer. While I was walking down the aisles I could feel my cock sliding around in my jeans. Every step was rubbing it jussst. the right way. I could feel precum leaking from my cock. I was thinking, "Great.. here I go sportin wood in the damned Lowes! Yeah baby.. FEERTilizer!"

What's even worse is I have to take C to an Easter Egg hunt. Gah!!!

F@#$ 'Em If They Can't Take a Joke

I have lifted my self-imposed moratorium on surfing... questionable content at work. I walked by a co-worker's cube and saw boobies on his screen. He is one of the hardcore technogeeks. I asked him if he was worried about showing up on some manager report. He said he saw the report and even as much as we surf, these sites are so far down the list it's no where near the radar. Soo... I'm back checking my fav blogs from a real browser. Sorry my comments and responses have fallen off lately. It was nothing personal and commenting from the crackberry SUCKED!

Ugh I got a reaally late start for work yesterday. I actually started this week feeling really good and rested. I was surprised at how, for once, the time change didn't really affect me. Yeah whatever... then Tues, Wed, Thurs hit and I could barely roll out of bed.

Wed. night was a strange one. My pool team is falling apart. We barely had enough to play. Our captain was out of town so I was in charge. Which I really didn't enjoy. Mostly because there are two older brothers on the team, twins, who joined mid-way through the season. They think they are the greatest players and our anchor. They're good. But not that good. Anyway, they are constantly in my ear about who should play when. Then thing is, they don't think the whole thing through. For example, you flip a coin to see who "put's up" a player first. We lost the flip, but the other team chose to defer to us (I.e. we had to put up first). It's kind of like choosing between kicking and receiving in football. Anyway, we had to play 1 player twice in both 8 and 9. The way the rules work, you can't play them back to back and they have to play the 1st or 2nd game. Usually, people go ahead and play their 2x player first just to give yourself a little flexibility with them later and to make it easier to juggle them. So I put up my 2x players up first in both 8 and 9. The brother's were in my ear "you should play X first if they put up a Y handicap". I said "It is OUR put up first and we have to play a 2x player". They didn't get it. "Yeah but who did THEY put up?"... me: "We LOST the flip and they chose US to put up first"... "Yeah but who did they put up"... me: "IT... WAS... OUR... PUT UP..." Then later I had to play our 2x players for their 2nd game. Same deal "you should play Y"... me: "I have to play X again now"... them "Yeah but what if they put up..." me: "Doesn't matter... I HAVE to play X now so that he can THEN play 9 ball after that". When you play someone twice, IF they play both 8 and 9 ball you really have to make sure you don't end up with a situation where you have to have that 1 person playing 8 and 9 at the same time... it REALLY gets complicated when you are playing 2 different people twice.


Anyway, by the time we got to the last match I was ragged and ready to get away from them. I looked across the bar and saw Bad Kitty keeping score. She looked up, smiled (and I swear blushed), and gave me a wave. I looked over at a teammate who saw the little wave and said "gotta go!" I made my way to the bar. It was about 11:00 at this point. About 15 minutes later BK came walking over. I offered to buy her a beer. She said "I gotta run. I have a puppy at the house I have to take care of". 3 hours later we finally left the bar. Nothing really juicy. We laughed and cut up a lot. I only talked a little smack. Fortunately, Chester wasn't there. Otherwise it would've been the whole "my dick is bigger than yours" cockblocking thing. Which is odd because, once I took the attitude I wasn't going to try to get anywhere, I've had WAY more fun with her. I hate to admit it, but sometimes just hearing his voice is enough to get my blood pressure up. I know I would've gotten thoroughly pissed off anyway.

Of course me being me, I've started wondering if I COULD get somewhere. I dunno. I'm almost to the point of giving up on any of the wimins in this here league. They all seem to be nutcases in one way or another. At least any willing to give ME the time of day. Which maybe should tell me something about me... hmmm..

Much to my surprise, Mrs was awake when I got home. She was running around cleaning the house. I don't know what her deal was. She's under a ton of stress. She was running around cleaning the house. But to a degree, I think she was waiting for me (I'm ALWAYS out late on Wed so this is nothing new for her). She has been ultra-clingy lately and I don't know she wasn't just pacing around because of that.

This time of year is her busiest time at work (and no she's not an accountant). All of her "stuff" actually starts tomorrow. But the prep-work has been going on since the new year. A side effect of her stress is she gets ultra... clingy. It drives me insane. Everything turns into a fight. For example, If I get an invite to go play poker and she starts with "I just think we should do stuff as a family instead of things by ourselves". What I can't get through her thick head is, I NEED my alone time. I am and always have been a loner type. I really enjoy it when I'm at the house and Mrs and C are off doing something. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with C too. I really like watching her be herself. It's so awesome watching her grow and develop and become a little person. But I can't help who I am and I need my time away. Otherwise I get grumpier and grumpier. So the more Mrs clings, the more I hate it and pull away. I know this is coming this time of year. I try to be as supportive as I can. I do my duty to take C when I need to. I try to make sure we have time together as a family. Most nights we spend together... with Mrs asleep on the couch. But damnit I need my time too.

Yesterday the guy in charge of my redneck sport here in town sent out an e-mail. The local group is going to run a section of our State championship. He wanted to get together and do a run-through, then maybe hang out and have a little cookout after. I know Mrs is working all weekend. I have a bunch of stuff to take C to. I responded to him and said basically I couldn't make it. Then Mrs and I were talking at dinner about the schedule. She told me she was going to try to get off to meet C and I at one of the kid things I'm taking her to. So I thought "Hmmm... if she's meeting me at X time, then I could maybe meet them and help with the run-through" I told her I might run up to help them. She said "Well, I'd like to go". Immediately I started thinking "a) we're working and the cookout social part is secondary b) I just want some time away c) is she really interested or is she doing the clingy thing?" It's all irrelevant because I already told them I couldn't make it. I had no idea what time they were going to do any of this anyway so they could decide to go ahead right when I'm taking C to her thing. So I said "I don't even know when they're doing this. All I'm saying is I might tell them I could do something at X time" and see WHAT it is they want to do. Socialize or work. She started crying and said "I just think we should always do things as a family". Which immediately got my hackles up. We went round and round about it. I don't know how many times I said "I'M JUST GOING TO FUCKING TELL THEM I COULD DO SOMETHING AT XX TIME. NO ONE HAS SAID THEY CAN DO ANYTHING AT THAT TIME!!" She kept saying "but why can't I go?". I repeated over and over "A) if we're working on the state stuff then we're WORKING! B) if we're socializing then BY ALL MEANS COME ON C) I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE DOING ANY OF IT BECAUSE THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND MY SCHEDULE!!"

I finally got sick of it and walked into the other room. She and C started working on C's homework. I walked by to get something to drink and Mrs reached out and grabbed me. She put her arms around me and started hugging me. I couldn't stand it. After all that, I just couldn't bring myself to give her a hug. I half heartedly put my arms around her. But the whole time I'm thinking "What the fuck is your deal?!!? Am I going to have to fight you over every little fucking thing I do?!?" The more she does this shit, the more she clings, the more I pull away. This time of year is particularly bad because she's so emotional from stress it makes the clinging 10 times worse.

Later I sat down to watch Lost. I missed last weeks episode and was watching the repeat before the latest (anyone else have trouble using the new media player plugin at abc online? I tried 3 browsers on multiple platforms and couldn't get it to work). Mrs gave C her bath and read her a story. She plopped down next to me when the current episode started. Immediately she grabbed my arm and leaned up against me. I could feel her every so often wipe her eyes on my shirt. This is so horrible, but I swear I was ready to scream. I just sucked it up and did my husband duties and let her lean against me. Before the show was over, she had actually pushed me over so that I was leaning on the elbow opposite her. Not that I was trying to get away, but her weight was slowly pushing me over. It was incredibly uncomfortable.

I don't know how much I can take of this. I know it's a combination of hormones and stress (it's that time on top of it all). More and more I see Mrs hates it that I do things without her. And I really NEED to do things without her. At some point it's going to come to a head. I'm just doing my best for that point to NOT be over the next month or so.

I really didn't mean to turn this post into a Mrs bitch session. But I do feel better now.

HNT - The Dare

In my Monday post I talked about being really sore from doing "squat" exercises as part of my belt test. Renee dared me to do an HNT in "squat" position. This is the best I could come up with without being gross! What you can't see is the grimace in my face because it really hurt taking this one (I did it Monday while I was still hurting). Anyway here goes:



















########## EDIT ##################

Geez I really need to a) proofread better and b) quit blogging while drunk! I originally posted this at around 2am this morning. For whatever reason Mrs was still up running around cleaning. I had to kinda sneak up to the office and whip it out real fast (hehe whip it out). I reread it this morning and had to clean up the post. Talk about drunk rambling!

Wankin Wednesday

This post was going to be about wanking. The 5 knuckle shuffle. The monkey spank. But things didn't quite work out. Of course, today is still wednesday...

There is something really disturbing about getting a blowjob while watching The Biggest Loser. I'm just sayin.

The conversation with Kate got even weirder yesterday. I thought she might've been pissed about my 1 line response since I didn't hear from her until late in the day. She said "It was a compliment" and explained more. I still am not seeing how so. I couldn't stop my pluffness and laid it on pretty thick. Sometimes I just can't help myself. Anyway, the conversation ended last night discussing the dream. Evidently the dream ended with me just talking and talking. Meh.. we'll see where it goes from here. I'm still kinda fascinated by the fact she shared all of this with me.

The Third Day of Information Much

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I'm Getting...

WAAAAAAY too old for this shit!!

Ugh I had my belt test on Saturday for karate. Brutal. Absolutely brutal. I can't seem to prepare for the right things for the right test. Usually, it's my cardio that I'm behind on. I always seem on the verge of passing out from not being able to breath. This time, cardio was no problem. The entire fucking test was from squat position. As in, squat down with your butt almost on the floor, stand and jab then back to squat. 20 reps. Through the whole repetoire of punches and kicks for a total of around 200 reps. Non-stop. THEN he made us get down in a horse stance (for lack of better term). This stance is where your feet are about twice as far apart as your shoulders and you bend your knees down so that you can't see your toes. As if you're riding a horse (though I think elephant would be more appropriate). All of your weight goes on your thighs. My legs were shaking at this point. I think he was really trying to see who would break. In class we do this nifty exercise where, in this stance, you go around the room from the first person in line through that line doing some kind of punch or kick. Each person counts of 10. You rotate people until you have gone through the whole class. Then you switch to a different punch or kick. So if there are 8 people in class, you do 80 reps of whatever you're doing, each person counting out 10 reps. So we were all down in horse stance and he started with the first person in the line and counted across the line. There were probably 100 - 130 people taking the test. I'd say there were 12 kids in the first line. So we did 120 reps just on the 1st line. We got to the next line and the Sensei interrupted. He asked how many people thought they could do 40 more. I was doing the math in my head and looking at my legs shaking (he wouldn't let us come up while he was asking this question). You can see where we're going with this. It was, of course, a test. Only about 1/2 the class raised their hands. So he started lecturing us. "Never quit. He WAS going to stop but now we continue." HE started counting. Fortunately, I think he only did about 20 reps.

I was pretty relieved when we moved on to the next "phase" of the test. My legs were rubber. But at least we were standing. Usually tests happen in phases. There's the knowledge/skill section (where you demonstrate your kicks, punches etc.), then the kata phase. Kata is kinda like a dance. A series of moves to simulate a fight. There are something like 13 katas to get your black belt. Some of them get broken into halves. For instance, the first kata, you do 1/2 for your first belt, then the whole kata for your next belt. The 3rd phase of the test is sparring. I guess you could count warm up and cool down as a 4th phase (especially since they sometimes reserve a special hell exercise for us at cool down). We moved on to kata and I was pretty excited to be through with the squats. I thought the first 4 or 5 were "basics" and because there were so many people, I could go easy on my stances until I got closer to the kata I was testing on. But oh noooo... He had another special little hell reserved for us. We did kata from fucking squat position!! I.e., squat down, stand do your first move, then back to squat, stand do second move back to squat and so on and so on.

Fortunately, we did the first couple, then he let us skip ahead. Tests are broken up into belts. I.e. the first couple of belts test at 8:30am, the next few at 10:15, then next at 11:30. My group is working on the last 5 or so katas. I guess we did the squat kata's to his satisfaction and we skipped ahead to the first kata my group was testing on. From there, it actually got easier. At that point I was pretty much expecting some new torture for each step along the way. I had it in my head he was out to see who would quit first. But once we finished with kata, I was shocked at the remainder of the class. Usually, they sit everyone in a circle and start bringing people up 2 at a time to spar. Sometimes, especially if there are a lot of first timers to this belt group, they will line everyone up to do baby step sparring. Almost always though, they single out 10 or so people to go at it. To my surprise, we did the baby step sparring, then that was it.

We finished with "cool down". What did we do? You guessed it... more fucking squats!! This time we started from standing and had to squat down and finish standing. It was a little bit easier because you could kinda bounce off of your own butt.

I left and could barely stand. By the time I got home, my legs started locking up. Usually it takes a good 2 days before soreness really sets in for me. This time it started within hours. I'm pretty damned stiff today (and not in a good way... though I'm always up for that!)

Ramble On!

This is a total Seinfeld post. A whole lotta random nothin.

I guess Mrs and I made up. I got home from pool around 1:30am Thursday. I debated whether or not to sleep in the guest room. I decided against it. As soon as I hit the bed Mrs rolled over and draped her arm over me.

I usually take my time getting to work Thurs mornings. It's hard getting up at 6am after getting in bed anywhere from 1-4am. I set the alarm for 7:30am. I'm a snoozer. I will hit snooze a couple of times before I get up. When my alarm first went off, Mrs snaked an arm around me. I was lying on my side facing away. I didn't really do anything. Before long her hand wandered. The next thing I knew she had my cock in her mouth. We just sort of went on like nothing happened after.

Wed night was entertaining. I have a belt test in karate this weekend. I'm sort of cramming this week. I decided to go to the big boy class Wed night for my last cram session. This class is no non-sense sparring. It's invite only, upper belts. I was definitely the low man on that totem poll. This class is cool because there's no ceremony. No pretense. It's pretty much find a partner and start kicking the shit out of each other. As we have a belt test Sat. and no one wants broken bones, the Sensei told everyone to go easy. Before the night was over I had been slapped on the sides and top of my head about 30 times, kicked in the back of the head, kicked HARD in the ribs 10 to 15 times, and punched in the nose... HARD... by the Sensei who said take it easy. It wasn't his fault. We had one of those moments where I moved this way and he threw a punch and I pretty much stepped right into the punch. I heard cartilage crunch. Fortunately I didn't break it.

After the bloodletting, I went to pool. I didn't get to shoot which was fine by me. I felt like someone had run me over with one of those asphalt rollers. Nothing really exciting happened. Except one of the team founders quit/got kicked off the team. This guy is a lot older. I'd say late 50's. He's a phenomenal player and has as high of a handicap as you can get in both 8 and 9 ball. The only thing is, he's a primadonna. Last session he was getting his ass kicked by a lower handicap. He got mad and walked away in the middle of the match. There have been several times since where, if there is too much noise, or the lighting is wrong or whatever, he starts bitching about it. Never mind his opponent is dealing with the same issues. There were also a couple of times when we wanted him to play another team's top gun and he refused. Whenever he would do that I always thought about Gene Hackman in The Replacements, "Winners always want the ball".

Anyway, he did it again. He got mad because he was getting beat, started bitching about the table and finally walked away. I didn't really mention it, but the captain of my team has talked to me several times about my "coachability". It always confused me because any time either he (captain) or James (the quitter) told me how they wanted me to shoot something, I did it exactly their way. It got to the point where James, much to my surprise, refused to coach me. It finally all came out that it was all James. If I missed a shot he would make comments out of my earshot about how much I suck and how I'm worthless (even though I only lost 1 match last session). So when he walked away Wed I was ready to have a "me or him" talk with the captain. When I think over the course of my life, I think that might've been the only time I would have ever uttered those words (I don't and never have believed in ultimatums). Fortunately, the captain took care of business for me. I looked over and he was in Jame's face letting him have it. I could hear snippets of the conversation and the whole time thought to myself "I'M the one with the bad attitude?" This guy was still going on about the lighting and the table and completely missing the point. As one who considers himself a master arguer (whether I'm right or not, I'm talking strictly argument strategy), I have to say this guy was like listening to a child. Anyway, I'm glad it's done. I'm glad he's gone. I'm just astounded that someone with such a bad attitude could possibly get to the level he did.

Moving on. Over the weekend I finally got to try out my new gun. We had a small match locally. I think I had the worst finish since I've started shooting. WAY down at the bottom. It really pissed me off because I have spent more than I've spent on some cars on this gun. I know it's not the gun. But I was really disappointed with my finish. Sunday I went back out to the range and spent some quality time getting to know the gun. How it shoots.. how it feels. I discovered it was shooting high and left. Just enough to throw me off on some crucial shots. It was kind of one of those DOH! moments. Mental note, when you get a new gun, SIGHT THE DAMN THING IN BEFORE COMPETING!! I tweaked and shot.. tweaked and shot until finally I was drilling targets. The thing will absolutely out shoot me now that I have it dialed in.

I was supposed to go to the range to practice this afternoon. But we're in that wall of green covering the US right now... damnit!! Ah well, I'm supposed to take Mrs to shoot her gun Sunday. I have to say I'm kind of stoked to see how hers shoots. It's the first time I have taken a brand new gun and worked it over specifically for someone. I know what I hope it will do. I'm kind of excited to see if it will or not.

And thus ends this episode of Pluff-feld. Be sure to tune in next week when you can hear Pluff exclaim "You want to put that WHERE?!?!"

Heff NeKKIIIDDDD

Cringing... I'm going to link back on this one...

I have to shoot these when I can so no theme.

Oooh! Oohh!! PICK ME!! PICK MEME!!!

I've been blogging since 2003. Perhaps it's my anti-social tendencies, but after all this time blogging, I finally got my meme tag cherry popped by Amorous Chick. I feel like a man now. Hold me.

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments, what is it?

1. Produce: Bannanas

2. Bakery: Doughnuts

3. Meat: Steak

4. Frozen: Ice Cream

5. Dry goods: Rice


Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what's in your bag?


1. My ratted out gym shorts. Too comfortable.

2. Hat - Cause I get wicked hair sticking out in all directions bed head.

3. My Bat Cape - I would count the bat belt and an accessory, not so much clothing. Nah.. probably just a boring T-shirt. Maybe my Cartman "Respect Mah Authoritah" shirt.


If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 4 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?

1. Fuck - Ad Nauseum (should "ad nauseum" by itself count as one?)

2. Meh.. what's the worst that could happen?

3. Oh that's gonna leave a mark!

4. I'm gonna need a minute

So, what 4 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?

1. Sex.. and I'm fucking grumpy this week!

2. Stick to my schedule. I'm a little OCD when it comes to doing what I'm supposed to when I'm supposed to.

3. Get on-line.

4. Eat. Sounds stupid but I get crazy grumpy when my blood sugar drops. Like don't fuck with me I might actually break something on you grumpy.


You're driving down the road, and suddenly you're hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?

Suddenly? I think it's about every time I get in the car!

1) People who run me off the road because they're in such a hurry. Seriously, what good is it going to do if you wreck? Or worse, kill ME.

2) People going slow in the fast lane. Move to the fucking right will ya!

3) People riding my ass. Especially on the motorcycle. If anything happens and you're on my ass, you kill me. You don't just fuck up my bike. You kill me. Believe me, on the motorcycle I drive PUH - lenty fast. Get off my fucking bumper.

This doesn't really count, but it gets me going quicker than anything. Do one of the 3 above, get the finger from me, THEN want to fight about getting the finger. Hey if I fuck up and cut someone off, I just hang my head and go on. I did it. I deserved it. But you run me off the road, and YOU get pissed because you get the finger?!

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?


1. Do something related to my redneck games. Dry fire. Load ammo. Any maintenance I need to do.

2. Watch a movie.

3. Do the 5 knuckle shuffle. Oh wait... that's 3 minutes. Ok the five knuckle shuffle followed by 2 hours and 57 minutes of porn surfing.

4. Nap (possibly combined with number 3)

5. Do something around the house. Laundry. Yard work. Change the oil.. followed by a call to a tow truck.

We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?

1. Monkeys. They whack off and fling poo!! Cool.

2. Rhinoceros. I'm still astounded at how big and fast those damned things are. We went to Lion Country Safari in Fla last year when visiting my Dad. You drive your car in with the animals. Those things are incredible up close and personal.

3. Seals - Argh argh


You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick 4, so what are you going to see?

1. Nip/Tuck

2. The Girls Next Door

3. Lost

4. Dirty Jobs

I didn't list these because they are on "premium" channels and not regular TV. But I would replace a couple with Deadwood (is that still even on? I watch the DVDs), and Dexter.

You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?

1. Rocky Road

2. Mint Chocolate Chip (Mrs ate the last of it last night before I got home from karate damnit!)

3. Heath


Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?


1. The card with the appointment for my next hair cut.

2. My APA card (pool league)

3. Costco card.

4. Concealed Weapon Permit.

5. A temporary fishing license for Florida (folded 8.5x11).


You are at a job fair, and asked in what areas you are interested in pursuing a career. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?

1. Exotic Dancer (Bannana Cabana baby!!).

2. Deep Sea Diver (seriously).

3. DJ.

4. Pilot.


If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?

1. After a good smack to the forehead, don't settle.

2. Get off your ass and put in some effort.

3. WAKE UP!!! (I feel like I was asleep for my teenage years)

4. You will have an absolutely beautiful daughter who will be the love of your life. Quit being a scared little dickhead when it comes to kids.


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That was a nice little distraction. Mrs and I had a knock-down fight this morning. C is still sick. Mrs is staying home with her today. My alarm went off. She was still in bed. She asked "Are you getting in the shower". I said "In a few minutes". So she got up, got in the shower, stayed there for 45 minutes using up all the hot water. I was so fucking pissed. A few minutes meant after hitting snooze a time or two. Not, "No honey. I enjoy going to work with crazy bed head and overnight funk. Furthermore, my co-workers enjoy it when I'm not showered. Lastly, it's really no big deal if I show up whenever I like. Hours don't really mean anything".

So we got into it. It quickly escalated from me being perturbed at her making me late to her screaming at me. I said "You know, you really ought to think about who pays for the roof over your head and what that means (I pay EVERYTHING for anyone reading this for the first time)." She started screaming at me "then you should let me quit my job!!".

I was absolutely stunned. I haven't really discussed it because it was boring as hell and really had no bearing on anything. But, recently, when interest rates dipped, I got lucky and had a friend in the mortgage business looking out for me and got locked in on a really low rate. I didn't have one of the sub-prime loans killing people. But I did have a 10 year 2nd on the house and we have about 4.5 years on it. So I needed to do something about it. The rate we got was a good 1/2 point below what we already had. I jumped on it. I also took the opportunity to roll up some other debt too (or it would've been 3/4 of a point). Namely, Mrs student loan that she's been paying for over 10 years and has barely made a dent. Also, 6 thousand... yup SIX thousand in credit card debt she ran up just this past year. She and I had a long debate about getting American Express cards. She wanted to get them to accumulate points to use for our Cali trip over Christmas. I was pretty adamant she pay it off EVERY month and if she couldn't, no more cards for her. What did she do? Run up a SIX THOUSAND dollar balance.

Let's go even FURTHER back. When we started dating, she had run up TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND in credit card debt and maxed out her overdraft in her checking. She signed up for some debt consolidation service Social Services offers in our area. What she didn't know, was that service looks just like Bankruptcy (debt restructuring) to creditors. Her credit was horrible. By the time we got married she had paid it down to something like 10k. I picked up THAT debt when we got married and rolled it into the mortgage on the house I had at the time. Not a year later, she had run up her overdraft AGAIN. (If you don't know what that does, let me give you a quick lesson. You pay a) a fee b) interest c) in some cases a service charge. It's less expensive to just bounce the checks). So all in all, I've taken on 40k, yup FOUR OH THOUSAND!! dollars of her fucking debt. And she had the balls to scream I should let her quit her job at me this morning after she made ME late to work... the fucking bread winner!

Mrs does a share around the house. She pays for all the groceries and C expenses (I still pay for after school care and medical). I know we can eat some food. However, when you compare it to most of my paycheck for mortgage, power, water, HER cell phone, HER insurance on and on... it's no contest. We live our lifestyle because of MY job. Not hers. I make more than twice what she does. I respect what she makes. But lets face it. A) if I lose my job we're fucked B) I'm still on thin ice with the whole take another job then come running back thing. Now that we finally have Chester gone, I can't afford to replace him as the guy who shows up when he wants etc. etc.

It was on the tip of my tongue, and I held back and walked out. I still want to e-mail her or call her and hit her with it. I almost said "You need to start figuring out how you're going to live on ONLY 1/2 my paycheck".

At the moment, and I'm sure I'll calm down over the course of the day, I see that she is draining me dry. She needs a fucking wake up call. The only way I think she will really have an appreciation for what she has, is to lose it. Which would mean me moving out. I don't think I can do that. I love my daughter too much. I know what it's like to have parents divorce. I don't want her to go through that. But I'm starting to wonder, is Mrs putting on a brilliant act? Does she really love me? Or the lifestyle I give her?